7 Wonka's Inventions
He pointed at the chocolate river. They saw a ship coming from a crook. It was great and bright pink, its bows shaped into a sea-horse head. About fifty tiny Oompa-Loompas sat at the oars and one set the pace.
"On the board," said Wonka to a crowd gathered by the river. Hadn't Wonka waited and got in the ship first, there might have been a struggle for the place next to him. Not wanting to have the ship turned over he gave way to the women. The ladies were strangely enough giving way to each other too and jostled.
"What is it?" said Cheryl and went aboard calmly. Immediately Bea settled next to her with Tara and Celia behind. Dawn sat behind them and beckoned to Wonka. "I prefer sitting here," he said, took a seat on a bench at the rear of the boat and thought it was done.
"It's no problem, I can climb over to you easily," said Dawn briskly and sat next to him. The rest of them were furious. They were keeping an eye on Cheryl for so long that now Dawn took the lead. It was a ruthless encounter. "You are right, the view's much better from here," said Dawn and put her hand on Wonka's knee.
"Onwards!" he commanded and removed the hand. "Quickly!" The Oompa-Loompas pulled hard so the river started to run fast under the boat. Bea took a pleasure in the beautiful scenery and unawares she dipped her hand into the chocolate river.
"No!" exclaimed Wonka, because he saw it, but also because Dawn was pawing his knee again. "You mustn't do that! My chocolate mustn't be touched by human hands!"
"Sorry," said Bea and frowned at Dawn. "I didn't know that. But is tastes very good," she said, sucking her fingers.
"And you mustn't be touched by human hands either?" complained Dawn quietly when he pushed her hand aside again.
"I wonder you've got the nerve," he scowled. "Are you women all like that? One can't make head or tail of you."
"Yes, all of them say so," Dawn nodded. "A woman must have her secrets," she smiled and Wonka felt his blood freeze in his veins. Suddenly it occurred to him that the idea with the ship was the worst in his whole life. He felt like a mouse held by a cat, which is just about to bite off the mouse's head. At least Dawn looked like it now.
"There's a tunnel ahead of us!" cried Cheryl.
"Full speed ahead," commanded Wonka. The Oompa-Loompas rowed as much as they could. Moreover, the river came to a sharp fall; the ship practically flew and pitched from side to side.
"Switch on the lights!" They heard a desperate cry and looked round. Lights lit up along the river so they could see they were floating in a riverbed branching to all sides. They also saw Dawn draw away and Wonka, wiping a shiny lipstick off his face.
"Now you dare too much, dollish," spat Bea. "Let me on her!" She shook her fist at Dawn but she was sitting at the very front and had fat chance to get to her. Dawn knew it and sneered at her with her eyes.
"Calm down, you two," said Cheryl. "You are acting as some rotten kids."
"You nearly keeled the boat over," reproached Celia.
"Wait till we're on the bank," muttered Bea. Dawn wasn't attracted by the idea of being grinded by a quintal thrasher with a southern nature so she sat still.
"Do these Oompa-Loompas know where we are going at all?" Tara wanted to know.
"No, no-one's knowing where they're going!" said Wonka in a sing-song voice. "Ladies, please, notice the very important rooms we're just passing by." He pointed at the doors along the river. ALL KINDS OF CREAMS: CLOTTED CREAM, COFFEE CREAM AND COMPLEXION CREAM, one of the doors read.
"You have a complexion cream here too?" Celia livened up. "I didn't know you need to use complexion cream with making chocolate!"
"I don't," smiled Wonka. "Complexion cream is for softening the complexion," he said and stroked his chin. "I thought you would know it." Celia turned to the front, lips pressed tightly and white with rage.
"And you haven't seen my sticky lipstick and hair toffee yet," exclaimed Wonka happily.
"What is sticky lipstick good for?" asked Bea.
"I'd love to show you," said Wonka, "but we don't have time for that! It's a special gluey stuff that sticks your lips together. It's useful for talkative women." He looked at Dawn with an ominous grimace.
"What happens if you kiss somebody wearing that lipstick?" said Dawn, trying to look innocent. Wonka didn't answer, just blinked in surprise and then very quickly fixed his eyes in the opposite direction.
