Howdy folks! We make our dashing and unneccisarily flashy entrance yet again! How have your lives been? Good? We hope so, mostly because people in a snit usually don't review. Anyhoo, if you are in a snit we hope that this will cheer you up! It is an outrageously long chapter, which we considered splitting into two chapters, but since we hadn't updated for awhile, we decided to be nice to our readers and have a mega long chapter, so have fun and if you are so inclined, it will be a great honor to recieve a review from you wonderful people! Enjoy! -------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 6

"You look terrible," Tonks noted the next morning, dragging their fingers across her face to wipe the sleep out of her eyes. Remus blinked his own bloodshot eyes and yawned.

"I've looked worse."

"Yeah, but that's at your time of the month. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Sure."

"Liar." Tonks smiled lazily and stretched, pulling herself and her counterpart out of bed. "Let's go have some breakfast."

Remus groaned. "Can't we stay here for one more minute?"

"No! I'm hungry," she persisted, yanking him by the hand. "Remus…"

"Mrmph."

"Remus, I know where you're ticklish."

"I'm up."

"Ah, Nymphie. Must you disgrace my kitchen with those awful scraps of cloth you call pajamas?"

"Glad to see you're up, Sirius."

"You're hurting my eyes."

"Remus likes them."

"Is that so?" Sirius said suggestively, eyeing his bedraggled buddy. "Morning, Moony."

"Mrmph."

"You'll have to excuse him," Tonks scoffed. "Apparently, he decided that it's improper for an unmarried couple to sleep together. Even if they are, actually, just sleeping together."

"He'll pull through," Sirius said affectionately. "Isn't that right, Mr. Endurance?"

"Professor McGonagall? What're you doing in Sirius's kitchen?" Remus said blearily, wavering in front of his best friend.

Aforementioned best friend flushed and raised his wand. "Aguamenti," he muttered.

Spurt.

"Argh!" Tonks emoted, dripping. "You could have had better aim!"

"I agree," Remus murmured, eyes closed. "That was most unnecessary…."

"I totally don't look like McGonagall," Sirius seethed. "Stupid werewolf."

"Mangy cur," Remus mumbled.

"Don't be stupid!" Tonks snapped, whapping Sirius upside the head. "Just get your friend some blinking coffee!"

"Blinking?" Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever. Bloody. Blasted. Blooming, for God's sake! Just get him the damned coffee!"

"Oh, damned, now, is it?"

"Sirius! Stick to the task at hand!"

"Your hand…"

"Sirius, PLEASE!"

"As you wish, my lady," Sirius said with an exaggerated bow. He poured the coffee with a flourish and was about to hand it over—and then he stopped. "Can I pour it over his head?"

"What? No!"

"But why not?" Sirius whined.

"One, it's scalding hot, which won't be pleasant for either of us. Two, I wouldn't be able to stop sniffing him!"

"Sniffing him?" Ah, the sexual images….

"Yes, sniffing him. The smell of the coffee makes me crazy! It's so yummy!"

"Oh." Once again, Sirius' sick and vicarious sexual fantasies were squelched. He got a devious look. "I think I'll pour it on him anyway!"

"Wait. What? No!"

Sploosh.

"ARRRGH!" Remus jumped up about three feet in the air, yanking Tonks with him. After a hideously un-choreographed landing, Tonks glared and screeched,

"DAMN YOU!"

Remus, who looked frazzled, soaked with coffee, but slightly more focused, said in a clear voice, "Did I miss something?"

Sirius grinned stupidly. "I love that tactic!"

"You've done it before?" Tonks asked, flicking coffee out of her hair. Where was that dishtowel when she needed it?

"Of course! Started in third year. Remember, Reemy?"

"Ah. That was not a good day…." Remus sighed and examined the situation. He pulled out his ever-trusty dishtowel.

Aha! So that's where it was! Tonks thought.

She's got something on her nose, Remus thought.

What is with him and that bloody dishtowel? Sirius thought.

A hippogriff moaned in the background.

"Here," Remus said softly, "you're covered in this dratted stuff…really stupid prank, actually…"

"Is not," Sirius said pointlessly, watching Remus gently pat extra-rich French roast off of Tonks' now slightly wilted pink hair.

