15
A/N: Hey everyone! I know, I know, you want to kill me for not updating faster, but it was not my fault, really! Blame the school if you want… They're vile and cruel and made me work during the holidays! It's true! But anyways, you probably think I deserved it for not updating, so… :-(
Anyways, this chapter is full of surprises, and I made it extra special for you guys. Think of it as a late Christmas gift ;-) Hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 19
Sunrise
Next Thursday, I walked through the school corridors, heading for my next class. Lucky me, it was Religion of Yevon (please notice the sarcasm). I groaned as I watched the teacher walking into the classroom with her small shoulders bent forward and her huge glasses covering most of her little face, making her eyes look a lot larger and even more watchful.
"So, students," she started as the class settled for yet another boring class. "Today, we are going to talk about Lady Yunalesca and Lord Zaon, two of the most important icons in our religion."
I sighed deeply, leaning on my chair in the back of the room and looking at Paine, who was sitting by my side. She was staring blankly ahead, her arms folded on her chest and her face unreadable. Whatever she was thinking, it sure wasn't about Yunalesca or Zaon…
"What?" she asked, catching my gaze and arching an eyebrow.
I smiled and shook my head, looking down at my notebook. Big mistake! The first thing I saw was the sheet of paper I had stuck in there a few days ago ― the paper that contained my answers to that silly quiz I had made about Tidus. Unable to take my eyes out of the words, I held the paper in my hands, reading it for the hundredth time. Once I had finished, I closed my eyes, sighing again. Why couldn't I let go of the memory of that day? Why couldn't I simply rip that paper to pieces and just forget what had happened? It almost seemed as if I liked to suffer, to remember my insignificance, to remind myself that I… well, that I didn't know Tidus anymore. I know I shouldn't take it so personally, but the result of that quiz was really getting on my nerves; even though it had been a tie, it felt like Dona had won ― her results were meaningless to me, but the fact that she knew Tidus as well as I did left me a little shaken. And I knew why ― it was because suddenly I wasn't the only one to know Tidus, it was because Tidus had changed and it was Dona who had been there to see those changes and not me, it was because all of my resolve and my confidence had been broken down once again…
I snapped back into reality when Paine elbowed me hard on the ribs. "Ouch! Why did you―?"
"Miss Yuna." I heard the teacher call and snapped my head to look at her. Apparently the whole class was staring at me, what made me believe that the teacher had called me more than once. "Do you, by any chance, know what we are talking about?"
"Of course I do, professor. We're talking about Lady Yunalesca and Lord Zaon." I responded promptly. I was sure that that was not the answer she wanted to hear from me, but I couldn't let her know that I was paying no attention whatsoever to her class.
"That is a brilliant conclusion, Miss Yuna." She said ironically. "But would you mind giving us a little more detailed perspective of this subject?"
I rolled my eyes mentally and sighed inwardly, preparing myself to give her the "more detailed perspective" she had asked for and spending the next fifteen minutes talking about Yunalesca's story. When I finished, she shrugged and turned her back to me, heading to her desk.
"That was not a bad answer, Miss Yuna, but I'm afraid you got a little carried away. I was expecting a summary, not an extended version of the story of this lady from whom you have inherited the name. Next time, remember this: you are only a student here…"
I felt my cheeks burning and clenched my fists, but remained silent. I knew that she was expecting me to reply so she could accuse me of rudeness or disrespect ― that was the only reason why she was trying to humiliate me this way… It was not my fault I had been in a religious boarding school and probably knew more about Yevon than she did. I was good, she knew it. But she also knew I hated her and her classes and so she would pick on anything she could just to have something against me… I hated her so much! If only I didn't have to go to those classes and still pass at Religion of Yevon…
I was still infuriated when the bell rang, a few minutes later, and a collective sigh was heard all over the room, showing the students' relief. I gathered my things and walked to the exit as quickly as I could, so I wouldn't have any unpleasant encounters…
I waited for Paine on the outside and noticed that some people would look at me through the corner of their eyes as they made their way out of the classroom.
"You did pretty well in there." I turned to see Paine's crimson eyes staring intently at me.
