Chapter two : Revelations and reflexions

Inu-Yasha's POV

I woke up but I kept my eyes closed. I was aching everywhere, like if I had just been run over by one of those trains in Kagome's time. I was feeling weaker than I had ever felt before and I was fairly certain that my legs woudn't be able to support me right now.

I was lying on something soft, a futon probably. From the smell, though my sense of smell had never seemed weaker to me, I could tell that I was in Kaede's hut, and that the old hag was somewhere to my left. I could also pick the scents of Kagome and the others, meaning they were in the hut too. The weard thing was, no one was talking. I could hear the crackling of the fire and some little water sounds, but no voices. Why was everyone so silent ? Why were we here ? No wait, more important, why was I here ?

And then I remembered ; I had passed out. Me. Passing out. Something I would usually only do if on the brink of death. And why had I passed out this time ? Because Kagome sat me. That was ridiculous ! She sat me millions of times before and well, yeah it hurt but to pass out from it ! That was stupid !

I tried to calm down. Come on, this couldn't be the only reason ! Maybe I was sick. Or injured. Maybe I had been poisoned. There was plenty of possibilities ! I decided that it would be a good idea to ask Kaede about it. She was very knowledgeable in these sort of things.

Slowly, I opened my eyes. It was dark in the hut, except for the fire, so I logically assumed that it was night outside. As I had first thought, Kaede was sitting at my left with a small basin of water in front of her. The others were gathered around the fire, still not uttering a word.

I had to struggle to sit up ; my back was aching and every last ones of my muscles were burning like hell. Everyone immediately turned to look at me.

"Inu-Yasha !" Kagome all but yelled.

She came running at me and then she hugged me. I couldn't repress a whimper of pain, and she instantly let go of me. With tears in her eyes and a voice full of remorse, she said :

"Inu-Yasha, are you OK ? I'm sorry I sat you, I didn't want to hurt you ! I swear ! Will you forgive me ? I'm so sorry Inu-Yasha !"

She was almost crying now. The others were just looking at me worriedly, like if they were sorry too, while they hadn't done anything. Humans were weird sometimes... I wanted to reassure them but before I could place a word Kaede preceded me :

"Do not worry my child" she told Kagome, "he will be fine. Now if ye may please leave us alone for a moment, I need to have a talk with Inu-Yasha"

"But why can't we stay ?" Kagome asked almost desperately.

"He may tell ye afterward if he wants to" Kaede answered, "but I have to tell him first"

I was getting curious, and dare I admit, a bit apprehensive too. The others reluctantly left us and Kaede finally turned to me.

"Maybe ye should lie down, Inu-Yasha" she said.

"No" came my predictable answer. "What's it that you want to tell me, old hag ?"

She frowned at the way I called her but didn't reply. Softly, she asked :

"How are ye feeling my child ?"

I thought about lying, but for some reason the words escaped my mouth before I could stop them :

"I'm aching everywhere. I'm feeling weak and I think I'm gonna throw up very soon"

Which was all the pure truth. I was surprised myself at how much I had told her, but Kaede just smiled to me and said :

"That is to be expected. Is your stomach hurting ?"

"Hum... no"

She looked somewhat relieved. Confused, I asked her :

"So, what's wrong with me ?"

She seemed to think for a moment. Then she said :

"Nothing is... wrong with ye, Inu-Yasha. However, ye might be surprised by what is happening to ye. It's because of that if ye passed out and it's also the reason of your present state"

"What are you getting at ? What happened to me ?" I urged her.

Kaede sighed and answered :

"I examined ye myself, and I payed attention to every detail. There's no mistake, Inu-Yasha. Ye are pregnant"

I found myself wondering if passing out a second time would be such a bad idea...

.x Somewhere far away from Kaede's village x.

Normal POV

This clearing was calm. It was a good thing. He liked it whenever it was calm. He was all but a loud person and the calm was fitting him most. The calm and the cold. Like winter. Like himself.

"Lord Sesshomaru ! I found beautiful flowers over here !" came a young and joyful voice.

If Sesshomaru woul've been able to, he would have smiled to her. But he couldn't. His cold expression was fixed on his face for so long now that he didn't think it could ever be removed. Not that he cared, really. But he would've liked to smile for her, just one time. For Rin.

Rin was the total opposite of him. She was like summer. Warm, caring, cheerful. Everything but calm. Ok, so maybe he didn't mind noise that much. It depended on what was making the noise.

