XIV. Keep Your Hands Off My Baby

We've been friends for oh so long,
I won't let you share what's mine.
When you mess with the girl I love,
it's time to draw the line.
Keep your hands off my baby.
Ain't a-gonna tell you
one more time.
So keep your hands off my baby,
for it's gonna do you in:
that girl is mine.
I don't mind if you lend my clothes,
...much
There is something that you can't say.
There's one thing you don't touch.
Keep your hands off my baby.
Ain't a-gonna tell you
one more time.
So keep your hands off my baby,
for it's really gonna do you in:
that girl is mine.
Keep your hands off my baby.
Ain't a-gonna tell you
one more time.
So keep your hands off my baby,
for it's really gonna do you in:
that girl is mine.
Oh keep your hands off my baby,
she's mine.
Keep your hands off my baby.
You'd better watch your step now
for it's really gonna do you in:
that girl is mine.

"I'll call you at eleven," says Manny, holding Spike's door open for me.

Toby adjusts his eyeglasses, then pouts. "At ten," he pleads.

"I'll call you at eleven," repeats Manny.

"This is the first night we haven't spent with each other since we started going out," says Toby, squeezing her waist.

"I know," replies Manny, nuzzling her nose to his cheek.

"It bites," says Toby.

"I know."

J.T. whistles. "Put an end to the lovefest, and let's get to Joey's. There's snacks, good music..."

Toby sighs, holding Manny closer to him. "There are snacks here."

"And luscious ladies," says J.T., grinning at me. "But they're regrettably fully clothed. So come hither, compadre. We can finally see a stripper without hiding in the bushes. On to the bachelor bonanza."

"Does Liberty know you're so eager to go to this thing?" I ask.

"She's grounded," says J.T. "I haven't had any female companionship in like three days."

"Poor J.T.," says Emma sarcastically."Probably because Danny told his dad you guys were fooling around on the school roof."

"I'm not the one getting married, alright?" defends J.T.

Toby and Manny peck each other on the lipsand Toby sadly follows J.T. out of the door. They almost bump into a beaming Spike and a couple of women I don't know. One is about the same skin color as me, but with jet-black, curly hair and really tall. The other has long, brown hair and sort of dreamy, brown eyes. They're both carrying gift bags, chips, and the really tall woman carries a boa. Liz, someone I recognize from Joey and Caitlin's engagement party, comes in next, then Darcy, carrying a bottle of champagne.

"So quick introductions," says Spike, standing in front of us. "Okay, you guys know Manny and Em. This is Ashley. Ashley, this is Lucy Fernandez, our resident geniusand this is Melanie Brodie, who's just well Melanie."

"Thanks Spike," says Melanie, elbowing her. "First you marry my first boyfriend, then you insult me. You guys should be lucky I graced this little shindig with my presence. Where's Caitlin?"

"All we had to do was wave the little ad for the stripper in your face, and you seemed more than willing, Melanie," chuckles Lucy, taking the champagne from Darcy.

"Caitlin dropped us off, but then her mom called as planned. That should buy us like an hour knowing Mrs. Ryan," replies Emma.

"Ewww, Ms. Ryan," says Melanie. "I like your earrings, Manny."

"Thanks," says Manny, smiling.

"Not my thing," mutters Liz, and she gives me a small wink.

"Where's Kathleen?" asks Lucy.

"What, you expected Ms. Prim and Proper to come see scantily clad men?" says Melanie. "She's probably bowling with her husband and her blonde-haired broad. She's coming to the wedding, though."

Spike starts putting up streamers with Emma's help. I offer to help Lucy fix the table, and in forty minutes, Spike's living room is party-ready. Liz, making it quite clear that she knows Caitlin's musical taste the best, puts in some CDs in the CD player. Cyndi Lauper is the first to blast out of the speakers.

Oh, when the working day is done, oh when the working day is done, Girls just wanna have fun

We sing along, and for a complete hour, I found I've forgotten about Craig, about Ellie, about anything. Then, I reach in to get a couple of chips, and I see it. The diamond sparkles right in my eye. It seemed like the memory of him was following me around everywhere. I go to the water faucet and let a steady stream of water slide over it, trying to take it off. It doesn't work. I only stop when my finger starts to sting.

"Here she comes!" shouts Spike, dimming the lights after peeping through the window.

Liz turns off the radio, and we all duck. I just slide behind the kitchen counter. We hear doorknob turn, and see the lights flip on, then yell "Surprise!"

Caitlin screams, putting her hand to her heart.

"You jerks!" says Caitlin, grinning widely. "Melanie! Lucy! I haven't seen you in forever."

Lucy and Melanie grab Caitlin, all of them embracing in a three-way hug.

"We weren't going to miss Degrassi history," says Melanie, leading Caitlin to the couch.

