IV. Dizzy Miss Lizzie

Run and tell your mama
I want you to be my bride
Run and tell your brother
Baby don't run and hide
You make me dizzy Miss Lizzie
Girl I want to marry you
Come on, give me fever
put your little hand in mine, girl
You make me dizzy dizzy Lizzie
Girl you look so fine
You're just a rocking and a rolling
Ooo I said I wish you were mine, ah

I'm surrounded by pink taffeta, pieces of white tulle, and lace underwear. I hold hair pins, a Scrunchie, and a few barettes. Caitlin is trying out some final hairstyle choices as Demetria reassures her in a thick Russian accent.

"You look like Canadian ballerina," says Demetria, as Caitlin clasps her hair in a high bun.

"So not the look I'm going for," says Caitlin pulling her hair free.

"I get you more hairspray," says Demetria. "You can smell like Canadian pine forest."

Darcy, Manny, and Emma exchange looks and trade smiles.Demetria scuttles past while Caitlin mouths "help" to us.

We're in Pretty Pretty, the mall's hottest store, finding two last minute dresses for Manny and myself. Apparently, since we're not the size of Russian ballerinas like Darcy and Emma and actually have larger chests, Demetria messed up the measurements. It was nice of Caitlin to let us sit down and pick out what we wanted, and she probably had no idea Demetria was so...well, not good. But since we were helping, Caitlin graciously offered to pay for the two extra dresses.

Manny recommended the store, saying something about finding the "Manny-est" dress ever there a couple years ago. There are only a few other people there seeing as it's late Monday, right after school. I wish I was at the Dot wtih Jimmy and Spin. I mean, I like pink, just not everywhere. I was really hoping to see Craig again, though.The other girls are huddled around a rack of clothes, apparently amused with something.

"I found a bra that you can pump!" says Manny, wiggling the bra right in front of Darcy's face. "Your prayers are answered, Darcy."

"The one that doesn't have a boyfriend?" replies Darcy, pushing the bra into Manny's chest.

"I'm taking a break," explains Manny. "When the right guy comes along...then it'll happen. After Craig, well, that's better left unsaid. Okay, now, this bra is called the Satin Vixen. That's just wrong."

I never found out what happened between Craig and Manny exactly, but I do know that Manny has been spending a lot of time over our house, sitting in between J.T. and Toby, looking happier than I've ever seen her. I remember seeing her my sophomore year, sitting on a bench alone outside Degrassi, as if she wished no one could see her. I've felt like that at times. We exchange "hi"s sometimes, but never talk about anything else.

Demetria hands Caitlin the hairspray and turns to me.

"Okay, pretty blue eyes," says Demetria. "I do your hair and we pick out dress, eh?"

Emma gives me a sympathetic look.

"Um, I...," I began to say.

"Demetria, hon, we're getting a bit addicted with the hairspray again and trust me, Ashley's hair doesn't need the extra volume," says a familiar voice behind me.

I turn around to see Paige, squeal, and hug her tightly.

"What are you doing here, Michalchuck?" I ask.

"Scouting out the competition for my internship with a bridal shop, looking at really ugly veils, and running into Princess Ashley, who I haven't spent any real time with for like a year. We need to totally hang. Oh, and Demetria, take it from a lowly, aspiring wedding planner, but pink taffeta is 2005, if even that. Baby blue or silver...totally in."

Paige leads me away and we giggle. I miss having another girl to talk to, one that I've known forever and don't really have to watch what I say around them.

"So, are you mourning post-Jimmy or is there a new guy drooling over you?" asks Paige, rifling through some dresses.

I glance around, thinking about whether to tell Paige about yesterday. She did keep my secrets and she was the one to tell me about Craig and Manny before anyone else.

Paige's eyes light up as she finds a pale silver dress. She holds it up to me and we walk back into a changing room. It's sleeveless, cut demurely to show just a little bit of my bust. It's slender and sparkly, has a bit of a glow around it. I actually like it a lot.

