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Chapter 9

John stood silent as she walked out the door of the lodge, he didn't know what to say, what he said, was his question that upsetting, to personal? He shook his head as he went to the window and watched her as she sat on the steps holding her face in her hands.

Natalie got up after a few minutes of letting herself be upset, be vulnerable, she dusted herself off, got determined, and walked back inside the cabin.

John watched as she got up from the steps, she seem to have pulled herself together, she started walking back inside when he moved away from the window and acted as if he hadn't watched her.

Natalie walked in when over to her car keys on the mantle, took them and the other stuff she had put there, she started to walk towards the door again when he stopped her, he stepped right in front of her and wouldn't let her leave.

"What are you doing?" he asked her, as he wouldn't let her leave

"What does it look like I'm doing? " she spat back, John briefly looked down at the ground, she was back, the strong Natalie, the one with the large wall around her.

"It looks like you think you are going somewhere, but you're not," he told her and he waited for it, the words, the nasty ' you are not my boss, who are you to tell me what to do' almost as soon as it was done in his head she said similar to his face.

"Who are you, to tell me what I can or can not do?" she told him as he looked at her, how was this even the same person as a few minutes ago.

"Natalie, the roads still aren't clear, the bridge still hasn't been rebuilt, there is no where for you run and to hide" he told her and she looked at him. He thought he almost saw a glint of something, something inside her eye's as he said to run and hide. It was a reaction, it was something.

Natalie felt something, it was weird, when she heard his words about hiding, she felt almost as if...as if she didn't want to do that anymore, hide behind her wall, almost as if she could find the strength to come out in the open by herself. She sighed; she turned around, put her stuff back on the mantle, and took a seat on the couch.

John saw her turn, she sat down, she didn't run out of the room, she didn't hide completely, progress, little steps he told himself as he went over to the couch and sat beside her.

"I'm sorry, I'm trying to keep the peace, really I am" she told him and he smiled, she really was, he thought. He stared at her for a few minutes and she grabbed a throw pillow from the couch and held it close to her. He approached her with a question, softly.

"Why'd you leave? We were having so much fun" he asked and then told her. She looked at him; she gave him a weak smile before answering his question.

"We were having fun, I was enjoying myself" she told him and then paused.

"I... I'm not sure why I ran out, I mean... I... I don't know how to do this, how do I tell you...anybody... how do I open up, when I've been so closed off for so long" she asked him as he saw her feeling disgusted with herself

"You just talk," he told her and she looked confused.

'You talk, just say anything, talk about anything you want to" he told her and he looked at her reassuring her it was alright as she opened up her mouth.

"Anything, like the weather? " she said and she laughed a bit to break the tension.

"I can't just do this on the fly, ask me a question, a few questions, anything, I promise to try and answer and I promise not to run again... that is if I can help it" she said and he smiled.

John thought about his question, questions, would he start off slow, and ease her into talking or should he just ask the big ones. He smirked as he thought of a question.

"So did you lie when you said you didn't remember, remember it, that night?" he asked smirking, he was either going to get smacked or... or... well he doubted he was gonna get the other thing, not right now anyways.

"All I can say is... they charged my credit card for that chair" she said and she smiled at him, he laughed and he figured why not, why not ask another one, she was doing okay.

"Why does Thunder bother you?" he asked and he waited on pins and needles for her to answer or explode, she did neither for a few minutes.

"Do you know anything about me John? Do you know my story? Of how I got here?" she asked him

"No" he told her.

"I wasn't always a Buchanan, well... actually I was but just didn't know it, My family didn't know about me and I didn't know about them, I just found them four years ago, I grew up in Ac like you but not the way you did, I grew up the hard way, a drunk gambling mother, well who I thought at the time was my mother, thrown into the foster care system cause of her neglect, my childhood was far from perfect, I don't even remember having much of a life, not much to be happy about, just a few years..." she said all that and had to take a break, that was so much, she already told him so much about herself but she didn't even really open up yet, tell him the things, about the fear, the pain, that the thunder brought on each time she heard it. She stood went over by the front window and looked out at the porch. After a few minutes of silence he walked up behind her, placed his hand very gently on her shoulder and asked again.

" Tell me about the thunder"

" Thunder has bothered me for the past ten years, its noise is a constant reminder of my vulnerability, my foster dad, Paul, he use to say things like don't be vulnerable Natty, never vulnerable, its a bad thing to be, be strong, in charge, don't be an easy mark, easy prey." she said and took a breath.

'He was great, really great to me, a bit old fashioned, stubborn as hell, but he and Beth took good care of me, that was the only time I remember being happy when I was younger" she said and he turned her gently with his hands, he looked into her eye's, he saw the sadness them as she became teary. John reached his hand up to her face and wiped away a few tears that had escaped, she quickly started to wipe away her own tears as she pushed his hand away.

John got the hint from her pushing his hand that, this was too much to fast, he just continued to look into her eye's as she still allowed him to do that.

"Are you alright? You want to stop for now?" he asked and she shook her head no.

"No, while I'm started, I want to get as much out as possible, it's been to long to hold all these things inside" she said as she moved towards the couch.

"You still keep in touch with them?" he asked and she stopped in her tracks walking towards the couch, she stood frozen for a minute, she wanted so much to just run at this moment, pull her wall back up and run out the door far, far away from him, from the truth, the pain. She was so close to doing it, just running when he gently and carefully took her hand with his, she looked down to see his fingers intertwined with hers and she didn't quite understand how or why but she didn't move, she didn't run, she almost didn't want to.

"Natalie, what happened to them?" he asked, as he knew form her reaction that something in deed happened to them.

"Their dead, they died the night I became afraid of thunder," she told him and he was now putting things together, the pieces, why she might have that wall around her, and why it could possibly be so tall...