Chapter 94:
Anna was singing alone with the CD as they flew down the interstate in Nate's convertible. She hadn't taken anything for the pain since they had left Chicago. She knew that if she needed it Nate had it safely hidden away all she had to was ask him for it. Her head was finally clear and she was feeling pretty good all things considered.
"I'm here with out you baby you're still on my lonely mind i think about you baby and I dream about you all the time, I'm here with out you baby you still with my in my dreams and tonight it's only you and me yeah these miles just keep rolling as the people weave their way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go, go oh yeah yeah." She couldn't help but think about him while she was singing. Maybe she should call home and let them know she was just taking some time off to recover from everything, but he said that he didn't want to do this anymore, that he didn't want to be her friend.
She wasn't going to call him, she needed to get away from it all and find someway not to have him in the front of her mind all the time. She didn't regret leaving, maybe the way that she left. If and when he ever wanted to talk then he'd call. She doubted that she was even missed yet. She looked at Nate as she turned down the radio, "tell me Nate, is there still that opening for a doctor on the mountain dew team?" She asked.
"Why do you ask now Anna, you told me a long time ago that you wouldn't want a job taking care of me every time I cracked my head open on the slopes."
She looked at him, "well I might need a job after this, taking care of you and Matt and Ben wouldn't be all that bad. What are you up to 4 or 5 concussions for the season now?" She laughed.
"Hey now Gabby, that's enough of that, I have only had one this year."
Doug rubbed his face. Anna better make sure she was in today. He didn't want her to loose her job. Against his better judgment he picked up the phone and dialed her house number. Surprised when he got the machine Doug left a rather scattered message. "Hey...Anna it's ...well it's Doug. I just wanted to let you know that Weaver really expects you to come in today and talk...and see Dr. Myers. Ummm so please do." he hung up the phone and wondered why she wasn't there. It was fairly early still. He shook it from his head and grabbed a chart to have something to do.
Anna looked out as they were getting closer it was 813 miles from Chicago to Norfolk. They had a little over 500 down now. She looked at Nate a minute, "hey why don't we go into Washington D.C. and see some of the site, you know visit the Washington Memorial, maybe see the White House. It's not like we are in a big hurry are we. I mean we are right here."
Nate looked at her, "are you sure you want to do that. I mean don't we have a job that we have to get you back to."
Anna thought about it for a minute. "Yeah I really do want to do it. I love my job Nate, but I just need a break ya know. It's all I've been doing for the past 5 years. Work, work and more work. I buried myself thinking that if I did nothing but that I could escape the real world...but right now I want to live in the real world, it's time that I stop using my job as an excuse not to live life to it's fullest. When and if I go back, I'll deal with Doug and Kerry then, and the fall out from my absence."
Nate turned serious on her," Gabby look seriously I'm worried about you. You've never talked like that, about walking away from your job, what's really going on with you?"
"I know things got out of control. Justin should know someone on base that I can talk to." She said as she ran her hands thru her hair, "As much as I hate them, I need help. I never thought that I would ever say this, especially after what I went thru with Max, Nate I have a problem, things got ugly and I tried to deal with it with drugs. When I get things settled down I'm going to start going back to the NA meetings again. I have to get control back of my life and until I can do that I won't be practicing medicine anywhere. I think no you know I know that I lost my best friend because of this." Anna looked at her phone for a minute. Calling him crossed her mind, but she thought that he probably didn't want to hear her voice right now.
"You'll find your way back kiddo." Nate said, "You know that Justin and I will help you get thru this, you just got lost, but I'm right here beside you and we'll get you back. Everything is going to be all right doc gabby; you've never not been able to bounce back."
"I know it's just going to take some time." She said as she sat back watching the interstate fly by them. It didn't take them long to make there way into DC and soon where seeing the sights acting like a couple of goofy tourists. Anna was having fun as they acted like a couple of kids. They grabbed a bit to eat while they were in DC, before they hit the highway. Another 6 hours and they would be in Norfolk.
Kerry got the call from Dr. Meyers telling her that Anna hadn't been in the office today for the appointment that Kerry had set up for her. There was something up with Anna, Kerry hoped that it was something serious. Maybe she had overslept; after all she probably needed it. When she did show up Kerry would take the time and talk to her before she made a decision whether or not to fire her. Kerry hung up the phone and went back to work.
