A/N: Hello, everyone I'm back! First of all, I'm so sorry for the long wait but I've been completely blocked and I really didn't want to put a crappy chapter here so… I thought it was better to wait a little longer. Anyways, thanks for sticking with me and waiting this long. I hope you do enjoy this chapter and I hope you'll understand Yuna better after reading it too…
Chapter 18
My confessions
"I saw you talking with Tidus, yesterday at the burial." Rikku said, coming to sit next to me on the couch.
"Yeah… So what?" I mumbled, not even lifting my gaze from the book I was reading. I was trying hard not to think of Tidus and talking about him was definitely something I didn't want to do right now. The week that had passed had left me really confused, with many doubts… I'd spent a lot of time with Tidus and Shuyin at the hospital. The two of them had talked and had decided to leave their problems behind so they could face their father's death together ― Shuyin hadn't admitted it, but I knew he had forgiven his brother, just like Tidus had already forgotten the way Shuyin had treated him when he had first arrived. I was glad they had solved their issues, but that meant that now, every time I was with Shuyin, I was also with Tidus and that was becoming hard to deal with ― it seemed like we were getting along better and better each passing day; it was like nothing wrong had ever happened to us, it was almost like we were starting anew… He had been extremely polite and respectful during that week, never mentioning what had happened in Luca, never trying to do something similar… Well, that is until the day before, when he had held me in his arms; the way he had touched me wasn't the way a friend would have and it had awoken some forgotten and unwelcome feelings inside of me. And some confused thoughts and even more doubts. And so, right now, I really didn't want to talk about him… especially with Rikku, of all the people.
"Well, you two seemed to be getting along just fine, but then you left so suddenly… What happened?" Rikku sounded worried and I looked up, meeting her green swirls.
"Nothing happened, Rikku." I lied, trying to reassure her. "I was just… I never liked funerals, that's all. That's why I left earlier."
She eyed me suspiciously for a moment, but then she smiled brightly. "Yeah, I completely understand you ― no one likes funerals. But I was worried that you and Tidus might have argued again. I didn't want that, especially now that you're friends again!"
Friends? I wondered if I could ever be friends with Tidus again. Well, at least we're trying… That must count for something, no?
"Well, girl," I said, changing the subject to keep my mind from thinking of Tidus. "You say you saw me and Tidus talking. I say I saw you and Gippal together too and the two of you seemed very happy in each other's company…" She grinned broadly and I smiled too. "You never got to tell me what happened when you went to talk to him…"
"Oh well, that…" She giggled. "It wasn't all that bad talking to him, actually. He mocked me for running away from him and he acted like his usual self, all cocky and conceited, but he ended up understanding my position. At least, I think he did."
"That's so good!" I exclaimed, grinning at her. "What have you decided to do from now on?"
She grinned guiltily. "I'm still not sure. We didn't talk all that much, if you know what I mean…" She added mischievously. "I think we both decided to just go with the flow, ya know… I kinda like him and I think he likes me too, so… Let's see where this leads us to."
We both giggled excitedly, like two young girls in their first years of adolescence and she gave me a huge bear-hug. After a moment she released me, jumping to her feet and stretching her back.
"Well, Yunie, I love to chat with you, but I really got to bounce…"
"Oh, and may I know where you're going, missy? Maybe to meet a certain Al Bhed guy?" I asked playfully.
She laughed. "No, not this time. I'm meeting some friends from school ― we're going to the mall. But maybe I'll see Gippal later, who knows?" She winked, sticking out her tongue, and ran out of the room.
Finding myself alone once again and still grinning from my previous conversation with Rikku, I opened the book to resume my reading session. About half an hour later though, I finished the novel and stayed there, just staring into nothingness and letting my thoughts roam and take a path of their own. Soon enough I was thinking of Tidus again… What was going on between us? Why did he keep trying to get close to me? Was he playing some twisted game with my head? C'mon, Yuna, you don't believe that, I scolded myself. No, I didn't believe it, of course, it was a silly idea. But believing Tidus loved me still was as silly as believing the opposite… Oh Yevon, why is everything so complicated? I wished I could just go back to how it was before, when there was nothing in the world that could keep us apart… Unfortunately, going back was something we could never do; we could never erase those two years of separation, of suffering…
"I could really use some advice…" I said in a whisper, leaning my head back and looking to the blank ceiling. Suddenly, a calm and friendly face popped into my mind…
Five minutes later I was knocking on Lulu's back door.
"Hello, Yuna!" Lulu greeted warmly, opening the door to let me in. "So, what brings you here?"
