Chapter VII
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"I think the entire performance ought to be indoors on stage."
"No way, I think we should have it outdoors. I don't even like walking on stone, let alone dancing on it."
"We Amazons are accustomed to having our feet on the earth. I think--"
The youngest of the tribe were discussing the exact whereabouts of the program and the volume of their debate was rising to a level that brought Aeolusia over to interrupt. A mild word of reproof achieved a respectful silence.
"Girls, The Widow Twanky and the Amazon Council"--of which LuLu and Zara were members--"have unanimously agreed that the entire 'official' program will be held onstage. We Amazons are moving outside to rehearse ONLY."
"But," the youngest member of the tribe said with a slight whine, "why can't we have the whole performance outdoors? I've never danced on a stone surface before."
Aeolusia, a somewhat smaller, soft-spoken individual lacking the "brawn" so favored by Amazon tribes, but ably compensating by her wits, was one of the chief diplomats and peacemakers of the tribe. She was also known for her gentleness and patience. Now she explained quietly and simply, "We practice outdoors, because Gaia, Mother of All, provides an atmosphere for us to do our best dancing!" She smiled benignly. "Certain older Amazons are insistent on that point." She held up a palm to discourage any youthful interruption. "And you DO want to do your best; after all, we are trying to honor and please Artemis, aren't we?"
The younger Amazons all bobbed their heads in unison. Lulu was not finished explaining, so she quickly went on, "However, we must make it possible for two rather large groups of dancers to be rehearsing at the same time... Having everything occur either entirely inside or entirely outside would simplify matters, true. But we do have to be considerate of our royal members of King Iphicles' household who might lack the--shall we say, rusticity of our lifestyles..." and something in her voice or look roused faint good-humored chuckles among the girls. "And of course, most if not all the dancers in the Widows' troupe might share a similar less-than-favorable opinion of either standing, sitting or dancing out on a frozen--and I dare say, icy--castle green for a couple of hours."
"Yes, Ma'am, this is true, you are very wise," and those of more tender years obediently accepted this viewpoint of their gentle older sister.
The warriors now moved out onto the royal grounds--now dark, for it was past sundown--for practice. Twanky, following, had shared the same original opinion of the younger Amazons and felt miffed because she also believed they should be rehearsing indoors with HER dancers. Since she would be involved in the dance for Artemis, she must divide up her time and accompany the Amazons outdoors. Then whenever she wasn't needed for rehearsing her part with them, she speculated she would have to hurry back inside to help her own group.
"Wot's more, I shall have to take off my shoes," she grumbled. "And I'll get chilblains, sure as I'm born, prancing round on that frozen ground in me stocking feet. Cor blimey, I do believe I've had quite enough of the 'great outdoors' for awhile. Alice Cudlip, how DO you manage to get thaself into these things? You'll have ten frozen piggies, so tha will, and need another soak with Cupid..." The very thought warmed her and brought back a smile. "Now there's a reason to do it, if ever I heard one! And, it won't be the first time I've suffered for the sake of ART."
Despite any misgivings, Twanky was nothing if not passionately dedicated. She was silent and attentive as the Amazons went about setting up torches for illumination plus getting a fire started to help add warmth as well as extra light.
"We are accustomed to 'dancing in the dark,'" LuLu told her. "Usually these nighttime 'performances' are 'psyching-up sessions' just prior to a battle. Which, needless to say by now, was what we came fully prepared for. But, happily," she added over her shoulder as she helped move the big drum into the desired position, "the evening has turned off to be a much more lighthearted situation."
Soon the musicians were in their places, and the practice had begun, which involved lots of coaching from the mature and more experienced Amazons. Everything went well except for a few 'hitches' involving the 'junior' Amazons who were less knowledgeable about the dances but grew impatient with their elders 'bossing them around' so much.
Twanky had never been on hand before at an Amazon dance, she had only heard secondhand reviews from Iphicles as well as Hercules and Iolaus. The sight of supple, shapely female warriors executing wild native dances representing aspects of nature and things deeply spiritual, amid the flickering light of tall blazing torches and a toasty, crackling wood fire, was a fascinating, almost mesmerizing spectacle, and enough to cause Twanky to forget any preliminary discomforts. Even the tribe's horses (which their owners had staked nearby) seemed to be enjoying the lively scene. Their eyes glowed in the firelight and they frequently tossed their heads, sometimes pawing the ground as if wishing they could join in the action. Twanky tapped her feet, clapped her hands to the infectious rhythms, and found herself impatient to begin rehearsing her own part. And then when Aeolusia sang...Twanky felt as if every one of her curly blond strands was standing on end...
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"Well, I'm certainly getting me exercise today," grumbled Twanky after running indoors for the third time. "Good thing I changed to me sandals. Good thing I BROUGHT me sandals. If I 'ad to retie them shoes o' mine one more time--" At sight of King Iphicles, she forced herself to brighten. 'I must be a professional, after all,' she thought. "Oh, hello, Your Majesty."
King Iphicles smiled, "I just came to check and see if we are on schedule for tonight's performance. I was told the Amazons are settling in and…" He paused as the drum sounded. "Boy, that thing is loud. It IS outside, correct?"