"Finally tying down Degrassi's class clown," teases Lucy, draping the boa around Caitlin's shoulders. "So tell us, Caitlin Ryan, what was it that drew you to Joey Jeremiah? The classic Hawaiian print shirts, the fedora, the walking through the caf naked?"

"Nothing," says Spike, kissing Caitlin on the head. "It was just Joey."

Caitlin blushes. "True."

"Gift time," interjects Liz, and everyone rustles to get their gift.

I hold mine awkwardly. It was something I thought both Joey and Caitlin would enjoy, and I'm not the best shopper so I definitely didn't want to go first.

"Well, let's see what we have here," says Caitlin, opening up Liz's gift. "Oh, wowww!"

She pulls out a heap of bath oil.

"The scent is called Rockstar Bride," says Liz. "It's like this addictive coconut smell. Joey won't be able to resist it."

"Um, you didn't use this when Joey was interested in you?" says Melanie, taking a whiff after unscrewing the bottle.

"No, for your information," answers Liz. "And don't worry, Caitlin, it's totally approved by PETA. I checked."

Caitlin nods in approval, then shakes Melanie's gift. "Sounds metallic."

Out comes a pair of handcuffs, and Caitlin's face goes totally red. Melanie claps her hands in amusement, while Darcy's eyes bug out.

"Melanie!" exclaims Caitlin.

"Don't be such a prude," says Melanie. "It's not like you never wore handcuffs before."

"Yeah, you've been arrested how many times?" prods Lucy.

"All for a good cause," says Caitlin.

"You'd be using these for a good cause...trust me," says Melanie, pouring herself some champagne.

Caitlin begins opening the rest: a copy of It Creeps from Lucy, which apparently she directed in high school and had Joey as some nerd (it produced a lot of laughs from her friends); a garter belt from Spike, who took delight in dangling it in front of Caitlin's face; coupons for a masseuse at a spa from both Spike and Emma; Darcy and her granny panties, which Caitlin seemed to appreciate as best she could..

"Your turn, Manny," says Emma, arching her eyebrows.

Manny presents Caitlin with a shiny, pink gift bag and giggles. Caitlin takes out a couple small bottles and reads aloud:

"Chocolate body paint."

Everyone starts to laugh, and Caitlin buries her head in her hands.

"It'll make Joey say yummy yum yum," says Manny, winking at Caitlin.

"Thanks, guys," says Caitlin, who was becoming a bit buzzed from a few glasses of champagne.

I hold my present awkwardly, then speak up. "My turn, I guess," I say.

I give her the gift, and Caitlin clumsily tears off the wrapping paper.

"Ohhh, Ashley," says Caitlin, her eyes growing misty.

Jimmy had helped me with it, developing the photo I talked Joey into giving me. It was a commemorative lunchbox with a picture of Joey on bended knee proposing to Caitlin at the stadium.

"Thank you," whispers Caitlin, wiping her eyes.

"Sure," I say. "Sorry it's not sexy."

"No...no, it's perfect."

"Wow, it looks like you're getting married as well," says Lucy, eyeing my hand.

"Umm...no, it's...," I begin.

"To Craig?" questions Liz.

"Wait? Joey's Craig," says Melanie. "That's so sweet."

"No...no," I say, covering my hand.

"Ashley, why didn't you tell us!" shouts Darcy. "Is that why Craig said what he did at the rehearsal?"

"Don't be ridiculous," says Emma, coming to my rescue. "They're not ready."

"You don't have to be a certain age to be ready," protests Darcy. "My parents got married young."

I stand up, give Caitlin an apologetic look, then excuse myself and go outside. It's cold. The moon hangs over the neighborhood, like some forgotten friend. I stare up at it. I don't know whether to feel embarrassed or confused. Something in me didn't hate the idea of wearing his ring or having people think I was wearing it.

A beat-up car pulls into the street, and a few seconds later, a very attractive man in a trench coat and cowboy boots steps out of the car and advances towards me. I greet him with a blank stare.

"Hey, are you Christine?" he asks.

"No," I answer.

"Well, too bad," he says. "I'm her present for Caitlin."

"Oh, so you're the..."

"Yep," he interrupts. "But I have some time. My name's Mike."

"Umm...Ashley."

Mike pretends to yawn, and you can see his muscled chest through the folds of his jacket. Wow.

"So what are you doing later, tonight? I mean, you are eighteen and everything, right?" says Mike.

This is just too much. Then, I get an idea.

"I'm spoken for," I say, flashing the ring. "Engaged."

Mike frowns, then grins again. "Engagements can be broken, if you know what I'm saying."

He brushes a hair that is flapping in front of my face. I feel ready to vomit.

"You heard her!" shouts a voice behind Mike. "She's spoken for."