"You, actually." I gave her a quick hug. "I was wondering if we could talk a bit…"
"Of course, come in. Did something happen?" She asked, frowning a little.
"Not really. I just needed some advice." I answered with a small smile. "How's your baby?"
We entered the living room and Lulu lowered her voice. "Well, he's asleep right now…" She walked towards a cradle that was placed next to the couch and bent over it, motioning for me to approach her. I got near and looked over her shoulder. Little Vidina was lying in the crib, his tiny fists grabbing the white sheet and his eyes peacefully closed. Lulu smoothed his red hair and he exhaled deeply.
I smiled, whispering, "You must be such a proud mum, Lulu."
"I am." She straightened herself and turned to me. "I'm sorry, Yuna, do you mind if we go talk elsewhere? It's just that it was so difficult to put him to sleep that I really don't want him to wake up yet…"
"Of course, Lu, there's no problem."
I followed her to the large kitchen where the Moogle was playing on the floor with one of Wakka's blitzballs. As soon as he sensed us, he let go of his newfound toy and ran towards Lulu, who accommodated him on her lap as she sat at the table. I sat in front of her, snatching an apple from the fruit bowl and taking a bite.
"Are you all alone?" I asked, finding it strange that the house was so quiet.
"No, Paine's in her room. But now with Vidina, none of us can be too loud, except for the baby himself." She chuckled and then turned serious again. "But you didn't come to talk about Vidina… or Paine. What can I do for you, Yuna?"
I took a deep breath. Now that I was here, I had no idea where to start. Maybe I should just start with the simple truth. "I came to talk about Tidus…"
Lulu nodded. "I figured… Yesterday I saw the two of you together and I couldn't help but to notice the tension. This situation you are in isn't good for either of you." She added gravely.
"I know." I admitted, my voice faltering a little. "It isn't good, but it's the best we can get for now… It's really awkward, but we're trying to be friends…"
"Yuna," she said in a reproving tone. "You and I both know that when a relationship ends, it's impossible to be friends unless things are completely clear between the people."
"But things are clear between us. It's over!" I restated.
Lulu shook her head. "If things were clear between the two of you, we wouldn't be having this conversation, Yuna. You wouldn't need any advice and you wouldn't have any doubts."
I bent my head. She was right, as usual…
"Have you written anything recently?" Lulu asked all of a sudden.
Her question surprised me and I looked up from the green apple in my hands, meeting her gaze. Lulu is one of the few people who know I write poetry and she was the only one I'd ever shown my work to, with the exception of Tidus of course. "I wrote another poem last night." I finally answered. "It's the fourth since I've started to write again…"
She smiled mysteriously. "I bet it's good. You usually write better when you write with your heart instead of your head."
"What do you mean by that?" I asked her with a half-smile, wondering what that had to do with Tidus.
But Lulu knew me well enough to read between the lines and to understand my unspoken questions. "I'm just saying that your best poems are those in which you write about your feelings. And your best inspiration source has always been Tidus. You still have feelings for him, don't you?"
I closed my eyes and leaned back on the chair. If I was going to start to explain my confused feelings, this was definitely going to be a long talk… "I still like him, that's undeniable." I finally said, sighing deeply. "I've tried to shut him out of my life in order to forget him, but now he's back and I can't escape the fact that he still has an effect on me ― when he touches me, when he holds me… when he kissed me… I feel alive, I feel loved… I haven't felt that way since he left…"
"You still love him." Lulu stated, smiling.
I shook my head. "I don't know if it's love or if it is a need to feel loved… No one ever knew me or loved me like Tidus and I think I miss it, you know. I miss the feeling, the support…"
"So you're saying that if any other guy would come your way and fall in love with you, you'd forget Tidus?" She asked, an undecipherable smile playing on her lips.
"You know it's not that easy… Tidus is… was…"
"Unforgettable?"
I looked at her. "You're setting me a trap, aren't you?"
"I'm just playing your conscience here." She said with a smirk. "You wanted to talk about Tidus, you wanted advice, but what I think you really need is to make up your mind. You need to realize what you want and how you feel. Only that way you'll be able to go back or to let go and move on…" She held my hands over the table and smiled understandingly at me. "I'm just trying to help you to understand."
"I know, Lu, but…" I shook my head sadly. "I can't… I can't admit it. The day I'll admit it is the day I'll fall for him again."
"Would that be that bad, Yuna?"
My vision was becoming blurred with the tears. I blinked them back. "I don't wanna get hurt again." I whispered, averting her gaze and looking out the window.