One long shift later Doug was ready to go home. No real peds traumas had happened but he had helped out with some adults. He sighed as he packed up his things and headed out. He called Lynn on his way home. "Hey...just wondering if maybe you had changed your mind about not being able to go out tonight. I can offer you a real date." She agreed to meet him for a late dinner so Doug went home to get ready. His heart sank again as he checked his messages and none were from Anna. He felt really bad that he had just left her, but he had called her and left her a message. If she wanted to see him she would call, if not then he knew that their relationship had really ended. Doug dressed casually and went out to meet Lynn at a nearby restaurant. He was there early but decided to order a drink anyway. After taking some of his back medication he sat there at the table and waited for his date to show.
Anna was happy when they finally pulled into Norfolk. She was excited to see her brother finally after several months. They pulled into his apartment complex and went inside. Anna, Justin, and Nat talked for awhile as Anna explained everything that had happened. He thought that it might be best if she saw a friend of his and set them up to meet in the morning. Before they all climbed into the car and headed over a bar to eat and drink.
Anna hounded Justin with questions about what it was like to be overseas. She was just happy to be with family right now. Thoughts of Chicago far from her head. It was still early when they got back from the bar. Anna and Justin sat outside on the steps to his apartment talking. Nate had gone inside. She was comfortable talking to him.
Justin looked at her as they stood up to go inside, "Anna, he's your friend, you should at least let him know that you're okay, well not okay but, you know what I mean. He's probably worried about you."
Anna shrugged her shoulders as she walked in and headed for the bedroom, "I'm not going to argue with you. You're probably right. I'll call him." She didn't know what to say, but she knew that she couldn't just leave things the way they were. She dialed his house number, after getting his machine; she listened to his voice waiting for the recording to end, "I'm sorry. Look I'm not in Chicago anymore. I don't know if or when I am going to come back. I know that I've hurt you more than I wanted to. I'm not okay but I will be. Call me if you want to, if not I completely understand." She hung up the phone.
He was probably moving on with his life anyway. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was probably the last person that he wanted to talk to. Maybe it was better that she hadn't left a message. She got ready for bed after not sleeping much the last night. Justin and Nate were sleeping out in the living room giving her the bed. The privies of being the baby sister. She laid her head down on the pillow. She half listened to them as she tried to fall asleep she knew that they were talking about her, but she wasn't going to let it bother her. After all they were just worried about her and what had happened. Hell, even she had to admit she was worried about it. She couldn't get to sleep no matter how hard she tried. It was going to be another long night and she had no one to keep her company. She had talked Nate's ear off and she was sure that he was dead tired; the snores coming from the other room confirmed that suspicion. She thought about calling him again. She looked at the clock on by the bed, the flashing numbers on Justin's clock said almost 10. The night was going to pass fast enough for her.
Doug talked with Lynn for a long time. They never really ordered anything to eat. She confessed to him that she had already eaten and he didn't have much of a hunger anyways. He really decided that he liked her. They had a lot in common and she was actually bright. Their night ended like it usually did, with some flirting but nothing more. Doug didn't want to make a mistake and take this too quickly. He dropped her off at her house and walked her to the door this time. "Thanks for going out again..." he smiled.
"You're a pretty sweet man. I would go out anytime." she said as she smiled. She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before going inside.
Doug was glowing. Someone really was interested in him that he could see himself with for longer than a week. Doug made his way home smiling all the way. He walked in and listened to his messages. Anna's was the very last. He stood there thinking. He was mad and happy for her at the same time. It was good she was getting away to fix things but mad that she left without telling him, and left things like that. He just got ready for bed. He didn't want to talk to her...well that's what he told himself. After a quick shower and his meds Doug sat in his bed starring at his phone. He slowly dialed the numbers and hit send. He didn't know what he was going to say but he needed to call her back. They needed to talk.
Anna heard her phone ring, damn it she had left it in the other room. She got off the bed and stumbled as she reached for it, stepping on someone.
As she flipped it open from the floor came her brother's booming voice, "God damn it Gabby that's my head."
"Sorry Justin," She said looking at the floor, "uh hello?"
Doug was surprised to hear the commotion in the background. It threw him off and he lost his words. He wished he had something planned to say. "Uhhh hey Anna. It's Doug. This a bad time?"
"No, uh it's okay." She said her eyes trying to find the rest of her sleeping brother stretched out on the floor so that she wouldn't step on any more of him as she made her way back to the bedroom. "I stepped on Justin, he'll live I couldn't see him in the dark."
"You're staying with a guy?" Doug asked. He didn't want the jealousy to come out in his voice. As much as he wanted to move on he'd always be jealous if Anna was seeing someone.
"Well yeah you could say that, actually two of them, but Justin and Nathan are my brothers Doug." She replied, "so it's not like I'm staying with a guy guy."
"Ahh i see" he said grinning. "Well i got your message. I guess you didn't get mine at your house...what's going on? Where are you?"