"More like I'm drooling over a past guy" I say softly. "A taken guy."

Paige raises an eyebrow. "Does this taken guy have curly dark hair, just a tad of mystery, and act as a magnet for basically any type of girl-related trouble?"

I roll my eyes and take off my jeans. "Paige..."

"Step in" she instructs. "Is there some type of Craig Bermuda triangle where all these girls get stuck in perpetuity? Ashley, you are so classy, talented, gorgeous. You can have any guy you want and..."

I step into the dress, feeling the cool air from a vent above my head. I'd only let one guy see my body like this, because I knew he'd love every curve, every flaw, everything. He said it himself. I was everything. What happened to that? I can't forget that moment. I need to know if it was real, if I'm still wanted.

"I want him," I exclaim.

I'm amazed that I'm so loud, that I'm so open. I can't even understand why it came out like that. Paige pats me on the back and zips up the dress.

"I don't want you to get hurt," says Paige.

"I already am hurting," I say.

"The dress?" asks Paige. "Suck it in!"

"No. Ellie" I answer, avoiding Paige's gaze.

Paige and I exit the changing room. Thankfully, no one heard me bursting out like that. Manny is showing off her dress, pink taffeta, to Demetria, who reassures her that not only is it in style, but it flatters her dimples. Darcy sits on a chair, pumping up the newly discovered bra, giving it disgusted looks. Caitlin is on her cell, laughing and smiling. She clicks it off.

"Male alert!" she yells.

Darcy quickly shelves the bra and stands up.

Paige and I turn to each other, confused. But that only lasts a second. In walks Craig, hands stuffed into his weathered jeans, a warm smile on his face. I feel a smile form on my own face, and feel a little faint. Craig hands Caitlin some keys. He waves to Manny, who waves back, then quickly turns her back to talk to Emma. I don't know where to go or what to say. He finally sees me and walks over. I hold my breath.

"Breathe," whispers Paige. "You look better conscious."

"Hi Paige," he says, looking at me. "How's school?"

"Oh, same old, same old," responds Paige. "Uhhh, I think I see the Satin Vixen over there. Not that you know what that is, but...leaving now."

Paige heads for the rack and gives Darcy a quick little hug.

Craig's eyes are still so welcoming. He doesn't even have to say hello.

"I feel like a dolphin in this dress," I say, which sounds so stupid. "All silver and shiny."

Craig laughs. "But a very pretty dolphin."

"Thanks."

We both look down, then around for a few seconds.

"Do you...can you come over?" asks Craig.

"What?" I say, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks.

"I mean...we can sit on the porch and just chat. We can talk about what it was like to be on Abbey Road, or you can tell me about homecoming this year, or...we can even talk about goulash."

Craig's smile widens and so does mine.

"Because there's so much to say about goulash," I say.

I remember the times we just sat in the hallway or in his room, just talking about how we both wanted to travel the world. Of course, I said I wanted to go to London, and he mentioned Tokyo and Brazil, places where he could take fabulous pictures. We also discussed who we were going to vote for when we could, which could've been pretty dry if we hadn't come up with nicknames for the potential nominees. Talking with Craig made everything more fun, more clear. And things hadn't been clear for awhile, at least on my end.

"So...will you?" asks Craig.

His eyes always kill me, so needing, but he really doesn't need me anymore. But it's a bit better, I suppose. He wants me to be a part of his life again, and if I can have that, that's something. I tell myself not to go in wanting anything more. That's the smart thing, the practical thing.

"Well, Angie already kind of invited me, so I guess I'll pop by."

"Okay...okay then. Good."

His speech is stammering a little, and it's cute. I probably sound just as nervous, but I was trying to hide it. He backs away a bit, hits a rack, knocks down a few panties. He moves to pick them up, but blushes and chooses to walk away fairly fast.

Paige runs up to me afterwards.

"So?" she says.

I smooth out my dress and grin at her.

"Call Demetria over," I say. "We're going with the dolphin dress."