A/N: Hey all! Thanks for all of the reviews and everything, and I hope that you like this chapter.

Disclaimer: Jonathan Larson's.

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Roger's POV

"So you said eight right?" Mark glances impatiently down at his watch, fiddling his fingers against his thigh. I reach for his hand, tangling it with mine to calm his nerves. I don't even know why he's so nervous, he doesn't know Johnny and he's hung out with Katie plenty of times. To tell the truth, I should be more nervous than him.

"Yep. I told Katie the movie was at eight fifteen. So she's probably gonna cut it close. She never gets ready a second before she has to." Mark smirks to himself, dropping his head and sighing loudly. "Hey, you all right?" I lift his chin so I can see his eyes, the pale blue sucking me in quickly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just…never mind." He looks out the window, just in time to see Johnny's car pull up. Immediately I panic, dropping his hand and leaving him confused. I just don't have the heart to tell him I don't want Johnny to know we are together. I haven't told any of my friends except Katie and Carrie. Not that I have many friends who care about my love life, but Johnny is always asking me if I've scored a chick yet.

"Hey guys." I can feel Mark's eyes on me as I reach forward to pat Johnny on the back and lean down to peck Katie on the forehead. I hate pretending. But I'd hate to hear about what Johnny thinks. He's not going to be accepting, and he's my only chance for a band. I can't lose him. I love Mark, but I have to hold out just a little longer, even though it's killing me.

"Sorry we're late. I couldn't drag her ass out of the bathroom." Johnny brushes his lips softly over Katie's, allowing her to pull away with a scowl seconds later. Their affection makes me realize how hard this night is going to be. I want to reach over and kiss Mark, touch him, hold his hand, even put my hand on his back, but I can't. And all because of my stupid rock star dream.

"Nah, it's fine. We weren't waiting long anyways." I smile, nodding and leading them to the theatre. Mark trails behind all three of us, realizing that I'm not going to take his hand and walk with him like Katie and Johnny are doing. I can feel the guilt and shame pressing against the walls of my head. This was a horrible idea. How could I not tell Mark that Johnny doesn't know?

"You guys wanna get some ice cream after or something?" Katie taps me on the shoulder, and I look back at Mark for an answer. All he does is shrug, his eyes glazed over in potential tears that we both know he won't release. He never does.

"Sure." I answer quietly, and then continue into the dark theatre. The previews have started already, and the four of us fumble around in the pitch black hole, tripping over purses and sneakers to find seats. Katie finally saves four, summoning the rest of us over to her. I sit in between her and Mark, giving myself a chance to explain. I lean over to the other boy once we get situated, pressing my lips to his cheek delicately and then moving towards his ear. I can feel him tense the moment I touch him.

"I'm sorry…" I whisper, and he nods loosely. I scoot a little closer, resting my chin on his shoulder for a minute before realizing Johnny might be able to see me. "Look…I just don't want to tell Johnny because he might…"

"I know. Just…I don't care." His eyes remain on the screen, his voice harsh and indifferent. I reach subtly under the arms of our chairs, grabbing his hand with mine and resting them against my knee. "Roger...don't." He snaps, retracting his hand and shoving it in the pocket of his pants.

"What? Why…"

"If you don't want to act like my boyfriend, then don't hold my hand." He murmurs out of the side of his mouth, and I rest back in my chair. I don't think I've ever felt more rejected in my life. But then again, this is exactly what I am doing to him.

"I want to act like your boyfriend I just don't want to tell Johnny yet. He's not the kind of guy who would understand things like…" Mark's lips collide roughly with mine, his tongue thrusting through and I have no choice but to accept it. His hands land on the back of my neck as he opens his mouth against mine quickly. Unwittingly I sink into him, his mouth, his touch, his kiss. I had no idea that this pale, Jewish boy would be able to send me into a daze with a fucking kiss. The way he grips to me, sending chills up my spine in ways I never thought possible. But I haven't completely forgotten about who is surrounding us. Secretly I wish that Johnny still hasn't seen us, despite the rather audible gasp I made when I was pulled into this tug of tongues.

Mark's fingers tickle my shoulders, pulling me towards him, persuading me to jump into his lap. God knows that isn't going to happen. I can't help but return every little touch, every movement, every faint bite and lick. And before I know it, we are making out in a movie theatre. I hate how goddamn cliché this is. But yet I keep kissing him. I keep holding his cheek against my palm. I keep wondering when someone is going to stop us.

But no one ever does.

Instead, Mark pulls away, his lips slowly separating from mine with a light smack. Even though it's dark, I can see deep into his eyes. I see something that wasn't there with Carrie. Something I've never seen before with anyone I've ever been with. And immediately I'm regretting I've avoided him in front of Johnny. But somehow I have a feeling this isn't going to change things.