"Thanks," she said gratefully. She sniffed at her hand. "Ooh! I smell really good!"

"Sorry?"

"What? I really like the smell of coffee. I bet you smell like it too." She abruptly buried her nose into his hair and sighed blissfully. "Mmm. Scrumptious."

That feels good….agh! No! Bad Remus! You used to baby-sit for her! Mind over matter! Mind over matter!

Once again shoving the conflicting little voices out of his head, Remus smiled gently at the girl sniffing his hair. "Well," he said, "I suppose now that we're up, we might as well take a show—ah, damn."

Yup. Strike one for wolfie. Way to keep control over the situation.

Sirius could barely contain his glee.

"Ah yes a shower sounds lovely." Tonks said not yet registering the details of the dreaded statement.

She paused. "Hang on…" she paused again, "oh my." She reddened somewhat. "Well, no better opportunity to try something new then the present!" she said trying to cover up the waver in her voice at the thought of Remus naked and dripping wet…No! Bad! Naughty naughty Tonks!

"Enjoy." Sirius said trying to contain the urge to jump up and down and dance in little circles. He couldn't wait until he told Buckbeak.

Ten minutes later the couple found themselves staring at each other dumbfoundedly each desperately trying to think of a way to do this without jumping the other from the sheer sexiness of it all. God why did the shower have to have one of those bloody see through doors?

"So..uh..how are we going to do this?" Remus asked in a shaky voice.

"Don't peek."

"Uh, right." Remus responded trying desperately not to look down as Tonks struggled out of her shorts and used the engorgement charm on her sleeve, so as to wiggle out of her shirt.

"Argh, Remus can you help me with my bra? I just can't get it on my own."

"Wh- What?" He asked his face flushing.

"God Remus, please tell me you know how to unhook a bra."

"I do but…"

"There's no other way… hop to it kid."

He sighed, good lord, how is one supposed to undress a gorgeous young woman who is about to get into the shower with you, without getting a full blown hard on? Argh, the injustice of it all. He reached over and unclasped her very cute…very sexy pink lacy bra. Sigh, how was he going to survive? He helped her pull it off trying to avert his eyes and ignore his fingers brushing her skin… ARGH! Bad Remus! Very Bad!

And now the blasted voices were back. Ah, to hell with it all. Why don't you peek? He blinked.

What?

I said, why don't you have a peek? Come on, you've got the raw material at your disposal—why not give it a feel?

ExSCUSE me?

"What's wrong with you? Never seen a woman's back before?"

"Ah." Remus cleared his suddenly impossibly dry throat. "Something like that. Are you—are you ready to hop in?"

"Bouncing as we speak."

So I see….agh! BAD VOICE! BAD REMUS! BAD SEX DRIVE! VERY, VERY NAUGHTY!

"Hang on, aren't you going to undress?"

"Uh…I…"

"Come now, you can't be the only one having fun, off with it!"

"Wha?"

She reached over and tugged at his shirt, "I mean it, off, now!"

Remus looked up and tried very hard to concentrate on the ceiling instead of the beautiful naked woman undressing him. "Oh, God," he breathed.

"What was that?" Tonks said suddenly, looking up at him.

"The….ceiling. It's filthy. And that's a shame. Mrs. Black always liked a clean ceiling." He coughed. Tonks gave him a funny look.

"Okay." She tossed his shirt aside and made a grab at his pants.

"Hey!" He jumped back.

"Hey?" she said in disbelief. "Hey? I'm standing here in my nuddy-pants trying to make even ground and all you can say is 'hey'?"

"Look Tonks, I'll take care of those myself."

She looked crestfallen, or so he hoped…perhaps it was just him.

"You sure you don't need any help?'

"Uh….just don't peek."

"Aye aye sergeant!" She saluted him and went back to his waistband. With a swift, easy motion, she whipped the pajama pants around Remus' ankles.

He stared. "How did you do that?" he asked.

She smiled angelically. "Practice."

"Bill?"

"Quiet." She hesitated. "Should I go first?"

"Well, since we're both starkers we might as well go at the same time, there's room." Remus suddenly blushed at his proposal. God his libido would be the death of him yet.

