Close your eyes (don't let you catch me)
Flossie1
Summary: When something feels so suffocatingly right, is that when you leave it all? Is that when you cheat the ones that care the most?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and Michael.
Author's Note: This isn't usually like me. Don't get used to it.
Get a chapter as long as this I actually got a chapter upAmazing huh? The whole story climax is coming up soon- so even though it may seem as though things are going pretty slow- I hope you can all understand that this is like…the calm before the storm you know? I'm hoping it is the calm- and just not some seriously bad writer's block. (and I'm hoping that it writer's block doesn't exist) This is a pretty big chapter for me.
Thousand and six hundred and forty nine words, this chapter is absolutely massive. This- I'm not sure how this chapter is going to be to all you guys- I'm especially hoping it all seems, not too soap opera'ish. Thank you to all those who reviewed- Here it is.
-0-0-
I don't know what it's like to feel completely empty. To have no friends no loved ones. To feel completely hollowed out- to feel like there is no one in the world who would care if you were to die that very second. How it would feel not to care about any one in the world- so lonely. So isolated.
I imagine that it's a lot like this.
"Well, truthfully, Lily- he wouldn't have been good for you anyway, I mean, seriously, he has glasses for god's sake..."
I know its rude not to listen to her. After all she is my best friend.
But what the hell is she saying? Does she even have the slightest idea to what went on? Does she even want to know? Or is her little assumption good enough for her?
"…my god, so actually said that James was out last night! She actually saw…"
It obviously is.
Her voice was now a slow drone, in the back of my mind. Like a soft humming. Thank god I can sort of block her out. I hope she doesn't think I'm listening…
"Lily? Are you listening to me?"
"Ugh, Alice- you know I…" James walked into the common room, followed by his friend Sirius.
Oh god. Their eyes met- one…two…
She looked away quickly- tearing her eyes from his.
'Alice- you know, I'm, ugh, I'm really tired." She got up out of the chair;
"Lily…"
Alice wasn't dumb. Her gaze drifted to Lily then to James. And then back again.
"No, Alice, okay? I'll talk to you in the morning, alright?"
-0..0-
God- does she honestly think I wouldn't notice that?
Does she honestly think I don't know she's ignoring me?
I walk into class- she creates a fascination with the wall next to her, I walk down the stairs- she's at the bottom- suddenly divination isn't in the High Tower anymore.
And then I walk into common room. And I look over at her. She turns away.
And she yawns loudly, gets up, and half- runs up the stairs. Leaving all her books and quill on the table.
Okay- I know she doesn't want to see me anymore…but this is extreme…
"She's ignoring you, you know." Her friend looks up at me;
"She thinks she doesn't want to see you, "
My heart thumps a little faster, does that mean she wants to see me and she's in denial?
Or does in mean she doesn't and that Alice thinks she does and is in denial? Or maybe she's in denial about that?
Or maybe she's in denial that she's in denial about being in denial about liking me?
Yes. That would be it.
"You dick Prongs- I can literally hear your little hamster spinning," Sirius saunters over and nudges me in the arm,
"Oh! And look how she's left all of her things out? She wouldn't want to leave them here, they'd get…"
"Stolen most probably." Alice butts in.
Sirius nods solemnly, "And that's her favourite quill, am I right Alice?"
"Oh yes." Alice said eagerly.
"Terrible to have such a thing stolen- would it not James?"
This would be almost funny if I hadn't seriously considered taking it up to her before.
Maybe it would be better not to take it up to her? Wasn't I never supposed to see her again?
But saving her quill form an obvious disaster of a fate was allowed, was it not?
"Hold on, Alice- why can't you give her back her stuff?"
There was a moment's silence, Sirius looked scared for a second…"Alice…she's…she's got a cold…"
Alice suddenly coughed once, loudly.
"And she must…go…to the…Sick Bay…. To…ugh…"
"Get better." Alice chimed in, "I must get better."
"Yes," Sirius nodded, "She must."
James picked up the papers, and dropped the quill into his pocket, "Well if you guys are sure…"
Alice sneezed.
"Well, okay…"
He disappeared up the staircase.
