Chapter VI:

Seeing Ghosts

I was only standing in front of his bed for a few minutes before he started to stir. He looked up at me and jumped back against the tent in fear; he was literally shaking. His face contorted into the biggest anguish filled expression I had ever seen. He shook his head a few times like he didn't believe that what he was seeing was real. "P-P-Paine?" He whispered, his voice shaking.

I continued to stare at him for a few more seconds for dramatic effect. "You did this to me, Baralai," I said simply, never breaking eye contact with him. "You did this to me."

He shook his head, sending strands of his white hair flying about his face. "No, I'd never do something like this to you."

"That's not what I mean, you idiot! This is what I look like on the inside, Baralai. You killed me on the inside."

"No, Paine, I didn't mean it! I tried to stop! I swear I did!" He exclaimed, getting on his hands and knees on the bed.

"Bullshit!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. All the months of pent up frustration had finally taken its toll and I realized that this is the conversation I should have had with him after this all started. "If you tried to stop then why did you keep doing it every weekend for almost seven months? My baby is dead because of you! How could you, Baralai? How could you? I thought you loved me."

Tears began streaming down Baralai's face and he buried his head into the sheets. "No, no, no!" He whispered over and over again, his voice filled with anguish. I fought off the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. I had never seen him so broken before in my life. I just couldn't believe that it took an elaborate hoax to make him open his eyes. I turned and tried to leave the lodge as quickly and quietly as I could but he heard me. "No, wait!" He screamed frantically.

My heart jumped and began to race as I heard him come after me. He was fast but I was hoping in his compromised state that he would be a little bit slower. I bolted out of the lodge and jumped back inside the bush that I had just left mere minutes ago, holding my breath and staying very still. Baralai came running out of the lodge a few seconds later and looked around wildly before losing his balance and collapsing to his knees. He mumbled incoherently and pounded the ground with his fist, sobs racking his frame. All of a sudden I saw the old Baralai, the Baralai that I had married, and my chest constricted painfully. I wanted so much to go to him but I knew that I couldn't. Once he calmed down he got back to his feet and staggered back into the lodge, his sobs ringing in my ears.

I waited a few more minutes to make sure he wasn't going to change his mind and go to Rikku and Gippal's hut before I circled around the outside edge of town again and came in their back door. Gippal was sitting in front of the TV while Rikku was in the kitchen cooking something. Gippal got up and came toward me once he saw me walk in.

"Well?" He asked, a large smirk on his face. "How'd it go?"

Hearing Gippal, Rikku came running out of the kitchen. "Yeah, tell us! Tell us!"

I sighed and fought the temptation to scratch the left side of my face. "It went better than I thought. Baralai totally broke down and when he first saw me I swear he almost jumped right out of his skin." I paused for a second and sighed. "How long are we going to keep this charade going anyways?" I wasn't sure I could take much more.

Gippal looked at Rikku for a few seconds before looking back at me. "Maybe for only a few more days. We need to give Baralai enough time to really realize what he's done. Depending on if he comes back tonight we might just tell him. I think we've scared him shitless enough already."

I rolled my eyes and settled down into a chair. "I think that's an understatement."

"Did he go back to sleep after you left?" Gippal asked, sitting back down on the couch.

"I don't know, but if I was him I wouldn't be able to sleep for a week. He might be coming back here any time. Is Jordan still in Rylee's room?"

Gippal nodded. "Yeah, he actually fell asleep next to Rylee. I'm pretty sure they haven't woken up."

"Well, what do you want me to do?" I asked, getting up. "Should I take a shower and get all this shit off my face or sit around and let it harden?"

"Why don't you go ask Wakka and Lulu if you can use their shower? If Baralai comes and hears the shower running he's gonna figure something is up. Why don't you bring Jordan along with you? Just to be safe," he suggested.

I nodded and started to walk into Rylee's room. Before I opened the door I heard Jordan start to cry. I sighed in relief. "Right on time," I muttered as I stepped inside.

Rylee was sitting up holding Jordan tightly in her small arms and trying to calm him down as I approached her crib. When she saw me her eyes got wide and she opened her mouth to scream but I quickly clamped my hand over her mouth. "No, Rylee, it's okay. It's not real. It's only make-up."

She relaxed and I took my hand away from her mouth. She gripped Jordan and gently held him up for me. I took him into my arms and ruffled Rylee's golden blonde head before walking back into the living room. Gippal was once again stationed in front of the TV. "Rylee's up so she might be wandering out here pretty soon."

Gippal looked at me and nodded. "Alright, if Baralai comes by we'll lock the back door so you don't accidentally walk in."

"Sounds good to me."

