A/N: I know in my profile it said that this chapter was suppose to be "The History Cait Sith" but since I'm sitting in the hospital and I'm so bored that I couldn't concentrate on the chapter, so this idea just popped into my head instead since I was having a conversation about obsessive fangirls/boys on gamefaqs. This chapter was inspired by my hate for obsessive scary fangirls/boys (I know, I'm a Reno fangirl, but I'm not the scary obsessive kind of fangirl) Sorry if it doesn't make any sense what so ever, but what do I care, I'm bored. Hopefully I haven't lost any reviewers since I didn't update as quickly.
Disclaimer: The only thing I own is Sandy Mikage and half-a-dozen donuts that are sitting in the hospital room. Everything else belongs to their rightful owners (Square, E and S, and finally BloodyChaos…to lazy to spell out full names.)
Warnings: Boredom and lazy-ness….
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Yuffie woke up in a tree and wondered how she got there. 'Where am I? Oh yeah, the mansion. Wait, what am I doing in a tree? Hold on, what's a tree doing in the mansion? Nothing makes sense anymore!' Yuffie mentally screamed.
Not long after Yuffie woke up, Sandy woke up on the couch and her eyes widened when she saw the place. 'What the hell happened!' She wondered while she looked around. 'Trees? Where did those come from and where is everyone? And why is there a group of evil chocobos here?' Apparently she remembered nothing of the destruction she and Yuffie caused.
She got up from the couch and explored the house looking for the other residents of it. Sandy found Rufus and Reno and woke the both of them up to ask them what happened.
"Okay, why is this place like the way it is, why was Rufus sleeping instead of screaming that the trees are taking over the world, why isn't Reno glomping me…. Not that I'm complaining, who are those two people over there, why is Reno's head bleeding, why is Cloud in a dress…well, actually never mind about that, something tells me he felt like cross-dressing again cause he's gender confused. Where did all these chocobos come from, where's everyone else, where are my shoes, and finally why the hell are you two shirtless! I'm so confused." Sandy blurted out all at once.
Reno and Rufus exchanged looks with a facial look that says 'She doesn't remember?'
"Well for starters, you and Yuffie got caffeine and sugar high and caused destruction and chaos like that one day in the ShinRa building. Rufus was sleeping because he shot himself with a tranquilizing dart with his own shotgun and he already did scream and have a mental breakdown about the trees he even hid behind Tifa. The two new people, I dunno who they are, you and Yuffie talked to them and befriended them, so I don't know their names or how they got here, only thing I know is that they crashed through the roof. My head is bleeding because someone hit me over the head and I fell unconscious…." Reno trailed off to let Rufus fill her in on the other half.
Rufus sighed and continued, "Cloud's in a dress because Zack stole his clothes and put him in a dress and now he thinks he's a woman so now he won't stop hitting on Zack. The chocobos, I really don't know, Yuffie just ran through the house with the squad of them.
"Where everyone else is…well lets see: You baked Scarlet into a cake somehow, I think Cid fell inside the toilet, Reeve is probably lying around here somewhere since Yuffie ran over him with her mob of chocobos, Zack is squashed under Sephiroth since we accidentally shot him with the tranquilizing darts, Rude is stuck to a tree don't ask how he got there, You somehow shoved Palmer and Heidigger into a giant rice cooker, Yuffie is sleeping in that tree over there. Tifa fell down the stairs so I imagine she's sleeping at the foot of the stairs… Aeris and Elena are most likely sleeping on top of Tseng while glomping him all the same since Reno shot the three of them in one shot somehow. Errr….Cait Sith, I've no clue as to where he went, he's probably dead because Yuffie set him on fire and, so Reeve freaked out and screamed for him to be put to be put out, Cloud being his idiot self had to jump on top of the thing. And I think that's everyone…no wait, if you see a frog around here, don't kill it, that's Vincent.
