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Chapter 13

Natalie finished telling him all about Chuck, Paul and Beth, she was still laying back against his chest and he still continued to hold her with his strong arms, he never let up on his grip, he just held her tighter, stronger with each and every word.

John held her not wanting to let go, not ever, she had all this guilt built up inside of her, and guilt was something John knew a little to well. He him self had guilt, a guilt that haunted him for years but had overcome it himself, with a little help from his brother believe it or not. He felt her take a deep breath; he heard her crying begin to stop. He closed his eyes as he felt her take one of his hands that was around her; she held it with hers and intermingled the fingers.

"I like your arms, your fingers" she told him softly as she continued to hold his hand, pulling her fingers in and out of his feeling his rough skin as she did.

"That's good cause they seem to like you," he told her just as softly back leaning down to the top of her head and kissed it, he rested his head on top of hers. After a few seconds he spoke softly to her again.

"You do know that wasn't your fault, right? The accident, all of it, you were just a kid, that guy was a jerk, you need to let go of that guilt" he told her and she closed her eye's.

"I know, I... Just can't, I've been trying...trying so hard to all these years. But...every time I think I can or that I'm making progress...I Just...well it just isn't, isn't enough progress. I really thought when I married Chris I could do it, just move on with him and be happy, forget... maybe open up to him, let him in. But... obviously that didn't happen." She told him as he looked down at their still joined hands. She briefly closed her eyes, and then reopened them.

"It's really late, I've gotta go" she told him and she attempted to get up from his grip, he held on to her tighter

"No, you need to stay"

"I'm really tired, I ...we have work tomorrow" she told him but didn't attempt any further to get up; he still didn't lessen his grip, his hold on her.

"Sleep then, right here, like this," he told her and he briefly closed his eye's.

"Let me hold you and let me show you, show your heart what it feels like to be held without a wall protecting it. Let my arms protect your heart, protect you" he told her as he felt her tense for a minute and then relax it, she leaned into him more, as much as possible, she closed her eye's as his still remained closed and she tried to sleep.

John woke up on the couch alone, she was no longer in his arms as she had spent the night, he looked around the room, she left, he told himself as he then heard her come out of the bathroom.

Natalie walked out of the bathroom to see his face, he was a bit shocked, as if...as if he thought she was gone.

"You thought I left?" she asked him surprised, but why? Why was she surprised he might think that, isn't that what she did, who she was? She shook her head as she heard him finally speak.

"Honestly I did, but I'm glad you didn't" he told her and she took a seat down next to him.

"You really are a nice guy John McBain, probably to nice, to nice for me" she told him.

"Why, do you think you are going hurt me?" he asked her

"Yeah, I hurt everyone, even if I don't set out to, I just do" she told him and he looked at her. He nodded his head no.

"Not this time you won't" he told her optimist, almost knowing, as if knowing something she didn't.

"Do you know something I don't Lt.?" she asked him Joking, he smiled

"Yes, I do, go out with me?" he asked and she looked confused

"What?" really? Isn't it a bit late for that?" she asked

"Yeah, well...maybe, I mean I guess we've sort of started this thing, this sort of relationship in the middle somewhere haven't we?"

"Relationship? Is that what you would call this? Really?" she asked and he nodded yes

"But how and why call it a relationship, we've slept together a few times, fought a whole lot, hated each other at times, I'm a complete mess, and... I don't really know anything about you, only that you're pretty good in the sack," she said as she smiled, he went to her and laughed

"Pretty good Huh?" he said and he moved even closer, he stopped for a minute, all their laugher stopped; he looked into her eyes.

"Go out with me, say you will please, lets try this slow from the beginning, don't run and hide, we've made progress" he told her, she stared at him.

"I'm not sure...I mean... why would you even want to get more involved with me, I really am a huge mess inside, I can't make promises of changing and...and well...I really don't want to hurt you, it would just be something else I felt guilt about if I did." she told him; he brought his hand to her cheek.

"Listen, stop thinking for a few minutes. Stop thinking about everything in your past; stop thinking about what we've already done together. Stop thinking about how you think you're going to hurt me. Stop thinking your issues even, ignore them. Ignore them all, lets just go out maybe a few hundred times and just have some fun. It seems like we could both use a little fun in our lives." he told her and she grinned into his hand.

Natalie debated things at first but then she smiled, "fun Huh?" she said to him out loud, he nodded yes. Boy did that sound good, she told herself, she could just use to maybe have some fun and relax with things, and with him? She questioned herself, she thought about it for a few minutes, they did have a lot of fun together when they stuck in the cabin, and it was light and easy.

"Okay, I'll go out with you, Pick me up at seven" she told him and got up off the couch, she walked closer to the door to leave when he followed her over.

"Wait, you don't seem to understand something. I asked you out, that means I tell you when and where." he said and she looked at him confused at first, then she got a little mad. She was about to say something about his last words until he smiled. He knew that last statement would piss her off and had said it on purpose to get under her skin. He leaned in and gave her a small peck on the cheek.

"I'll pick you up at seven, that is if I knew where you lived," he told her.

"I'll get you my address at work, I don't want to be late, the Chief of Detectives is a real hard ass" she said and she was out the door.