Disclaimer: I don't own SoN or anything relating to it. Or whatever.

Author's Note: This has been hard to keep writing because I haven't been sure where I wanted to take it. So, I'm a little unsure about this chapter, PLEASE, let me know if you like it and I will continue with this direction. Thanks a bunch all you lovely reviewers.

Part 6

Ashley sat alone in her room of her mother's house hugging a bottle of rum to her chest. It had yet to be opened but it was only a matter of time. For the past 24 hours, ever since she foolishly went to visit Spencer, she had kept herself confined to her room only leaving when absolutely necessary. She kept the lights low and wallowed in her self made misery.

She hated being back in this house but she had nowhere else to go. This place was full of memories. There were memories of anger at her parents, of tantrums thrown, of doors slammed, of loud voices. There were memories of mistakes, of the guys that would frequent her bed and then the girls that eventually took their places. There were memories of love, memories of Spencer that now left a sour taste in her mouth. This place was now haunted.

"Oh Spencer," Ashley moaned finally opening the bottle of rum. She took one long swallow and grimaced as it burned going down.

How easy it was to pretend she was a whole person when she didn't have the constant reminder of those blue eyes burning into her brain. But just seeing Spencer again was a painful reminder of everything that she had lost. Ashley could remember the day of the breakup as if it were yesterday. The smell of Spencer's hair, the color of her eyes, the sight of her tears, these memories had come back full force. The day she really had lost Spencer Carlin.

"Fuck Ashley! Why are you doing this again? I know you're going to college but we'll be okay."

"It's not about that, Spence. I love you. I really do, but come on! Let's not fool ourselves here. I've never been the long-term relationship type and now with this distance…you deserve so much better than me. And this is your chance," saying this Ashley looks over at a picture of her mother and father, one of those rare times when they had managed to be in the same room together. It's a reminder of the type of relationship she will end up in. And Spencer deserved better than that.

Spencer notices the look and grabs the framed picture throwing it across the room with surprising anger.

"No! That is not who you are Ashley! I thought we were past this, you are not your parents," she grabs Ashley's face and pulls her into a hard kiss. "This, this is who you are!" she says emphasizing her words with another hard kiss.

Even then Ashley realizes something bad is coming. They'd fought before but this was different. The emotion was different. They were both coming into this fight with unresolved issues and there was no way it could end well. They both seem to be fighting not only with each other but with themselves, trying to hold back the words that couldn't stop flowing.

Ashley feels like she's broken. Her mouth opens and the unbidden words just keep falling out, "You can't tell me you've never thought about having time to be with someone else. I'm the only girl you've ever been with. You should explore the market. And so should I. I need something new. Someone new." Even as she says it she knows it's not really what she wants. But there's no turning back anymore.

The look Spencer gives her makes her feel smaller than she ever has in her life. "This is the first time, I've ever seen the truth in what your mother says about you. You are selfish," Ashley hears the venom behind the younger girl's tones, the hurt dripping from the words, words meant to scar. And scar they did.

The fight only got worse after that and eventually Ashley just left. By the time she returned Spencer was gone and that night Ashley packed up her things and left again without looking back. She was her mother's child. Or perhaps leaving was what made her more like her father. Not that it mattered in the end.

"Stupid stupid stupid," she mumbled taking another swig from her bottle. There was one thing Ashley knew she was good at, and that was losing the people she loved.

Full of self loathing Ashley reached for her memento box. When they first started going out, Spencer had shown her a box she had full of pictures and things that reminded her of the older girl. Secretly Ashley had begun keeping her own box, her Spencer box. Inside there were pictures of the two girls and candid shots of the blonde, music that represented all different periods of their time together, and even a stack of love notes that had been exchanged in between classes at school.

She removed the stack of letters and couldn't stop the shaking of her hand as she delicately traced the first few words at the top page, "Ashley, keeper of my heart." Spencer could get so sappy sometimes and while Ashley had made fun of her for it, deep down she loved every word. She loved that someone could see beneath her hardened shell and say the words she had desperately always wanted to hear. The letters would range from sappy, to sexy, to downright stupid. She never had the heart to throw them away. They were a part of Spencer and to get rid of them so easily would have been equal to saying those years had meant nothing.