I smiled. "Thank you. I thought I was going to burst from anger, but then, fortunately, I was able to control myself…"
"Yeah, you did what you should."
I nodded and we starting walking together, heading for the cafeteria for our lunch break. When we entered the room, there was already a throng of people standing in line, waiting for their turn to be served the cafeteria food. Paine and I walked into line and when we finally got our trays full, we looked around the room, trying to find a free table.
"Hey, you two! Come sit here!" Gippal yelled from the other side of the cafeteria, waving frantically at us.
I waved back and we swiftly crossed the crowded room, reaching him. He was sharing a table with Baralai, Nooj, LeBlanc and two other youngsters (two skinny blonde girls that I could bet were LeBlanc's friends). Paine and I sat down, greeting everyone ― well, I greeted them; Paine just acknowledged their presence with a small nod.
"So, ladies, how's your day so far?" Gippal asked, grinning at us.
"Not so good…" I muttered, opening my bottle of water.
"What happened?" Baralai joined the conversation, furrowing his brow in concern.
Paine looked at me and summarized what had happened in the class, but I wasn't hearing them anymore. I wasn't even thinking about the class anymore ― I was thinking about that stupid quiz once again. I should have never done it! Now I couldn't stop thinking of it, about what I had done, about what it had proven me ― that I wasn't that important in Tidus' life anymore. And if I wasn't, then I wasn't sure if I should talk to him or not… What if he'd just laugh at me? Maybe he was already over me and our past was buried; after all, Dona was so much prettier and more impressive than me… I was just a regular girl, she looked like a superstar!
Stop being so stupid, Yuna, I slapped myself mentally. Why was I afraid of Dona now? Tidus had made quite clear that he and she were nothing but friends. And he had also made clear that he wasn't over me just yet… So, why was I so afraid all of a sudden? Why was I feeling so insecure again? My conversation with Lulu had been so definitive, and now I was taking a dozen steps back, frightened with something I could not even name… Just because I had failed to answer some silly questions about his life, that didn't mean I didn't know him anymore. And what if Dona had answered right as many times as I had? Rikku had said that even she could answer most of those questions, so… I was the one who was just looking for a reason to cowardly back down and do nothing…
But I really should stop being such a child and find the courage to go talk to him. I hadn't been okay since he… no, not since he had returned, but since he had left… And I knew I had to tell him, if I ever wanted to find peace of mind again. I needed to tell him how I was feeling and what had made me do what I had done. I really needed to talk to him…
-----XX-----
The first thing I did when I got home that afternoon was destroy the paper with the quiz's answers, shredding it to tiny pieces. I knew it by heart by now but I needed to make it disappear, as if my doubts could disappear with it. I was still ripping it apart when Rikku entered the kitchen.
"Hey, Yunie, guess wa― What are you doing?" She asked with surprise, taking a step forward to have a better look.
I turned to her, closing my hands behind my back. "Nothing, Rikku. So, what did you want to tell me?" I asked her with a smile, changing the subject and throwing the papers into the trash discreetly.
She eyed me closely and then shrugged. "Well, it was nothing important, actually. It's just that Gippy invited me to dinner tonight and it's the first time he takes me out to dinner and I think we're evolving in our relationship and…"
I smiled and sat down on a chair, preparing myself to hear her babbling endlessly about her relationship with Gippal. I was so glad she was happy ― they were together for a month now and they were more united than ever, even though they still liked to tease each other to no end. But that was their way of being happy; after all, not everyone could have a calm relationship like Lulu and Wakka or a romance full of love like I had had with Tidus…
Tidus. Why had I thought of him again? Why was I always thinking of him? For Yevon's sake, he wasn't that important; he shouldn't be that important! And yet I could not deny the fact that he was always on mind. I really needed to get this solved…
With that thought I stood up abruptly, making Rikku stop whatever she was saying ― I know I was being an awful cousin but I had stopped listening to her words about five minutes ago… ― and look at me with a stunned expression. "What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry, sweetie, nothing's wrong." I told her reassuringly. "It's just that I remembered right now that I have to go… I… I just... have to go. I'm sorry." I repeated, leaving the kitchen and grabbing my jacket and my purse on the way out.
