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Chapter 7

After a few minutes Natalie actually realized what she was doing, realized that he was holding her, as soon as she realized it she quickly moved herself out of his reach, she looked at him briefly with almost teary eye's and she walked to the other end of the lodge, she turned her back to him, cursed herself, 'damn me!' she told herself as she had hoped he would just ignore it, ignore what just happened, first the throwing herself on him and then the vulnerable way she fell into his arms when she heard the thunder.

John walked closer to her as she moved away from him; he knew he should just let it go, ignore it maybe but... but he couldn't, he didn't exactly know why but he couldn't and he didn't want to.

"Why are you so afraid of the thunder?" he asked her as her back was facing him, she didn't answer him for a few minutes, she was trying so hard, so hard to regain herself but the thunder, the damn thunder kept going off, it kept coming, louder, stronger.

She continued to ignore him and he stepped in front of her, he caught her eye's and she became still as their eye's lock, he noticed she didn't look away, not at first, not for a few minutes. Then she looked down at the ground, walked passed him and sat again in the wooden chair by the table.

"Ever get tired? Tired of holding up that wall around you?" he asked her and she looked at him, she wasn't sure to be mad or curious to how and why he even cared about any walls she built around herself. And how he had even realized she had a wall around her.

"Do you ever let anyone in, let anyone see, see you for who you really are?" he asked yet more questions as she didn't answer his first ones. He watched her face; she was still looking at him. 'That was a step' he thought, she hadn't turned away yet.

"How do you even know anything about my walls, why do you even care, care who I let in anyways?" she asked him after a few more minutes, she had tired so hard to just ignore him, to ignore it like she had done in the past with others, other men in particular but she just couldn't, maybe deep down inside she didn't want to, to ignore it, maybe not with him. Maybe not anymore.

When he had asked her about getting tired, tired of holding it up, he was right, she was tired of it, tired of all of it, but she knew what the alternative was, let them in, him in even and then...then something go wrong, wrong like it always did and she was left, left all alone again. 'NO! No one gets in, and no one gets to close' she told herself inside as she heard him speak.

"I can almost see your walls they are so high and...and as for why? I just don't know, I'm not sure why...why I care but for some reason, I just do." he told her and she let it down a little, just a little bit, her wall, she looked at him with teary eye's, she even moved her hand to the side of his face, what was she doing? She asked herself.

"I...I... I can't do this," she said as she ran for the bathroom door.

John watched her run, he had gotten further than he had thought he'd get, she had actually stood there, looked into his eye's and even touched his face tenderly for a minute, for a second.

He sighed, she was a mess, a big mess and he really shouldn't get involved, but the thing was... the thing was he was already involved, maybe by the second time they had sex that one night, maybe by the second chorus of moans that night, he was already involved and he didn't know how or why but he wanted to be.

John watched the door as he saw it open, she slowly opened it and came out into the room, sat down across from him and she spoke.

"We have a lot to discuss and I know I've been avoiding talking with you, I'm going to try, which is more than I've ever done with anyone, but I will try and explain why I have such a attitude at work with you, we will then put this talk, what we did those two months ago to rest, and then we will both be able to work together in peace, because, that is all I want, to be able to do my job and live my life without complications, without added drama"

"You mean without any one don't you?" he asked a bit cold almost

"No, I don't mean without anyone, I just mean, I want the same as you, all this tension between us at work, I want it to stop, and the only way I see that happening is to talk about that night, and why I've been acting the way I do towards you, so? But as for discussing my walls, there is nothing to discuss, they are my business." she told him and then asked as he shook his head for her to go ahead with the discussion, he knew that this might be the only time she opened up to him about anything, this might be the only time he got a chance to see the real her again, h shook his head, he actually thought it was progress in the right direction, she wants to talk to him, to tell him something, anything, even if it wasn't about her issues, her walls it was a start , a beginning and he knew it. He heard her start to speak and he didn't dare say another word

" I'm mad at myself for doing what we did" she said and he got taken back a bit.

"I never should have lost it like that, I never should have been drinking like that, it was a bad day and I ...I had a lapse in judgment, so I'm sorry, I guess seeing you at work just reminds me of my lapse and I take it out on you, it won't happen again, I want us to be able to work together in peace, I love my job, it is the only thing I have that is truly mine." she said without batting an eyelash, she continued to look at him as he hit her with his question.

"So you think it was a big mistake then? A lapse in better judgment?" he asked her serious like, it was actually upsetting him a bit, for her to say that night was a mistake, yeah, he told himself, a drunken one nightstand with a stranger isn't always the best thing but he did remember a point that night, a small point where they seem to no longer be strangers, at least there bodies weren't.

Natalie nodded her head to answer yes to his question, the question about it being a mistake.

"You know I would almost say it was a mistake too. I mean we were both drunk when it started off, we never exchanged names, just fluids, but by the third time round, you had more than enough opportunity to leave. You were, we both were, very much sober by then. Are you sure the sex part is the part that was a lapse, a mistake or was it the part where I actually held you as you slept for a little while that night?" He asked her and she looked shocked at his words.

She thought back to that night, she did let him hold her didn't she? She was vulnerable to him that night? Was that why she was so bent on not letting him in again? Why she was so afraid

"I...I...I'm tired" she told him and walked over to the bed, got in under the covers

"You're avoiding my questions," he told her and she didn't answer him for a few minutes as she pulled the covers up on her closer.

"I told you I was sorry about work, I explained to you why, now lets leave it alone, I'm going to sleep" she told him and closed her eye's ignoring him, he shook his head, her wall just went back up, all the way up, what little progress he thought they were making, the little bit that came down was now up and even taller this time. John heard the thunder come back again as he saw her closed eyes, she flinched a bit as she heard it.

'What was up with that' he asked himself, he walked to the other side of the bed and started to get in., he pulled the covers down.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked him as she pushed the covers he just pulled down back up.

"There's only one bed in this lodge," he told her as he yanked the covers down again and got into the bed on his side.

"No way, you can sleep in the chair," she told him and he turned on his side ignoring her and closed his eyes.

"You're crazy if you think I'm letting you sleep next to me" she told him, she started ranting a bit more but never attempted to get out of the bed, he never did either. Finally after her constant nagging for him to get out he turned to her.

"Afraid?" he asked and she got confused and angry all in one.

"Afraid to sleep next to me? Afraid to be so close? Afraid you won't be able to keep your hands off of me?" he asked her teasing a bit when he heard her mumble something about his dreams and she fell asleep.

Sometime a few hours later he felt her thrashing about, crying out in her sleep.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I shouldn't have made you worry, I shouldn't have left... I'm so sorry" she cried out in her sleep, he automatically got closer to her, he grabbed her, pulled her close and held her as she worked the bad dream out. After a few minutes she stopped, the dream stopped and she was still very much asleep, he continued to hold her, she got herself comfortable in his arms, in her sleep and he sighed.

He now knew why he cared, why he just did, for some odd reason, a reason he really didn't understand, he was falling for her and falling fast.