Emily was not having a good day, she was tired and grumpy and couldn't stop snapping at everyone. First it was Derek, a small disagreement over some paperwork that was blown way out of proportion, then it was Reid over a simple cup of coffee, he had looked so hurt though that Emily had immediately apologised, the feeling of guilt overtaking her. Next it was Rossi over some fileing and finally it was JJ who told her that she needed to stop snapping at people.
"I know your tired babe, but you're having a go at everyone, the team is walking on eggshells around you," JJ said after she had dragged Emily away from everyone and into her office,
"I'm fine, it's not my fault that they are being difficult," Emily snapped back at her girlfriend.
"Enough Em, that's not true and you know it, finish your work in here and then we're going home," JJ said frustrated. Emily opened her mouth and for a moment it looked like she was going to respond, but the look the blonde gave her, shut her up real fast and she took up her position on the floor, settling down to finish the rest of her work for the day.
When Emily and JJ had finished their work, the blonde took the paperwork out to the bullpen and grabbed the brunette's things to save everyone else from facing the rath of her girlfriend again, when she returned Emily was shuffling awkwardly on the couch,
"I have to pee Jayj," she said quietly, slightly confused Jareau turned to face the other woman,
"Okay babe, go use the bathroom and then we'll go." It was clear the brunette had heard the younger woman, but she made no move to get up from the couch.
"Em?" JJ questioned,
"I uh yeah, okay," Emily mumbled, getting up and leaving the office. Her mind was kind of foggy like it was when she was regressing and she really wanted JJ to be with her, she hurried along the corridor trying to be as quick as possible so she could get back to the blonde, when she was on the toilet, she realised that her underwear was a little damp and she sighed softly to herself, she was littler than she realised she hadn't even noticed how badly she had to go. Finishing up quickly, Emily squirmed at the uncomfortable feeling of her damp underwear, thankfully they were heading home now so she wouldn't have to wait to long change. She entered JJ's office again and saw that the blonde was ready to leave,
"Time to go home baby," JJ said handing the brunette her bag and coat.
"Thanks," she mumbled out tiredly, reaching up to rub her face. When the two entered the elevator Emily leaned into the blonde's side, automatically JJ wrapped an arm around her and that's all it took for the brunette to become completely little,
"mama," she whispered, still aware that they were at work, JJ glanced at her concerned, Emily had never slipped while they were at work though there had been a few close calls,
"It's okay love bug, we're going home," JJ reassured her girl, Emily babbled happily in response and allowed herself to be led out of the building and towards the car, the brunette was quite content until it was clear that she was going to have to sit in the back away from her mama,
"Get in pumpkin," JJ said softly, offering her hand so she could help her into the backseat,
"No," Emily whined,
"Em," JJ said, sternly but softly not wanting to draw to much attention to the two of them,
"No! no, no, no, no!" Emily whined getting louder, her feet coming down to stamp on the ground. Seeing her girl was not going to co-operate, JJ picked Emily up swiftly and dropped her in the back seat, buckling her in and quickly shutting the door. When JJ got into the driver's seat Emily wasn't crying, she was slightly shocked about what just happened and was trying to process it, but by the time they were out of the parking lot and on the road, she had processed it and then the tears started again, silent at first but then they turned into sobs and then those sobs turned into a loud wail and then Emily was punching the seat next to her and pulling at her hair,
"Emily, try and take some nice deep breathes with me," JJ called from the front seat trying to get her attention, hearing her mama's voice she looked up and caught her eyes in the mirror,
"In and out, that's it baby, in and out," the blonde soothed, happy to see that Emily was following along, JJ talked her through her breathing all the way home and when they got back JJ was quick to get out of her seat and to the brunette who instantly barrelled into the woman and clung to her like her life depended on it,
"I've got you hun, let's go inside yeah and get you some comfy clothes." Emily instantly agreed making grabby hands at her caregiver, wanting to be carried inside. The other woman obliged and carried the girl in the house and into their bedroom, she made quick work of grabbing some comfy clothes and moving to take off Emily's work clothes. The brunette blushed furiously when her underwear was taken off, they were still clearly damp and JJ had obviously seen it, however, the blonde didn't point it out, instead just moving to grab a wipe and clean her off before pulling some comfy pants onto the brunette.
