The Streets Of Heaven

(Chapter Eighteen)

The first thing I can recall, about being dead, is the cliched "Golden Gates of Heaven". There was an elderly gentleman, whom I took to be Saint Peter was ushering people or souls into what appeared to be Heaven.

I waited my turn in the line of souls it wasn't an especially long line, so soon enough it was my turn.

I stopped in front of the elderly man and asked, "Please, sir could you tell me, am I dead?"

"Yes, you are dead little one. These are the Gates of Heaven. Welcome and find the peace you have earned, Miss Rebecca Lindsey."

"Are you Saint Peter?" I asked curious to know if I was right.

"Yes, child I am. Now step through and enter paradise." Saint Peter instructed me.

"Thank you." I said as I did as I was told.

From somewhere far away I heard, "You are most graciously welcome, little one. There should be more like you. Few people ever think to use such language after they arrive here."

"How odd, I mumbled, you'd think Heaven would be the place one would remember their manners most."

I walked down what looked like an old country road for a little way, at the end of it I found myself where I had started in this world at the Black Falls with its Pool.

I looked around and it felt so natural for me to be here. It was calm, inviting, and filled with a peace that I had never known. Yet somehow, even though this was Heaven, it was not the Paradise I thought it would be.

"Welcome to Paradise, Rebecca. Tell me how are you enjoying the eternal peace that surrounds you?" a soft calm voice said to me.

I turned from where I'd been standing and saw the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.

"Who are you?" I asked softly.

"I am the angel Joshua; I am the angel who hears the Lord and who the Lord speaks through." the angel Joshua said to me.

"Oh, does God want something with me?" I asked politely.

"Yes child, our father wishes to offer you a gift." Joshua told me.

"Why would God wish to give me a gift? I'm not anything special." I returned.

"WHO ARE YOU TO DETERMINE WHAT THE LORD OF HEAVEN DEAMS SPECIAL OR NOT?" Joshua's voice deepened and thundered at me.

My eyes grew large, I felt very frightened, and I cringed away from Joshua. The angel looked at me and the peace that had been in the air in Heaven's version of the Black Falls had vanished.

"I am told I must ask you're forgiveness child, it is not mine to reprimand you." Joshua said to me in his normal tone.

Though still a little frightened I took a deep breath, curious since I was dead and didn't need to breathe, steadied myself, and said, "I thought it was the Lord's place to grant forgiveness, but I hold nothing against you if that helps, Joshua."

"Our father is pleased with your response child and I am honored by your reply. Heaven is a beautiful place, here you may have whatever you wish." Joshua informed.

"Can I have Cas here with me? He has been seeking God and it would make him happy to be back in Heaven." I asked.

"No, sweet girl. You ask for something that is not possible, the Lord has work for Castiel to do though the angel is unaware of it." Joshua told me.

"Can I see my family?" I requested trying for something easier.

"Yes, you can do that. Look into the pool, this place was designed by you and brought into being by the Lord, this is your Heaven you know, but look, look into the pool and you will see the family you are wishing for." Joshua told me.

I gazed into my Heaven's version of the Black Falls Pool and saw...Bobby, this was unexpected, I had asked to see family and thought I would see Mam-maw, Pop, and Mother.

I turned back to the angel and said with confusion in my voice, "I don't understand. I wanted to see family, why are you showing me, Bobby?"

"In the deepest part of your heart, you were longing to, just once, see the father you have never known. He is family, you are half of him, he is a part of you." Joshua told me.

"Bobby is my dad? Oh, I wish I had known sooner." I softly cried sinking to my knees full of the knowledge that I would never be able to now be his daughter.

"Why do you despair Rebecca? Are you not happy with this knowledge? Did you not already love Robert Singer as a child to a parent? This news was not meant to make you unhappy, there is never that in Heaven, I believe you are the first." Joshua asked confused by my response to The Father's gift.

