Chapter 79:

Anna stopped on her way into the lounge, "let me know when you have some time when we're not working, we'll talk then okay." She pushed door open and found her stuff. She was just going to throw it in her locker but she didn't remember leaving so much there. She sighed when she picked up his shirt. She looked at the picture that was in there too. God Mark's party... she tried hard not to cry looking at it. 'What's this,' she said as she opened the note that was written in his handwriting. What could he have to say to her that he couldn't say to her in person? She let the tears fall as she started to read.

Dear Anna,

I know what you're thinking already...any letter that starts with 'dear' can't be good, but please just finish reading this, there are some things I need you to know. The first is that I never meant to hurt you in any way. The past few weeks have been the most unbelievable I've had in a long time and I wouldn't change them if I could. But the second is that I can't keep playing this game. It is too hard for me...as I know it must be for you. I am trying to get my life back together in a new city, without the woman I came back with, in a new job. And I know you have problems of your own. It is unfair for me to have you wait while I try to sort things out. And as much as I would love to pretend that certain things hadn't happened in the past few days to change my views on us, I can't anymore. Life just isn't like that. I hope you know what a beautiful and special person you are, and that I will always care deeply for you, our friendship is something I value more than anything. Things just aren't right now...and I'm not sure if they ever will be. Please forgive me, and don't ever blame yourself for this. I think I said it best when I told you that my special gift was impossible relationships. Anyway...I'm kind of rambling huh? Anna, just know that you should never settle for anything in life. You deserve so much better than anyone like me, and know that when I think of you, I will only have the best memories. You really don't need me, you are so much stronger than you know...and a better person than I could ever be. Thank you for everything Anna, and...I'm sorry again.

Always,

Doug

She put everything in her locker, before sitting back down her head on the table as she cried. She got up and walked over to the sink to splash water on her face. It had been no small miracle that no one had walked in on her. She pulled herself back together. 'Smile Anna, you can't change how the man feels, you can't make someone love you when they don't. She walked back out of the lounge as a trauma came rolling in, she instantly jumped on it and headed into trauma one with the first of two from a MVA.

Doug noticed her as she came out. She looked fine; maybe she hadn't read his letter. 'That's for the best' he thought. He didn't want her to get upset at work. He just sat back down and took a sip of his cold coffee. "Wow...this is a never-ending process" he said as he smacked the computer. God how he hated paperwork.

Anna was in over her head. "I need some help in here!" She screamed as she was trying to intubate, get a central line started and x-rays ordered. "Someone give me a hand please!" Anna was starting to panic. She could feel her heart now pounding in her chest. She couldn't leave the patient to step out of the room when they snapped the x-rays, but she couldn't be in there when they did. She threaded the guide wire for the central line. "Anyone, please come on I need a doc in here now!"

Doug heard her yell. God couldn't she do anything today? He made his way into the trauma room as quickly as possible. "I'm here, what do you need?" he asked rather shortly

She gasped when she saw it was Doug...ohhh shit! There's no explanation for this one. She watched as the tech's rolled in with the portable. "Watch my patient, I'm allergic to x-rays." Anna said as they shouted fire in the hole as she darted out the door before it was snapped.

"What!" Doug asked. He had never heard a more unsound response in his life. He walked over to the patient and finished some tests. After a quick call to surgery to fix some internal bleeding Doug left the room to find Anna in the hall. "You want to explain that?" he said rather harshly. It wasn't like her to leave a patient.

"I, uh, I can't explain it." She said looking at the floor. "I know your upset and you have every right to be, but I couldn't be in there." She turned to and walked a few steps, "I just couldn't be in there when they took that x-ray."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard Anna! We've all been in the room for x-rays a thousand times." he yelled. He was getting sick of her walking away from him and not ever explaining anything. "This whole new mysterious thing might be working for you but its really pissing me off. Now if you have a problem with a patient you need to tell me and not just run out like that. Do you understand?"

"I am not trying to be mysterious. I am trying to protect myself." She said looking him straight in the eye. "I didn't have a problem with that patient." She took in a deep breath, "You are just going to have to understand that right now there are some things that I can't do anymore."

Doug just rolled his eyes and waved her off. "I don't even want to know what new problem you have now." he said making his way to admit to get his stuff. "I'm out of here anyway." he was going to have lunch with his new date. Maybe being with someone he didn't have to constantly yell at would be good for him. "Don't call me next time you have a crisis. I'm sick of dealing with it." he said before heading out the door.

"Yeah I know, I have the rest of my life to handle our crisis, and you'll be the last one I'll call." She said as watched him walk away. What was she the only doctor in the ER today? Anna fought back the tears that were forming in her eyes. Damn him! He was never going to understand this, and probably not give her the time of day now either. Fine, forget it she wasn't going to bust her butt to hide it from anyone and if he was the last one to know so be it. She threw herself back into her work. She finally hauled herself out of there about 10 o'clock. Even though she wanted to go home she went down to the bar when Matt worked. She wanted some company and a sympathetic ear. She walked in and sat down at the bar and chatted with him for a few minutes before she walked over and picked a song. She just wanted to take her mind off everything that was happening for a little while. She took the mike and looked at Matt as she started to sing, 'Can't Stop the Moonlight.'

Doug went home and clean up around his house until about two. After calling Allison and agreeing on an early dinner Doug hopped into the shower and in a nice suit. He met her at a nice restaurant and they spent a long time talking. Although Doug had hoped she was brighter than most of the woman he use to see, it turned out she was right up their alley. Although he wasn't looking for someone who was overly intelligent it would be nice for good company. Soon their dinner was over and he went to take her home. After arriving at her apartment she invited him up. Doug hesitated for a second, thinking about Anna. He quickly wiped the idea from his head and came up with her.

Anna walked home; she lies down but found herself not being able to sleep. The silence in her apartment was almost deafening. She got up went thru her mail. Oh man she had totally managed to forget about the conference in Boston. She had two weeks to get everything put together now. The break from Chicago right now might do her some good. This might bring her a better job offer, something with not such longs hours once the baby came. She actually smiled things might not be ideal, her life was in total chaos, but this was her decision to make. After all Doug had made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to have anything to do with her new "crisis". She sat there thinking about everything before she looked at the clock. Might as well go in now, maybe whoever was working night wouldn't mind giving up a couple of their night hours to come in and let her out of there a couple of hours early. Anna hoped that Susan would be working and could cover for her for an hour while she slipped upstairs to meet with Coburn at eleven. If not she was just going to hope that it was slow enough that she could get away with out any one missing her? She walked into county, put her things in her locker, Chen was happy to get out of there, and didn't seem to mind coming in to let Anna out a little bit early. Anna listened as they went over what patients she had and she then dove into work. Come 6:30 Anna had the board almost completely bare, she had two patients, one she was waiting for an x-ray on to rule out a fracture and the other she was waiting for labs to come back on. She got her labs back and admitted the patient to cardiology and was now waiting patiently for transport to take him upstairs. She sat down at admit to finish writing her notes.