Chapter 11 – Prisoner
Serena awoke with a start.
"Serena, are you ok?" Eve asked, sitting down on her bed. Serena opened her eyes slowly, slightly dazed.
"Yeah, I guess I fell asleep," She said, rubbing her face.
"Are you ok? You missed dinner," Eve asked her. Serena cocked her head, confused, and then it all came back to her. With her heart sinking, she remembered what had happened.
"I was…I was with Tom," She said her voice quiet, trying to smile. Eve looked at her.
"What's wrong?" Eve asked. Serena shook her head.
"Nothing," She lied. "I'm just not feeling very well…I think I might be getting sick or something." Eve looked apologetic.
"That sucks. But I have some news."
"What?" Eve was very excited, she wasn't quiet sure what to expect.
"Would it be bad if Professor Sinclair and I had sex?" She asked.
"Shut up! You slut," Serena said, although there was a lack of actual excitement in her voice.
"I know."
"Wow. How was it?" She asked, her voice was still very quiet.
"Amazing! Like, wow. But I think he's a bit ashamed now. It's kind of funny." She said very proud of herself. Serena smiled as much as she could, which wasn't very much. She wished she could be more excited for her.
"Sweetheart are you sure you're ok?" Eve asked her.
"I'm really not feeling well," She said.
"Do you want something to eat? Heather and I could go get you something?" Eve asked. Serena shook her head.
"No, that's ok. I'm not really hungry." She said. And she wasn't. She wasn't hungry at all.
"Serena, you have to eat something. Especially if you're getting sick." Eve said.
"I'm really ok," Serena said, wrapping her blanket around her.
"Maybe some tea or something?" Eve asked. Serena rolled her eyes.
"If you want to, I'll drink some tea," Serena said. Eve smiled satisfied.
"I'll go get Heather." She said standing up. She looked at Serena at the door.
"But you're sure you're ok?" She asked. Serena smiled, not her normal, eyes-sparkling-honestly-really-happy smile, but a sad, I'm-smiling-just-to-reassure-you-I'm-ok- smile. Eve left to go get her tea and Serena sat, wrapped tightly in her blanket, reflecting on what had happened.
Tom was the heir of Slytherin. She smiled wryly. It really was ironic, wasn't it? The one person she fell for, the one person she really liked and had great chemistry with had to be a power-hungry murderer. He had seemed so smart and innocent. He had seemed so goody-goody. She still couldn't believe he was responsible for the attacks, for Hagrids expulsion,…for Myrtles death. But Tom had said there had been more before her. Who were they? And why did he kill them too? She snorted bitterly. A sardonic smile played on her lips, as she sat, thinking how ironic it was that he was the person she lost her virginity to. Then she remembered his words. She was his, from now on, until he tired of her. There was nothing she could do. She was not strong enough to go up against him, nor could she tell someone about it either. If she did, he'd be sure to find out and cause harm to her friends. She clenched her teeth. That bastard manipulated her the whole time, and the slut she was, played along with it until now when it was too late. She hated him so much. She hated that he was so prejudiced, hated that he had no remorse or second thought about killing people, hated that he was so arrogant, so powerful, and so handsome, that he knew exactly what she wanted and so easily took advantage of her. But what was worse, she hated that she still felt for him, and that if he touched her again, she would still melt in his hands. She hated that she couldn't bring herself to hate him as she rightly should. It was so logical for her to hate him, it was so right, but she couldn't. Mentally she told herself he was bad, she shouldn't let him take advantage of her, but when he'd touch her, she couldn't think, her skin lit on fire, her head became cloudy. It was impossible for her to even think straight thoughts, let alone resist him. But it was more that that. She liked that he wanted her, she liked how he touched her, how he made her feel special. She liked the looks he gave her, she liked that he was so possessive over her. She couldn't bring herself to hate him, and it pissed the fuck out of her. If she would melt when he touched her, she had to make sure he didn't.
Serena got up and went to the bathroom. She took off her makeup and turned on the shower. She slipped into the hot, soothing water and let it wash over her tired body. Between the hot water and her emotions, Serena didn't notice the tears streaming down her face.
She held herself and leaned against the shower walls, the hot water pouring down on her. She felt sick and the tears continued to fall. She closed her burning eyes, and took a deep breath. After a while, she didn't hurt anymore. She simply felt numb. She washed her face and turned the shower off, gasping at the coldness of the bathroom as she stepped out of the shower. She dried herself and changed. Drying her hair, she pulled it back and put on her pajamas. Eve was waiting on her bed and handed her the tea as she came out. Serena smiled softly and hugged her. Eve went and sat back on Heather's bed and Serena joined them, not really talking to them, but appreciating their company and the normality of life they provided. After awhile, they turned in and Serena closed her eyes and buried her face into her pillow. She covered herself tightly with her blanket letting herself drift to the land of sleep where she wouldn't have to deal with anything.