I turned around and walked out the backdoor, making my way into Wakka and Lulu's hut very quickly so, if by some chance, Baralai was on his way to talk to Gippal and Rikku, he wouldn't see me. I gripped the doorknob of Wakka's back door and gently twisted it and sank inside.

A light came on in the hallway and it felt like my heart would jump out of my chest and start doing cartwheels around me. Once my initial shock faded and I calmed down, I realized Lulu was the one that turned the light on. I relaxed considerably. "Oh, it's you. Gippal and Rikku told me to come over here."

She nodded, the beads in her hair softly clinking together. "Yes, you can go ahead and get cleaned up. I'll take care of Jordan." She extended her arms towards me so she could take him.

I happily handed him over and walked into the bathroom once she showed me where it was. The make-up on my face was beginning to dry and harden, making it almost unbearably itchy. Getting it off of my face would be a very, very big relief.

I got in the shower and went to town on getting all the make-up off of my face. By the time I was finished the rag I had been using was completely covered and I was pretty sure that Lulu wouldn't be able to use it for anything anymore. The rest of the make-up was much easier to get off.

I made sure to get all the gunk out of my hair then got out and redressed. I checked my face again before walking out of the bathroom. Now that all the make-up was gone my skin felt weird without it. When I walked out of the bathroom I saw Vidina sitting on the floor with Jordan, helping him build a small mountain of blocks while Lulu sat on the couch watching them. She looked up and smiled at me, motioning to a chair across from her.

"Did you enjoy your shower?" She asked, sitting back and folding her arms over her stomach.

I nodded, running my fingers through my still wet hair. "Yes, very much. Thank you."

"You can stay here for a little before you go back to Gippal's," she said, getting up from the couch. "Until then would you like something to eat?"

I shook my head and waved my hand as if to swat a fly. "I don't think I'll be able to eat anything until all of this between Baralai and I is cleared up."

She nodded and returned to the couch. "Paine, I may not know you very well, but I feel like we're very much alike. If there's anything you need to talk about you can come to me."

I smiled. "Thanks, Lulu. I'll remember that."

Wakka walked into the living room and joined Lulu on the couch. "Well, Paine do ya think that Baralai'll come to his senses?"

I shrugged and leaned back into the cushions of the chair. "I hope so."

"Hey, well don't get down. I'm sure he'll come around. That boy couldn't keep his eyes off of ya when ya got married, ya?" Wakka said, trying to cheer me up.

"I hope he does too." I looked up at the ceiling and sighed before getting up. "Well, I'm going to go check if Baralai went back over there."

Lulu nodded. "Okay, Jordan can stay here with us."

I leaned down and gave my baby a kiss on the cheek before creeping out the back door. I snuck toward Gippal's back door and softly turned the doorknob, sighing in relief at finding it locked. I peeked around the side of the house and crawled toward the living room window, hoping that it would be open. I pressed my head against the wall and strained my ears to hear anything.

"You have to believe me!" I heard Baralai's exasperated voice. "I really did see her! She blamed me for her death!"

"Okay, okay, Lai," Gippal said, trying to calm him down. "Now just start at the beginning. Tell us what happened after Rikku and I left."

"Well," Baralai started, taking a deep breath. "I was trying to get some sleep but I heard someone walk in. At first I thought it was the owner coming to check on things but then I heard them stop in front of the bed. I opened my eyes and when I saw her I swear I almost had a heart attack. She blamed me for her death. She said that if I would have treated her better she wouldn't be dead."

No one spoke for a while and for a second I thought that they were going to spill it. "Well, what are you going to do now Baralai?" Rikku asked, still playing her part very well.

"I don't know. I don't want to return to Bevelle until I regain my composure."

"How much time will you need?" Gippal asked, trying to figure out how many days we had.

Baralai was silent. "I don't want to burden any of you. I'm going to leave in the morning." I heard a chair's legs scrape across the floor. "Oh, and don't let Paine's death get out. I don't think I could handle it seeing those pictures of her all over the news."

"No problem, Lai," Gippal replied, getting up as well. "But don't you think you're going to have to tell someone when you get back to Bevelle? They'll want to know what happened to her."

"You're right, but I'll address that when it comes up. I don't want to return to Bevelle and have everyone come and talk to me about it. I don't think I'll be able to handle that."

"Well, get back to the Crusader's Lodge and get some sleep if you can. I'll drop by later and see how you're doing."

"Thanks again, Gippal."

"Don't mention it."

Gippal opened the door for Baralai and I scurried behind the house. I stuck my head around the corner and watched Baralai trudge back to the lodge before I returned to Wakka and Lulu's hut.