This is the first of many, many new one-shots, but I don't know when I'll be able to post them all! I like this one the best and it's the shortest, so I'm going with this one first. It's in Hatsuharu's point of view and takes place after Akito pushes Rin out the window and Rin breaks up with Haru. You know that part? Anyway, the song used is 'Never Let This Go' by Paramore. Gosh I love them. So I didn't write it, and I don't own Fruits Basket either. It amuses me when people put one-shots on their alerts list, but this is a one-shot. Ha.
I'll Never Let This Go
Maybe if my heart stops beating it won't hurt this much
"So why am I here?"
I asked the question anyway, even though I already knew the answer.
"You know why."
Man, she's good.
"I don't…"
"Don't lie to me. Do you really want to lie, Haru?"
"No…" I whispered, blinking a few times and feeling like an intimidated little kid. The sight of her hurt, alone, and afraid in that bed of Hatori's guest room tugged at my heart and I couldn't stop it from hurting.
"It's not your fault," she said quickly. "We both know that. It's that stupid ass's fault! He's what's ruining everything! He always does!"
I would've agreed, but I didn't feel like saying anything at all.
And never will I have to answer again to anyone
My heart pounded in my head and we stared at each other. Just staring. We had eye contact, but there was a faraway look in her eyes that made me feel like she was looking right through me.
"What are you waiting for?" she snapped. "Go. Go on. I never want to see you again."
Her words had a choke in them.
I still just stood there, telling myself I wouldn't move.
"Go away, Haru!" she was becoming desperate. "I don't love you anymore! It's better for both of us this way!"
I don't love you anymore…!
Was she forcing her words out, or was she telling the truth?
"No," I stood strong but couldn't think of what else to say to convince her I should be here. "I won't leave."
She looked surprised.
…why did she look so surprised?
Please don't get me wrong
Because I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
"Just go," she demanded, turning onto her side with some struggle. "I don't want you here anymore."
I sat down on the edge of the bed. "…You need me here."
"No, you're wrong, idiot. Leave me alone."
The fire and ice in her words left me speechless. Afraid of the effect of my words, I just put my hand on her arm.
She turned around and slapped my hand away. It stung painfully. "What's wrong with you? Are you deaf? Haru. LEAVE. Leave me alone!"
I had a feeling that words might have been easier, but I still couldn't leave. I didn't want to, and my brain wouldn't let me move. What would I do… What would I be without her?
I don't want to be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you
"Who are you?" I whispered. "What's wrong with you? Where has Rin gone?"
"I'm right here, you idiot! Nothing's wrong, okay? Nothing!"
Something was certainly wrong, but all I could do was pretend like I believed her.
"I'm not a little boy anymore," I muttered. "You don't have to keep trying to protect me like I'm a little kid."
She was the one speechless this time.
"You don't understand," she whispered barely loud enough for me to hear. "You don't understand. This is what I… we have to do. Apart, we're both safe. If we stay 'together', neither of us are."
"So that's what's wrong. You feel like you have to be Guardian Angel or something."
"No, I never said that! Nothing's wrong with me!"
One day you'll get sick of saying that everything's alright
I leaned over her so that my face was in front of hers. "Are you going to keep lying to me, Rin?"
Her eyes became a piercing glare. "Look at yourself. Trying to act like your Mr. Cool-and-Smooth. But you're not. This isn't the real you. You're never this persistent. What is it?"
"Love," I said, leaning forward and stroking my finger against her cheek.
She slapped me again once she got the hint that I was about to kiss her.
"How stupid are you?" she pushed me away and sat up. "If you really love me, then why do you want to put me in danger?"
"I don't. I want to love you and protect you, Rin, because you've been doing that for me for so long."
"Fuck off. Who do you think you are?"
And by then I'm sure I'll be pretending just like I am tonight
"I… I'm not kidding you. I'm serious, Rin. I'm not letting this go unless you give me a better reason."
"Look at me! Isn't this a good enough reason? Or do you want me hurt even more?"
She was pointing to her bandages and I shivered again.
"I'm not lying," her voice quavered. "You really can't be here."
"Is that what you want?" I asked, standing up and shoving my hands in my pockets.
"Yes!" she choked, and I wasn't sure if it was a laugh.
"And… you don't love me anymore?" I asked.
She stared me in the eye, for real this time. "I… I…"
Please don't get me wrong
Because I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
"It's over," she finished, and I felt my hands ball into fists. How could she end it after everything we've been through? How could she let Akito stand in her way? Is she afraid for me? For herself? How could she be so selfish? Didn't she wonder how I would feel?
I felt overwhelmed with questions but I couldn't say anything.
"What are you waiting for?" she choked again, and I could see that her face was streaked with tears. "I don't want you to see me cry."
"And why are you crying?"
"…Because I'm making the right decision."
I don't want to be alone
But I can't find the words to tell you
"You're beautiful when you cry," I told her.
She laughed, wiping her face with the backs of her hands. "So you like making me cry?"
"Well… no…"
"Then leave, already. I'll be okay, I swear. Don't worry about me. Just… go on."
I cupped my hand under her chin and stared into her glistening eyes. "One last time," I whispered. "For both of our sake's."
She didn't smile or say anything at all. I could tell she seemed reluctant, but allowed me to press my lips against hers for a final, bittersweet kiss. She pulled away but my lips found hers again and again.
Let this go…
"Out," she pushed me away and pointed to the door. "You've had your fun."
I grabbed her hands lightly and stepped back, releasing her only when it was absolutely necessary. Words caught in my throat.
"What are you waiting for?" she repeated for the millionth time. It echoed in my head.
Let this go…
"I'll never let this go," I told her. "I love you, and you can't change my mind."
"Thank you," she nodded, closing her eyes. I watched her fall asleep and slipped out of the house, holding in my anger until I could get away.
I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
That now I feel like I don't know you…