VIII. I Don't Want To Spoil The Party

I don't want to spoil the party so I'll go,
I would hate for my disappointment to show,
There's nothing for me here so I will disappear,
If she turns up while I'm gone please let me know.
I've had a drink or two and I don't care,
There's no fun in what I do if she's not there,
I wonder what went wrong I've waited far too long,
I think I'll take a walk and look for her.
Though tonight she's made me sad,
I still love her.
If I find her I'll be glad,
I still love her.

Laying down in my bed in the darkness, I hear the alarm go off. It's six-thirty and I've been in bed ever since I came home from Craig's, about two hours ago. My body is sweating underneath the comforter, and I throw it off. In my head, I keep thinking if it was worth it, to totally let the contents of my mind spill out like that, to show Craig how much guilt had been building up. In my heart, I know it was right. In my gut, I'm still not sure. The next time I saw him, it would be so strange, even stranger than the first. Still, there was so much to make my heart skip beats– him holding me, taking my hand all those times, telling me I was the one he wanted to write songs for. I believe the gamble paid off in some small way. But it still hurt to know I caused him so much pain and that he cares for Ellie. Cares in what way? Like a friend? Like a girl you can't get over? I sigh and throw my head against a pillow.

I hear my door open slightly and someone throws on the light.

"This isn't the bathroom," says a confused, familiar voice.

I sit up, rub my eyes, and see Manny, dressed in a beautiful silk lavender gown, hair piled in a nice chignon with a few silver clips..

"Manny?" I say.

"Oh...sorry," replies Manny. "It was dark in the hallway and I turned the wrong knob..."

"It's okay."

Manny gives me a puzzled look. "Are you sick?"

I check my face in a small mirror next to my bed. My hair looks horrible, and droplets of sweat cover my face.

"No, I'm fine," I say, shaking my head.

Manny nods, begins to exit, but then comes back in, and nervously sits at a chair near my desk. Her gown rustles behind her. This day was getting more and more odd, but she appeared frightened enough already. I try to give her my warmest smile.

"Ummm...Ashley?"

"Yeah?"

"I know...our history is pretty bad, but I've grown up a lot in the last year. I mean, I don't dress the same or act the same. I'm definitely a lot more careful...and right now, happier."

I take a deep breath. This wasn't the Manny I was used to, talking about boys or cute clothes or the latest gossip. This was serious Manny, a little scared, but also pretty bold.

"This has to do with Toby," I say, nonchalantly.

"Well, yeah," says Manny, and her dimples come out in full force. "I want to clear the air, so we can be okay. I mean, so you and me can be okay."

"Toby and you are happy. Who am I to judge?"

Manny gives me a relieved smile and rises from the chair. Then, her face becomes tight and nervous again.

"Don't tell him we talked, okay?"

"Sure," I say, shrugging.

"So...do you need a ride to semi-formal? We're sharing a limo with J.T. and Liberty, Peter and Em, and Danny. Oh, and Jimmy and some mystery date. He won't tell us who it is. There's plenty of room though, unless Jimmy's date is the size of King Kong."

I never planned on actually going to semi-formal, especially now that I had just unloaded all of that weight from my shoulders. There was only one person I wanted to dance with anyway. Opening up the drawer of my nightstand, I fetch Peter's camera and hand it to her.

"Take a lot of pictures," I say. "I'm just going to chill tonight."

"Okay," says Manny. "At least come out and see us off. It's not often you get to see Toby in a tux."

I laugh. "True."

Following Manny in my sweatpants and T-shirt, I feel like such a slob. Still, it's only Mom, Toby, and Jeff. Turning the corner, I see that I'm wrong. Peter, Emma, J.T., Liberty, Danny, and Jimmy were all seated in various parts of the room.

"Great," I mumble.

"She awoke from the dead," says Toby. "And looks it."

"Don't make me stab you with a corsage pin," I snap back, trying my best to smooth down my hair.

"If only the dead looked that beautiful," speaks up Jimmy.

I flash Jimmy a quick smile, and catch my Mom giving an approving grin from the corner of my eye. Ugh. Hopefully, his date shows up before Mom gets any ideas.

"So why is the cavalry here?" I say.

"Oh, just doing the standard before-the-dance photo sessions," chirps Mom. "There was no way I was missing my two favorite add-on sons' big night."

She glances at J.T., dressed in a cute powder blue tux, and Jimmy, sharp as ever in a black suit with a blue tie. They had been coming over our house since forever, but now they looked so grown up. Liberty wore a gorgeous white dress with a puffy skirt, her hair long and straight. Emma wore a green, strapless dress, her blonde hair in thick waves. Peter kept it simple, a tux and a white bow tie. Danny was Danny, a thick afro covering his entire head, and a orange suit with a ruffled shirt. He looks like he wandered out of a disco.