"Where are you're shoes? Hmm…I think you threw them at Cid in you're state of insanity and the fact that you love to torture him. And we're shirtless because you burned our shirts. That answer your questions?" Rufus finished.
Sandy shook her head; she still had one unanswered question. "No, you didn't…" She started, but stopped when she realized Reno was clinging to her again. "Never mind, Reno just answered it." She said as she pat the Turk on the head. Sandy then narrowed her eyes at the red head and sighed. "Are you going to let go now?"
"No."
"I never should have brought that up." Sandy mumbled to herself.
Yuffie than fell out of her tree and landed on top of Vincent….which resulted in squishing the frog.
"Oops. Heh-heh, didn't mean to squish ya Vinnie." Yuffie giggled nervously while peeling the frog off of her.
"……..will you just change me ribbit now?" The frog croaked.
Yuffie blinked confused trying to figure out what 'Ribbit' meant. She didn't get that he meant back because Vincent's frog instincts were starting to take over since his eyes were now starting to stare at a fly that was buzzing by him. "Ribbit? How can I change you into a ribbit? That's a sound frogs make, I'll have to turn you into sound waves to do that Vinnie, but they haven't invented a materia that changes matter into sound waves. Besides, if I could change you into sound waves you'd more than likely go in all directions and I have no idea how to assemble sound waves back together to make you solid once again or catch sound waves for that matter, you'd be stuck trapped in the air forever, or at least till the sound dies out." Yuffie said in a rare moment showing both sanity and brilliance.
Everyone stared at Yuffie with wide eyes not believing what they all just heard come out of the ninja's mouth. Sure it was a dumb time to show off her intelligence and sanity because it had nothing to do with what Vincent was talking about, but it was smart at the same time too.
"Ooooh! Lookie! Little people! Hello little peoples!" Yuffie squealed while waving at the 'little people' that only she could see and talk to. Vincent sweatdropped, her moment of sanity and intellect was gone.
"I meant will you change me back into a human again!" Vincent demanded rather than asked.
"Shhhhh! Me and the little people are talking about important issues Vinnie, so be quiet! It's a very delicate procedure." Yuffie snapped.
"And may I ask what issues these are?" Vincent said.
"We're trying to ambush the little people's mortal enemy, the tap-dancing pink elephants with top hats." Yuffie said pointing in some random direction where she thought the pink elephants were, truth was only she could see the little people and elephants because they were all in her insane head.
"Riiiiight. Tell you what, if you change me back into a human, I'll help the 'little people' kill the 'Tap-dancing pink elephants with top hats'. 'Kay?"
"Deal!" Yuffie said kissing Vincent because she figured that she could save a Maidens Kiss by kissing him herself.
Vincent was human again and he walked away from Yuffie before she would start saying strange things again. The ninja was about to resume her conversation with the little people but she forgot all about them when she got distracted by Eclipse and Shadow who were fighting with Cloud for no particular reason other than the fact that they felt like it because Cloud torture is healthy for them.
Sephiroth got up from under Zack and he somehow got dragged into the fight along with Zack. Sephiroth used Zack as a shield whenever someone almost hit him, Zack was disappointed, and Sephiroth was definitely losing brownie points from Zack for each hit he took. Right now it was on a negative scale as to how much affection points Sephiroth had on Zack, lower than Cloud's points as a matter of fact.
Zack sighed and considered if he should exchange Sephy for Miss Cloud, but he then reconsidered when he remembered Cloud was gender confused, cruel or not Sephy is a lot better choice than Cloud will ever be in Zack's mind.
"Vincent, why do you have people locked up in your basement?" A dazed Scarlet said as she walked out of the basement.
"Oh, them. They're a bunch of rabid fangirls and fanboys that I found when I first came here, so whatever you do, DON'T let them out or hell will break loose and the universe will probably become unbalanced with all those fangirls and fanboys stalking us." Vincent replied.
"Oh….you said let them out right?" Scarlet asked.
"I said don't let them out."
"Oh, just double checking…….oops."
"Oops what? What did you do? Tell me woman!"