I don't remember what I thought during the way to Shuyin's apartment. I just know I was determined to not give up this time ― I would go all the way and I would have a nice adult conversation with Tidus. When I got there I turned off the engine and locked the car, walking to Shuyin's door and knocking twice. No one answered for a while and I knocked again. Still, I got no response. Weren't they at home?
Crap! What should I do now? I asked myself, looking around. There was no one nearby and to tell the truth waiting there on the hall wasn't a very appealing idea. Maybe I should go wait in the car. Or maybe I should just leave and come back later. Yes, that was what I should really do, I mean, I had no idea where Tidus and Shuyin had gone, or if they were going to take long… I could be there for hours just waiting and getting cold. No, I would go and I would come back later ― and I would call first, just to check if there was anyone home before coming over.
Slowly I made my way back to my car and unlocked it, climbing in and driving away from that block and back home.
-----XX-----
Another couple of days passed before I had the courage to go back to Shuyin's house. I knew I was being a fool, but it was much easier to lose the courage I had tried so hard to gain than to gather it again… I hadn't called like I said I would ― I figured that if I called saying I'd go there and then lost the nerve they would find it strange, so I decided to just show up and see if anyone was there…
So, in that exact moment, I was standing in front of Shuyin's apartment, my fist raised and ready to knock on the door. But before I could do it, the door burst open and Shuyin's figure emerged in front of me. "See you la― Yuna! What are you doing here!" He stopped midway and looked at me, surprise stamped in his blue eyes.
"I… I was here to talk to you… Are you going somewhere?" I stammered, clutching my hands behind my back and swaying a little.
"Yeah, actually I was going out." Shuyin said, still holding the door. "But if you need to talk…"
"No! I mean… I wanted to talk to you, but it's not that important… It can wait! Really…"
He narrowed his eyes, like he could sense I was not telling the whole truth, but in that moment Tidus called from inside the house and he looked over his shoulder. Looking at me again, he said uncertainly "Listen, if you wanna wait, I won't be long…"
My heart skipped a beat. This was the opportunity I had been waiting for, but now that it was right there for me to grasp I was starting to hesitate, almost fearing it… "It's okay, Shuyin, maybe I should just―"
In that moment, Tidus face came into view as he approached the door to see what was taking Shuyin's time. "Hey, Yuna." He greeted me as he stopped right behind his brother.
"Hello, Tidus." I murmured, trying hard to sound casual. His presence had the power to make me feel nervous and calm at the same time. Strangely enough, I enjoyed the feeling, so I slowly turned to Shuyin, who was still waiting for my decision, and told him with a small smile. "I can wait here."
Shuyin's face turned into a huge grin and he kissed me lightly on the cheek. "You'll see it won't be that bad, lil' sis." Stepping out of the apartment he looked back and said "See ya soon, both of you."
Before we knew it he was in the elevator and out of our sight. It was only then that I realized I was alone with Tidus and that I finally had to do what I had to do, no matter how discouragingly it might be. He looked at me, smiling tentatively. "Wanna come in or do you prefer to wait in the hall?"
I laughed, trying to release the nervousness that was threatening to engulf me, and followed him inside. I took off my jacket and placed it on one of the chairs, going to sit on the couch.
"Don't worry, Shuyin will be here in no time, you'll see." Tidus stopped in front of me and eyed the empty seat by my side, maybe wondering if it would be okay to sit with me or not. Noticing his indecision, I moved a little so there was more room for him to seat. He smiled sincerely and took the seat. "So, how've you been?
I looked at him, taking a deep breath. His face was calm, his boyish grin always present in his features, his blue eyes crystal clear. I just loved those blue eyes of his, they were so bright and intense and yet so truthful and candid. I sighed, thinking I was beginning to lose my resolve again ― it was impossible for me to bring up the hurtful past when I was looking into a pair of eyes that yearned for the future…
"I'm okay." I said simply and then I added, feeling the need to say something more, "I mean, I've been really busy lately, because of school, but all in all I'm fine. You?"