"Who says you'd get hurt this time? You're older, more experienced, wiser… Both of you. Maybe you could work things out, who knows?" She continued as I looked at her, "I'm not saying you should get back together, though. I just think you should try to clarify things between the two of you. Maybe if you did, the tension would go away, as the doubts…"
"Are you saying you think I should talk to him?" I asked.
"Yes, I am. I think you should do it so you wouldn't be stuck to a past that doesn't exist anymore…" Lulu responded seriously.
I nodded. "Maybe you're right… But I don't know if I have the courage to do it."
"You're strong enough; I know you can do it." She reassured me, squeezing my hands. "Besides, Tidus deserves an explanation for your behaviour."
"What?"
"You know what I mean, Yuna. And I only say this because he told me you didn't give him a reason when you broke up with him. That's why he feels so confused and so insecure about this situation. Yes, he's feeling insecure too…" She added when she saw my surprised look. "And that's why I think you should talk to him about what happened, so you can determine and decide how your future is going to be like."
"If you want a bright future, you must start to clean the clouds of your past…" I said under my breath.
"That's precisely what I mean." Lulu smiled. "That is a very good advice…"
"Yeah, my father was a wise man." I whispered, remembering the many times I'd heard him saying that.
"Then take his advice and use it."
I smiled a little. "Well, they're very dark and heavy clouds."
She frowned a bit. "What can possible be so dark about your past with Tidus, Yuna? You never told anyone the reason why you broke up with him…" Her words were filled with concern.
I knew she would ask me this sooner or later ― when I had put an end to my relationship with Tidus, I hadn't said a word to anyone, keeping all the reasons to myself, suffering in silence; I'd built a wall around me and hadn't let anyone in, not even my closest friends. So I couldn't blame them for not understanding me ― to them, Tidus was the same boy who had left and I had been a bitch who had dumped him because the distance was too unbearable… Well, at least I could say I hadn't stuck with him for the money…
"It's too complicated, Lulu, it's a long story…" I said, keeping my gaze down.
"Well, if you don't want to tell me, it's okay, but I'm not going anywhere, so…" She said softly.
"You really wanna know, Lu?"
"I want to understand you. And I think I can only understand your decisions and your behaviour towards Tidus if you tell me what he did to hurt you so…"
I sighed deeply, thinking of the best way to tell her what had happened to make me so bitter about the past. "Well, it all started when Tidus left for Zanarkand and I stayed behind. He wanted me to go with him, but I was underage and Uncle Cid didn't allow it. It really hurt to see him go, but still I gave him all my support. The first few months were really hard and even though we tried to keep in touch, there were times when we didn't know anything about each other ― after all Zanarkand is on the other side of the world…"
"I know. It must've been hard." Lulu agreed. "Long distance relationships aren't easy to handle…"
"No, they're not, especially when you're a seventeen-years-old foolish girl without much experience in life and with many doubts. I started to feel insecure."
"That's understandable, Yuna. No one was expecting you to be all confident… You could have told us."
My voice trembled. "Yes, I could, but I believed you were going to think I was this childish kid who didn't trust her boyfriend. I was really stupid back then, really. I didn't trust you, guys, and I ended up not trusting Tidus. I started to think that he didn't like me anymore, that he had already forgotten all about me, that he didn't care… I started wondering where he was, what he was doing, who he was with… I was becoming paranoid!" I smiled sadly; now I was coming to the hardest part of the story. "One day, I saw Tidus on the cover of a magazine. He was holding a girl ― I have no idea who she is ― and the title said they were the newest and hottest couple in Zanarkand. I bought the magazine and read the interview. The girl confirmed everything. I couldn't believe it! I just couldn't! And yet, a part of me was saying 'I told you so'."
"You talked to Tidus about this?" Lulu asked, her eyes showing sympathy and doubt in equal parts.
"I tried." I answered, tears streaming down my cheeks. "I tried to talk to him about this, but he was always too busy. He was always going somewhere, meeting someone, he didn't have time for me anymore… And I was just a kid who needed to know… I needed to know the truth, because I was starting to believe that what I had seen was real. But he never… He could never give me two minutes of his time."
"Do you really think Tidus cheated on you, Yuna?"