Mike and I turn to see Craig, dressed in jeans, his leather jacket, and a black T-shirt, carrying his guitar case.

"Who's this boy band reject?" says Mike, smirking.

"Signed musician actually. Don't you have other girls to harass?" says Craig. "You know, take off your clothes and all that jazz. Some of us have...well, more appreciated talents."

"My talents are very much appreciated," replies Mike, giving my shoulder a squeeze and then walking into Spike's.

I shudder, then look back at Craig, whose chest is heaving up and down rapidly in anger..

"What was that, Ashley?" demands Craig. "He's like ancient...twenty-nine at least."

"What do you care?" I say, a part of me glad that he's so steamed.

"And whose ring is this?" he says, grabbing my wrist and looking at my hand. "I was gone for four days and you...oh."

A satisfied smile spreads across Craig's lips, and he lets my wrist go gently. I slip my hand in my pocket.

"Well, it's pretty obvious I'm not engaged to the stripper," I say, nonchalantly.

"How did you...?"

"Angie. She tricked me, and it won't come off. I've tried, but it's not coming off."

Craig nods. "I don't think you've really tried to get it off," he says, smugly.

"Yes...yes I have!" I stammer. "I've pulled...and put it under water...and well, that was it, but I've tried to get it off! Don't think...you think...well, what are you thinking?"

Craig laughs. "I was thinking I was going to leave my guitar over here at Spike's. One of Joey's cousins thought it would be cool to try and use it as a doorstop."

"And you knew I would be here," I say. "So you came up with some flimsy guitar excuse."

"No, I actually thought it was a good excuse," says Craig, playing with my hair. "Until I said it."

Him touching me didn't make me want to vomit like it had with Mike.

"Stop," I say, letting him continue to play with it.

"I don't want you to take it off," he says, this time stroking my cheek.

"I'm going back in in like ten seconds," I say. "You know, to watch Mike."

"I don't want you to go in," says Craig.

"Too bad," I say.

He tries to kiss me, but I weave and he stumbles and hits his face on the door. I try to hold in a laugh, but can't.

"Still have all my teeth," mumbles Craig, rubbing his jaw.

I sit on the stoop and stare at the moon, which is as bright as when I first came out.

"I'm cold," I say, stretching my legs.

Craig drapes something around me. It's his leather jacket. Then, he sits down next to me.

"Thanks," I say.

"Now, I'm cold," says Craig, rubbing his hands together.

I put part of the jacket around him, which actually covered him a little better than I thought it would.

"You've gotten really fat," I say, nodding to the jacket.

"Fast food is the diet of a hardworking musician," says Craig. "But I'm still dead sexy."

I shake my head, smiling. "Shut up, Manning. You're as cocky as they come."

"You know you love it," says Craig.

I put my shoe over Craig's and press down hard.

"Owww," says Craig, hitting my knee with his. "And you know you love me."

I sigh. "Now I really want you to shut up."

"Because it's true?" says Craig with a confident nod.

Craig laces his fingers through mine, and rubs the ring with his index finger. I still wanted him to fess up, but not right then. I could feel my defenses lowering, but not enough to forgive him. I didn't even know what to forgive him for, because he wouldn't tell me.

"Come to the wedding," says Craig, kissing a couple of my fingers. "I need you to show me you have the faith this time. Faith in me. It's just you, Ash, just you."

Before I know it, he's kissed my entire hand. It was getting warmer and warmer under his jacket.

"I don't know," I say.

"This means something," says Craig, his lips rising from my hand, and his thumb touching the diamond of the ring. "I don't know what. But I want to know. Do you?"

With this, he lets me go, stands up, and won't let me give him back his jacket. There is no way he's getting off that easy, but I manage to give him a little smile.

"I'm still going to watch Mike," I say, though more playful than serious. "We might go out afterwards."

Craig runs a tongue over his perfectly fine teeth. "He's probably on steroids. I hate him."

I shrug. "Not my problem," I say.

Closing the door behind me, I keep my eyes on Craig's, flashing hopefully and bright as the diamond on his ring. I don't try and pry it off anymore, but watch as Caitlin shimmies in front of Mike and bumps him with her butt.

"Woo, go on Caitlin!" shouts Melanie enthusiastically.

"What would Joey say?" says Emma, who glances at Manny, chatting happily on her cellphone.

"Shush, Toby's on the phone!" whispers Manny urgently.

Darcy puts a finger to her lips. "I think this is just a bit more important," says Darcy, giving Mike an adoring look and fanning herself.

"See something you like, Darcy?" teases Emma.

"I'm just...appreciating," says Darcy. "I'm not getting hitched tonight."

"Well, neither am I!" yells Caitlin, dripping her boa over Mike's shoulders.

"Come on, Ashley," says Emma, motioning for me to come over.

"Nah," I say, clutching my ring. "I'm spoken for."