XII. I Will

Who knows how long I've loved you.
You know I love you still.
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to – I will.
For if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name.
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same.
Love you forever and forever.
Love you with all my heart.
Love you whenever we're together.
Love you when we're apart.
And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it so loud I can hear.
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
You know I will.
I will.

The entire room is in chaos, pretty chaos, but chaos. Demetria's decorators, who barely speak English, are tying rows of carnations at the end of pews, along the edges of the walls and a couple podiums, near the entrance to the church. I scooch over, holding the page in my math textbook, so that one decorator can have better access to the edge of the pew. Demetria, herself, is barking orders in Russian, while Emma walks around the sanctuary with her checklist, occasionally shaking her head. Darcy and Spinner are in a corner, and every once in awhile, Darcy will point at Emma, a stern look on her face. Spinner rolls his eyes, and stomps away. As they pass me, I hear a little of their conversation.

"Why don't you take her to the wedding?" snaps Darcy.

"I'm just walking her down the aisle today," says Spinner. "Peter's out shopping for a new tripod. It's a favor, dude."

"Don't call me dude! I'm not a dude...I'm a girl, your girlfriend," says Darcy. "Or maybe your little blonde Hollywood queen is like the Cameron Diaz to your Justin or whatever."

"Dude, I hate Justin."

"Don't call me dude!"

Darcy walks briskly away, Spinner trailing behind. I look down at my textbook, but nothing's registering. I went through all the regular motions this week– taking three out of four of my finals, cleaning out my locker, helping Hazel unload her stuff into her parents' home (she is apparently staying the whole summer, three guesses why). But the thoughts of a certain phone call kept plaguing my mind. I didn't want him to come, then I did, then I didn't want him to come, then I did. I couldn't make up my mind. It got so bad, I had to schedule my final for that following Monday, which we had the option of doing, but that was usually for slackers who needed the weekend to study. I actually didn't. All I had to do was review my old tests, which were graded 95 or higher. Ugh. Now I wish he'd never called. Yet, I can't believe he hasn't called ever since I hung up on him.

"Hello!" says a voice, a hand waving in front of me. "Earth to Ashley!"

My head snaps up and I see Caitlin.

"Hey...I was lost in...calculus," I say.

"Yeah, sure," says Caitlin, obviously not buying it. "I need you to do me a favor."

"Looks like favors are dangerous around here," I say, thinking of Darcy and Spinner.

Caitlin gives me a confused look, then carries on.

"Spike's tied up at the salon, some perm emergency, and I need someone to stand in for her. It's really, really easy. You just have to walk down the aisle, bless our union with the candle lighting, and that's that. You're not afraid of matches or anything, right?"

"Um...no, but are you sure you don't want to ask someone else?"

"Well, Emma and Manny are my bridesmaids so they already have spots. Darcy's locked in the bathroom, I wouldn't trust Angie with a match, and J.T. just told me Liberty's grounded. So short of putting Toby in a dress, you're the It Girl."

I entertain the thought of putting Toby in a dress, then shudder.

"Candles over calculus," I say, putting my book down.

"Great!" yells Caitlin.

A couple of Demetria's decorators shush her and start fixing the minister's collar.

I follow Caitlin outside, and stand beside Emma, who has ditched her checklist, and Manny, resting her head on Toby's shoulder. We see Joey, Angie, and Snake hop out of Joey's car. Joey helps out an attractive, older woman, who looks exactly like Caitlin, followed by a balding man.

"Hey Mom! Dad!" says Caitlin, walking over and being enveloped by the women's arms.

"My little Caity," says Ms. Ryan. "Maybe this will be the wedding that actually happens."

"Mom," whines Caitlin.

Caitlin introduces everyone, but Ms. Ryan keeps her eyes on Manny. Manny shifts uncomfortably.

"Those earrings are pretty inappropriate, dear," says Ms. Ryan.

Manny covers her ears protectively.

"They're parakeets," says Manny. "I got them in the Phillipines."

"Mom, it's a dress rehearsal," says Caitlin.

"Take them off," orders Ms. Ryan. "And you...boy with a tongue ring?"

"Uh, Spinner, ma'am," replies Spinner nervously.

"Keep your mouth closed...we don't want any of Caitlin's aunts to pass out," says Ms. Ryan.

Spinner immediately closes his mouth and tightens his jaw. Manny removes her earrings, and Toby slips them into his pants pocket. Emma holds her breath as Ms. Ryan gives her the once over, and I just avoid looking at her.

"The rest are fine," she says, walking quickly into the church, holding hands with Mr. Ryan, who hasn't said a word.

"Sorry, guys," says Caitlin. "She's only uptight when it comes to family events, I promise."

Joey pats her hand and the rest of us go in. Ms. Ryan seemingly has already done a survey and is now arguing with Demetria about the placement of a couple wreaths. The whole thing is settled within a few minutes when Emma lets Ms. Ryan see her checklist, which Ms. Ryan deemed a worthy write-up on what needed to be changed before tomorrow.