"To tell you honestly, Lulu, I don't know. Deep inside, I don't believe it, my heart doesn't believe it. It would mean that what we had was meaningless to him and I can't take that! But then my head says otherwise. You're not gonna tell me you believe that Tidus was two years in Zanarkand and he didn't have one single girl there…"
Lulu was silent for a moment, like she was thinking of something and then she spoke again. "I'm not saying that. I just think he loves you too much to lose you in such a stupid way…"
"Maybe he didn't love me that much…" I said quietly. But then why does he seem so heartbroken every time I push him away? Why does he insist even when I'm so cold with him? Maybe he really loved me… Maybe he loves me still…
"Maybe." Lulu agreed. Then she added "Or maybe it was all a misunderstanding. Maybe it all happened because there was a lack in communication… What I know is that you need to talk and to clarify things now more than ever. Who knows? Maybe you'll find out that you should've talked a long time ago…"
"I don't know…" I wiped the tears away. "When I broke up with Tidus, I didn't tell him what I had seen; I just said I couldn't take the distance… I don't… I think I hurt him with my words, but he hurt me even more when he didn't try anything to keep us together. If he loved me so, he would've fought for me, don't you think?"
"Well, you didn't fight for him either. You turned eighteen and you still didn't go after him… You saw the magazine and you didn't fight for your man…"
My eyes widened when I heard those words. Was Lulu accusing me? "I'm just playing your conscience here." No, she wasn't accusing me, she was just giving me another point of view, making me understand better what I had done and what I hadn't done…
"See? You really should talk to him…" She repeated. "I'm not saying you two should get back together, I just think that you should work things out… Maybe this tension between you two would go away." She said once again.
I nodded, finally understanding what I had to do. "I should've talked to you a long time ago…" I gave her a small smile. "You always help me when I need… Thank you."
Suddenly, a baby's cry filled the air and Lulu looked behind her shoulder. "Thank me later, after you talk to him." She told me, putting the Moogle on the ground and getting up. I followed her into the living room, where she was already holding Vidina in her arms, rocking him back and forth. "Shh, baby, mummy's here…"
"Do you need any―? Yuna!" Paine's voice came from the stairs. She jumped the last two steps and approached us. "What are you doing here? And… were you crying?" She added, furrowing her brow.
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands and gave Paine a small smile. "I came to talk with your sister about… boys."
"Oh, I see… Tidus." Paine said plainly. "Well, I hope Lulu could help."
I glanced at Lulu, who was still rocking the baby. "Yeah, your sister was of great help. At least, now I know what I should do…"
"Good." Paine nodded, and then added with a very serious expression "And if talking isn't good enough, you can always punch him."
I laughed at her words. Yevon, those girls knew me really well… Suddenly, I got an idea. "Hey, Paine, wanna go to the movies? I could really use the distraction…"
"Sure." She agreed. "Let me just get my coat and my wallet. Is Rikku coming too?" She added as an after thought.
"No, she went out with some friends and I think she's going to meet Gippal later." I answered.
"Oh god, those two forgot the meaning of independence!" Paine exclaimed. "Now, they're always together. It makes me almost sick."
"C'mon Paine, they like each other, they're dating… It's perfectly natural." Lulu said from her seated position on the couch.
"Yeah well, Gippal's already dated all the phone book. Oh, wait, he hasn't dated all the phone book yet; he's still in the letter R of Rikku."
Lulu and I couldn't help but to laugh.
-----XX-----
The movie had been a great way to keep my mind from thinking of Tidus and the conversation I had had with Lulu earlier that day. Because it was a thriller, it kept me focused on the story until the end, trying to discover who the killer was. Paine and I were still talking about the movie when we left the cinema.
"It was a very good choice, Paine. I really liked it." I told her, putting my white gloves on. The night was cold and I pulled the long coat closer to my body.
"Yes, it was a good movie indeed. Much better than any silly romance or stupid comedy." She said, walking out into the street. "Wanna go get something to eat? I'm starting to get hungry."
"Yeah, after all we didn't have dinner." I agreed. "Know any good places around here?"
"Actually, I do." Paine answered. "There's this cool little restaurant down the block. We could go check out their menus."
"Well, what are we waiting for? Lead the way!"
She smirked and we started walking along the sidewalk, still chatting about the film and also about other movies we'd seen or we wanted to see. We were getting to the end of the street when I saw a familiar figure among the people walking on the street.
"Isn't that Baralai?" I asked Paine, pointing to a silver-haired guy with a long dark-green coat who was walking a few meters ahead of us. She followed the direction of my finger and narrowed her eyes. Before she could answer me, I called, "Baralai!"
The guy looked over his shoulder. It was Baralai in fact, and he stopped and smiled the moment he saw us. I smiled too, and started heading his way.
"Hey, Baralai! How are you?" I asked, approaching him. Only then did I see he was accompanied by a short girl with curly red hair. "Hi." I greeted her politely, trying to remember if I had ever seen her.
