...er...hmm...yeah...I think I'll leave my Author's Note 'til the end...

Chapter 5 – Uncontrollably with so much pain

Nearly six years had passed since Voldemort had been defeated and it was coming up to our five-year wedding anniversary. Getting married was the one thing I hadn't taken my time over. We wanted to do it as soon as possible as we had seen first hand how cruel life could be and we didn't want to wait a second longer than we had to.

To celebrate our five years of marriage we had gone out to the new and very expensive restaurant in Diagon Alley. We hadn't been before; we thought we'd wait for this special day for our first visit.

We dressed up and left our house at quarter past seven and apparated to the restaurant. When we arrived it took my breath away, it was extremely contemporary inside, and didn't match that décor that the front had been decorated with. (We found out during our meal that the Ministry had had many complaints about the shiny silver signs, as they didn't fit in with the rest of the street, and, living up to their image of being fussy and not subject to change, they made the owners tone it down. A lot.)

We took our seats and were waited on like we had never known. We indulged greatly, ordering Champaign and the most expensive meals on the menu. Two hours later we left the restaurant, slightly giggly from the Champaign but still very much in control of ourselves. Ron stopped walking and because I was arm in arm with him I stopped too.

'Ron why have we stopped?' I asked, looking up at him.

'I just wanted to tell you how much I love you.'

'Oh, well in that case I understand perfectly. I love you too.'

He smiled, then leaned forwards and kissed me, a little more enthusiastically than I would normally let him in public when it was still light outside, but this time I didn't care. Not one bit.

He pulled back and looked at me, he opened his mouth to say something but then stopped and looked at his shoes.

'What is it?' I asked him.

He looked at me, a thoughtful look on his face.

'You know…you know when we were talking the other night about our kids and what we hoped they would get from each of us?'

I smiled, relieved it was nothing serious.

'Yes, I remember. I said I hoped they'd have your hair type, but you wanted it my colour, although I said I liked your colour. You said you wanted them to be a bookworm like me, but I said I wanted them to have your laid back approach to life, and you finally said that you wanted them to have my eyes.'

'Exactly, sounds perfect to me. Well I was thinking…'

He fell silent, trying to get his words right.

'I was thinking, if you wanted to, we could start…trying.'

'Trying what?'

He laughed, 'you know for someone so intelligent you say the silliest things some times! Try for a baby, Hermione.'

I stared at him, in the same way I had when he had proposed to me.

'Do you think we're ready to have children?'

'Yes I do, I can't think of anything that would make me happier. We've been married for five years, I love you with all my heart, and if I'm not mistaken you feel the same way about me-'

'You know I do-'

'So then, I think we're ready. And even if we're not, you'll find a book that'll help us out!'

I laughed and he beamed at me.

'Well then, I suppose that settles things. We are trying for a baby!'

He pulled me into a hug and lifted me off the floor. I laughed into his shoulder, loving the way I felt when he did that. He put me down and took my hand in his, automatically we intertwined our fingers like we had done hundreds of times before and started walking down the street.

He pulled me towards him and wrapped his arm around my waist.

'Do you want to go for a drink at the Leaky Cauldron or do you want to go home?' I asked him.

He leant towards me and whispered in my ear, 'how about we go home and start our 'trying'?'

I giggled as he pulled me tighter towards him. I turned to him and smiled when I saw the cheeky grin on his face. He pulled me into a hug.

'Well they say practice makes perfect don't they?' I replied.

'Oh yes they do, and who are we to-'

I waited a couple of seconds for him to finish his sentence. When he didn't, I turned my face towards him, my head still resting on his shoulder.

'Ron, why have you stopped talking to me?' I asked with a giggle.

I shifted my weight onto my left foot and felt something was wrong, Ron wasn't supporting my weight anymore; I was holding him up. I stumbled as his full weight fell on me. Somehow I managed to get him to the ground without letting him fall. Something inside me was squirming, I knew something was wrong, I just didn't know what. My brain went into overdrive.

'Ron, Ron what's wrong? Open you eyes for me darling, I know you can hear me. Just open your eyes.'

If I had looked properly and not presumed his eyes were closed I would have seen they were open, staring blankly at the sky above him. Relief went through me when I saw his eyes were open and I put my hand to his face, expecting him to blink or move in any way.

'Ron, say something.'

I looked at him properly for the first time and an unbelievable fear coursed through me. I leant forward and looked into his eyes. Thinking back about it, I knew there and then he was no longer with me. There was no life in them; the spark had gone.

