Emily was sitting on the living room floor, by JJ's feet quietly playing with her toys. JJ was on the phone to Hotch, they managed to get the day off, but still JJ was doing some work, she almost always was. Emily didn't know how long the two them had been talking for, but she looked up when she felt the blonde tap her on the shoulder,
"Pumpkin," she started covering the speaker of her phone with her hand, "It's time to go potty, I have to keep talking to Hotch, do you think that you can manage to go yourself?" Wanting to make her mama proud of her and not wanting to be difficult, Emily nodded and clumsily got to her feet, leaving the living room, and heading into the bathroom.
"Pee in potty," the brunette mumbled under her breath, which was easy enough, right? She could do that. She began to fumble with the buttons on her pants, why were they so tricky to undo? Her fingers kept slipping and the buttons wouldn't go through their holes. In vain, Emily tried to tug her pants down without undoing the buttons, when this didn't work, Em knew she should go ask her mama for help, but the voice of Elizabeth Prentiss flooded into her mind,
"You should be able to do this yourself, you're such an embarrassment to the Prentiss name. No, I'm not going to help you, work it out yourself!"
A feeling of shame and self-loathing flooded through her, and Emily flushed the un-used toilet and turned on a tap, she would just have to tell her mama that she had gone. When Emily emerged from the bathroom, JJ was still on the phone, but she looked up with a soft smile when the brunette entered the room,
"Did you go love bug?" she asked covering the speaker again. Not trusting her voice, Emily nodded and dropped to the floor to resume playing, she would just have to hold it for another ninety minutes. Easy.
Of course, it wasn't that easy, the first thirty minutes past without issue. At that point JJ finally ended her phone call with their boss, but she left to go grab her laptop, so she could do some work while Emily played. It wasn't until that thirty-minute mark that Emily felt a twinge of discomfort in the lower abdomen. It had been two hours since she last went to the potty, but she couldn't tell JJ that she had to go, otherwise she would know that she lied to her earlier. An hour after she was supposed to go, was when the proper issues started, Emily felt a dribble of urine leave her and she clutched herself, preventing it from going any further, only half an hour to go, she could do this. She whined unhappily under her breath, it didn't attract her mama's attention who was focused on her work on her laptop. Part of Emily wished JJ would notice, and another part of her wished she could ask her mama to take her to the potty. But the larger part of her, that said hold it for another thirty minutes, overtook her and won. At fifteen minutes to go, another dribble escaped, she held herself, firmer. Now it was only ten minutes, now five. Five minutes, she could hold it for five more minutes, she had to, she had been able to hold it longer in the past, her mom's voice flooded her mind again,
"No, you cannot use the bathroom now, we are at an event, what would the other ambassadors think if you just disappeared. Don't ask me again, you are an embarrassment to the Prentiss name!"
Emily swore her mother's favourite thing to say to her was that she was an embarrassment to the Prentiss name. She whined unhappily as her bladder loosened again and she felt her underwear get even more wet. This whine, however, drew the attention of the blonde on the couch, she glanced at the clock and saw it had almost been ninety minutes,
"Pumpkin, its time to go potty again," she said, and she swore she saw a look of relied on flood over Emily's face,
"Do you want me to take you?" JJ asked. Emily nodded and moved to stand up. Turns out that was a bad idea because her hand was the only thing keeping herself from wetting right then and there, she cried out a little and her hand flew back between her legs, looking at the blonde in front of her desperately,
"Its okay love bug, I've got you." Jennifer quickly moved to pick up the brunette and carry her into the bathroom. She made quick work of pulling down her pants and placing her on the toilet,
"Let go for me baby," she whispered gently,
"Mama," Emily cried,
"What do you need hun?"
"Circles," the brunette requested softly, nodding Jennifer dropped down to crouch in front of her little and rub soothing circles on her lower stomach, this helped Emily relax and let go, her head coming to drop down on the blonde's shoulder, crying softly into her shirt. When she had finished JJ asked a question she knew, Emily wasn't going to like,
"Do you need to be changed?" she asked gently. The brunette continued to hide her head in the blonde's shoulder, and when JJ pulled back to get a better look at her, she hung her head blushing furiously.
"I'm going to check alright?" The blonde warned her. Emily whined unhappily but made no move to stop her. JJ reached over and pulled at the waist of the brunette's pants that her hanging down by her ankles, her underwear, was almost completely soaked with urine and there was a wet patch down one of her pant legs.
