Chapter four : Love is a complicated thing

Normal POV

Sesshomaru quietly watched the small human village, making sure to stay at a safe distance. It really wasn't interesting at all. Why had he come here again ?

Oh yes. Because he was hoping to see him. How pathetic had he become ? Standing there stupidly because he was hoping to catch a glance of his little brother. Honestly, he hoped that no one would ever hear about it...

Another two months had passed. It had been four months since...

Sesshomaru immediately stopped his train of thoughts. He was truly becoming pathetic. Now he was even calculating time from that night ! Was he really that desperate ?

He quickly pushed that question away. Because he knew the answer. And it wasn't helping.

He had come alone today. Rin and Jaken had stayed at the palace, and so as Ah-Un. It was quicker this way. And add to that, he didn't want them to know. Because then they would ask him questions, and he didn't want to talk about it. Why turn the knife in the wound ?

Finally, he saw a flash of red and white. A sweet and musky scent tickled his nose. Inu-Yasha's scent. His heartbeats quickened, but he ignored it. He had missed that scent... But somehow, now it was different. Sesshomaru couldn't place it, but there was definitely something different in his brother's scent. Something softer, something easing his every senses...

Curious and, dare he say it, concerned, Sesshomaru followed the scent slowly. It lead him deeper in the forest named after his brother, until Sesshomaru reached a clearing where an enormous oak was standing. He knew that clearing, and he also knew that tree ; it was the tree where Inu-Yasha had been pinned for fifthy years, after the woman he loved betrayed him.

Sesshomaru suddenly realized that the simple thought of that woman enraged him. He had seen her once, that dead priestess, and he hadn't thought much of her. But right now, he wanted nothing more than to hunt her down and rip her to pieces. It was a strange feeling indeed... Could it be that he was... jealous ? No, that was impossible ! ...or was it ?

He was pondering this when a movement from beside the oak distracted him. He looked closer and finally saw him : the hanyou was sitting at the base of the tree, his knees brought up to his chest and his arms encircling them. Sesshomaru felt a pang in his heart at this sight ; his brother looked so sad, so alone... He wanted nothing more than to go over there and take him in his arms to comfort him... How much his feelings had changed those last four months...

But what good would it do, really ? He was probably the last person Inu-Yasha needed right now. Would you ask someone you hate to comfort you ? Of course not. Repressing a sigh, Sesshomaru turned to leave silently. He had seen what he wanted to see. He wanted more, but he would have to cope with what he got.

Suddenly, he stopped dead in his track. A faint scent was coming to him, a mix of water and salt.

Tears.

Inu-Yasha's POV

I'm crying again. I seem to do a lot of that lately. I'm so tired of crying. Who would've believed it ? The arrogant Inu-Yasha, crying like a baby ! I'm so pathetic.

You see, being pregnant isn't always a garden of roses ; I'm feeling sick in the mornings, my eating patterns are totally unpredictables, even to me, I'm snappish and no need to mention that I'm getting fat. Well... now my belly is not that big and I can still hide it under my ample kimono, but it won't always be like that. In no time I won't even be able to see my feet anymore.

But that's not the worse. The worse thing is that my emotions are completely uncontrollables. It's even more drastic then when I turn human. And it's all the time. It's exhausting... I did turn human a couple of times since I am pregnant, but I don't even wanna think about how emotional I become then. It's enough to turn everyone crazy, starting by me.

It's been two months since Kagome left us to return in her time. Miroku had to practically drag her to the well, and from the screams we heard, I'm actually wondering if he had to throw her in it too... But anyway, she hasn't come back to feudal Japan since then.

Luckily, Miroku, Sango, Shippo and Kaede were all there for me. They supported me all the way and they did everything they could to make it easier for me. I don't think I will ever be able to thank them enough. They're all so nice and protective of me... of course it's annoying sometimes but then again they're only trying to help. Another good thing is that we still haven't heard anything about Naraku. I wonder if he knows...? I guess all we can do is wait and see.

I think I miss Kagome a little. So I didn't love her, but she was my friend anyway. I cared for her. I didn't want her to go, nor did I want to hurt her, but I think it's a bit too late for that. And anyway, she hates me now. She hates me... like Sesshomaru.

I haven't seen him those last two months either. In fact, I haven't seen him since that night. He must be trying to forget my existence. He's avoiding me on purpose, for all I know. He really does hate me...

Why can't I do like him ? I also would like to forget and move on. But there's no way I'll ever be able to do that. First, because I am bearing his pup, for God's sake ! It's a constant reminder of what we did that night ! But I'm not blaming the pup for it, of course. It's not his fault and I'll love him as much as I can.

Secondly, I can't forget Sesshomaru because I love him. That simple.

I wish so hard he would be here right now. It's so difficult without him. I feel like I'm missing something vital. And to think I wanted to kill him myself some time ago... It's almost making laugh now. I wonder, does he still want to kill me ? No, most likely, he doesn't want to see me ever again... I don't know which one is worse...

Where is he right now ? What is he doing ? Why isn't he here with me, damn it ! It's not fair !

"Sesshomaru..." I whisper, as softly as the wind.