"Yuna, I didn't expect to see you here…" Baralai smiled, but he wasn't looking at me; his gaze was set somewhere behind me and I could bet that Paine was also looking at him.
Suddenly I heard her footsteps approaching us. "Goodnight." She said in a cold voice.
"Goodnight, Paine." The red-haired girl answered with a smile.
"Anaïr." Pain nodded in her direction.
"You two know each other?" Baralai asked, surprised.
"Yeah, Paine and I share the same White Magic class." Anaïr answered, her voice soft and sweet.
"White Magic?" Baralai looked at Paine, even more surprised.
"Don't ask." Paine retorted. "So, how do you two know each other?"
Baralai looked at the girl beside him and then back at Paine. "Well, we're classmates in History."
"More than classmates, I can see." Paine said, calmly and collectedly as always.
I was there looking between the two of them, thinking it had been a very wrong idea to call Baralai. He and Paine hadn't had much contact since Luca, perhaps because they were trying to keep a certain distance to avoid scenes like this one. Yes, because even though they were having this polite conversation, the hidden meanings behind every sentence were obvious to anyone who knew them well.
"Yes, we're also friends." Baralai added quickly, maybe to prevent Paine from getting the wrong idea.
"Friends… That's nice. And do you usually take your so-called friends on dates, Baralai?"
"Paine, I don't think―"
"Well… eh… sorry to interrupt, but…" Anaïr said, tugging at Baralai's coat. "Baralai… it's cold and it's getting late and…"
"Yeah, you're right. Go ahead and I'll catch up in a second, okay?" Anaïr nodded and bid us goodbye, starting to walk away.
"Aren't you going with her? A girl like her shouldn't walk alone in the streets at night; it might be perilous, she might need protection." Paine said, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
"You're getting it all wrong, Paine." Baralai said, shaking his head. "Anaïr and I just met to―"
"Whatever. Who said I wanted to hear your explanations?"
"Well, if you don't want to be corrected by my explanations, you shouldn't jump into conclusions, which happen to be wrong!"
"Guys…" I called, trying to cool things down. They weren't talking very loud but they were so focused on each other they didn't hear me.
"What conclusions should I jump into, Baralai? It seemed pretty obvious, don't you think?"
"You should already know that being obvious isn't something I'm very good at. I thought you'd learned that!"
"So did I." Paine retorted, turning on her heels and walking in the opposite direction.
I stood there a few seconds, trying to understand what had happened and deciding whether to go after Paine or stay and talk to Baralai. I figured Paine would be waiting by the car and she would probably want to go home after this episode, so I looked at Baralai and he must've seen in my eyes my indecision for he said in a very tired voice "Go after her, Yuna. Go and tell her, if she is interested, which I seriously doubt, that Anaïr and I were just doing a project together, okay? It wasn't a date."
I nodded and, kissing him lightly on the cheek, took off to go after my friend. She wasn't near the car, though, nor anywhere around. I waited a few more moments, but there was no sign of Paine. Finally I grabbed my phone and called her. It rang four times before she picked it up. "Yeah?"
"Paine, where are you? I'm waiting for you by the car for ages." I told her worriedly.
"I'm sorry, I just needed to be alone for awhile. You can go home, I'll take the bus, later." She answered, her tone cool and firm.
"Are you sure you don't want me to pick you up, Paine? I can wait, if you want. And we don't really have to talk." I added.
"Really, Yuna. I appreciate your offer, but… it's okay. I just need some time alone."
"Will you be alright?"
"Unlike some people, I know how to defend myself." She said.
"You know Paine, it wasn't a date. They were just doing a proj―"
"Yuna, if I wanted to hear it, I would've let Baralai speak. But I don't, so… save it. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay. See ya tomorrow."
We both hung up and I climbed into the car, starting the engine and going home for the night.
-----XX-----
A week later nothing had changed. Rikku and Gippal were still crazy about each other and to everyone's surprise they were not even arguing as much as before. Paine and Baralai didn't speak to each other since that night ― he had tried to explain to her what had happened, but she had just turned away. She didn't speak to Anaïr either. Shuyin and Tidus were now as inseparable as before, and Tidus had even moved in with his brother ― he had told Auron he felt more comfortable at Shuyin's than at any hotel in town. I had seen Shuyin a couple of times that week, but I was avoiding Tidus at all costs. Now that I knew what I had to do, now that I had admitted to myself that I needed to talk to him, I was lacking the courage. What should I do? Just go to Shuyin's place and tell him 'Tidus I need to talk to you about a girl who happens to be the cause of our break-up'? Well, that didn't seem very good. So, everything was just as the week before, not much had changed…
That Thursday, however, was about to be different.