STORAGE OF ALL BEANS: COCOA BEANS, COFFEE BEANS, JELLY BEANS, HARICOT BEANS AND SOYA BEANS.
"This is mad," thought Tara. "How can you have these things together?"
"Very easily, the storage is big enough," replied Wonka.
INTRIGUING ICE-CREAMS, they read a few doors on. "I'd love to have an ice-cream, it's so hot here," said Dawn, fanning.
"We can't go in there, we would freeze," said Wonka plainly. "It's a very peculiar room; no one has ever stepped inside. It's so deadly cold there that everybody freezes instantly."
Cheryl laughed. "Who's making it then?"
"That's very intriguing, isn't it?" beamed Wonka and the ladies shook their heads unanimously.
They were just passing by another door. LICKABLE WALLPAPERS, EDIBLE NEWSPAPERS AND TOILET PAPERS.
"What is this supposed to be?" said Bea in disbelief.
"Very practical things," said Wonka. "The wallpapers are for children's rooms. There are pictures of fruit that really taste like the fruit. As for the newspapers, imagine this: everyday you buy newspaper and after reading it you throw it away. That is quite a wasting, isn't it? But these newspapers can be eaten after reading. I make them in various flavours."
"And what about the toilet paper?" said Tara.
"Toilet papers as well."
"But why would anyone want anything like that? What is it good for?" demanded Tara.
"You don't know what toilet paper is good for? It's the kind of paper you use after using the toilet of course," explained Wonka.
"Oh I know that," said Tara irately, "but why edible?"
"And why not?" said Wonka as a matter of fact. Cheryl laughed so hard she clutched her sides. This factory was really a treat.
"Everything is so senseless here," Celia sighed and reached for her ringing mobile phone to her handbag. They passed a few other rooms; the ship swung again, added speed and slowed down again a bit later.
"What... There isn't even a signal here! Where the heck are we?" she yapped at Wonka. "It broke in the middle of a very important call!" Wonka said nothing but only smiled roguishly. It didn't last him for long though.
"You are so charming," Dawn whispered to his ear. She apparently had forgotten about Bea's threats. This time the hand didn't stay on the knee but moved upwards.
"Stop the boat!" roared Wonka and grabbed the intrusive blonde by the wrist before anything worse happened. The others turned back and began swearing at Dawn again; meanwhile Wonka jumped out of the boat and opened a plain door leading to a corridor. Tara, Celia and Cheryl followed. He strode quite fast and didn't care about anything that was happening behind, so he couldn't see how Bea fulfilled her promise. She caught Dawn under the neck and pushed her against the wall.
"Who do you think you are, you slut?" she snorted to Dawn's face. Dawn tried to scream but it was impossible. She waved her arms madly so she scratched Bea's forearms. Bea gave a Greek swear and Cheryl glanced back. She cried, sprang to them and tried to pull Bea away while the rest of the group was on their way back. Cheryl pounded away at her until Bea left her hold of Dawn at last. Dawn fell on the floor and gasped for breath.
"You nearly strangled me," wheezed the blonde.
"Serves you right," snapped Bea. "You clawed my arms in turn."
"Ladies, if you don't mind," said Wonka in an unruffled tone, "may we go on?" and set off, Bea at his heels. She felt she deserved a bit of gratefulness from him, when she taught Dawn a lesson and couldn't understand him staying so cold. She thought something had to be done about it. Meanwhile Dawn stood up; groaning and tottering she tried to keep up with the group. They passed a few doors, turned left twice and stood in front of a room called SOUR FACES.
"We've just had enough of these," said Cheryl, reading the title.
"I want to show you them anyway," said Wonka and unlocked the door. They found themselves in a room with long conveyor-belts. On them they could see little round-shaped hard candies and Oompa-Loompas in green overalls were busy painting faces on them. All candies were smiling happily.
"So these are supposed to be sour faces?" said Celia as sourly as possible.
"Try one and you'll see," said Wonka. Celia took one. Wonka beckoned to the others too, his eyes sparkling mischievously. The ladies stood by the conveyor-belts and each of them had a candy.