"I'm sorry, please tell the Lord that I am grateful for his gift. I grew up without him and now to know and not be with him feels cruel to me. I know it is wrong, but it seems even in death I am still such a mess." I humbly explained.

"But dear Rebecca this is not the Lord's gift to you, only knowledge freely given meant to bring you peace. Our Father says you are forgiven, he knows your failings and grants them openly. This place is meant to be a paradise for you, so you may watch over those you hold most dear and wait to be with them again." Joshua told me.

I looked at Joshua with threatening tears in my eyes and said, "Heaven will never be a paradise for me without the people I love."

To which Joshua returned, "You mean without Dean Winchester."

"Yes, Dean is who I was chiefly thinking of. I also meant Sam, Bobby, Cas, Jo, Ellen, my grandparents, Kyle, and my mother to though." I admitted honestly because let's face it lying to the angel who speaks directly to God ain't gonna work.

"Then here is the gift the Lord wishes to give you, know that you can turn it down without fear of judgment if that is your wish. Rebecca Annette Lindsey daughter of Robert David Singer and Alyssa Renee Lindsey, you are granted leave to return to Earth and resume your former life among the people you cherish." Joshua intoned in a voice I was certain was not his own.

"A second chance, thank you sincerely for everything I am thank you, but I don't understand what I have done to obtain such a gift." I gratefully sobbed softly.

"Rebecca, you came to this new life three and a half months ago with no real understanding of what was happening or why. Even so, you loved the people who came into your new life freely without reservation or condition. You kept faith in the teachings of a beloved grandmother who did her best to show you the way. This is your reward, this is all the understanding that can be granted to you." Joshua intoned yet again.

Somewhere in the depths of me, I knew I was now speaking to the Lord God himself. I was humbled and awed by this knowledge. All that seemed left to do was to either accept this huge gift I had been given or chose to stay in this place that had been made in Heaven just for me.

"Please, do not think I am ungrateful for this beautiful Heaven that I have been granted, but I will accept your generous gift of returning to Earth. To my dad, Dean, Sam, Cas, and the rest of the people I love who are still among the living." I accepted the gift I had been given.

"As you wish, dearest child. You will be allowed one further thing and that is the choice of the location you will be in when you return to earth." Joshua said sounding like himself again.

I knew where I wanted to be, but I also knew it may not be possible as the cravings on Dean's ribs kept him from being found by any angel in creation.

"Please, can you put me where Dean is?" I requested.

"It is not in you to ask for things that can be easily granted is it little one? I cannot put you exactly where Dean Winchester is, but I can put you where Castiel is and from there he must be your guide to Dean Winchester." Joshua smiled indulgently at me.

"Yes, yes, please. I will be more than grateful for whatever you can manage. Thank you." I agreed easily and with no little gratitude.

"You are most welcome, dear one, and good luck. I hope your choice brings you all the happiness you seek. Good-bye." Joshua bade me farewell.

"Goodbye, and thank you and the Lord for everything," I replied gratefully.

There was no blinding white flash this time. One moment I was in Heaven receiving saying goodbye to Joshua. The next moment I am standing in a floaty lacy strapless pale pink baby doll dress and barefoot (I guess they don't believe in shoes in Heaven) at the bottom of what appeared to be the Eiffel Tower.

"Cas?!" I called in an uncertain tone.

A moment later Cas was standing right in front of me, his eyes widened, and he had the most comical dumbstruck expression that I had ever seen. I couldn't help but giggle slightly.

"Hi, Cas." I said softly as the giggles subsided.

"Rebecca? You're back, how?" Cas asked his face starting to flood with excitement.

"The same way you did after Raphael killed you and the same way Dean and Sam ended up on that plane after Sam opened Lucifer's cage." I replied easily.

"God?" Cas asked.

"Yes, God. I also met Joshua in case you're interested." I smiled in reply.