"I…uhh…..AHHHH! RUN FOR YOU'RE LIVES I UNLOCKED THE GATE IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME TILL THEY FIND US!" Scarlet screamed.
Suddenly they heard a mob of fangirls squeal. "LIKE, I SO TOLD YOU I SMELT SEPHY! I KNEW HE WAS HERE!" Some random Sephy fangirl screamed.
"SEPHY WE LOVE YOU! YOU'RE THE BEST!" The group of fanboys and girls screamed in union.
"Uh-oh, this can't be good. Vincent, are they only rabid Sephiroth fans?" Tifa asked fearing for her own safety.
Vincent shrugged, "I dunno but there are defiantly some me fans in there since they squealed and kept trying to steal my clothes when I first got here." Vincent shuddered at the memory. In the background all sorts of ' insert name here WE LOVE YOU!' was heard.
"Oh, okay then. SCRAMBLE!" Tifa screamed. They did so, and so did the rabid fans; which were no foaming at the mouth; after their favorite character.
Of course Sandy, Shadow, and Eclipse didn't have to do anything since they were Original Characters and had no fans. Sandy just walked to the sidelines to watch the chaos with Eclipse and Shadow.
Yuffie had run up a wall and sat there so she could avoid the making contact with the fans; who were trying to climb the wall and grab Yuffie. She tried in her defense to throw her Conformer at them, but it didn't do anything, they were immune to any attacks.
The girls were mobbing Vincent and one of them actually leaped on Vincent's shoulders, stole an article of his clothing, and shouted, "LOOK! I GOT VINCENT'S HEADBAND! I'M GOING TO PUT THIS IN MY VINCENT SHRINE AND I'LL WORSHIP IT EVERYDAY!" Poor Vinnie tried shooting all the girls that kept getting near him but they just wouldn't stay down.
"VINCENT WE DON'T WANNA HURT YOU! WE LOVE YOU, PLEASE DON'T SHOOT US." A fangirl screamed.
"YEAH! YOU'RE COOLER THAN ALL THE OTHER CHARCTERS BECAUSE YOU'RE A VAMPIRE! WE WOULDN'T DARE HURT YOU!" A fanboy yelled.
Vincent shot said fanboy while shouting "I'm NOT a Vampire goddamnit! And get the hell AWAY FROM ME!" and thus he continued shooting at the rabid fans that kept trying to steal his stuff.
Cid had taken refuge in his toilet and stayed there praying the fans wouldn't find him since he was still a midget. Unfortunately Cid's prayers didn't keep the fans away for he heard shouts of "Cid's in here somewhere! I can almost smell him. There! The toilet!"
Cid heard lots of footsteps coming closer and finally the fans lifted the toilet lid, and sure enough Cid was now staring into the face of many fans. "AHHHH! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" Cid shouted but this just increased the fans' delight much to Cid's dismay. They were saying thing like "Yay! I actually heard him curse my life is now complete."
A fanboy picked Cid out of the toilet and returned him to his normal size and Cid was then buried under a mass of fans.
Reno and Rufus were chased up a tree and clinging to it like their very life depended on it. Fans were all climbing the tree and grasping at every inch of Reno or Rufus in reach. When they managed to grab their pant-leg or something Reno and Rufus would either try to shake 'em off or kick the fan to make them let go. Poor Rufus was really having a major mental break down because he realized he was in a tree so he was between screaming "OHMYGOD! IT'S A TREE! I WANNA GO DOWN!" Then he'd look at the rabid fangirls below and say, "Never mind." Eventually the tree took too much weight and tipped over. That was when the two guys ran with the pack of fans following them.
Tifa was having a difficult time because all the fanboys kept trying to do…. unmentionables to her large bust. They also kept asking if they could go on dates with her but she would just kick them and try to keep all the other guys away.
Aeris was surrounded by the cheers and screaming of "I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE NOT DEAD ANYMORE! AERIS WILL LIVE FOREVER!" then the fans would proceed to stalk her and worship the ground she walked on. Aeris thought death was better than this.