Twanky nodded. "And a right royal pain to move, I'm told." She winced. "Oh, I'm SO sorry, Your Majesty; I meant no insult…"
Iphicles threw back his head and laughed. "For the first time today, I can actually laugh." He held up a palm, "No, I'm not insulted. Though I was a little irritated and concerned when my guards told me Aeolusia and company showed up in full battle garb." He wagged a finger at Twanky in mock disapproval. "You should have at least informed me, BEFORE I heard it from the Captain of the Royal Guard." Iphicles added in sotto voce, "After all, even an ally doesn't get into the city if they look like they're out for someone's blood."
"A someone like YOU, especially," nodded Twanky.
"Precisely!" murmured Iphicles.
Twanky decided it was time to practice her own style of diplomacy, and calmly informed Iphicles of Discord's latest mischief. Now, it was Iphicles' turn to wince, as he heard how close they had come to disaster yet again.
"Discord just can't stop trying to turn every little problem into a reason for war and strife." He sighed, "Thank Artemis! Lulu and the rest decided to ask questions, rather than just attack blindly. "
As the drumbeats increased in tempo, Iphicles demanded, "What ARE you having them practice? I'm surprised Zara hasn't come to investigate."
Twanky's eyes widened in alarm. "Oh no, it's a surprise, you better go out and stall her. We are not due to perform for another three-quarters of an hour, and if she--"
"As my rescuer commands," Iphicles intoned with a slight bow. He immediately left Twanky.
The Widow considered what lay ahead for her. "Dancing between swords, wot would Mum say?" she muttered to the king's retreating back. "She'd say, 'Tha'd have to be mad as a box of frogs to try that!'" Then realizing what she'd said, she put her hand over her mouth, glad Iphicles hadn't heard. Best to avoid the subject of amphibians for awhile.
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"Are you sure that's your battle drum?" Kull yelled over the increased rumbling.
He and Zara were both sprinting down the hall toward the noise. Fortunately, in retracing his steps, Kull had managed to find the kitchen again, so both were armed with meat cleavers, but Zara had a look of determination as the drumbeats had increased in speed and volume.
"Not the first time I've heard it, so I know exactly what it sounds like," Zara shouted back. Then she screamed out the next words as loud as she could, "I'm not dead, I'm not even badly hurt. There is NO reason for this!" desperately hoping ANY of her sisters could hear what she said over the vibrating drum beats.
They skidded to a stop as Iphicles entered the hall. His timing was perfect, as the couple was about to try that door, hoping it would lead outside.
"Zara, there you are," Iphicles exclaimed, "And you look …"
A warning glare from both Kull and Zara prompted a little discretion on Iphicles' part.
"Regal. You finally having a proper birthday celebration?"
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Iphicles firmly shut the door behind him, deliberately blocking access to the chamber. 'Twanky, please don't choose this moment to leave,' he thought. 'I need a few moments to get Zara OUT OF HERE.'
"Your Majesty, are my sisters in there?" Zara wanted to know. "I REALLY need to talk to them, NOW." She folded her arms, being sure to keep the kitchen utensil invisible. 'And, I was berating Kull for giving me the little one,' she thought. 'I will have to make amends for that. But thank Artemis, the drum has finally stopped.'
Kull, who had the bigger blade, had not been as successful at hiding his, so he just shrugged. Iphicles rapidly weighed his declining options, as his personal guards had seen the potential problem and were now moving within striking range of both Kull and Zara. Iphicles signaled the guards to halt, and said loud enough for all (including Twanky) to hear.
"Your sisters, Zara, are outside, and are very busy concocting a surprise for you."
He smiled broadly, trying to reassure the guards that he was NOT in any danger. "As we are at peace, STILL, and all allies, can I have my kitchen cleavers back? I'm sure the staff will need them, and you are both making my guards nervous."
Kull handed over his makeshift weapon, and immediately thereafter so did Zara. As they did so, the drum began to sound again. The guards exchanged glances, and Iphicles sensed action was required. He handed the cleavers to the guards and encircled both Kull and Zara's arms, stating conspiratorially,
"You know, a lot of bad things have happened today, and I don't blame anyone for getting the wrong idea. So, if I tell you both what we have planned for Zara's birthday celebration tonight, you must both promise to act 'surprised beyond belief,'" accompanying his words with a wink. "Otherwise, we will have a genuine war on our hands. And that is exactly what Discord w--"
Zara and Kull both groaned in unison, "Not her again!"
Kull growled. "I don't know her, but can't someone imprison her somewhere?"
Iphicles nodded. "Wait until I tell you what she told your sisters, Zara. And Kull...you don't want to know."
He began walking with the couple in a direction away from both 'rehearsing parties,' with an entourage of guards following. "What a day...sorry to ruin your birthday, and it's almost over."
Kull interrupted, "Actually her birthday officially started after dinner--"
"I was born late in the day," Zara clarified.
"--and so we have not officially ruined that much of it. Although next year, she's DEFINITELY coming to see ME. And this 'Discord' person, you can keep her in Greece."