Cas, for the first time since I had known him, grinning like a Cheshire cat. In two swift strides, separating the distance between us, Cas grabbed my waist lifted me up, and twirled me around. I laughed and hugged him tightly as he set my bare feet back on the ground.

We both smiled brilliantly as we pulled back from the embrace.

"Dean will be very happy to see you, Rebecca." Cas claimed.

"Dean will probably think that I am either a demon or a shapeshifter before he has time to be happy to see me Cas. So I'm counting on you to keep him from killing me again." I replied in an uncharacteristically (for me) serious tone.

"Don't worry Rebecca, I will not allow Dean to send you back to Heaven." Cas returned just as serious.

"Good, now do me the favor of calling him up, finding out where he is, and taking me to him. Please Cas?" I asked ready to beg if need be.

"At once if you wish, Rebecca." Cas agreed.

Cas flipped open his cell phone and dialed Dean's number after a moment or two (which felt like a lifetime to me) Dean answered.

"Dean, where are you?" Cas asked.

A reply came from the other end of the phone.

"There is something you should be aware of." Cas said in response to whatever it was.

Dean had said on the other end of the phone

"No, you need to see this." Cas now said looking at me.

Dean said something that made Cas frown and looked pained for his friend on the other end of the phone. Whatever it was that Dean had said I hoped seeing me would help snap him out of it.

"I know you are, but trust me when I say this will help. Good-bye Dean." Cas told Dean.

Cas snapped his cell phone shut, put it in his pocket, and held his hand out to me.

I smiled at the gesture and just like a lady in a fairy tale I accepted my knight errant's hand allowing him to lead me whither we were bound.

With a quick flash of white light, we were in whatever sleazy dive of a motel Dean had chosen for him and Sam to crash in while they did a job.

But there was no Sam only Dean with a bottle of hard liquor in his hand; staring at me as if the world had ended and he couldn't understand if he were in Heaven or had been sent back to Hell.

"Becky?" Dean choked out.

"Oh, Dean-baby, what have you been doing to yourself?!" I moaned, taking the whole of him in and not liking what I saw.

"This your idea of a joke Cas?" Dean turned to Cas in a completely drunken state

"No, Dean I am not attempting to be whimsical, Rebecca is truly here; sent back from Heaven." Cas replied softly.

I walked over to Dean, even in his intoxicated state he still managed a defensive posture, like he was going to attack me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Cas tense up; ready to get in between Dean and me if this went wrong.

"Give me the bottle, Mister." I demanded softly.

"Becky?" Dean warbled drunkenly.

"Yes Dean, now give me the bottle. You don't need that shit and you look like hell." I said feeling a little angry with Dean for crawling inside a bottle.

"Helps me sleep." Dean stated taking another drink, straight from the said bottle, and only then held it out to me.

"Well, no more for you tonight, mister." I told him taking the bottle.

I turned to Cas and handed him the hard liquor.

Cas took the bottle from me and sniffed at it; he pulled a face of disgust.

"This particular alcohol smells foul and looks nothing like the drink I consumed with Ellen. It is also making Dean act strange." Cas said looking at me.

"The part that makes us act strange is exactly why we consume it, Cas. I know that sounds odd but that's how humans are. Now do me a favor and dump that foul-smelling drink, homemade liquor by the look of it, down the sink." I said to Cas.

Cas did as I requested and dumped the contents of the liquor bottle down the sink drain; much to Dean's protest.

"Sit down, Dean." Cas said in his "commanding" voice.

Dean did just that, kind of a shock if you know Dean like Cas and I do.

Cas walked over to Dean and lightly grabbed his shoulder.

I watched as his eyes seemed to clear and true comprehension appeared to return to him.

Dean was sober and not happy about it.

"Damn it Cas why did you do that?!" Dean yelled at Cas.

"Because I don't like seeing you that kind of drunk and don't yell at Cas, baby. Good grief, Dean. I was only dead for like two weeks." I answered for Cas.