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Chapter 17 (NC-17)

"I lost the baby at almost four months " Natalie told him and she didn't know why, that was her biggest secret, of all the things she kept inside that was the one she held closest to her heart, afraid the most to reveal and she just did, and it didn't take much coaxing either. He pulled her even closer to his chest and held her even tighter.

"Do you want to talk about it? Maybe it'll good for you if you do." he told her and she pulled off his chest for a minute

"There's nothing else to talk about, it happened and its over, it wasn't such a good thing anyways, I had no-one back then" she told him as she didn't move her eye's from his, he stared back at her.

"You know sometimes to talk about things helps to d--" he was in the middle of saying as she cut off his words

"John! I don't want to talk about it," she said getting mad and she pushed completely out of his arms and walked quickly up the stairs to her room, she checked in on Julia before she settled in on her bed. She lay down in the middle of it, stared at the ceiling, she closed her eyes briefly, and when she opened them again she saw him out of the corner of her eye.

John walked into her room, closed the door behind him, and looked to see her lying on her bed with closed eyes. He knew how hard it was for her to open up to him, to tell him a secret about something that obviously had a huge impact on her life and who she was today. He also knew he shouldn't have pushed her so much, he took the risk of pushing her further away and that he didn't want to do. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you, I know how hard it was for you to even let me in, in the first place" he told her as he laid himself down next to her, he turned on his side facing her body, she turned also, there eye's met. He reached in gently with his lips and kissed her.

Natalie felt his gentle kiss, she closed her eye's, she just wanted to feel, feel him, feel something, something other than the pain, other than the guilt, she felt his arms come around her, as he stopped kissing her and looked into her eye's. He knew what would make her feel better if only for a little while. He touched her mouth with his deeply, she responded right away, she didn't hesitate and she allowed herself to get lost in what she was feeling now, for him and how he was making her feel rather than the emotions she had locked up deep inside her.

After a few minutes of Kissing, John pulled away, he began to stand from the bed, he pulled her up by her hand, they stood silently facing each other as he reached and started to remove her clothes.

John's hands started at the hem of her shirt, he pulled it up and over her head as they stared into each other's eyes. Never wavering there eye's he threw her shirt to the floor, and watched as she unhooked her own bra in the back and let it fall to the floor, John's hands went down to the front of her pants, he unbuttoned them and pushed them along with her lacy panties down to the floor.

Natalie stepped out of her pants, her panties, she stood Naked in front of him, not just her flesh was naked but her soul felt naked too, her heart even. She was stripped of things she held inside for to long, she watched as he started to remove his clothes, she moved a bit closer and gently, slowly, helped with the buttons on his shirt, she looked at the buttons, one by one, and she undid them, she looked up as she did meeting his eye's. As she finished up his buttons, he unhooked his pants, unzipped them, and started to push them down his legs along with his boxers.

Natalie finished his buttons, she shed him of his shirt just as he was shedding himself of his bottom garments, he too now stood naked and in front of her. No words were said nor any touching occurred for several minutes till she got a bit teary and spoke.

"You make it so easy to be naked in front of you, to bear it all. Thank you," she told him and he smiled weakly. He moved closer to her, he picked her up in his arms, walked them a few feet, and placed her on her bed gently. His body came upon hers as he stared into her eyes, his mouth moved in slowly and carefully as it started its journey.

Natalie arched up her back as his mouth started lowering itself down towards her naked breast. He stopped at one of her nipples and took it into his mouth and he heard her let out a cry of pleasure. Slowly he continued to take on her breasts, to devour them with his mouth, with his tongue as he felt her body arching up more with each action, as he heard her moans, her cries, her letting go.

Natalie let it go, all of it, she was relaxed and his mouth was helping to do that, his actions, they sent shivers thru her body, over and over as his tongue cause the heat in her body to intensify, she felt him move his hand down to her core, one hand as his mouth stayed on her nipple. She let out a cry of enjoyment, excitement, of pleasure as he inserted two fingers at once. She bit down on her lip and tried to hold back as his agonizing actions cause her to let go completely for a moment. She started to move her hips, up and down on his fingers as her walls started to tighten around him, his mouth was still on her breasts and he suckled them with out easing as she let out a few more yelps of pleasure as she came down from her high, from her release.

John felt her finish for the moment and he removed his fingers, he removed his mouth from her breast and brought them both up towards her face. He stared in her eye's as there faces were within inches of each others, he saw a tear come to her eye, the tear released itself down her cheek, he brought his hand up, his finger and wiped it away.

"I wanna be able to wipe away all your tears, let me" he told her and she brought her head up, her mouth up, she leaned into him and kissed him deeply, she laid her head back on the bed as his mouth came back to hers as he gently entered her. He pushed himself towards the back of her core, the furthest possible place. He pulled his lips off of hers as he started to pushed himself in and out of her, over and over, slowly at first but picking up speed with every movement, she brought her hands up on his bare chest, his bare soul even, she touched the skin over his heart and she too started movements. Up and down meeting his actions as she felt him tremble a bit, as she felt herself contract, tighten; let go, at the same time.

John pulled himself off of her, out of her, he kissed her deeply as he did and laid himself on his side next to her. He took her hand, joined it in his as he looked at her, and stared into her eyes. She looked back into his eyes.

" I think this thing between us, this going back and starting from the beginning, this relationship, I think it may be moving faster than we originally wanted it to, than we originally expected it to, or at least for me anyways, cause I think...never mind" he said and she needed to know. She spoke softly

"Cause why John?" she asked him and he was a bit hesitant at first.

"I don't want to ruin this, to scare you off, its not important right now, its not the time " he said and she shook her head

"You won't scare me off, lots of things scare me, but for some reason, a reason I am unaware of, you don't, you actually make me feel safe, which is something I've never felt before, well not in a real long time anyways." she told him, he smiled weakly at her and said it.

"Cause I think I'm falling in Love with you, Hell! I think I've already fallen" he told her and she got tearier, she brought his hand to her mouth, and she kissed it.

"I lied there are a few things that do scare me when I'm with you. I'm scared of hurting you, scared of loving you, but... as scared of loving you as I think I am, I still think maybe I do" she told him and she kissed him softly on the lips. He leaned himself back on the bed and pulled her on his chest, he reached down with his hands and pulled some covers up and over their naked bodies as they just laid there in contented silence.