Rikku and I were watching a TV program on the leaving-room when the doorbell rang. None of us was too eager to get up from the couch, where we were warm and comfortable, to go and open the door to a cold and rainy winter day, but in the end I ended up standing up and walking to the door.
"Hello, Yuna." Dona said, a smirk plastered on her face as she stood there on the threshold.
My jaw dropped to the floor. What in Yevon's name was this girl doing at my door? "What are you doing here?" I blurted out, not knowing what else to say.
"I came to talk to you. Mind if I come in?" She asked, already making her way inside the house.
"Talk to me about what, Dona?" I questioned as I followed her into the leaving-room, where Rikku was looking at us like we'd grown another head. I couldn't blame her; seeing Dona in our house was like seeing the moon falling from the sky. I shrugged my shoulders to tell her I had no idea what Dona wanted.
"About our little dispute, a.k.a. Tidus." she said, sitting on the loveseat. "I don't know if you recall, but if you don't, let me refresh your memory ― when we were in Luca, we made an agreement about a certain quiz…"
I sighed heavily. How could I forget that stupid quiz? "Yeah, I remember that. And?"
"Well, the day we were supposed to do it, you fled."
"I didn't flee; I had to come back to Besaid because of matters of greater importance than a stupid quiz." I defended myself.
"Of course. I'm just saying that we never decided any other date and now I'm wondering when it is going to take place. Because I want to show you as soon as possible that no one knows Tidus better than me."
I hated her arrogance; I just had a need to prove her wrong. "I bet you do. And for your information, I can do the quiz whenever you want. Just set the date."
Dona smirked mischievously. "Today, now. Rikku can ask the questions, since she was the only other person to know of this… decision of ours."
"Today?" I blinked.
"Me?" Rikku asked.
"Yeah, do you have a problem with that?" Dona asked, throwing her dark locks behind her shoulder.
My cousin and I looked at each other. Of course I had lots of problems with Dona's suggestion, and maybe Rikku had problems with it too, but none of us was going to give her the pleasure of seeing us defeated or distressed by her options and by her challenges.
"Okay," we both said in unison.
"Okay." Dona repeated, smiling maliciously.
Fifteen minutes later, after a long wait stuck inside the same room with Dona, Rikku had finally made a list of questions about Tidus. I took a deep breath before looking at it ― it was a list of thirty questions randomly chosen, going from Tidus' childhood to his present situation. Thankfully, Rikku had left me out of the questions, not mentioning my relationship with Tidus not even once. Maybe she didn't want Dona to accuse her of giving me advantage by asking stuff that only I could know. Or maybe she thought that I was going to win easily and didn't need the advantage at all. I think she was more confident than I was, actually. After seeing Dona's attitude and coolness, I was starting to think that maybe she wasn't that dumb and that she could know Tidus very well too. After all, I had been the first one to think she was his girlfriend when they had arrived at Besaid; what made me think now that I knew more about him than she did?
"Okay," Rikku said handing two blank sheets to both of us. "Now you can start answering the questions and… well, when you finish you'll give them to me and I'll… check them with Tidus."
"Is Tidus going to know about this?" I asked, suddenly fearful my cousin's answer would be 'yes'.
"Well, how am I supposed to know the correct answers if I don't ask Tidus himself?" Rikku looked at me.
"You're right, you're right, sorry." I apologized, gazing down. I didn't want to look like a fool in front of Dona, but I was afraid Rikku would tell the whole story to Tidus and he would think I was some stupid little girl… Yevon, why was everything so complicated?
"Well, you may begin…" Rikku continued, looking at both of us.
Dona smiled sweetly at us and then bent her head down and started to write on the sheet. I sighed again and looked at the first question ― what does Tidus wear to bed? I closed my eyes for an instant, remembering the many nights I'd been with Tidus. It was so sweet… He was so sweet… His smell, his touch, his taste… Okay, Yuna, stop rambling and focus on the question! I opened my eyes again and wrote my answer. It wasn't difficult; I'd never seen Tidus wearing to bed anything else but his boxers, not even in the winter. And he was never cold at night, I could tell from experience…
The next few minutes were spent in absolute silence; the only sound that could be heard was the pens scratching the paper. The next few questions were as simple as the first one: What does Tidus usually have for breakfast? When he was a kid, what was his biggest dream? What time of the day does Tidus prefer? What was Tidus' first Blitzball team? How old is Tidus' big brother, Shuyin? What was the name of Tidus' first girlfriend? And so on, and so on…
Finally, I put the pen down. "I'm done." I told Rikku.