When they were both changed out of their work clothes JJ said,
"Pumpkin I'm going to go make us some dinner, do you want to go play?" Emily whined unhappily at the question but was unsure how to tell JJ that she didn't want to be left alone. She stomped her foot in frustration and reached out to her mama,
"You need to talk to be baby," JJ said gently, Emily only whined again. Sighing, JJ took the girls hand and led her into the living room,
"You can play with your toys, I'll be in the kitchen," Emily watched unhappily as the blonde left. She didn't like that her mama was leaving her, why couldn't she stay with her, she just wanted her mama. It was reminding her to much of her actual childhood, her mom always left her alone. Poor Emily didn't know how to handle all these big feelings and she let out a loud cry, she dropped to the ground and started sobbing. She looked around but her mama wasn't there. Where was she? She wanted her mama! Crying she picked up one of her toys and threw it, when that didn't help, she threw another one and another one. It wasn't helping, she needed these bad feelings to go away,
"MAMA!" she screamed loudly balling her fists and hitting the ground.
JJ had heard the crying and the throwing things, but she had hoped that is she had given her girl some space she would have been able to calm herself down but at the call for her, the blonde dropped what she was doing and hurried into the living room. The sight broke her heart, Emily's face was red and there were tear tracks down her face, toys strewn across the floor, and she was crying so heard her whole body shook violently with the sobs. Dropping to her knees, JJ quickly scooped the girl into her lap, holding her close and rocking her gently back and forth,
"Its okay mama's here, I've got you mama's here," she reassured softly. It took the brunette a minute to realise she was being held and who by but when she did, she melted into the embrace her sobs turning to sniffles and her tense body relaxed.
"mama," she whined quietly, the whine was with her sad tone not angry and frustrated like it had been before. It took a while for Emily to calm down completely but when she did, JJ pulled away to look at the watery brown eyes,
"You are not having a good day are you baby?" she said gently. Emily just shook her head in response, her thumb coming up to her mouth,
"No pumpkin, thumbs are icky," the blonde said gently swatting the pale hand away. Emily's eyes watered dangerously, and JJ quickly stood up manoeuvring the brunette into her hip,
"Let's get you a pacifier, and then you can help me cook dinner," she said bouncing her a little. Emily quickly agreed and JJ carried her to the kitchen placing her down on the counter and reaching into a drawer to pull out a pacifier, she cleaned it of quickly and then popped it into the little's mouth of began to suck on it happily. Although she didn't really help with dinner, Emily was content to sit on the counter and watch her mama work, she was even better when her mama came and squeezed her knee every now and again praising her for doing such a good job even though she wasn't really doing anything.
It was after dinner and JJ had her back turned to Emily, doing the washing up. The brunette in question was sitting happily at her feet rolling one of her toy trucks, back and forth the kitchen floor. Being so deep into her headspace the brunette didn't notice how much she had to use the bathroom, and because it hadn't been ninety minutes yet and the blonde's back was turned, she didn't realise either. To Emily's horror she felt a twinge in her bladder and then it gives out completely, her pants and the floor around her becoming soaked and suddenly she was sitting in a puddle of her own urine. JJ could hear what was happening as soon as it started and sighed gently but didn't move immediately giving her girl time to finish before stepping around the puddle and crouching down in front of her. Emily for her part was sat frozen, not fully processing what just happened,
"Hey pumpkin, lets go get you cleaned up," JJ spoke gently, hoping to get it sorted before Emily had another breakdown. The brunette just nodded and allowed herself to be tugged to her feet and led away from the puddle and into the bathroom.
