A/N: Does anyone else suffer holiday depression?

Olivia*

The cursor on the monitor blinked waiting for her input, but though Olivia sat at her desk she was miles away from the precinct. Her cell phone rested on her keyboard and was open to her text messages. All morning she'd waited to hear from someone, anyone, yet here it was, the hours creeping on noon and she had yet to receive a single message. There was no update from the hospital on Carisi's condition, which could technically be considered a good thing. Not a peep out of Barba, who said he'd try his best to act like his world wasn't falling apart while he reported for his usual work day, at least he wasn't scheduled to be doing trial work. I wonder if he's fairing any better than I am? And despite her series of texts to Cassidy, the line of communication remained silent. Could he have been hurt as well?

Olivia sighed, taking off her glasses and pinching the bridge of her nose. Everything was falling apart, out of her control, and she was uncertain of the next move. Being able to talk with Carisi or Cassidy would be a big help, obviously, but until then, what did she do? What should be their next step? How did she go about making things right for Carisi without giving away his role as a detective, or risk outing Cassidy?

And that was the other issue. How Carisi and Barba handled their relationship was up to them. She'd support them every step of the way, without a doubt. They were friends, family, two people she cared very deeply for and thus wanted both of them to have an over abundance of happiness.

Shame the universe seemed to think otherwise.

There was a knock at her door and before she answered, Rollins popped in. Out of the loop on the recent goings-on, Finn sworn to secrecy, Rollins looked none the worse for ware. Her blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she she wore a charcoal gray pantsuit with a soft pink blouse under the jacket. In each hand she held a cup of takeout coffee from their favorite joint.

"You look like you need a boost," Rollins said, stepping into Olivia's office, her heeled boots clicking on the floor. She settled the still steaming beverage on Olivia's desk, then fell onto the leather sofa, crossing one leg. She sipped her coffee. "So, what's up?"

"What do you mean?"

Rollins made a dismissive gesture with her hand. "The way you and Finn are acting, something has gotta be up."

Quick on her feet after decades on the job, Olivia answered, "Family stuff, on his behalf. Just stuff between partners, that sort of thing. I'm sure he'll share if he wants."

Rollins toyed with her coffee cup, averting her gaze, chewing her bottom lip. Olivia knew the look, had seen it a handful of times over the years while working with Rollins. It was, in fact, one of the reasons she fought to keep the sometimes embattled detective on her squad. The southerner was debating whether or not to buy Olivia's flimsy excuse or to press further, having caught the lie for what it was, no doubt curious to know the truth.

Olivia waited with baited breath, fully expecting Rollins to push as she occasionally did.

"Okay. Anything else going on? Have you heard from Carisi lately?"

"I have." It wasn't a full lie. Olivia put her glasses back on, turning her focus to the computer screen hoping Rollins got the unspoken hint to depart. "You'll be filled in when the time is right. For now, the less said, the better."

This time it looked as if Rollins did in fact want to push, her friendship with Carisi one of the things currently bothering Olivia. Does she know he prefers men? Has she even a faint idea he's seeing someone and who that someone is? She has to know something. They're partners, have been for years, what are the chances he kept a secret like his sexuality from her? It was understandable, how Carisi kept mum on his relationship and preferences, from her, from Finn, but to keep that secret locked away from a woman he spent most of his professional, and occasional free time, with? Chances were slim. Rollins knew.

To some degree.

Olivia was certain.

She wrapped her fingers around the warm cup, trying to think of the best way to bring it up without actually outing either Carisi or Barba. In all her years on the job she learned when to go soft and when to press, this was one of those times were the subject matter was best approached in a slow manner. A round about way, because if either of the guys wanted her to know it was up to them to tell her.

"Rollins..." She paused, choosing her words carefully. "You've spent more time with Carisi than the rest of us, correct?"

"Sure. Well, he does study a lot with Barba lately. Why, is he okay? Did something happen that you aren't telling me about?"

Olivia held up her hand. "There's just a few things I'm concerned with, that's all."

"Such as?"

"Do you think, if need be, mind you, it comes down to it, he can play it off as being gay or even bisexual?" There, I've put it out in the open. Olivia watched Rollins like a hawk gauging her response.

She shrugged. "I guess so." She frowned. "Are you thinking it'll come up? Carisi is good undercover. He should be able-"

Olivia should have been paying attention, listening to Rollins's take on Carisi's abilities, but guilt had blossomed within her as soon as she stepped foot in precinct knowing she'd be keeping vital information from people she considered friends. Now it sat heavily in her stomach. Rollins was someone she shared parenting tips and tricks with, another mother who understood the delicate balance of doing what they did and still making time for the kiddos. Rollins deserved to know her friend was in the hospital. The rest of it could come later.

"Listen, there is something I need to tell you," Olivia started. "I should have told you earlier, to be honest, and I understand if you're mad at me, but... The undercover stint went south. We're still trying to get all the information-"

Rollins moved, perching on the edge of the sofa. "Carisi?"

"He's in the hospital."

Her eyes grew wide. "What happened?"

"As I said, we're still sorting things out. I'm waiting on Cassidy-"

The rest of her sentence was cut off as the door to her office banged open admitting a frazzled, eyes red and slightly puffy, Barba. "The hospital called. He's taken a turn for the worse. I dont think i can do this."

"Do what?" Rollins asked, eyeing him.