"Uh no, I can't get my messages right now. Not much is going on just catching up with my brothers. "She said as she pushed the door shut and sat down on the bed."Nate asked if I wanted to take a road trip and well ya know spur of the moment kind of thing, we stopped by DC on the way down took in some sights," Anna realized that she was dancing around the real question he was asking of what was going on. "I'm in Norfolk Virginia right now." Admitting that she was in trouble was hard enough to do to Nate, she wasn't sure if she could admit it to him as well.
Doug was irritated but knew he shouldn't give her the fifth degree over the phone. "Thanks for the heads up...me being your boss and all. Kerry Weaver is not only going to have your ass but mine too. You know I'm understaffed now right?" he was making sure he wasn't yelling but his tone was harsh. "You know when you'll be back?"
She leaned back on the bed; she could sense that he was irate with her. She didn't want him to hate her in the end, it was better to just come out and be honest with him. "I don't know, end of the week maybe. I know that you are understaffed and I'm sorry, but... I. I'm in trouble, I'm in over my head Doug, I guess what I am trying to say, is that I have a problem, I abused those pain meds and I know it."
"Yeah I know. It just pissed me off I couldn't help you, but Anna there are people you can see in Chicago. You can't just blow off everything and not tell people where you are going...I...I was worried about you." Doug promised himself he wouldn't get emotionally attached again, not to her, but he could feel himself getting sucked back in.
"Nate was just trying to help." She said, "Justin had just gotten back into the states and thought that if I could see him it might open my eyes a little more. And I know there are people in Chicago who can help...it's just that I needed away from there." She wasn't sure how to explain it, "but if this has caused too much trouble I'd understand it really if you have to replace me, I'm sure Weaver will find a reason to fire me now."
"No she won't" he said flatly. He didn't want to apologize to her. It wasn't his place, not this time. But he didn't know what to do to fix their friendship. The silence made him uncomfortable as he searched for something to say. "I'm glad you're getting help though. I was kind of worried the way we left things."
"No if anyone should be sorry it's me." She said trying hard now not to cry. "All you were trying to do was be my friend and all I could try to do was try and push you away. And I succeeded. I should have just talked to you but I couldn't. It's still hard to talk about it; it's hard to even think about it. It's just going to take some time for me to get over all of this. I'll know that I can find my way back, but I know it's going to take some time."
"Yeah..." he whispered."It's just going to take a little more than sorry to..." he had to break off his sentence. His trust was broken with her and it hurt to think of it like that. "It's just...I'm a little more sensitive to getting hit then other guys. I know i shouldn't be but i can't help it. Don't think that i don't ever want to talk to you again; I'm just a little raw still. But i didn't mean what i said when i was through with you. It's going to take some time but I'm not throwing away out friendship. I'll drive myself insane thinking about you. Just make sure you let me know what's going on ok?"
"Just listen to me for a minute," Anna said taking in a deep breath of air, "I know that it is going to take more than saying I'm sorry. What I did was inexcusable. I have a long way to go, and the road isn't going to be easy. I don't expect to be forgiven for this. I'll let you know what's going on. I'm meeting with someone in the morning to talk and start to work things out. I'm going to start going to the NA meeting again, but I want you to know that I haven't taken anything since I left Chicago." This wasn't easy for her and she knew that it was probably even harder on him, "I needed to get out of there, clear my head, and not be around everything that was reminding me of everything that I have lost." Oh please don't let him take that the wrong way, "I've broken your trust in me, and it's up to me to find the way to earn that back." The conversation was getting to deep for her, "look go on, go out find yourself a beautiful, intelligent, woman who knows how to cook. I know that there's someone out there in Chicago who would treasure you. You deserve to be happy and as your friend that's all I want for you. You are and always be my best friend, but until I can learn to love myself again, I will never have a lasting relationship. And I don't know how long that's going to take. I know that I don't have the right to ask you, and it's probably not fair of me too, all I want right now is for you to be patient with me, give me the chance to try to figure this out on my own, be just my friend, please." She ran her hand under her eyes, trying her hardest to keep the emotions from showing thru the telephone.
Doug sat there silent for a minute or two not quite sure what to say. He wanted so much to tell her everything was fine and it would all be good when she got home but he couldn't make himself do it. "Alright Anna...we'll talk about it more when you get back. This conversation shouldn't be done over the phone. Just don't be gone too long. I can only promise you your job for a limited amount of time. But I'm glad things are going better. Talk to you soon." He hung up before she had a chance to say anything more. He wasn't sure he was being very objective on the situation and didn't want to say anything stupid. He leaned against the backboard of his bed and took a deep breath. Their conversation hadn't brought him good feelings, but he knew it wouldn't. It was going to be a long night.