Elena was assaulting all the Tseng fangirls while screaming "TSENG IS MINE!" not even noticing her own fans were glomping her. Tseng just stabbed any of the fans that Elena somehow missed and got within a foot radius of him.
Reeve had to hide behind a bunch of chocobos to not be noticed. Luckily for him, his fans never even noticed him, but maybe it was because they had captured Cait Sith and were tearing him apart….quite literally. A fan would steal a piece of Cait Sith and keep it. Reeve quietly sniffled behind the chocobos, Cait Sith sacrificed his life just so Reeve could be left alone, okay not really, Reeve actually just threw him to the fans but that's beside the point. Reeve was actually sniffling because he now had to waste more money and time on rebuilding the stupid cat that kept dying.
Cloud's dress was being tugged at because most of the fangirls were demanding why he was cross-dressing and not dressing like his sexy self. Other fangirls were yaoi lovers so they said things like 'you're so perfect for Sephy-kins now! You two just look so great together.'
Fanboys were all jumpy at Cloud and asking about his sword and what not while saying 'You're such a badass.' Cloud screamed and hid under the table because he couldn't take the fan anymore.
Even Scarlet, Palmer, and Heidigger had their fair share of fans even if a lot doesn't like them, but still enough to keep them busy.
Barret, well, he didn't have many fans so no one really paid attention to him. Nanaki was having a difficult time too because every one kept trying to pet him and it was bugging the shit out of him, not to mention all the girls were dressing him up by putting bows around his neck and in his mane, his tail tried setting them on fire but nothing happened.
Poor Sephiroth and Zack were probably having the toughest time of all. Sephiroth had one too many Sephy fangirls, more than anyone else in the room put together. Sephiroth had dragged Zack up a pole so he could be on higher ground to avoid the weird fangirls.
"Sephy! Come down! We won't hurt you. We LOVE you! Anyone who ever tries to hurt you must die, like Cloud! We'll kill him later if you want!" The leader of the group, who was wearing a pink shirt that said 'I 3 Sephy for life' and had curly blonde hair, called to him. The fans let out a bloodthirsty roar and began to glare at the twitching Cloud under the table.
Sephiroth thought about the suggestion and nodded. "Okay go ahead and kil-OW!" Sephiroth rubbed his shin, Zack just kicked him. Sephiroth glared at Zack. Zack crossed his arm over his chest and raised an eyebrow giving Sephiroth a 'Leave Cloud out of this' look. Of course Sephiroth didn't get the hint and yelled "What!"
"Hey, I might not like Cloud and neither do you, but leave him out of this. After all he still is our friend. A gender-confused, cross-dressing, annoying idiot one, but nonetheless a friend. 'Sides I think he has enough mental problems as it is and I think he's being traumatized by his fangirls as we speak giving him more mental issues than he needs." Zack pointed out.
Sephiroth nodded. "Good point," he turned back to his fans that were staring at Cloud with a killer glint in their eyes. "Never mind. Leave the bumbling blonde idiot alone."
"Well, can we kill Zack?" The blonde asked with the fans glancing at Zack with a murderous glint in their eyes.
"WHAT! WHY!" Zack and Sephiroth yelled simultaneously shocked at the fans' sudden decision to kill Zack.
"He kicked you! Anyone who hurts or touches the almighty great Godliness that is Sephiroth; other than us fans who legally gave ourselves permission to touch you, should die." She answered.
Sephiroth gave them a blank look. "NO! You can't kill Zack! He's mine! Anyone who wants to kill him has to get through me first!" Zack sweatdropped. 'Guess that means I'm the girl in this relationship since Seph keeps treating me like some damsel in distress.' Zack thought woefully.
The fangirls quickly apologized for what they said thinking their oh so precious Sephiroth would forgive them, while they were mentally formulating a plan to murder Zack while Sephiroth wasn't around because he took Sephiroth away from them, of course that would never work since the two of them were handcuffed together so Sephy would always be by Zack.