Why did I have to fall in love with someone who hates me ? Am I cursed or something ? I don't want him to hate me !

"I want you to love me back..." I plead miserably, more tears rolling down my cheeks.

Then I raise my head and I instantly wish I hadn't.

Because right there, in front of me, is standing the very thing I'm trying unsuccessfully to forget.

Sesshomaru's POV

Why is it that I suddenly can't stand the sight of his tears ? Why is he crying ? I don't know, but there is one thing I know : I want him to stop.

Maybe I could make my presence known ? Surely then he would stop crying. Or would it make things worse ? I don't think he wants to see me at the moment...

I turn to leave again when suddenly I hear it, a mere whisper even for my sensitive ears :

"Sesshomaru..."

For an instant I think he saw me, but when I look back at where he is sitting I realize that he hasn't. But then, why whisper my name ? Is he... thinking about me, of all people ? Why would he do that ?

The curiosity is too great now, and I slowly walk toward him, leaving the cover of the trees. A moment later I am standing before him, but he still hasn't sensed me. Or maybe he is ignoring me on purpose ? But that is stupid, he was thinking about me just a moment ago !

Then he speaks again, but something tells me that he still doesn't know I'm here...

"I want you to love me back..."

I freeze at his words. I wonder if I heard right. Did Inu-Yasha just ask me to love him... back ? No, surely I misunderstood... It can't be true...

Then he raises his head and finally sees me. The expression on his face then would be almost funny if it wasn't for the tears that are still staining his cheeks. He quickly whipes them away with his sleeve and gets up. He's looking at me like if I am some kind of apparition, still not uttering a word.

On my side, I think he is just as beautiful as the last time I saw him. How I wish I could touch him right now... But he would never let me, would he ? But then... what about what I heard ?

Suddenly he asks me rudely :

"What do you want, Sesshomaru ?"

If only you knew, little brother. If only you knew.

Normal POV

They stared at each other for a good five minutes, silent. Finally, Inu-Yasha lowered his head and said with a sigh :

"If you came for a fight, you'll be disappointed. I don't... I can't fight you right now"

Sesshomaru raised a brow at this but didn't answer. Instead, he asked :

"Why were you crying ?"

Inu-Yasha flinched. He knew he couldn't lie to his brother because he had probably smelled his tears. So he answered with a question of his own :

"Why do you care, anyway ?"

Sesshomaru observed him for a moment, then he said :

"It may surprise you, Inu-Yasha, but I do care"

The hanyou looked almost hopeful for a second, but then he snorted and said :

"Yeah ? Well you have one hell of a way to show it !"

"Are you asking me to leave ?" Sesshomaru said softly.

Inu-Yasha didn't know if he wanted to answer yes or no. Forgetting to use a harsh tone, he murmured :

"What does it matter what I want ? From what I've seen, you're perfectly capable of taking those kind of decisions by yourself"

Now it was Sesshomaru who was confused ; he knew Inu-Yasha was talking about what had happened four months ago. But why did he sound so... hurt ? Sesshomaru had thought he was doing the good thing by leaving. He had thought it would be better this way. Had he been wrong ? Had Inu-Yasha wanted him to stay ?

Taking a better look at his little brother, Sesshomaru noticed that his body was tense and that he was shivering slightly. It was all he could do not to step forward and take him in his arms to sooth him. What he had heard Inu-Yasha say earlier was still haunting him... 'I want you to love me back' he had said. Did that mean that Inu-Yasha loved him ? Could he dare to hope ?

"Inu-Yasha, do you want me to stay ?" he asked.

Inu-Yasha glanced at him then looked away. Why was Sesshomaru so gentle all of a sudden ? Was he playing with him ? Could it be that he was that cruel ? Perhaps he had heard his whispered words and was now using it to torture him...

He looked back at his older sibling ; gorgeous, as always. So perfect. He could almost touch him... Inu-Yasha internally slapped himself. This wasn't the time. Coming back to his present problems, he wondered again : would Sesshomaru use his feelings to torture him ?

No, came the answer. Sesshomaru wasn't like that. Mind games were Naraku's thing. Sesshomaru was more direct, and he never lied. He had honor.

Inu-Yasha relaxed. His brother wasn't toying with him. So why was he acting like if he... cared ? Did he really ? What had he asked him already ? Oh yeah, if Inu-Yasha wanted him to stay. Of course he wanted him to ! He loved him ! But Sesshomaru didn't love him back... did he ?

"Why would you want to ?" Inu-Yasha asked hesitantly, trying no to sound hopeful.

Sesshomaru pondered for an instant. Looking deep in Inu-Yasha's eyes, he searched the golden depths for a certain something... He finally caught a glimpse of it, or so he thought. Hoping he wasn't wrong, he took a step forward and gently grabbed Inu-Yasha's chin in his hand. He could feel his brother trying to repress a shiver and he almost smirked. It was incredible how the simple contact of Inu-Yasha's skin against his fingers was making him feel... It was just as strong as before... How had he managed to live without it for four months ?

Closing the space between them, Sesshomaru stared into his brother's eyes and finally answered :

"Because I love you"

Then he bent down and kissed him.