"Any excuse." Sirius chuckled.
-0..0-
She was packing her clothes away for the holidays. Folding each one neatly. Not a crease.
The door creaked as he opened it, her head spun around in surprise;
"You left these, downstairs…" he held the notebook up for her to see, perhaps maybe in self defence- he had a feeling that from their last meeting something hard might be thrown at him, anything in reach, just so he was prepared, "Alice said-"
God- that sounded so dorky. Does she know I had practised that in my head? Oh god… Is talking a good sign? Shouldn't she be talking?
They stood there- facing each other- minutes passed- one…two…
Electricity bounced off of their bodies, contracting, grinding. Neither game enough move- to speak even.
To breathe.
He crossed the room in two long strides, in one swift movement he had her face in his hands- he didn't even check to look at her face- check what he was doing was right. He just acted.
She groaned slowly as their lips met; what the hell am I doing?
If it wasn't for James' hand pressed against her back- she doubted she could stand. Her legs gave way- a definite shiver ran slowly along her neck as his hands massaged her neck.
Okay- but both factors could easily be explained by a number of things- like the fact that the dorm window was letting in a chill, and maybe I was severely lacking in whatever vitamin it is that is responsible for fundamental functions- such as leg-steadying. And those butterflies fluttering around in my gut? Indigestion.
She needed to be closer to him- she needed to get closer.
She hasn't pushed me away and slapped me yet- a good sign, right?
She began stepping slowly backwards towards the bed.
I do. I love him. Shit- I am in so much trouble- why do I have to feel this way?
He stopped to kiss the side of his neck, he looked up at her- into her eyes- Does she seriously want this?
There was a huge part in James that still couldn't believe he was kissing Lily again. Twenty-four hours ago he wasn't sure he would ever get the chance to talk to her again- let alone…this.
But then another- he was so close to her- so close to…Oh god- I've got to stop thinking about this, thinking sensibly. Fuck sensible thinking.
Breathing slowly- she whispered, "Everyone's gone down to the kitchens for a party…" she pulled off his shirt- "I heard about it this afternoon…" he began unbuttoning the top if her t-shirt, nodding briefly,
"…Not back till around twelve..." he murmured to show he heard, trailing small kissing across her cheek.
They stopped as he kissed her again- silencing her- Putting everything- every emotion, hatred, lust, love…all into one single kiss. Bringing it al together- he needed her-
And she couldn't do without him.
A match.
Like all the clichés- all the princesses and their princes, Yogi and Lou-Lou, Elizabeth and Darcy…It was so right…
There's going to be no use making anymore of her stupid rules anymore, he suddenly realised, It's just going to end up like this…She drew her hands up to his hair pushing him closer…God…his tongue sliding along her own…
A knock on the door.
They both froze. Daren't tot move. James's head shot up;
"L-lily?"
A voice half-whispered from the door, "Lily? Some…some, some girls downstairs told me you were up here packing…" he paused, swallowing hard.
James looked over to Lily's shocked face, milky white, she turned slowly to his, mouthing, "Michael."
"I've been thinking Lily. I, I know, I mean, I can forgive you- about, about you and whoever that guy was…"
James couldn't help it- a slow chuckle rose in his throat, What a dickhead, the whole school knows and you can't even work it out…
"I do love you Lily. I want to give us another try…"
I could kill the little shit…
"You- I, You don't have to open the door Lily…You don't have to, to talk to me if you don't want to…" He stopped for a second- as if waiting for an answer;
"Just- can you just, think about it at least?" he turned to leave, but then, as an afterthought;
"I love you." His voice wavered at the end.
Lily sat up as soon she heard his steps down the stairs, listened as the door softly shut.
James rolled off Lily, and picked up his shirt- discarded on the floor. Lily busied herself with the buttons on her shirt- covering her bra with one hand, trembling.
James heaved her suitcase back onto the bed, tossing the once neatly folded items messily into the case.
She got silently up from her sitting position, pulling her hair into a messy pony with a lackey from her dresser.
Stood there, face burning, watching as James walked out of the dorm.
He turned at the doorway- neglecting to look into her eyes,
'Have a good holiday Lily."
.