"Leave the Lord alone, you brat !" came another nasal voice.

That noise was definitely an annoying one. Sesshomaru wondered why exactly he was keeping Jaken with him. The small toad wasn't that useful, after all. Add to that, he was always whining and talking nonsense. He should have killed him a long time ago. He could do it now. But then Rin would be sad...

Sesshomaru almost snorted. Since when did he care about the feelings of a human child ? Since Rin was with him, that was the answer. He was softening and he knew it. But strangely, he didn't feel weaker like he thought he would. In fact, he felt somewhat... stronger. Was that what his father meant when he asked him if he had something to protect ? Was that why his brother was keeping humans with him ?

At the thought of his younger sibling, his expression darkened. But it wasn't anger, oh no. Not anymore.

Sesshomaru, demon Lord of the West, was sad.

Sesshomaru's POV

Why is it that I can't seem to get him out of my head ? Why are my every thoughts coming back to him whatever I do ? It's been two months since then... Why can't I just forget ?

Because I don't want to, that's why. I wish to remember everything we did that night. Everything I did to him. Everything he did to me. I wish to remember him.

I used to hate him, I know. Why ? I'm not sure anymore. Because it was his fault father died ? But that's not true. That reason, I made it up. I blamed him, but it wasn't his fault. Because his mother was human, perhaps ? But Rin is human too. Some humans are special. They're very few, but I think Inu-Yasha's mother was among them. Like Rin. Maybe I hated him simply because he was a hanyou ? But that doesn't seem so important anymore. He's strong, after all. Is he not the only one that could ever beat me in a fight ? Is he not the only one I consider worthy of fighting ? So he is a hanyou. But he is in a class of his own.

Why, why did I hate him for so long ? Why did I waste all that time ? Because I was jealous ? Because I thought father preferred him to me ? That's preposterous. And deep down, I know that it's a lie.

So, maybe I hated him for no significant reason. And that discovery pains me.

He's like Rin, in some ways. He's so energic and determined. So full of life. Not like me. He can laugh, I can't. He can cry, I can't. He can smile, I...

Suddenly, it occures to me that I did smile once. Just one time. During that night. I smiled to him. And he smiled back. What I felt then was so forbidden to me, but so wonderful at the same time. I think I miss that feeling... Not even Rin can give it to me. And yet, she's one of the few things I hold dear.

I know I marked him. I couldn't resist. The moment just seemed so... perfect. Never before had someone made me feel this way. Like if there was nothing I couldn't do. Truly nothing.

It's only in the morning that I realized what I had done. I never thought I would one day feel what humans call fear. Everything had gone too fast. The night, the mating, my feelings for him... It was suddenly so different. And what about him ? He hated me. He always had. Why would this one night change anything ? If so, he would hate me more for what I had done to him.

It hadn't started in a romantic way. He was in heat. I was the closest demon around. His scent seduced me, so I went to him. He accepted me, because he needed relief. I didn't think much of it. I tought it would make no difference. One night of pleasure and that was all. I didn't know it would change my every perceptions of him.

That's why I left. Because I took advantage of him. Even worse, I took his virginity. I left because I couldn't face his hatred when he would realize what had really happened. The way I knew he would look at me, I didn't want to see it. So I raised my cold barrier again ; when it had fell, I couldn't recall. And then I left.

I wonder what he is doing right now. Fighting, most likely. He's so beautiful when he fights. Not as graceful as me, perhaps, but there is something in his movements... something that screams in brute force and wild nature, so captivating... He's such a fascinating creature, free and untameable, like a forbidden fruit. How come I didn't see that sooner ? What have I lost in my foolishness ?

Maybe he's still cursing me for what I have done. Will he come to fight me ? To kill me ? Will I still want to fight him ? I guess I'll have to. What if he doesn't want to see me anymore ? I suppose I could live with that. It's always better than to see the hatred in his eyes.

"My Lord, are we leaving soon ?" Rin suddenly asks me.

I look down at her, and she's smiling to me. I can't smile back. I can't smile anymore.

"We'll leave when Lord Sesshomaru says so, you stupid child !" Jaken answers.

I glare at him and he cowers in fear. Then I turn to Rin and I say emotionlessly :

"Yes Rin. We are leaving now"

I get up and walk away from the clearing. She follows me happily, and then Jaken who is still trembling like a leaf. Ah and Un are waiting for us further in the forest. I don't think I'll see my brother today, or anytime soon for that matters. Why would he want to see me, after all ?