"Me too." Dona also dropped her pen on the table, delivering her answers to my cousin.
"Okay, ladies. Now, I'll ask Tidus the same questions and I'll give you the results… let's say, tomorrow?" Rikku looked at us interrogatively.
"Oh, don't bother, Rikku." Dona said, crossing her legs. "I took the liberty of calling Tidus myself and asking him to come over here. He must be showing up any second now."
"You did what?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I mean, I had been trying to avoid Tidus all week and now Dona, above all people, invited him to my house! Something was definitely wrong in the Farplane!
"You heard me, Yuna…" She waved her hand as if dismissing the subject and threw her tresses behind her back again. Suddenly the doorbell rang. "Well, it must be him!"
"Why are you so impatient to lose, Dona?" Rikku asked with a small smirk.
"I wouldn't throw the victory party just yet, Rikku. You may find that you didn't win, after all…" Dona said calmly. I was actually surprised with her coolness.
Rikku opened her mouth to say something else, but the bell rang again and she changed her mind, going to open the door.
"Whoever it is, I can assure you it isn't Tidus." I said quietly when I heard Rikku's voice raising. Soon it was followed by Brother's voice yelling in Al Bhed. "It's my cousin, Brother." I explained.
Dona made a puzzled face. "Make up your mind. Is he your cousin or your brother?" I had to laugh. "Are you making fun of me?"
"No, Dona, I'm not." I said, still giggling. "It's just that you got it wrong. Brother is my cousin, and Rikku's brother but… and don't ask me why 'cause I have no idea… everyone calls him Brother since I can remember. I guess his Al Bhed name is too difficult to pronounce or something…"
"Oh." Dona laughed too and for the first time it wasn't a laughter of disdain. She was actually laughing with me, not at me… I looked at her, surprised. Suddenly she looked much younger; I wondered how old she really was… maybe seventeen, eighteen years old. While laughing she even seemed nice and for one moment I could understand why Tidus was her friend. Friend. I smiled, they were just friends…
The yelling in the hall stopped abruptly and we both looked in that direction. Seconds later, Rikku was re-entering the room with Brother still after her and… Tidus.
"Hey, ladies, what's up?" He smiled at us and I gulped, while Dona stood up and went to kiss him on the cheek. "I found these two arguing in the hall with the door still opened. Can you believe it?"
"Yeah, we heard the screams." Dona gave him her trademark smirk, so different from the one I'd seen earlier. I found it strange ― it was almost as if she was trying to be someone different in front of Tidus, like she was showing off to impress him. Maybe she is…
"Well, I wouldn't be screaming if Brother hadn't forgotten his key again, acting like I'm his slave!" Rikku snapped, folding her arms across her chest.
Brother was going to say something more but then he saw Dona and that silenced him immediately. "Hello…" He said with his strong accent. She glanced at him with a superior look on her beautiful features and turned again to Tidus without even answering my cousin. But Tidus wasn't looking at her, for his gaze was fixed on none other than me. We hadn't seen each other since Jecht's funeral (I was avoiding him, remember?) and our conversation back then had been pretty… well, final. I could completely understand if Tidus didn't want to ever speak to me again… But I knew I had to speak to him, I had to find the courage, I had to tell him so many things… But why would I talk to him and explain things if I didn't want things to change? Or did I? Well, at least I owed him an explanation, like Lulu had said…
"Anyways, why did you call me here, Dona?" He asked, averting my gaze and turning his beautiful eyes to Dona again.
"Well, it's nothing too serious, actually." Dona said. "Rikku's just making a little project about you and she has a couple of questions she would want you to answer. It's for her high-school newspaper and so I told her I would help and I called you… No big deal as you can see."
I'm surprised at how good of a liar she is. No wonder she can constantly play a role in front of Tidus. She should definitely try the acting career… Oh, here I am again, rambling endlessly… I focused back on reality. Tidus was already seated at the table, answering Rikku's questions with pleasure ― he would never refuse to help a friend, especially when we were talking about one of his closest friends like Rikku. By the time they were over the 'interview', as Dona had called it, Brother had already left to his room (apparently not even the sight of Dona could keep him in his sister's presence for long…), Dona had sat once again and I was still in the same position, staring into nothingness.
"Okay, that's all!" Rikku exclaimed, giving Tidus a high-five. "This will be of great use, I can assure you."
"Well, Rikku, I'm just glad I could help you." Tidus grinned broadly. "And I'm glad you and Dona are… getting along." He continued.