The bitter taste of blood in her mouth made Ashley realize she had been biting her lip to keep from crying out at the emotions flooding through her system. She was happy pretending none of this meant anything to her anymore. But realizing the pain Spencer was still in, now she had to pay penance. She had to pay for leaving and breaking every promise she had ever made to Spence.

"Forgive me Spencer, for I have sinned."

Ashley pulled out a CD from the box and put it in her player, a bittersweet grin crossing her face at the strumming that sprang from the speakers. She can remember the first time Spencer found out her deep dark secret, that she liked some country music.

"It's all about emotion, Spence. These people just get it. There's no greater heartbreak than a good blue grass song."

"Heartbreak? Like what? My dog died and my wife left me for a tractor? You're right, I can see it."

"Spencer Carlin! I never pegged you as one so prejudicial towards music. You are from Ohio after all."

"Yeah, that's Ohio, Ashley. Not West Virginia. Okay, show me what it is you like. I am all ears…"

Ashley couldn't be sure if Spencer ever did get it, but right before their big fight the blonde had bought her an album, Lonely Runs Both Ways, by Alison Krauss. Spencer had said it was a reminder, that every time Ashley listened to it at college she would know Spencer was thinking of her. After the fight Ashley didn't want any such reminder. In fact, she had never listened to it until now.

As the music filled her room, she sat back on the bed and with another long sip from the bottle, let the booze fill her body. She began to feel warm again as the alcohol filled the emptiness. Her mind began to wander into dangerous territories of loss and hatred.

A sudden crack of thunder made her jump, pulling her thoughts from the endless abyss. Rain started to pour through her open window and begrudgingly she went to close it. That was when she noticed the figure outside, staring up at her room. It was a figure forever burned into her memories and for a moment Ashley honestly believed she was hallucinating, her mind letting her see exactly what she hoped to see. But she ran outside anyway.

Stepping out into the rain her body was instantly chilled again. She ran up to her visitor and was met by silence, only angry blue eyes flashing up at her. Ashley's heart was beating painfully with concern and confusion. She grabbed Spencer by the shoulders and shook her gently.

"Spence! What are you doing here? It's pouring! You shouldn't be out of the hospital. This can't be helping you get any better," Ashley was rambling but she couldn't stop herself. The confusion was controlling her mouth as usual. "Spencer, what the hell? Say something! You're really freaking me out!"

Ashley didn't even realize the smack was coming until her face began to sting. She barely even had time to register it at all before Spencer's lips were on her own. The kiss was desperate and hard teeth clashing against teeth. The bite on her lip stung at the sudden pressure. Spencer hands grasped at the back of Ashley's head pulling her in even deeper and closing off any chance of escape. Not that the thought had even flashed through Ashley's mind.

Spencer's mouth tasted like strawberries and a mix of want and need much like their very first kiss. But unlike their first one which was full of hope and created sparks, this kiss created a full blown fire. This kiss was an inferno that was opening beneath Ashley and threatening to swallow her whole. Just when the world was beginning to spin around, making everything right again, Spencer pulled away and began to walk towards the open door.

"I'm getting mixed signals here," she breathed to the retreating back.

Spencer stopped and gave Ashley an unreadable look over her shoulder. "Welcome to the state you put me in. Both of those things I've wanted to do to you for a long time. Now I'm going to find some dry clothes. Then we talk. Then we find closure," the blonde finished as she entered the house.

Ashley pinched herself hard still uncertain as to the validity of situation she found herself. She looked up into the falling the rain and closed her eyes. Her body felt rejuvenated in a way that only Spencer's lips had ever done. Her own lips were still vibrating at the memory of only a few seconds ago. Wrapping her arms around her body Ashley allowed herself to feel hope for the first time in a long time.

Now we find closure, she repeated to herself.