"We're missing someone," says Ms. Ryan, handing Emma back her checklist. "The shaggy-haired boy."

"Shaggy-haired boy?" says Joey. "Oh, Craig. Yeah, don't worry. He's coming."

"Mom, you know very well his name is Craig," says Caitlin, who looks ready to hit someone at any moment by now. "And you said how much you liked him about three hours ago."

"I'll call him Craig when he cuts his hair and looks like an actual boy. It's not right for a wedding."

"Please, Mom. It's not even that long."

"Well, his hair is shorter. He'll be walking with Spike, who unfortunately has a thing to do today," interrupts Joey, sliding in between Caitlin and her mom.

"And Ashley's Spike for now," says Caitlin. "She just needs a partner. Snake?"

Snake opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted by a loud "I will!"

We all turn and see him. I want to be so mad at him, but feel my heart beating fast as he approaches. I won't stare at him any longer, concentrating on the floor, but I can feel him staring at me.

"I will," repeats Craig, finally joining the little circle.

"Well, your hair looks okay," assesses Ms. Ryan. "Everyone to your places."

Craig walks beside me, down the aisle, but I still won't look at him. At the same time, I feel a warm feeling as he loops my arm in his. I finally find the courage, stare him directly in his green eyes, finally breathe normally. The wedding march starts, and everyone loops arms with their partners. I'm grateful to be Spike, for the perm emergency, in this moment. The organ sounds throughout the entire church, and Craig whispers in my ear:

"She's okay."

I nod, and we glide down the aisle, after Emma and Spinner, who are moving fairly fast, possibly because Spin doesn't want Darcy exiting the bathroom to see them. We all enter, and Demetria claps proudly as Mr. Ryan escorts Caitlin down the aisle, carrying Paige's bouquet. Caitlin gives Joey a gigantic smile, and Joey returns it. I've never seen him look so excited, or proud. Craig squeezes my hand, and I pull it away. He frowns at me, and lets out a deep breath.

Mr. Ryan kisses Caitlin on the cheek, and hands her off to Joey, who holds her hand. The minister smiles at the both of them.

"Dearly beloved...," begins the minister.

"I object!" yells a voice from the back of the room.

"What!" screams Ms. Ryan.

It's Darcy, her arms crossed, her flip-flops squelching across the church's carpet.

"Darcy!" exclaims Spinner.

"Who is this little harlot?" demands Ms. Ryan.

"I'm a virgin!" defends Darcy.

"Oh...well, good for you," says Ms. Ryan. "But why are you objecting to my daughter getting married?"

"Oh, not them," says Darcy. "The little blonde bridesmaid and the guilty looking guy."

"Darcy, you're mental!" shouts Spinner. "Sometimes a guy can help someone out, and it won't be romantic and stuff."

Emma steps back, squinting her eyes in confusion.

"You have the song that you were dancing to with her on your ipod," says Darcy, starting to cry.

"It's Craig and Ashley's song, Darcy," says Spinner, and at this point I have to give Craig a small smile. "I have like seventeen songs we danced to on there. I love you, Darcy."

Darcy wipes her eyes and gives Spinner a pathetic smile. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so emotional. Maybe it's because I'm on my cycle."

Toby, Craig, and Joey grimace, then look very uncomfortable. Manny laughs.

"This is highly inappropriate," says Ms. Ryan. "Continue, reverend."

Darcy takes a seat in the front pew, and waves at Spinner.

"Ummm...," says the minister, who still looks taken aback by Darcy's revelation. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, in the presence of God and these witnesses, to join Joseph Jeremiah and Caitlin Ryan in holy matrimony."

The reverend continues, but I fade in and out, hearing a couple of words now and then. Spinner was right, as much as I hate to admit it. People can hang out and have it not be romantic. I did with Jimmy all the time, so maybe Craig and Ellie could too.

"And now, the friends of this couple will bless their union by the lighting of candles, which signify hope and eternal love. As each of you step forward, please repeat these words: By the lighting of this flame, may it never go out, I honor the love that you two have for one another. So Christine..."

I tuck my hair behind my ear and glance around for Christine. Then it hits me.

"Oh yeah, I'm Christine," I say, apologetically, and take the match to light the first candle.

"By the lighting of this flame, may it never go out, I honor the love that you two have for one another," I say, giving Joey and Caitlin a warm smile, which they return.

"Craig," says the reverend.

I start to go back to my place, but Craig blocks my way, and holds my hand while he lights the candle next to mine. The flame leaps up and seems to dance around to some inaudible music.

"By the lighting of this flame, may it never go out, I honor the love that we two have for one another," he says.

He swallows a lump in his throat, and I don't know if it's the heat of this flame that's making my eyes misty or what, but I feel one tear slip down my nose.

"You better get that right next time," says Ms. Ryan, giving Craig a pointed frown.

"No, I think he got it right," says Joey, nodding at Caitlin.