"Okay, so we won't kill Zack. But please come down Sephy! We won't bite….unless you want us to that is." The leader said while giggling mischievously.
"NEVER!" Then the weirdest things were being said to poor Sephiroth.
"I'LL HAVE YOUR CHILDREN!" A random fangirl screamed.
"You won't," Sephiroth cried. "Trust me you really won't ever. AND NO!"
"SEPHY! I'M THE PERFECT GIRL FOR YOU! COME DOWN HERE AND I'LL PROVE IT!"
"MY HEART BELONGS TO ZACK!"
"MARRY ME!" A fanboy shouted.
"Okay, that is so wrong I don't even have to comment on it."
A big car suddenly crashed through the wall near where Sandy, Eclipse, and Shadow were sitting while eating popcorn as they watched the fangirls and fanboys fight.
Five people climbed out of said car. One of them was a red-eyed, silver haired woman with red tips at the end of her silver hair. Another was a guy almost identical to the silver haired woman just slightly taller and appeared to be wearing a collar of some sort. The third was a purple haired woman holding a cactus, that had a party hat on the it's head, in one hand and in the other what appeared to be a leash that if she tugged on the silver haired man would gag. The fourth was a dark haired man who was for some strange reason having an argument with himself and had a purple, fuzzy, sparkly snake resting on his shoulders. The fifth was a man with deep blue hair and icy blue eyes and he was talking funny and staring at the silver-haired lady with a longing expression.
"Oops. Sorry, I forgot I cut the breaks." The silver haired woman giggled like a maniac. The guy wearing the collar sighed and shook his head but then gagged when the purple haired woman pulled on the leash.
Eclipse, Shadow, and Sandy recognized these people immediately.
"HI RHIANA!" Eclipse and Shadow shouted.
"Hi Rhiana, hi Juno, hi Vaukashi, hi Drayian," Sandy started pointing at the silver haired lady first; Rhiana, then Juno; lady with cactus, Vaukashi; guy almost identical to Rhiana, then Drayian; guy who was arguing with his split personalities. She then paused at the blue haired man and had a quizzical look on her face like she was trying to remember who she was. "Err….I don't remember your name-"
"Daneal!" The blue haired man interrupted.
"-but I know you're obsessed with stalking Rhiana, she hates you, and for some weird reason you're impervious to being set aflame." Sandy continued like she hadn't heard him.
"So, what'd we miss?" Rhiana asked while looking around the place seeing if there was any thing she could do to help with the insanity.
"Well….not much really other than the fact that fangirls and fanboys are now overrunning the place. They get pretty boring after a while and I think they've already mentally scarred everyone in here 'cept us." Sandy explained not really caring and more interested in the lighter she's holding.
"Oh. Well, lets get rid of them PERMANENTLY!" Rhiana declared. Everyone but Daneal and Vaukashi nod, instead Daneal is trying to sneak up on Rhiana for no apparent reason other than the fact that he's almost as much as an obsessive stalker as Reeve, and the latter is just sighing and shaking his head while mumbling "I can't believe I'm related to her…" which causes Juno to tug roughly on the leash making Vaukashi fall.
"FLAME WHIP!" Rhiana shouts and a flaming cat-o-nine-tails whip suddenly appears in her hands while smacking Daneal with it at the same time making him retreat to a corner. She crackles manically and runs into the fray of all the fanboys and fangirls screaming random death threats to them.
"TIME FOR DESTRUCTION AND CHAOS! MUWAHAHAHA! NIGHT SWORD!" Juno shrieks pulling out a sword bigger than she is out of thin air and follows Rhiana while dragging Vaukashi with her.
Sandy stares at Drayian waiting to see what kind of weapon he has. Drayian shifts to his warrior psychopathic personality and summons a glaive made completely out of ice. "WELL WHAT ARE YOU FOR? GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR AND FIGHT!" He yells at Sandy before following the two other psychotic girls.