The next few days, Serena didn't speak much, didn't laugh, didn't smile, and busied herself in her school work, hoping that would distract her. Her friends noticed quickly, but when she refused to answer them and just said she was feeling sick, they were forced to gossip and wonder in private. Tom noticed too. Serena avoided him. She wasn't playful anymore, and when he spoke to her she'd just look at him, her face sad, her eyes almost crying. She looked distant when he spoke to her, and only forced a smile a few times. He was starting to get pissed off at himself. He knew she would react strongly to his news, but he had expected anger, not hurt. Even still, he was surprised he cared that she was sad. Normally when he hurt people, he enjoyed it, he took pleasure in their pain, on the revenge he was taking on the world. But when she looked at him with her doleful eyes, he wasn't happy and he felt no pleasure. He began to miss her smile, her playful eyes, and flirtatious hands. He missed her suggestive glances, her dirty whispers, her soft lips. He decided he would make her happy again. He knew she didn't not want to be with him, he knew she would never have given in to him in the chamber unless she really wanted to. So this new depression must have been because she didn't know what to do with the information he gave. She must feel confused and think her feelings for him were bad. That was probably the reason, and Tom decided it was enough.
Serena walked across the grass, her robes billowing gently in the wind. The air was damp and she could smell the approaching rain. She sat down and leaned against a tree. The dark lake shimmered, obviously aware of the approaching storm as well. She pulled her knees in and hugged them to her chest. No thoughts went through her head, she just sat there, staring at the lake in front of her. She heard footsteps and fluttered her eyes up slowly. Tom stood a few feet away.
"May I sit down?" He asked. Serena looked down quickly.
"Sure," She said softly. Her body tensed as he sat down, her awkwardness obvious.
"It's a bit chilly out, isn't it?" He said. Serena just looked at him. He cleared his throat, a bit uncomfortable. "Serena, you've been very quiet. Are you ok?" He asked. She blushed lightly.
"I'm fine," She murmured quietly.
"You don't look fine," Tom said. She looked at him, slightly offended.
"If I'm too ugly for you, why don't you leave me alone?" She asked. Tom chuckled softly.
"I didn't say that. You're gorgeous Serena, but you seem sad. You haven't smiled in a while." She looked down again.
"I haven't been feeling well," She said. He smiled sadly at her.
"You haven't been feeling at all. You barely eat anymore, you don't smile, you don't laugh and you bury yourself in your books." He said. Serena didn't respond.
"You don't talk that much either," He said.
"I'm talking now," She said.
"You're always off by yourself. Heather and Eve are worried. They even asked me."
"They know I'm fine," She said.
"I'm worried," Tom said. The stark honesty in it made him wince. Serena looked at him.
"Why?" She asked softly.
"I know your still reacting from the other night and I know you're having mixed emotions. I have to know. Do you regret it?" He asked. The sincerity in his voice surprised her.
"Everything you've done, I don't agree with. You're bad, Tom, you're bad for me," She said, her eyes brimming with tears. "I've tried my whole life to be a good person, but I'm so confused. I feel for you Tom and I think what I feel for you is good, but you're not a good person, so I don't understand how I can like you. You go against everything I've ever been taught, everything I've ever believed, everything I still believe." A tear escaped and trickled down her cheek. "But not for the life of me can I regret being with you, or bring myself to hate you."
"Then don't. Be with me, Serena, and don't regret it. I want you," He said. "But I want you to want me too. It's so much better that way. We share such passion, it can't be bad. You may not agree with what I want and how I go about it, but that doesn't matter. Don't think about that, just leave that for me. Be mine and enjoy it." He finished.
Serena smiled slightly. "Are you sure that's the reason, and not that you're just getting tired of touching yourself?" She asked, wiping away her tear. Tom smiled.
"No, that is the reason, but I am tired. Honestly I don't know how people can do that, you just can't get off on it," He said smiling. She smiled for the first time in awhile and laughed, falling into his waiting arms. He squeezed her so tightly it hurt.
"Ow! Tom," She giggled. He smiled and released her, before kissing her. Their kiss melted her, releasing the tension she'd had over her the past few days. Her head cleared and she felt herself all over. The past few days she had been numb, walking around school as if in a dream. Now she was awoken, her whole body responding to him, her whole body taking solace in his familiar touch. When they finally released, Serena had to hold still a moment because she felt a little faint. Maybe she was hungry? She hadn't really eaten in awhile.
"Is my makeup ok?" She asked, lightly touching her eye makeup.
"It's a bit smudged, but not too badly." He said, standing up and offering her a hand. She took it and stood up.
"Is your hand ok though? It must have gotten a huge workout these past couple of days," She asked playfully.
"No actually. My wrist is quite sore," He said, relieved to find her laughing again.
"Well we'll just have to remedy that then," She said, placing a wandering hand in his pocket to give his…'leg' a playful stroke. Tom's body lit on fire. He looked at her, a mischievous smile playing at his lips.
"We will indeed," He said, pulling her in for a kiss. She giggled and pushed away.
"No, first I want to get something to eat. I'm starving!" She said, and took off to go do just that, Tom chasing up the hill after her.