Rikku made a face. "Yeah, well we're not―"
"We're still getting to know each other!" I interrupted my cousin, faking a big smile. I couldn't let Tidus know the real reason why Done was in my house and I really didn't want to disappoint him right now. He was genuinely happy with the idea that we were getting along… "But I think we're starting to… understand each other, isn't it right, Dona?"
She eyed me indifferently. "Yeah, whatever."
Tidus looked a little confused, but I smiled reassuringly and he nodded, smiling too. Apparently, he still talked to me… Maybe he still wanted to be my friend, whatever that word meant between us.
"Well, Tidus, you can go do whatever you have to do, now…" Rikku said, gathering the sheets of paper with our answers and Tidus'. "I'll go work on this information, okay?" She winked in our direction and then ran up the stairs, leaving Tidus, Dona and I alone, looking at each other uncomfortably.
"Well, if I didn't know better, I'd say Rikku was kicking me out…" Tidus laughed.
"Maybe she was." Dona said plainly.
"Of course not!" I laughed nervously. "She's just anxious to finish the work, that's all. And she was probably just worried you'd have other things to do, I think." I continued.
"Yeah, I got stuff to do. I think I better go." Tidus said, getting up.
"Oh baby, will I see you tonight?" Dona asked, lifting her gaze to meet his and tugging at his shirt.
"I don't know, Dona, I was thinking… Shuyin and I had already planned staying in for the night…"
"Maybe I could go meet you at your brother's house." Dona offered. Yevon, could she be more obvious?
"I don't think that's a very good idea, Dona. It's gonna be just a guys night, ya know…"
Dona looked a bit disappointed. "Oh, okay. Then, I'll see you tomorrow…" She said, trying to smile.
"Yeah, see ya tomorrow." He answered, winking at us. "Don't bother, Yuna, I know the way out. See you." And with that he left the room. Seconds later we heard the front door closing.
"Alone again…" I said, looking around the room.
"Yes. Will your cousin take long?" She asked, with the same old superior look of hers.
"C'mon, Dona, drop the act!" I told her, tired of her way of acting towards me. She wasn't my friend, but that didn't mean we had to be enemies, right? "You can pretend to be oh so good around Tidus, but you don't have to do it in front of everyone else! Why do you do it in front of Tidus anyways? Do you want to impress him? And do you think you'll go far with that strategy? Tidus always loved spontaneity and people who are true to themselves, not people who act around everyone not letting anyone know who they really are."
"Shut up!" She said, shocked with my words. I think she wasn't expecting me to be so blunt and frank towards her.
I was going to continue, but Rikku came down the stairs. "Okay, guys, it's ready!" We both looked at each other and then at Rikku. She noticed the animosity between us but didn't waste any time on it. "Do you wanna know the results?"
"Of course!" I told her. Dona nodded her agreement.
"Well, it's pretty strange actually, but you… Well, there's a tie. You both got 23 correct answers and 7 wrong."
"What?" We asked in unison. A tie wasn't certainly the result we were expecting.
"Well, it's true. For instance, Dona said that Tidus favourite food was steak and fries and Yuna said it was pancakes with chocolate; Yuna got it right. But then Yuna said that Tidus usually had pancakes for breakfast and Dona said he had cereals and Dona was the one who answered correctly… And it goes on." She handed the sheets with our answers corrected.
"Okay, this is weird…" I muttered.
"And it's probably wrong." Dona argued. "I ain't gonna stay here and listen to you. I know how well I know Tidus and that's good enough for me!" And with that she got up, grabbed the papers and left too.
Rikku looked at me. "Crazy chick, huh?"
I narrowed my eyes in the direction Dona had left. "Actually, I think there's more to it than just crazy, Rikku. But I don't think she'll ever tell us…" And how I wish I knew…
A/N: So how was it? Not too bad, I hope :) Now you can see the reasons behind Yuna's behaviour… I hope you got to understand her a little better, because I was getting disappointed that you really didn't understand her… Well, anyways, tell me what you think of this chapter, okay? See ya soon… hopefully.
P.S.: Any reviews will be answered through this new system they created. I'll go try it now. :)
P.P.S. – I can't answer anonymous reviews so… I'd like to thank to Crisyah, she was exaggerating as usual ;-) and I would like to tell Jen that people act differently regarding their feelings and their relationships. I'm sorry you had to go through suffering and pain but it is your choice to accept you boyfriend back. I can tell you I would never do that and Yuna neither, at least in this story. It doesn't mean she loves Tidus less, it just means she's strong enough to say no to something she knows would make her suffer.
Any other anonymous reviews I would ask them please to leave their e-mail so I can answer them. Thank you so much.