"I love you." I whisper in his ear, tangling our fingers together against the armrest and watching as a small smile spreads across his lips. But a frown remains on my face because Mark doesn't know that I'm still not going to let Johnny know we are together. I just can't.

We return to watching the movie in peace, shifting slightly every once and a while to get comfortable. At one point Mark leans his head over to land on my shoulder, and I reluctantly accept it. Inside I'm kicking myself, regretting every single second I am mentally pushing Mark away. I don't know what my fucking problem is. I want him, I love him, then why can't I be with him in front of my "cool" friend? I'm just immediately assuming that Johnny wouldn't be okay with us as a couple.

As we're walking out of the theatre, I avoid standing next to Mark in fear that he will reach for my hand. I look around uncomfortably as Katie and Johnny have make out sessions. I simply pat Mark on the back when he says something funny instead of slinging my arm around his waist and kissing his gently on the cheek. And I resist the urge to tell him I love him every second of our time together. But I hate it the whole time.

I feel like this is happening again. It's just going around in circles. I felt I couldn't tell Carrie, and Mark was hurt in a result of it. And now, I'm hurting him again. I can't stand this shit.

We pull up to a light brown building in Johnny's car, and I reluctantly observe Katie and Johnny's not-so-secret kisses before we're ready to go in.

"Hey guys, I just gotta talk to Mark for a second, we'll be right there." Mark and I sit in the back of the beaten up car, a slight whiff of cinnamon stinging our nostrils when a breeze comes through. Katie nods at me and Johnny mumbles something before they both leave to get their ice cream. I watch as they meet in a cuddle, Johnny's arm wrapping around Katie's body as he presses a small kiss to her forehead. I can tell that both of them are happier with each other than they've ever been. And it kills me that I can't show them how happy I am.

"What's up?" Mark says, his voice low and caked with anger that he is trying to mask. He knows what I want to talk about, he just doesn't want to have this conversation.

"Mark, I'm sorry that I've been ignoring you. You have to believe that it kills me not to be able to touch you and kiss you…" I take his hand, bringing it to my lips carefully, staring him in the eye the entire time.

"It's fine. I know you don't want him to think…less of you." He pulls away from me kindheartedly, with understanding and compassion that shouldn't exist. He shouldn't have to fake things just so I won't be…ashamed? Am I ashamed of Mark?

No matter how much I tell myself I'm not…in the back of my mind I always will be. There will always be that part of me telling me that I can't have a boyfriend if I'm going to make it big. But if that's what it takes to make it big, then maybe that's not what I want.

"Mark, I love you. Just…do this for me once." My fingers grip into his neck, massaging the matted hair in the back. He sighs uneasily, and shows me a smile that breaks my heart in half.

"Roger...this isn't the first time we've had to do all of this hiding bullshit. How long do I have to wait before you're comfortable enough to be who we are in public? I'm sick of pretending to be someone I'm not." His eyes focus on a piece of fabric he's picking off of the seat and I watch his anxious movements. I'm sick of being the cause of these things. I've never had to pretend for him, never had to hide. Sure his parents don't know about us yet, but I've never had to lie to them before. Why is he being so patient with me? So understanding?

I guess Mark is just that easy to love.

"I'm sorry. I…I don't know. I can't say that we don't have to pretend anymore because…if I want to be a rock star…" He nods swiftly and harshly, and I keep my hand on his neck, assuring him that I still care about him.

"I get it. Let's just…go inside, okay?" Before I can answer he gets out of the car, looking back only briefly before heading towards the door. I just remain seated, contemplating what the hell to do next. I don't know what I want. Maybe I'm thinking about this too early. Maybe I should just go inside, and be myself. Kiss Mark, touch Mark, hug Mark, be with Mark. Be his boyfriend. But it would change everything.

I just don't know if I want to risk it all just yet. I don't know what I'm thinking, my mind is so full of cloudiness. I would be crazy to let Mark go over something as stupid as fame. And who cares if some punk ass guys don't like our band someday because the lead singer is with another guy? That's not my problem.

Then why am I making it into such a big deal? Mark is right, I never want to do anything brash in school. Sure in restaurants or clubs I will grab him for a deep kiss in front of the rest of the sweaty dancers or drunken teens at the bar, but school has a different atmosphere. Everyone can see it's me, they know who I am. I'm not just some random horny boy at a club who needs his boyfriend right there. I'm the new school fag.

Suddenly I'm finding myself caring about what other people think.

So I just sit in the car. Staring out at Katie, Johnny and Mark chatting at a table inside. Every few seconds Mark glances out at me, pushing me further from joining them. I just can't make it one more minute lying like this.

But eventually I come inside. And I hold Mark's hand under the table. It pains me that that's the best he's going to get for now. Until I can learn to grow the fuck up.

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Notes: Like it? Sorry it's kinda short and it took a while, but yeah. Thanks to reviewers again! Next chapter soon…dunno. Depends on the reviews. XD