Close your eyes (don't let you catch me)
Flossie1
Summary: When something feels so suffocatingly right, is that when you leave it all? Is that when you cheat the ones that care the most?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and Michael.
Author's Note:
I would like to, first and foremost, thank every single person that has come to this page. Whether you bother to read author's notes or not, (god knows I don't) I need to simply let you know how much I appreciate this.
That said, I am fully aware that half…at least half of my readers have moved on or given up on this fic- which I don't blame you for. Last year…was a very hard year. And, well…I'm not going to go on about it all… but…I came back to "Close your Eyes" by accident while I was looking through my word docs and I realized how happy it made me feel to have a person reply to my writing, in any form. It's been a very long time, at least 6 months I think, and I found an e-mail telling me to "never give up" on this story. And I suppose it looked like I had for a time there.
But here it is. Probably not my best, I have not written for fan fiction for a very long time and this chapter is just getting me back into my groove
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
-0-0-
"Hey Prongs, its bloody freezing- get your arse in here"
The snow reminded him of everything pure...all the beauty he had ever seen, imagined...touched.
With her...he got butterflies. What a teenage, love-sick, girly thing to feel. He would never admit to it, but...something, happened when he was with her and...time sped up.
With no friendly sign or light to prepare him. Suddenly he has missed everything, as though he had been sleeping for a very long time- her touch, her lips...her. He'd ruined something, in a moment, a second- gone. And suddenly all he found left, all life's sympathy could spare- the butterflies...dancing...
Lily. In a dress.
He forgets which colour, which day, year, and hour- she had worn it. Found in her mother's glory box, or was it? She had told him...told him her memory. Of this dress...was it white? Yes...he remembers...She had danced in it that day- felt she was a princess, a queen...
When James could not bring himself to remember a time where Lily was his, where eh was able to hold her hand, touch her, take her for granted. When he was so naïve to think that this would last; he would remember her telling him this single memory. For it was more special to him than any of the embraces they shared.
It had been almost midnight, they sat by the lake, laughing together, hidden underneath the tent-like safety of his coat.
She had been thrilled to break such a rule...and yet amazed that she was actually there. It was then that she shared...a part of her. Dancing, she was a little girl...her pleasure watching the trail of silk flow behind her, ever-trying to catch up to her as she dodged its tail.
A game. The flowers, embroidery...the feel of the cool, pleated sleeves against her skin...
He had slipped into bed that night feeling she had just given him a part of her.
And feeling so fortunate to be trusted with it.
Now it was all gone. And all that was left? The butterflies...
-0-0-
It was snowing.
How many months had it been since she had been sitting by the lake, cooling her feet in its water and laughing with her friends?
She hardly cared anymore. When it seemed only days since she had been following the raindrops hold races down frosty window panes, watching then swerve and mold together, as if following a line, a secret pattern only they knew...how could she keep track of time?
The seasons cruelly reminded her of it, every time she dared to open her curtains- to such an extent that it hurt to know that summer was coming soon...meaning a whole year since...
Time was a threat to everything she once believed in, and she could imagine it draining away all the things she could once look in the mirror and smile about; like the water after a bath- swirling and spinning down away and out of sight, a hypnotizing scene...watching all you ever wanted, helpess as it dries away. And the worst part, the most terrible, unforgivable thing was that she; she was the one that had pulled the plug.
She had done this to herself, and all she had the energy to feel now was regret. Playing moments over and over in her mind until she felt sick and her head felt too heavy.
Fall down to her bed and squeeze her eyes tight, let the any light filter away, let her eyes focus on nothing, nothingness... and do all she could to forget. Forget...for one moment even, for a second.
Let the dreariness of her mind blanch out the cool, pure white that surrounded her every-
"Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiily! You would NOT believe who I saw this afternoon with Jessica"
She sat up, her head feeling clouded and flustered to be disturbed from the trance she had herself under. She smiled in spite of herself...like a snake-tamer...
"...What are you doing Lil? You look sort of"
She pulled her hair away from her face and took in a deep breath,
"No, no I'm fine. Absolutely."
Smile. Look interested. Smile.
Apparently Ben, her ex-boyfriend, had been talking to Jennifer, who told Amy that he still liked her. And then when she went over to him at the lake he said they wanted to get back together again, and then she said yes and then they saw what they had-
I wonder what James is doing?
-just kissed. Right in front of her. Like she didn't CARE or something even though she wasn't there, which is so dumb because she knew she likes him. But really, that shouldn't change anything because she knew she's only doing this because she borrowed her dress for that party-
He might be practicing Quidditch...is it Quidditch season already? I forget...
-0-0-
"James, seriously- are you wearing a t-shirt!"
Remus didn't know what to think anymore.
Sitting, cross-legged by the fire, letting the heat burn onto his face uncomfortably, yet knowing he hadn't the energy to move, he sighed. He knew Sirius had noticed James' sudden change. Ever since first day- at the feast! He looked okay then, normal.
James had been sitting on the snow, a huddle of dull colour, a speck in the middle of the desert of white, for...hours, at least. Remus glanced idly at the stack of books James was yet to cover. Sirius muttered something under his breath as he jammed the window shut with an uncomfortable shudder.
Sirius wouldn't talk about James; of course, Remus knew he was still trying to bring his friend back by acting normally.
Normal. What the hell was normal lately anyway?
From what his friends could gather- James was sulking over Lily breaking up with him.
This made little sense to Remus, as he knew Lily scarcely left her room, and, as Remus watched, on the few days she allowed herself to appear between classes, she tried not to look at anyone square on. For the first few days of school her friends grouped around her protectively, in a huddle of hugs and soothing noises.
Something had happened over the holidays, the question was, why?
-0-0-
As if both figures were frozen in one moment in time, both grieving...both basking in the cruel glow regret had shone upon them.
Both wanting...needing the same thing, however both convinced the other was feeling the opposite.
And so two figures moved in time, as if following a path somehow drawn out for each other, although neither believed in fate.
….
a/n: hello again, I would just like to point out, if you have not already noticed, that I have been trying to compare emotions through the weather.
At the beginning, everything was sunny and happy- once James and Lily get together, it is cold, (as their relationship hurt others, it is hardly a joyous affair) and (Lily sits in front of the fire for their first kiss) and a storm breaks out when they break up, through the whole misunderstanding. When they feel sad, and regretful, as they write those letters, it is drizzling. And finally, it is snowing. Both Lily and James are too scared to do anything about their sorrow, and therefore their love will continue in the icy, hollow state.
A thousand thank you's.