"Um, yeah…um. Really?"

"Why not? We'll….save water…."

"Well….I suppose that there's nothing wrong with a healthy concern for the environment," Tonks said awkwardly. She wrenched open the shower door. "Sirius doesn't know."

"Agreed."

"All right then."

"Ladies first."

They clambered into the stall as best they could. It certainly looked bigger from the outside, Remus found himself standing a little too close for comfort, to Tonks, who was busy fiddling with the taps looking for the right temperature that wouldn't spout giant frog shaped green bubbles. What was up with this family and frogs? Argh. After a minute she found the frogless tap and turned on the shower.

"How's this?" she inquired.

"What?" Remus said distractedly, staring at her hair as best he could trying desperately to battle the ever growing urge to look down.

Sploosh.

A surge of water jumped out of the tap, drenching them both in scalding water. Remus jumped (actually a very unsafe thing to do in the shower, the authors suggest that you do not try it at home—did you know that statistically, thousands of people perish in the bath each year?).

"Bit hot, then?" Tonks said apologetically. "Hmm. Let's try this."

An equally frigid blast of water lunged.

"Hmm. That doesn't seem to have worked either, does it?"

"Here," Remus said, extending a shivering arm over to the taps. "Let me give it a shot." He twirled the first knob he could find.

Who knew how ferocious a spurt of leaping frog bubbles could be?

"Wrong one! Wrong one!" Tonks shouted through the torrents of amphibians hopping through her hair.

"Sorry!" He blindly turned another. The frogs dissipated and a surge of sparkly pink water streamed over them Tonks nodded in approval.

"I like this one."

"Agh." Remus cringed.

Tonks sighed. "Oh, don't be a spoilsport, Remus! It's pretty!"

"Exactly."

She turned around and tapped his bare chest. "Does it impair your masculinity? Is that it?"

"No…" Remus squeaked.

"Okay. Then it should be fine," she said cheerfully, searching for the soap.

"Wait! Actually….I, um—"

"Yes?"

He swallowed. "I think perhaps we might want to test the full range of this bathing implement before making a final decision."

She grinned. Oh it so did impair his masculinity. Heh, but she was enjoying the experience enough to be kind for once and allowed him to turn another tap.

A sheet of crystal clear blue water came cascading over them. "Mmm much better."

Despite her partiality to pink she was inclined to agree, this one was nice. "Okay, this one stays." She ginned as she could see his sigh of relief. She figured he would never be able to live down taking a sparkly pink shower. Ah well, that could be fixed later. She reached for the soap and began scrubbing her shoulders.

"Still feel gay?" she asked brightly.

"What?"

"Admit it. The girly shower made you feel gay."

"Trust me, Nymphadora, gay is far from what I feel right now," Remus said, watching the soap slide up and down her wet, slippery, NUDE skin.

"Want me to do you?"

"Ah—what?"

"Your back. Do. You. Want. Me. To. Wash.Your. Back?"

"Uh…sure." He didn't know how long he would be able to holdout before shoving her up against the wall and kissing her passionately…having his mad, soapy way with her…bad Remus…must stop…thinking!

"Oh, damn, dropped the soap." Tonks swooped down to retrieve the mischievous little bugger, brushing her (extraordinarily lovely) ass against Remus' legs. He fairly thought he was going to faint. All this steam and skin and…soap was really beginning to set a scene…an extremely sexy scene….

Jump her.

What? No!

It's the perfect opportunity! What's wrong with you? What's holding you back?

A sense of PROPRIETY!

Screw propriety. In fact, screw her. Quickly, too. You're getting antsy.

Would you be quiet? This is wrong. Very wrong indeed.

Are you kidding? Didn't you feel it when she bent down and—

Sooooo wrong…..

BOTH OF YOU! OUT! he shouted internally.

Tonks popped up with the soap. "Ready for your rub-down?"

Agh.

"'Course." He muttered shakily.

"turn around…unless you want me to take care of your chest first?"

"I'd like that."

IDIOT! Numbskull, God! Why did you say that WHY?

Smooth move kid, brilliant!