But Toby looks totally unlike himself, a royal purple tie to match Manny's dress, and a clean, nicely tailored tux and polished black shoes. He's not even wearing his glasses. Jeff gives him a wink as he makes a move to put on Manny's corsage.

"Stop," orders Mom. "Let's all do it together."

"Mom," says Toby in an annoyed voice.

Everyone stands up and the other boys start pulling out corsage boxes, except for Danny, who pulls out an afro pick and starts combing his hair, and Jimmy, who gives me a brief grin and looks away. They all simultaneously put on the corsages, white roses, as Mom snaps picture after picture. Then, we get pictures of them all standing close together, the boys' arms wrapped around the girls' waists. I swear it was almost like a fashion magazine shoot, and I was some bum that wandered in. Jeff even wanders in with a video camera. I make a point to get behind him, so no can see me.

"So any final words before your last Degrassi dance?" asks Jeff, the lens of the camera covering his eye.

"I'm just lucky to be able to spend this night with a very special lady," says Toby.

Manny rubs his shoulder, then holds his arm.

"Awww," says Emma and Liberty in unison, and then they hit Peter and J.T. for not speaking at all.

Mom turns the camera on Jimmy and I, and I wave her away.

"No," I say. "I look putrid."

"Just one shot," prods Mom.

The doorbell sounds. Saved by the bell. I immediately rush over to open it, giving Mom a pointed glare. I open the door and see Hazel, dressed in a beautiful, one-shoulder beige gown, her hair in a high ponytail.

"Hazel," I exclaim, giving her a small hug. "Come in."

Hazel laughs. "Hey everyone!"

Everyone greets her, while Jimmy rolls over to where she is. She bends down and kisses him on the lips.

"Thanks for coming, Aden," says Jimmy. "You're stunning as always."

"Wouldn't have missed it, Brooks," replies Hazel.

I give Mom a triumphant smile and cross my arms. Her face gets tight.

A horn honks from outside.

"Well, you guys better go," says Jeff. "The limo van's here."

The group starts filing out, the boys taking the arms of their dates. My only date tonight would be ice cream, and maybe we'd share a movie together.

"Ashley, we can give you a ride later," says Jeff. "I know you were exhausted, but you should only miss thirty minutes of the dance at the most."

I shake my head. "Not going," I say.

Mom opens her mouth to speak, but I quickly say, "Please leave it alone."

Mom and Jeff look at me, and go outside while the driver helps Jimmy's chair onto a ramp. Manny gives me a sweet little wave, and I wave back. I can't believe things can change so much in two years, but then again, we are growing up.

Retreating to my room, I start picking through my DVDs. Too many love stories. I sigh, and then hear a light tapping on my window. I assume it's a branch because it's windy tonight. Then I hear two more taps, more urgent and one right after the other. I walk over to the window and look down. Craig is in our backyard, fetching what I guess are pebbles from Mom's vegetable garden. I pop open the window and watch him hunt, my chest fluttering at the sight. I recognize the suit he's wearing, the one he wore to my dad's wedding. Craig peers up for a second, sees me, stands straight, and brushes off his hands.

"Just when I ran out of ammunition," he says.

"What are you doing?" I say.

"Throwing rocks...er, pebbles, at your window. The idea was probably more romantic than it looks right now. My butt knocked over a garden gnome. Did you see that?"

"No, but I can imagine. At least you didn't walk into a room of beautifully dressed prom goers in sweaty clothes and huge hair."

Craig nods. "Well, that just means you're going to have to make another appearance. Redeem yourself."

I give him a confused smile. "What are you...?"

"Let's crash the Degrassi semi-formal."

"No way," I say. "I'm totally gross and mopey and..."

Craig comes over so he's directly under my window. I can already find myself getting weak in the knees. Stupid romantic DVDs and their influence.

"And you're going," says Craig confidently. "You're only mopey because of me, and I won't let you be all funky and sad if I can help it. We've been sad for long enough, especially you. I said I'd wait, but I can't wait knowing you're crying. So shower and get dressed."

"Craig..."

A couple crickets chirp as I hear the limo speed away. We both watch it go off.

"I'll serenade you with Devil In The Moon, car wash version," teases Craig. "The crickets would make a horrifying back-up band."

"Cruel and unusual punishment," I say, shuddering.

I really did want to go, and it wasn't just because this was one of the sweetest things Craig had ever done. I love that he can't stand the fact that I'm sad, like when he ran out of that studio for me, to tell me that we should give it another go. I didn't need much encouragement then, and I didn't need it now.

"I could be convinced with a corsage," I say, nodding towards the roses next to the vegetable garden.

Craig immediately goes over and takes a red rose from a bush. He throws it up and I catch it.

"I love it," I say, beaming. "Fix the gnome and I'll get dressed."