Emily woke up little the next morning, she opened her eyes to see her mama still asleep next to her, snuggling up close, Emily tried to stay quiet so she wouldn't wake up the other woman, her mind went back to yesterday and she squirmed uncomfortably as unpleasant memories flooded her brain, even with all JJ said, she couldn't help but think her mother was right, she relied to much on her mama and she was an incapable disappointment. Whining softly, she pushed her face further into the crook of the blonde's neck, it didn't make sense, feeling bad about relying on her mama to much but then also cuddling close to her for comfort. Emily tried not to think about how confusing her actions were, kicking her legs a little she realised her pull up was wet and she whined softly again. This is what her mother meant, she shouldn't be wetting herself even in her little state. Tears pricked into brown eyes, and she shut her eyes tightly trying not to let them fall. The movement and soft whines coming from the brunette next to her slowly roused the other agent from her sleep. Blinking her eyes open, she turned her head slightly to see Emily tucked up close to her, the blonde's heart melted at how adorable she was,
"Good morning, Em," she whispered gently, hearing her mama's voice, Emily moved out of her hiding space so she could see her face,
"Mama," she whined softly, still refusing to let tears fall, JJ's face turned to one of concern,
"Are you alright love bug?" she asked gently, pulling the brunette closer so she could have her little lying on top of her. All she got was a nod in response, Emily didn't feel like talking she didn't like the overwhelming thoughts in her mind, it was making it hard to focus on what was going on around her. Confused JJ stroked soft brown hair gently, normally Em answered verbally unless something was really bothering her, after a few moments JJ asked,
"Are you wet pumpkin?" her voice was soft and full of love, knowing it was not a question her little enjoyed hearing. Emily shook her head claiming she was dry, as an automatic reaction JJ's hand came down to check if she was wet, noticing she was, she spoke softly again,
"You are sweetheart, come on let's go get you changed," she said, pushing Emily lightly so both of them could stand up, as JJ headed towards the bathroom she stopped when she realised, she wasn't being followed,
"Em?" she questioned gently,
"Not wet," she murmured, standing still in her place by the bed, confused JJ approached the brunette,
"You are baby, its alright we'll just get you changed real fast," she told her gently,
"Not wet. Not wet!" Emily proclaimed her voice getting louder and more frustrated, thinking for a second, she may have been mistaken, the blonde pulled Emily into a hug, holding her for a moment before reaching down to check her pull up again, feeling her mama's movement Emily squirmed trying to break free from her arms, her face red with embarrassment,
"Pumpkin, you are wet, and I think you know it. Come on it will only take a minute," JJ said, her voice firmer this time, she needed to get her baby out of the pull up before she got a rash. Emily whined and stomped her foot, she shouldn't be wet, she should be capable. JJ raised an eyebrow at the behaviour,
"Em would you rather change yourself?" she asked giving her little the choice. That made the brunette pause, did she want to change herself? That would mean she's being more capable, less of a disappointment, but also, she really didn't want to, she hated changing herself, it made her feel cold and lonely. Also, why was her mama asking that? She had complained, stomped her foot, she had been bad, she was a disappointment anyway. Was her mama giving up on her? Tears finally overflowing she whimpered out,
"Want y-you to d-do it mama," her voice stuttered, broken up by her cries. The blonde's heart broke a little and she quickly swept the little into her arms and held her close,
"Shh, its okay love bug, take a deep breathe," the blonde tried to reassure her, "I'll change you, when you're ready, deep breathes for me baby, deep breathes." Following her mamas instructions Emily took some deep breaths getting her cries under control, so she could breathe properly again and then she gave a little nod, indicating she was ready to be changed. Allowing herself to be led into the bathroom, she blew her nose and wiped her eyes on the tissues her mama gave her, and stood perfectly still as her pull up was removed and she was cleaned up before new clothes were put on her,
"There we go pumpkin, all done," JJ told her, "You did really good," she reassured her girl,
"I did good?" brown eyes connected with blue, full of hope,
"Yeah baby, so good." Giving the blonde a small smile, she sat patiently on the bed while her mama got ready for the day and allowed herself to be put in a fresh shirt without a fuss.
"Beautiful," JJ said pecking the brunette on the forehead, causing a giggle from the little.
"Beautiful," Emily parroted, reaching over to kiss her mama's forehead, JJ beamed and pulled her little into her arms,
"Well, aren't you my sweetest girl," she told her, placing kisses all over the brunette face, this caused the little to giggle and beam back at the blonde.
Emily had played quietly while JJ made breakfast but when it came to eating it, her mother's voice returned in her mind. JJ sat eating her food, looking expectantly at the dark-haired agent, who was not eating hers. Taking a deep breathe, Emily nibbled at the side of the pancake,
"Are you alright hun?" JJ's voice broke the chaos in her mind,
"Uh huh, just not hungry mama," right on que to disprove her point, Emily's stomach rumbled loudly,
"Huh, I think your tummy says otherwise pumpkin," she said with a pointed look, Emily glared down at her stomach, mad at it for making a noise. If she hadn't been so concerned JJ would have laughed at her little giving such an angry glare to her stomach,
"Baby, your mother is wrong. You need to eat pumpkin, its important for your health and you want to be healthy right?" JJ asked her gently,
"Yeah…" Emily trailed off, seeing her mama's point but still not having the confidence to eat, she nibbled a little more and sighed, she looked up and saw JJ pop the last of her food into her mouth,
"Mama?"