"Do you want to have a bath pumpkin and then get into your pyjamas to save you from having to get changed again?" JJ asked gently. Emily nodded not really caring what happened so long as she got out of her rapidly cooling wet clothes. At her girls response JJ made quick work of stripping the brunette clothes of and then she sat her down on the closed toilet so she could run her a bath. Emily didn't like her mama having her back to her, so she whined softly trying to get her attention, turning back around JJ went and crouched down in front of her, balancing herself by placing her hands on the brunette's knees.
"It's alright baby, it was an accident, mama should have checked if you needed to go potty," the blonde said, mistaking the whine as upset over the accident. In response Emily just dropped her head onto the blonde's shoulder resting it there until the bath was ready. Jennifer lifted her little of the toilet and into the bathroom handing her a rubber duck and a boat to play with while she washed her. Prentiss felt the best she had all day, she basked in the love and attention she was getting from her mama, finally feeling calm. She played with the boat and duck, babbling away to herself happily. JJ couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her face, her girl was just so cute, the brunette giggled in glee when JJ splashed some water gently at her, her legs kicking in excitement. To the blonde's surprise Emily didn't make a fuss when she was lifted from the bath, she happily excepted being towelled dry and didn't grumble when the pull up was placed on her and she was quickly then put in some comfy pyjamas.
It wasn't until the puddle was cleaned up and JJ moved to continue washing the dishes that there was another problem.
"Mama," Emily whined making grabby hands at her caregiver, clearly wanting to be held. She had sat as patiently as she could while the blonde had cleaned up the puddle but now, she just wanted her attention again.
"I have to finish washing the dishes baby, I'll be ten minutes at most, how about you play until then?" JJ said gently turning back around to focus on the task at hand. This was not okay though in Emily's opinion, she didn't want to be bad, but she wanted her mama and didn't know how else to express her big emotions.
"No!" She exclaimed stamping the foot. Shocked Jennifer spun around again,
"Pumpkin, I know you want to be held and you're tired, but I have to finish cleaning up and that is not how we ask for things, you know that." She told her. Frustrated Emily stamped her foot again and when that didn't get the blonde's attention, she took out her pacifier and flung it at the blonde's head. To say that Jennifer was shocked was an understatement, Emily had tantrums before, she had bad days before, heck she'd even thrown things before, but never directly at JJ herself.
"That's it, you're going in the corner. Come on." JJ said, her tone firm, but her voice still soft. Emily whined and dragged her feet as she was led out of the kitchen to the living room and stopped in the corner.
"Ten minutes babe, then you can come out," JJ told her, Emily hung her head as tears began to form, when did everything get so difficult and complicated? She heard Jen walk away and that's when it really hit her, she was alone in that room. How mad was her mama? What she be bad like a mom was? She didn't want to be spanked or sent to bed by herself. What her mama say she was an embarrassment like her mom did? These thoughts began to overwhelm the brunette and she choked on her sobs. Coughing and spluttering, the tears were falling heavy now and a feeling of nausea overtook her. Her breathing became rapid and then it felt like she couldn't breathe, her chest tightened, and her shallow, sharp intakes of breath caused her pain. She choked again, and her stomach lurched, she was going to be sick, she was alone in the corner because she had been bad, her mama was mad at her and now she was going to be sick. Scared the brunette debated what to do, her mama would be mad if she didn't complete her time out, but something was wrong she couldn't breathe and was going to be sick, fear of that outweighed the fear of making her mama even more mad and she called out,
"M-mama please h-h-help me!" She yelled as loud as she could, her voice stuttering over the sobs, her breathing just as sharp.
In the kitchen Jennifer heard the yell for help and put down the final dish, only seven minutes had passed, but the cry was so strained and desperate she couldn't leave her baby like that. Rushing into the living room, her heart broke again. Emily was pulling at her shirt, struggling to breathe through her sobs, and she was shaking badly.