Argh, NO! All chance with her is gone..GONE! ruined…forever stained!

Will you get a bloody life and shut the hell up?

STAINED!

He returned from his brief reverie when she grinned and began rubbing his chest with the bar of soap, it seemed that voice #2 had won this round.

Tonks happily skated the soap over his skin. Just think. Yesterday, she'd been stuck fantasizing about seeing him in the shower, and today she was with him in the shower! Hooray!

"Want me to do you next?"

She dropped the soap again. "Um—what?"

Remus grinned devilishly. "Your back. You're doing such a good job that I might as well return the favor, don't you think?"

I'm going to die, she thought frantically. I am going to pass out from sheer lust, hit my head, and die in Mrs. Black's shower. And then, knowing my luck, I'd manage to pull Remus down with me, so we'd BOTH die in Mrs. Black's shower, and then Sirius would find me and have a HELL of a story to tell at our funeral. And Bill would never live it down. Even if I was dead. Bah.

Remus smiled coyly. "Would you like me to get that?"

"Uh….huh. Yeah….."

"All righty."

He bent down to retrieve the rouge cleaning utensil and stood back up lightly brushing her hips making her practically shiver and swoon.

"Ready?" he asked. She swayed in response. Remus looked alarmed and instantly reached out to steady her. "Good God. Are you all right?"

She blinked at him.

"Tonks?"

Blink.

"Tonks?"

Blink, blink, blink.

"Will you say something?"

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Your hands are on my hips."

"Oh." Remus glanced down. "So they are. Sorry…." Remus couldn't help looking down. The voices returned.

Wow….

Ack! Bad idea! Stupid Remus! Stupid! Stupid! Stuuuuuuuupid!

Yeah, we know, but….wow…..

OH! Go off and—

Butter her muffin?

I hate you.

"I think I'm clean," Tonks said awkwardly.

"Of course you're not."

Tonks grinned, he had most definitely loosened up over the past hour or so, hmmm, perhaps he does like me? No that would be hoping to much, for now just breathe and ask him to wash your….back. Yes…back.

"I'm not clean?" she asked, pretending to be dejected. Just to see what would happen. Evil little twit.

"Oh, no, Tonks, you're very dirty," he winked. Oh, God. Did I just say that? When was the last time I was in a dedicated relationship? One that didn't involve mating and chains? AGH!

"Dirty?" Ooooh. I could get used to this new Remus….I wonder if he likes chains….

"Yes. Dirty." He desperately tried not to blush. "Besides, if you're going to be connected to me all day, you're not going to run about smelling like coffee! And God knows what else you've gotten yourself covered in, in the last twenty-four hours."

"But don't you like that smell, Remus?" Tonks asked lazily. "Don't you find it…sexy?"

You DO! You DO! You TOTALLY DO!

Ack! I don't! Shut up!

JUMP HER!

Remus cleared his throat. "Um. Sure. Yeah. It's…very nice….like your pajamas." He mentally bonked himself over the head. Pajamas? You brought up her PAJAMAS! Stupid Remus, you never pick up a girl by talking about her jam-jams!

Apparently, Tonks thought differently. "You really do like them?" she asked happily.

"Yes. They're….lovely."

"Yay!"

HUG!

Oh, my God, oh, my God. Woman's naked chest pressed up against mine. Ooh…feels good…NO! Bad! Very bad! Must not get hard on in shower!

Tonks smirked smugly in satisfaction.

Ha. Now I know how big he is!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So there it is! Bwaha amazingly long chappie! So don't get your knickers in a twist if we don't update for two weeks! (Of course we wouldn't actually be THAT mean, it'll probably be a maximum of a week and a half) Anyhoo, what did you guys think? Like/dislike? Oh, by the way one thing we got a kick out of was a reviewer thought we were too "Vulgar" for their taste. This statement got me to thinking...why the hell would someone who considered this fic (up till this chapter by the way) "vulgar" be stupid enough to read M rated fanfiction? Ah well shall continue to ponder this... (If anyone has an answer to this deep and troubling question, wee'd love it if you put your two cents in, in REVIEW form..hint...hint!) Okie dokie, hope you enjoyed this chapter and see you next time! Toodles!