'RON!'

People had started to walk towards me, I heard voices around us asking what was wrong but I ignored them all. I started to cry not wanting to contemplate what was staring me straight in the face.

'RON! NO! WAKE UP. RON WAKE UP.'

I had never felt pain like this. My heart had just shattered into a thousand pieces and I knew I would never feel whole again.

There was movement around me as everyone realised what had happened. For some reason I raised my head and looked into the shadows of the shop front directly in front of me, tears streaming down my face. There was a figure standing there, the hood of his cloak only covering half of his face, showing only a smirk. I knew there and then that Ron was dead and I knew who had killed him.

It was then that I screamed, I screamed into the night as I clung on to Ron's hand, never wanting to let go. I collapsed on to his fallen body and wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could, the sobs that escaped my mouth were horrendous to listen to but I was oblivious. My mind was numb to anything but the pain I was feeling. I was shaking uncontrollably and still crying and sobbing like I never had before. I was laying on the body of my husband, the man I had pledged to share my life with, till death do us part. I screamed louder when those words filled my mind, and carried on screaming for what felt like hours.

A few minutes later I hadn't moved and I hadn't stopped screaming, crying and sobbing. I felt two hands grab my shoulders and heard my name being said close to me. The person was trying to pull me away from Ron but I wouldn't let them. I struggled away from their grip and threw myself back on to Ron.

'Hermione, it's Harry, please let go of him. You have to come away now, we have to move him,' he whispered in my ear.

'NO!' I shouted, 'I WON'T leave him, I can't leave him!'

My voice was hoarse from the constant screaming but I didn't even notice.

'Hermione look at me, look at me!'

Reluctantly I turned my head towards Harry and I saw his glistening eyes. This more than anything made the situation as real as my understanding could handle. Seeing the pain in Harry's eyes showed me this was real.

'Hermione we have to move him, he can't stay here.'

'He's…he's…d…d…dead H…Harry, why is he d…dead Harry? He was p…perfect!' I dissolved into tears again and fell forwards onto Harry. He took the opportunity to move me away from Ron. He picked me up and carried me like a child and I clung on to him like a child would to a parent.

My sobs echoed through the street. Had I looked up I would have seen Arthur cover his son's body with his own cloak and conjure a stretcher to put him on. I would also have seen the many witches and wizards surrounding us, some of them crying, others removing their hats as a mark of respect. But I was oblivious to it all, clinging onto Harry and not understanding any of what had just happened. Harry carried me through the group of people and then apparated from the street.

We reappeared at the Burrow, but I still had no idea of my surroundings, I refused to open my eyes thinking if I kept them closed, everything would be different and it would all have been a terrible dream.

Harry walked through the door and silently shook his head at the few Weasleys who were stood waiting for news. On his actions Molly burst into tears, in a similar way I had, and Ginny broke down too. Fred, George and Bill stood and stared at each other. Harry walked through to the lounge and laid me down on the sofa. I refused to let go of him, and when I felt him pull back slightly my eyes snapped open and I stared at him.

'Don't leave me!' I choked out.

'I'm not going anywhere Hermione, I'm staying here with you,' he replied quietly.

I let go of his neck and curled up into a ball on the sofa, my muscles aching from all the crying but it was nothing to the pain I felt in my heart. I was alone. Ron had been stolen from me and I was never getting him back. I would never hear him say he loved me, never hold him in my arms again and never see that beaming smile he gave me that filled me with so much love and happiness. I wanted to die right there and then so I could be with him and see him again. I was willing my body to shut down so I could escape into the bliss that was being with Ron for eternity. But it didn't. I just sobbed continually until the small hours of the morning.

That was the fifth way I cried – Uncontrollably with so much pain.

Ok, ok, ok, I know I killed him and I'm really really sorry. But I did give you a bit of warning, I said that the last chapter was the calm before the storm, plus it is in the Angst/TRAGEDY category...(sighs at lame attempt to calm the readers!)

Believe me it was the hardest thing to write. It took me four attempts, I kept chickening out and writing Losing Sight instead! Please don't shout at me, in a nasty way anyway :S

But I would really like to know what you think, I've never really written pain like that before so I'd like to know if you thought it was too much, not enough, just right.

Again, very sorry...Two left!

Goes and hides in the corner...and builds a brick wall to hide behind.

Sarah XxXxX ;)

OH! big thumbs up and praise to my Beta - RainbowKissed .cutehelenjames. Should have acknowledged her before now. Cheers mate :D