Cover your eyes (don't let you catch me)
Flossie1
Summary: When something feels so suffocatingly right, is that when you leave it all? Is that when you cheat the ones that care the most?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and Michael.
Author's Note: This has been sitting in my computer for over a month now, just sitting and stewing over. And finally, after so long of me having no ideas whatsoever of how else to write it- I've decided to cut my losses and see how it goes with you guys. I was unsure of what to write, so this is what came out of me a few hours after I finished the previous chapter. I have tried to incorporate some of the reviewers' ideas and such into it- but I'm unsure if that idea got anywhere. I have hardly changed anything, so hopefully you'll enjoy it.
-0-0-
"No James, honestly it was not what you think, I wouldn't…"
"Oh for god's sake Lily! I saw it! Don't lie to me and make it all-"
How had they gotten like this? How could, one second before, you love someone so much it hurt- and then the next screaming at the top of your voice? How did all of that add up?
"…he came over, he wanted, James, but I didn't, I wouldn't…"
When you were so certain that love conquers all? When you are brought up, when you're a child nothing else matters, love survives. Every article in every newspaper, no matter what has happened, fire, flood. Love survives.
It might not be visible to those involved at the time, but it is there. The old man who watched it from his cushioned plaid sofa felt it. The girl who delivered that mornings paper felt it.
No doubt you feel it.
"Just don't fucking lie to me Lily. Just…"
When you are in love, you don't fight. You don't yell or swear. Love is supposed to turn out like how it feels.
The door slammed.
-0-0-
She collapsed to the floor. Her body rippling with shock.
Crying.
Because what else was there to do?
There was no emotion left in her. He had come in and soaked it all away, evaporated into mist and then into the air. She cried because there was no going back, she cried because she was empty, she cried because she still loved him.
But most of all, she cried because she now understood what had happened. She now understood what he had seen;
"I'll see you back at school, right?" she nodded slowly, smiling a little.
He waved quickly before he pulled the hood of his raincoat over his eyes.
She was about to close the door when she saw him. A figure, leaning against the gate.
A figure she so very well recognised.
She could remember faintly her father coming up behind her and wrapping his strong arms around her. He had been whispering soothing words into her ear, holding her like she was a baby once again, rocking. She could not remember what the words were.
"Oh Jesus James, your soaked, quick, get inside, I'll…"
She had pushed him in through the front door, taking off his drenched coat for him and hanging it over an old chair.
She handed him a towel to dry himself, "Walk on the tiles or else I'll never dry the carpet out." She had joked, smiling at him.
He hadn't smiled back.
Her father had put her to bed that night, covering her small body with blankets like he once did when she was a little girl. Turning off her bedside light and closing the door slowly.
"Why hadn't you come inside before? It's pouring outside, you could have caught something."
He hadn't answered her. It was at this time Lily realised there was something wrong.
Hardly daring to ask, afraid of what the answer might be, "What's wrong James?"
He hadn't answered at first; he had sat there and waited. Lily couldn't move.
"I've been sitting here for how long now?" his question was not directed at anyone in particular, "And you've invited me into your home, you've given me dry clothes and…" he stopped, swallowing hard;
"I can handle all of that, but don't you dare act like your not fucking Michael, don't you dare lie to me and play me around."
He had watched his daughter sleeping. Watched as she breathed slowly in and out. Wondered what she would be dreaming? If the days' events haunted her sleep also?
He could not recall the last time he had felt like this, like he must protect his daughter from the harsh reality of wakefulness.
Perhaps it was the day she left on that train to go to her first day at a completely new school, a completely different world. He wondered if that was what every parent felt or perhaps he was just lucky to be burdened with the love of his children, and so with that came constant worry. Their mother used to do all of that, but now it was up to him.
That was what scared him the most.
He wished he didn't feel that he must protect her- but what could he do?
She'd entered a place where grown ups play. And he wasn't sure he wanted her there just yet.
-0..0-
I had been sitting there watching Lily as she ran around, fetching me towels and warm drinks. The words I wanted to say to her had played over and over in my mind as I had stood outside before.
I had decided I would be as cruel and as harsh as I knew I should be. She deserves it.
As I watched her however, I began to falter; I began to wonder maybe what I had seen was-
No, that was a weakness. Remember what you saw before. Remember. You know what you saw.
"…don't you dare act like your not fucking Michael, don't you dare lie to me and play me around."
The words escaped my mouth easily, but as soon as they had, I regretted them.
The look of utter bewilderment on her face as she turned to my eyes. And hurt.
It seemed as though the words had cut her deep, somewhere, dark and sad inside of her. I had hurt her.
"James… James you, you can't think that?"
He turned his face coldly to her defiantly.
"James…" her voice was a whisper, begging.
I had tried so hard not to believe her. As much as my heart yearned to hold her and promise her I'd never hurt her again, I could not.
My pride had been hurt. I was embarrassed that I could be played so easily.
And I had seen her, in her room with that boy, Michael. How could she deny it? How could she sit there and try to make me believe it was nothing?
She got up from her chair, crouching on the floor she held his face in her hands, begging him to listen.
"James, I love you, you know, you know I would never…"
Tears fell readily from her eyes, as she kissed him. Forcefully, with all the passion she had left.
Seeking, searching for what she still wished was still there, only hiding now, searching for his love for her.
She pressed herself against him, her hand against the unshaven stubble of his cheek, pleading with him to believe her. She pulled away when she realised he was not returning her kiss.
His hand pushed her away.
It was that second that I let it build, the barrier, the wall that would keep her away from me. To keep her lies withheld.
I almost believed her when she told me she loved me.
He suddenly became angry;
"I told you Lily," his cracked at the end, "Don't…you've, you've already…"
"No James, honestly, it was not what you think. Please James, listen to me, we made peace James. That's all ever wanted from him. Peace."
"Oh for god's sake Lily! I saw it! Don't lie to me and make it all…"
"All what?! What James? He came over, he wanted, James, but I didn't, I wouldn't…"
Silence. They stood there, facing each other. Angry.
Because if they left room for any other emotion they would end up making up- and neither wanted that now.
"Just don't fucking lie to me Lily. Just…"
He backed away from her, a scared look bleaching his handsome face, like a small child taunted over a school lunch.
He was afraid of what he was feeling. Because he knew he should not feel anything else towards her than hatred.
So the love that was so evidently staining his emotions confused him. He was afraid of what he did not understand.
He stumbled and grasped for the door handle.
Lightning struck the angry grey sky.
Blanching the dark clouds with an eerie glow before another clap of thunder beckoned.
A storm.