Disclaimer: I don't own. 'Tis true. I swear.

Author's Note: There is one more chapter after this. I might have to get mushy in that author's note.

Part 8

Eventually the storm had passed and produced a relatively clear night for L.A. The lights, both natural and neon, created awkward shadows that stretched across the room reaching to remove all comfort and warmth. The only thing that seemed to be well lit was the girl lying on the bed whose slow breathing indicated a deep sleep. Spencer was envious.

She sat in the darkest corner of that room and watched the rise and fall of Ashley's chest, her heart aching to curl up next to her again. Instead she rubbed her cold arms remembering the feeling of Ashley holding her as she cried. They had continued to dance even after the music stopped reveling in each others warmth and the safety the moment provided. Neither could bring themselves to break the spell.

But a moment spent on borrowed time always comes to a quick and bitter end. Though neither had spoken since before the dance the air changed quickly. They'd lain on opposite sides of the bed staring into each other's eyes in silence until eventually Ashley's closed at last and she fell asleep.

Spencer had remained next to her watching and itching to reach out and touch the tanned cheek until finally, afraid of her own actions, she moved to the floor and as far away as she could. She was surprised to find she couldn't bring herself to just leave and go home, she wouldn't leave Ashley to wake up feeling abandoned. She knew that feeling and she wouldn't wish it on even her worst enemy, let alone Ashley. But all the same, she couldn't be in the same bed with her either. It was too easy to just forget their time apart. It was too easy to pretend none of it had actually happened. And that would be a lie.

It wouldn't be healthy to allow that, to ignore that passage of time. In reality, very little had changed since Spencer's confrontation. The stars still traveled their path in the sky. The moon still appeared for the night and as soon as it was time the sun would again rise. It was as if Spencer was trapped deep in a hole and though Ashley now stood there looking in, it didn't change where she was. Spencer felt stupid for thinking that somehow Ashley would be the one to throw the ladder down to save her. She had a journey she had to make all on her own.

Standing, Spencer stretched, reaching up towards the ceiling as if searching for whatever hand she could find to pull her out from the deep. She walked over to about a dozen cds that Ashley had left in her room, the rejects who apparently didn't make the crossover to the dorm room. Spencer remembered the first time she had seen the brunette's extensive collection as she ran her finger over those remaining, looking for something useful.

"Wow. I think the question isn't what music do you have but rather what music don't you have," Spencer asks with a laugh. She looks over at her new friend who just laughs right along with her.

"What can I say? My tastes span the spectrum. You have to have the right song for every mood."

Spencer thinks that through as her finger runs across all the titles. She's no musical slouch but finds she doesn't recognize half the names.

"How do you even have time to listen to all of them?" she questions.

"Because I listen to music whenever possible, Spence. It's my way to communicate, with others, with myself, it doesn't matter. The right song can clear my mind when I'm confused. It can answer questions you haven't even been able to formulate yet. It makes me feel less alone because someone wrote what I was feeling down and recorded it. Someone else gets it. So, I listen to it all, because I'll never know when I'll need it."

Spencer grins at the impassioned speech. It's a new side of this girl and she's intrigued. She finds herself drawn to the beauty, wanting to know all she can about her life, her feelings, her likes and dislikes. She wants to see the passionate side of Ashley.

Ashley is watching her struggle with her feelings, so she begins to speak again. "Don't worry, someday you'll realize how important the notes can be. There's always the right song for whatever situation you find yourself."

Reaching blindly into the mix Spencer pulls out one of the cds. "Let's listen to this one now."

"Good choice," Ashley grins as she takes it from Spencer's hand. Her touch lingers for a moment, an occurrence that has been happening more frequently as of late. Spencer's unable to catch her breath the rest of the day as the song fills the room and Ashley leads her through the melody and rhythm until together they reach a new level of understanding within the music.

Eventually Spencer's finger stopped at a cd that will work. She placed it into the player after gently removing the album she had given Ashley. Her hands shook with the memories of the emotions behind the gift. She traced the perfect circle with her thumb before she broke it in half with a loud snap. Ashley could always buy a new one if she really wanted. The pieces went in the trash and a pair of nearby headphones went on her ears as she skipped right to the song she wanted.

May it be an evening star shines down upon you

Spencer's eyes closed with the first note. The voice lifted her up and she longed for another way to experience the music. She wished she could taste it, she wished she could feel it wrap around her like a warm blanket to shelter her from the cold. Despite its limitations the song worked the way she wanted. The confusion that rattled in her very core dispersed as the instruments relaxed her.

For the first time in a long time she felt a flicker of hope. Opening her eyes to look again at the body in the bed she felt a tear fall down her cheek, following a path down onto her lips where she caught the salty traitor with her tongue.

The song began again as Spencer began a mental repeat, rewriting the past in her mind. She knew now that the break up was inevitable. Too many forces were working against them at the time. But there were things she wished she could change. She was again standing at a punch bowl at a random party as Ashley approached her. This time when asked how she's doing she answered in truth, nothing holding her back because this time she knew the pain of the other path.

"I'm still in love with you," Spencer should have answered. She said it out loud in the bedroom, testing it in her mouth, letting it roll around and make itself comfortable on her tongue.

She stopped the music and stood to stretch again. She followed the path of a shadow to the bed. As gently as she could she laid back down on it, facing Ashley. Almost immediately the older girl's eyes opened and stared back into her own. Spencer really wasn't that surprised but she spoke anyway.

"You're awake."

"I woke up the minute you left my side," Ashley admitted rolling onto her back.

Spencer nodded in understanding. She laid her head on Ashley's shoulder and reached down to intertwine their hands holding on tightly. She listened to Ashley's strongheart beat speed upbecause of her touchbefore speaking again.

"Yes, so did I."