"It's sweet," mumbled Dawn confusedly. The others nodded in agreement. For a while they shook their heads but one after another popped their eyes and twisted their mouths into the most impossible grimaces. The taste changed rapidly and the candy tasted like vinegar.
"Eeeeew," said Tara and spat the candy out. The others followed suit. Wonka was laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes and he had to hold to a table not to fall. The Oompa-Loompas rolled with laughter too and the visitors felt like ninnies.
"Wow, they were worth it," Wonka gasped for breath. "Do you get it? Offer them to someone you want to surprise. They look so sweet that everybody tries. And then – bang! And you can't stop laughing!"
"Thank you very much for the demonstration," said Celia narkily and frowned upon the Oompa-Loompas who just got up from the floor and returned to their work, sneering at them now and then. Whether Wonka takes care of his employees or exploits them, she couldn't care less now. She'd rather wish them the latter.
"I'm sorry for any inconvenience to you," cackled Wonka and hurried along the corridor. They turned left, then right and then they came to a staircase. "C'mon, hurry up, we don't have time! Slide down the banister!" said Wonka and glided a very long banister at the end of which he jumped down gracefully.
"I can't do it, I've never done it," moaned Celia. Tara pushed her aside. "There's nothing in it," she laughed and swimmingly slid down where Wonka caught her. Cheryl came second. "Yippeee," she shouted when she was sliding past Celia who decided to walk in the end. When Cheryl got to the end, she staggered a bit but Wonka caught her and helped her straighten up. She smiled at him and for a second they were looking at each other. "Look out, Bea's coming!" roared Tara and pushed them both out of the way just in time. There was no one to catch Bea so she made a pancake landing.
"I'm coming, madam," Wonka hurried to help her too. By the time Bea stood up Dawn was on the way too, her dress gathering at places where it shouldn't, so Dawn had to take three attempts to slide the banister.
"You didn't save much time, as I can see," said Celia who arrived at the moment.
"It was much more fun though," said Wonka and ignored Dawn who was imitating a fall. She could see he is not coming to help her, so she groaned, "I think my ankle is twisted."
"If you can't do it, then don't, you dunderhead," said Bea and with one sharp tug she made her stand up. Dawn scowled like thunder at her.
"We will continue in an elevator," said Wonka. There was an ordinary rush about places next to him. Although the car was big, it sufficed only just, because Bea occupied a place big enough for two. Wonka was quite glad Tara and Cheryl stood next to him; Dawn was squeezed in the opposite corner.
"Are there so many floors here?" asked Cheryl, looking at the car. There were buttons over the whole one wall.
"Oh no," said Wonka. "This is not an ordinary up and down elevator, but it can go sideways, slantways and every other way you can think of." He pressed one of the buttons and the elevator began moving – sideways and abruptly up slantways. It kept changing the direction and had there not been so many people they would have been probably rolling over the floor.
"The walls are of glass," noticed Bea. "Oh, I hate glass elevators!" she groaned.
"It's like a roller coaster," said Cheryl enthusiastically. "We can see out!"
"Exactly," howled Bea. "I think I'm going to be sick!" There was a loud objection from everyone. Luckily the elevator stopped in time and everybody rushed out. They were in front of a room called STARS IN THEIR PIES.
"Now this is more likeable," said Celia. "I love pies, especially apple ones." The group entered a room which resembled a scientific observatory with the ceiling in shape of a dome. In the middle there was a huge machine resembling a telescope. Oompa-Loompas in snow-white overalls bustled to and fro and prepared the pies. The ready ones were piled up along the wall.
"It's a pity that you can't see the work at night," said Wonka. "That's when the main phase takes place. Now the pies are being prepared, but, as you can see, they are quite plain. At night we open the dome and this telescope which is pointed towards the Milky Way fills the pies with stars."
"What a nonsense," said Dawn suddenly. Wonka took offence. "Everybody knows that the most stars of the entire sky can be found in the Milky Way. Or do you think otherwise? Besides, Milky Way gives my pies their unique universal milky quality."
"What do you do when it's cloudy?" asked Cheryl. Wonka turned and gave her a wide smile. "Good question. Of course the process has to be stopped for some time. We still can't control the weather, I'm afraid. But I hope it's just a matter of time. Come, I want to show you so many more things."