"Okay pumpkin, come here love bug. Time out is over, we're done. I'm here." The blonde offered her arms and smiled sadly as the brunette rushed into them,
"Gonna b-be sick mama," she stuttered out desperately. Concern graced the blonde's features and she pushed away slightly to look at her girl,
"No, you're not baby, you're alright. Take some deep breathes with me, you're crying is going to make you sick," JJ told her, before mimicking what she did earlier in the car and guiding her through her breathing. It took a good ten minutes for the brunette's breathing to be reduced to sniffles and the occasional sob, but when it did, she immediate started blurting out apologies,
"I'm so sorry mama, I didn't mean to be bad, I really didn't please don't me mad at me anymore please, I'm really sorry."
"Love bug, I promise I'm not mad, I never was, I was upset you threw your pacifier at me, that could have hurt me and that you weren't listening to me, but I was never mad. You were forgiven as soon as I said you could come out of time out. Thank you for apologising though, that was very nice of you," JJ praised and reassured softly. Emily gave a watery smile at the praise and tucked her head back into the blonde's chest, she wanted to be able to hide there forever.
The rest of the evening went by rather smoothly, JJ went back to the kitchen to place the last dish away and Emily followed her around. The blonde tried to get the girl to sit down and play but she wasn't having it, choosing to follow the blonde around for the entire evening, wherever JJ went Emily went, whether it was into her office, the bathroom, the bedroom, anywhere, Emily was right behind her. JJ was a little concerned but accepted it as the brunette had such a tough day and seemed content enough to just follow her around. The best part of the evening was when they were in bed and Emily was being fed her bottle. She relaxed fully and basked in all the love and attention she was getting, it felt warm and safe, her mind drifted back over the day, she hadn't been good, big or little, she couldn't quite place her finger on why, but she was so thankful for her mama, she hadn't been mad at her and sent her to bed alone or spanked ger like her mom would have, she knew she had been difficult today but JJ had been there and that made it okay. Once her bottle was finished and she was burped the two settled down underneath the covers,
"Goodnight love bug,"
"Goodnight mama."
1:20 am. Emily woke up alone in bed, she reached over to cuddle up to her mama and she was gone, panic gripped her, and tears formed in her eyes, what if someone bad had taken her mama! She rolled over and saw the bathroom light on, clumsily getting out of bed and crawling across the floor, sitting against the bathroom door. She needed to be as close to her mama as possible, she felt her eyes get heavy and she closed them gently. A couple minutes later the door swung open, and she fell through, landing on her back on the bathroom floor,
"Em!" JJ exclaimed loudly, surprised, and concerned. Emily's eyes shot open, and they filled full of tears briefly before her gaze settled on her mama and she let out a small smile, she reached up to her, pale hands clutching at the blonde's shirt. Quickly Jennifer scooped up her girl and carried her back over to the bed,
"What happened baby?" she asked gently, Emily curled into the blonde's side and spoke quietly,
"You weren't there when I woke up, but then I saw you were in the bathroom, so I waited for you,"
"Outsider the door?" the blonde questioned laughing a little,
"hmm, I needed to be near you mama, I needed to all day. Both big and little Em couldn't be alone," Emily mumbled sleepily, the tiredness finally allowing her to express the emotions she had been feeling all day in words,
"Why is that love bug?"
"Bad thoughts about when I was younger, about mom," she mumbled her hand coming up to rub at her face tiredly,
"You should have told me baby," JJ whispered gently
"Didn't know how to express the big feelings mama, big Em got angry, and I was sad and f-frustrated," the little struggled over the big word.
"Thank you for telling me now pumpkin. Tomorrow we can work on finding ways that you can communicate those feelings better, if you don't feel like you can vocally," JJ told her,
"Okay mama," the brunette mumbled her reply, already half-asleep.
"I won't leave you again tonight love bug, get some rest," JJ murmured gently,
"Okay mama," Emily repeated falling asleep quickly. JJ looked down at her little and smiled gently, today had been a difficult day for both of them and tomorrow there would have to be a conversation about Emily's bad thoughts and how to healthily deal with them, but for now she was content to watch her little one sleep peacefully.