The purple, fuzzy, sparkly snake; whose name is Det, turned into a giant purple, fuzzy, sparkly, fire breathing dragon, roared and joined the battle.
Sandy blinks and then takes out her Demon Edge Sword, (A/N: Which is actually Yojimbo's Zanmato attack in FFX and Sandy's sword shall now be referred to as Zanmato because that's what her Demon Edge Sword is. Just thought I'd give everyone a quick translation lesson on what the word Zanmato meant in English and to avoid confusion ;) and chased after the three maniacs and dragon that ran into the fans paths to cause a fight while giggling like the maniac she is.
Eclipse and Shadow look at each other then shrug and summoned their weapons too. The Dark Archangel, a sword very similar to the Masamune just about four inches shorter, appeared in Eclipse's grasp, and the Dark Death, a sword similar to the Dark Archangel just an inch shorter, appeared in Shadow's hands. They both cracked grins on their face making them look more insane then they are and joined the other psychopaths in the destruction.
/Five minutes later../
The fans should have died from all the fighting but they just wouldn't stay dead.
"Why…won't…you….DIE!" Sandy yelled between each slash she made with her Zanmato at a rabid Rufus fangirl.
"Oooh! I have an idea!" Rhiana exclaimed. She set all of the fans on fire and they died…just kidding, the fans were burnt to a crisp and had somehow randomly teleported some where else, apparently they weren't immune to the High Warrior Priestess of the Bloody Serpents Cult; Rhiana, and her pyro-kinetic mind. "Okay, it's safe to come out now." Rhiana confirmed although she continued her reign of mayhem by setting random things on fire, like the tree Rufus was cowering on.
Rufus screamed and jumped out of the blazing tree and he landed in Sandy's waiting outstretched arms. Sandy dropped Rufus and walked over to the unconscious twitching form on the floor that was Vincent; who was suffering from all the glomping, screaming and being stripped half naked of the fangirls, and began to poke him with her Zanmato; which was sheathed of course or Vincent would've been stabbed to death.
Scarlet laughed her famous laugh of 'Kya ha ha ha ha ha ha!' with Heidigger laughing 'Gya ha ha ha ha ha!' along with her. Juno and Rhiana glared at them and proceeded to beat the shit out of the two of them.
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
A/N: Okay, I told you that chapter was sorta strange. Rhiana, Juno, Vaukashi, Det, Drayian, Daneal, and the cult of the Bloody Serpents belong to BloodyChaosDragonKnight. The next chapter might be the History of Cait Sith or it might not, depends on what mood I'm in, remember special guest appearances are accepted. As you guys have probably noticed I'm not updating as often as I used too, well, that's because I'm now working on another story and it's going to be posted on here soon since I'm almost done with chapter one and I'll have to juggle between that fic and this one.
Review Corner:
To FFlove190: Lol, trees are nice. Somehow you're always my first reviewer for each new chapter, wonder how, but whatever. And here's more Sephy spotlight in this chapter, whenever you want to appear in the fic just give your description since you were apparently too lazy to give it in the review.
To Sesshy is sexii: Glad you enjoyed the chapter and thanks for the compliment on originality. There're no restrictions of the request as long as you give a description. Chances are if you were to request a character from a different game I'm not familiar with I'll have a few problems but I'll get by somehow.
To BloodyChaos: Thank you for letting me use you're characters from CII, they should certainly make this fic more insane, entertaining and interesting and they give me more ideas in what to do in future chapters.
To Eclipse and Shadow: That's a great idea to do with Cloud! I'll probably do that in the next chapter since I wanted to focus on the fangirls and introducing the other characters, when Cloud wakes up in the next chapter I'll make him do that because of him being knocked out one too many times. Yes Shadow I understood what Eclipse said so ready the duct tape and can I have the cookie?
A/N: I'll be back with the next chapter next week or so, so don't leave since I don't update as often.