"Yeah, love bug?"
"Help me please?" she whispered holding out her fork to the blonde,
"Always baby," JJ took the fork and moved Emily from her seat onto her lap, so she could feed her better. Being in her mama's arms and being fed by her, quietened the bad thoughts, and allowed her to eat comfortably, she made her way through all her food and when she was finished, she drank her juice listening to her mama's praises the whole time. Knowing that her mama liked it when she expressed ways, she thinks would help her she took a deep breathe and found the confidence to admit something to the blonde,
"Mama, I um, I…" she trailed of, finding it difficult,
"It's alright love bug, you can say whatever you want," she reassured her girl gently,
"Its um just that, um my mother's voice is in my head making it hard for me to do things, but um having you hold me and help me quietens the thoughts and makes it easier," she confessed, fiddling with her mama's fingers. JJ could have yelled from the happiness she felt, her baby had expressed what she was feeling and what helps, she must have sat in awed silence for a bit too long because, Emily began to fidget anxiously,
"Oh baby, I'm so proud of you, so unbelievably proud. Thank you for telling me that, you did so good expressing how you felt and what you need from me," the blonde praised, Emily's face went red and she ducked her head at the praise, it felt so good having her mama be so proud of her, she cuddled closer to the blonde and let herself be held for the moment, right now she felt good and safe.
For the rest of the day, JJ was able to do what Emily needed, she made sure to stay close to the brunette, coming in to held her when she sensed the thoughts became to much for her, holding her close and feeding her through lunch and dinner, making sure she drank enough and telling her praises when she did, taking her to the potty and helping her finish up. Having JJ as a constant presence throughout her day helped keep the brunette grounded and keep unpleasant thoughts away. After dinner, the two sat on the couch cuddling close together,
"Em baby, I want to talk to you about the scratches on your arm yesterday," JJ started gently, Emily nodded but felt uncomfortable,
"I don't remember doing it mama, I think big Em got upset and did it without thinking," she told the blonde, fiddling with the other woman's hands,
"Alright baby, I want to try something if that's alright, I want you to keep a rubber band in your wrist to you can ping that when you need some relief, that way you won't be hurting yourself to bad and I can know when you feel like hurting yourself, even if your not aware of it," she told her gently. Emily thought about if for a moment, she could do that, that was easy enough,
"Okay mama, I can do that," she told her quietly,
"Thank you, pumpkin, I'm proud of you for being willing to give this a go," she praised gently. Emily smiled back at her and then fidgeted a little,
"Is it time to go potty?" JJ asked gently, Emily only shrugged and fidgeted again, since it had been like that pretty much all-day JJ made the decision for her,
"Alright baby potty time, then we can take a bath together if you'd like, then bottle and bed I think, its getting late," she told her, knowing Emily liked to know what was happening, Emily nodded in agreement and allowed herself to be carried to the bathroom where she was helped onto the potty, JJ turned around to start running the bath but as soon as she had turned a whine came from the brunette,
"Are you okay love bug?" she asked gently, Emily shook her head and JJ crouched down in front of her, trying to work out what was wrong, when she was close enough Emily dropped her head onto the blonde's shoulder, holding her shirt tightly in her fists so the mentally older woman couldn't move away, before peeing. When she was finished, she realised her tight grip on the blonde and allowed herself to be cleaned up and helped with flushing and washing her hands,
"You wanted my attention then pumpkin," JJ said with a slight chuckle finally understanding what had happened, Emily wanted JJ's focus to be on her not the bath. Embarrassed Em looked at the ground and shuffled her feet but gave a little nod to confirm that was what was wrong. Pulling Emily close JJ ran the bath and helped her get undressed before getting undressed herself and helping Em and herself get into the tub, before relaxing in warm water, as she washed the brunette she spoke gently,
"If you ever want my attention love bug, all you have to say to me is attention and you'll have it alright, don't think you can't ask," she told her. Emily nodded but didn't say anything, happy just to be relaxing in the warm water and allowing her mama to wash her.
After the brunette and been dressed into pyjamas and a pull up and JJ was also ready for bed, she was fed her bottle, which was always her favourite part of the day, being held close and being fed gently, the warm milk helping her sleep, once she had been burped, JJ tucked them both in and switched of the light,
"Thank you, mama," Emily said, too tired to explain why she was thanking the blonde, but that was fine as Jennifer knew,
"Goodnight my sweet girl," she whispered placing her kiss on the top of her partners head and holding her tightly in her arms,
"Goodnight mama," Emily whispered in response. And on this day Elizabeth Prentiss had not won.