Close your eyes (don't let you catch me)
Flossie1
Summary: When something feels so suffocatingly right, is that when you leave it all? Is that when you cheat the ones that care the most?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and Michael.
Author's Note: Okay, so I'm back. Strangely enough this chapter took me a long time- usually its only half an hour or so. But I think it's finished. To me this is an extremely confusing chapter- so firstly I have to tell you it switches from first Lily, then to James, then to Sirius, then to James and then Lily, James, Lily. Phew.
Oh, and x-woman1 won the competition I had with the Beatles if anyone was wondering.
Enjoy.
-0-0-
There were tears, definitely, she could feel the burn of her eyes every time she closed them, and every time she closed them there were colours. Swirling colours, all of the rainbow, twisting and turning and spiralling, making her head thump and her breath quicken. She was so confused, so worried that she could not take back the past months.
But then if she could, then would she really want to, would it be the best?
"Hey Lily, what was going on down there in the hall? What did James mean?"
"Lils! Where've you been? Why have you locked the door?"
"Lily open up! I have to ask you something!"
"What's going on Lily? Michael wont come out of the bathroom either- we're worried. Lily…"
And then it stopped, they had given up probably, figured it wasn't worth it. Was she worth it?
Well good. She wanted peace and quiet anyhow. Maybe that would clear up her head, make it all stop and let her have at least one sound thought.
-0-0-
Fuck.
Why did he always have to make everything go crazy? Why was it always him that leaves the girl in the bathroom crying? The fire in the common room was too hot, the whispers too loud, sweat was trickling down him forehead, down his cheeks, he touched them.
No, tears.
All around him he could hear them whispering about the scandal. Everyone had their own opinion, everyone had something to say, and as each person drew breath- there was bound to have more shit come dribbling out of their mouth.
He wanted to stand up and scream at them that they had gotten it all wrong, that he hadn't stolen Lily from Michael, he hadn't corrupted her and stolen her innocence. "Never in a million years would I have guessed Lily be off with James Potter- that woman pig..." He wanted to tell each and every one of them that Lily was not locked in the bathroom only because James has the incessancy to stuff up lives.
He wanted to, but there was a tiny little voice, quiet and soft, kept telling him they were all right, that James was wrong, and he just couldn't see it.
Well, if there was one thing he knew he would be tortured to watch every time he fell asleep was the look on Lily's face earlier that morning.
He was branded with the image, to forever watch as Lily eyes darkened, as her face froze, watch as Michael stood up to punch James, but then look back at Lily, and his whole body collapsed, he was on the floor, the cold floor, and then there was James. Watching from atop of them both, as he saw the recognition cross him like a thousand slashes to his face.
He looked up again at Lily, her face blank, white, unmoving, and then to James. He nodded once, and stood himself slowly up- like it took every strength to.
And then Sirius stood, and offered him a hand. And he took it.
And then there was Sirius, betraying him.
No.
Sirius was the betrayed one.
That was, if there was to have a moment in his life to come second in hell, the moment when Sirius turned to look at him when he helped Michael up, and his eyes. Sirius- the guy that James laughed with, played pranks with, known since he was 11 years old, the one that went out with a different girl each week, was disappointed in him.
James had stepped, knowingly, selfishly, over the line that should never have been crossed.
-0-0-
It was wrong. Sirius Black, of all people, deserting his best friend. But it wasn't deserting he reminded himself.
James had left a long time ago.
When it became his whole life to make a game out of Lily Evans. He had been sitting there, spells for the coming test replaying, running over and over his mind when he heard James make his pimpy, "look at me!" speech.
Normally Sirius wouldn't have minded. But he did. Because when he saw Lily, he knew she loved James, it was so clear, in her eyes, her smiles, her frown.
And that would have been alright, if Sirius hadn't known James well.
And James was one of those guys that didn't particularly care much for anything.
Sure, his friends, and certain family members, but Sirius knew that he was using this girl, this oblivious pretty, girl, because he liked to show who was boss. He didn't love her, or else he wouldn't hurt her in front of the whole school.
And that why it felt so much better to help this poor girl's poor boyfriend up, not walk away hand-in-hand with James.
Sometimes it's fair to do what you think is right, and not care about everyone else, screaming at you to go the other way- to walk in the other direction because of your past or what they think you believe in.
-0-0-
James couldn't handle it anymore, god, he had at least five girls giving him a death stare from behind, ten or so glaring at him from the right, and then Sirius shaking his head sadly at him from the other side.
He strode out of the room towards the girl's dormitories, not caring about the looks he was getting, or the girl's telling him not to go, he just pushed past them, silenced them.
-0-0-
Lily heard someone softly lean against the other side of the door.
Like a mirror of her leaning on it from the other side.
She could hear his soft breathing and the heaviness against her back, and the colours faded away, the swirling, moving headache was going, and she let the breath she had been keeping for so long, out. Let it go.
-0-0-
He swallowed. He didn't know how long he'd be sitting here, on the faded cream carpet in front of Arabella's four-poster.
It was nice.
-0-0-
She got herself slowly up from the still tiles, her legs creaking a little.
And she turned the knob to the door.
.