"Okay, we're going to get you changed alright," JJ told her girl softly. At that Emily could no longer hold in her sobs and she broke down, hands coming up to hide her face and she cried.
"Hey, its okay, its okay love bug. It was an accident, no big deal. Let's just get you changed yeah." JJ told her gently, Emily nodded but didn't stop crying. The blonde moved to pull her pants and underwear off completely and then cleaned Emily up, flushing the toilet and helping her wash her hands. When both of their hands were washed JJ led Emily into the bedroom where she pulled on a fresh pair of underwear and pants on her,
"All done," Jennifer said, when her girl was dressed again. Emily couldn't lie, she did feel better now she was no longer in her damp clothes and having to pee, but the guilt of the lie was overwhelming her. She reached out and make grabby hands at her caregiver, getting the hint JJ moved and picked up the brunette carrying her over to the couch and settling the girl in her lap,
"Em, take some deep breathes with me okay. You're going to make yourself sick, nice deep breathes, come on. In and out. In and out." JJ guided the little through her breathing trying to get her to calm down and stop crying. It took a while but eventually Emily did settle and stop crying. She began chewing on her lip and playing with the blonde's fingers,
"Hey, no biting your lip please," Jennifer said softly, her free hand coming up and running her thumb along her girlfriend's lip, smoothing it out so the brunette would stop biting it.
"You know it was an accident right, I'm not angry or upset with you over it." Emily shook her head disagreeing at the blonde words,
"No, no I bad," Emily murmured, fidgeting anxiously in the blonde's lap,
"What do you mean your bad pumpkin?" JJ asked sensing there was more to the story,
"When y-you told me t-to go p-p-potty by myself, I didn't g-go," Emily confessed, tears spilling over again,
"I s-sorry!" she cried burying her head into the blonde's chest,
"Oh baby, its okay. I'm not upset, come on calm down for me, that's right, nice and calm," JJ said trying to reassure the brunette in her lap. Emily calmed down a lot faster this time and JJ was baled to continue their conversation,
"Can you tell me why you didn't use the potty like I asked you to baby?" Seeing Emily's eyes water again the blonde was quick to reassure her,
"I'm not mad, just curious baby, I promise." The blonde held out her pinkie finger and the brunette giggled a little moving to wrap her own little finger around the other and shaking in firmly,
"C-couldn't undo my p-pants," the little confessed hiding her face, my turning her head into the blonde's chest.
"Oh, love bug, why didn't you tell me. I would have helped you, even if I was on the phone. You know that" JJ sighed out softly, her heart aching for her girl,
"My mom didn't like it when I did that, she would get mad and call me an embarrassment. I didn't want to embarrass you or make you mad," Emily told her. JJ sighed her mind flashing back to a couple of weeks ago,
"Is that why, when you spilt your drink a while back you didn't tell me you tried to fix it on your own and then hid from me?" JJ asked gently, Emily pulled back shocked,
"You k-know about that,"
"Hmm," JJ hummed her response.
Emily's mind drifted back to a few weeks ago when the incident occurred:
Emily was half-regressed her mind was foggy, like it normally was, when she was slipping into little space, thirsty she moved from her position on the couch to go to the kitchen to get a glass of juice, she didn't know where JJ was, but she didn't want to disturb her and besides, it was just a glass or juice, simple. She reached into the cabinet and grabbed herself a glass before heading the fridge and pulling out the juice, her hands shook as she held up the heavy carton, at first the juice went into the cup, but then her arm twitched, and she spilled the juice all over the counter. Panicking the brunette moved to grab a tea-towel and try and clean up the spill. She fumbled with the piece of fabric in her hands, clumsily swiping back and forth across the counter, doing her best to clean up the liquid faster than it was moving, before the brunette knew it the juice was running down the side of the cabinet spilling onto the floor, tears burned into the corners of the soft brown eyes, with her mind so foggy it was hard for her to think clearly and it seemed too difficult to clean up the mess she accidentally created, she knew she should go and get JJ and ask her for help, she knew the blonde wouldn't mind, especially because she is almost completely regressed but the voice of her mother, Elizabeth Prentiss invaded her mind,
"You stupid girl, do you think this how a lady behaviours,' how she acts? Can't even pour a simple drink yourself, you should be ashamed of yourself. Ugh you're such an embarrassment!"
The tears that previously burned her eyes, overflowed and Emily hurried to quickly wipe up the rest of the mess as quickly as she could before hiding the wet tea-towel and glass behind the cereal in one of the cupboards and hurrying out of kitchen and into her bedroom where she hid in the back of her shared wardrobe, shielding herself from the outside world in an attempt to shield herself from what was going on her head.
JJ entered the kitchen just a few minutes after Emily left. She was just getting herself a glass of water when she noticed the counter was sticky, glancing around the room, she saw one of the cupboards was ajar and that the was a little puddle of some liquid on the floor. Moving over to the cupboard the blonde realised what had happened, she pulled the glass and tea-towel from the place where they had been hidden, quickly she washed the glass up and chucked the tea-towel into the laundry machine, before turning to clean up the sticky counter and floor. Not wanting to upset her girl JJ thought of best way to proceed, obviously Emily was not ready to talk about this and was hiding from her, but she also clearly hadn't gotten her drink, the blonde also suspected Emily was in her little space. Making her decision, JJ grabbed her glass of water and poured a glass of juice for the brunette, she entered the living room and set both glasses down on the coffee table, before calling out,
"Em, want to watch a movie?" she called out, hoping that this would attract the girl, hearing her mama's voice from where she was hidden in the back of the wardrobe, the girl pushed her fear down as much as she could and crawled out from where she resided and clumsily got to her feet before making her way to the living room. When she got there, she saw JJ relaxed on the couch, she was about to breathe out a sigh of relief when her eyes landed on the glass of juice on the table, she felt her breathing pick up,
"Em?" the blonde questioned,
"Mama," she responded softly. This let JJ know that she was right, and her girl was in fact regressed, her face softens even more than it already and she patted the space next to her,
"Come sit with me pumpkin, you can choose the movie if you'd like," she said not drawing attention to the juice, or the fact that her girl was panicking. Nodding the brunette dropped down beside the blonde and cuddling up close to her, her head coming to rest on the shorter woman's chest, listening to her heartbeat to try and calm down. She took the remote from the blonde and stuck on Tangled, her favourite movie, she said it reminded her of her mama. Emily calmed during the movie and drank her juice slowly as the blonde drank her water, when her mama didn't mention the kitchen, the spill drifted from her mind.
Still in the blonde's lap, Emily came out of the memory and side sadly,
"I don't mean to be bad, I just get scared," she confessed quietly,
"You have not been bad love bug. You really haven't, I understand that you get scared, but you should as me for help when you can't do things yourself. I'll always try to help you as best I can." The blonde told her. Emily nodded but knew it wouldn't be that simple,
"I know, it's just um, it's just,"
"Tell me what it is pumpkin, I'm right here," Jennifer reassured her,
"When things go wrong and my mom's voice is all I can hear, I c-can't do it. I c-can't ask for h-help," the brunette stuttered, silent tears leaving her eyes again, "I know you're not like her, but I feel like I'm b-being bad and letting y-you down and that I should be b-better, its not how a l-lady behaviours,' it's n-not how a Prentiss behaviours." At those words, the cries became sobs again, and Emily felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders at the confession. JJ's heart hurt and the confession and she added more reasons to her list as to why she despised Elizabeth Prentiss,
"Oh sweetheart. It's alright. I know, I know its hard. The past affects us all it really does, and I know its hard to get past it and move on, but you're not an embarrassment, you're not bad, and you don't have to act like what your mom thought a lady was, I am a lady right?" JJ asked, Emily nodded,
"and I am not what your mother considered a lady, yes?" Another nod,
"Then she's wrong hun, she doesn't know what a lady is, and as for being a Prentiss. Let me tell you, you're the best, most lovely, badass Prentiss I know. You are exactly what a Prentiss should be. Don't let your mother tell you otherwise, especially the voice of her that's in your head. You are enough, I promise baby," JJ told her. The blonde's voice was so sincere Emily couldn't help but believe her, of course this conversation wasn't going to fix everything at once, it would take years of conversations like this and therapy and some self-growth on Emily's part, but it was a good start. Emily could feel the love for her radiating of the blonde's skin, her mama, her girlfriend and for the first time she internalised the words. She was enough.