"I'm okay too. Not as busy as you, though." We both laughed and then fell silent for awhile. Tidus was the first to break the silence. "Ya know, I never realized how beautiful Besaid is in the wintertime… I never really took the time to appreciate it. I was always… I guess I was so eager to leave that I didn't… I didn't take the time to enjoy what I had. I had to go and to come back to… see what I've been missing in the past two years."
I nodded my agreement. "Yes, Besaid is beautiful. I realized it the first time I arrived here…" I smiled, reminiscing ― it was a sunny summer day and I was coming from Bevelle, one of the most ancient and beautiful cities in all Spira, but the moment I set eyes on Besaid, something inside me stirred and somehow I knew it then that this was the city where I wanted to be and that I would never leave… "Bevelle is my hometown, but Besaid… Besaid is the city of my heart."
Tidus didn't say anything for a moment and I glanced at him. He was staring blankly ahead, his expression unreadable. Maybe he too was remembering… Slowly, as to not disturb his thoughts, I reached out for his hand and held it lightly in my own. He didn't move, but I noticed a subtle change in his breathing ― maybe he was asking himself what the hell I was doing; I couldn't blame him, not after our last conversation about relationships. He was definitely not expecting me to act like this right now and to be honest neither was I… I mean, I knew I had to talk to him about our past, but that didn't mean I had to be nice and… and… and sweet with him.
"Tidus…" I started, adding a little more pressure to our entangled fingers. He turned his head in my direction and our eyes locked in a breathtaking moment.
"Why?" He asked, before I had the time to say anything else.
"What?" I blinked in surprise.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked again, his eyes serious and fixed on mine. "I mean, I don't understand… First you push me away and then you come to me… just to push me away again. I… I don't get it, Yuna. I wanna understand, but I don't."
"Then let me explain, please." I murmured, casting my gaze down and breathing deeply in an attempt to calm down. "I came here to explain myself."
"You did?" His voice was softer now and he squeezed my hand back, maybe to encourage me to go on.
I smiled a little; I really needed that encouragement. "Yes, I did. I want peace, Tidus, and―"
"I'm back, guys!" Shuyin's voice came from the door. Tidus and I almost jump in unison and we instantly let go of each other, falling in opposite directions on the couch. "Hey, what's wrong?" The blonde asked, approaching us and arching an eyebrow in confusion.
"Nothing's wrong, Shuyin." I said, almost too quickly, and feeling my cheeks burning; I could bet I was blushing like crazy.
Shuyin was moving his eyes from me to his brother and back to me, trying to understand what had been going on before he'd arrived. Maybe he was thinking that we were finally sorting things out and that everything was already okay between us for he smirked mischievously and said. "Sorry if I interrupted anything I shouldn't."
Two years ago I would've blushed elegantly and smiled shyly and Tidus would've laughed and punched his brother playfully; then Shuyin would leave the room and Tidus and I would go back to our kissing or hugging or snuggling… Today, there was just an awkward silence in the room.
"Did I say something I shouldn't?" Shuyin asked, finally realizing that Tidus and I hadn't made up yet.
"It's not your fault, Shuyin." I tried to smile to reassure him. "It's just that we… were caught by surprise with your arrival, that's all. Isn't it, Tidus?"
"Yeah, that's it." Tidus mumbled, not bothering to hide that he was somewhat annoyed with what had happened. Maybe he had hoped this to be a conversation we could have without interruptions and now… well, the moment had passed and we couldn't get it back.
I looked down at my hands firmly clasped together on my lap. I could still feel the warmth of his hand, his fingers entwined with mine, his soft caress on my palm…
"Yuna?"
"Yes?" I snapped my head to look at Shuyin.
"Wanna go talk to the kitchen?"
"Talk?" I blinked.
"Yeah, you came to talk to me, remember?" He furrowed his brow.
"Sure, Shuyin, it's true, it's true. Okay, if you―"
"You can talk here." Tidus interrupted me, standing up. "I'm gonna go for a walk."
"Are you sure?" Shuyin and I asked at the same time.
He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm sure. Don't worry, I won't take long." He added, grabbing his denim jacket and leaving the house.
Once he was alone with me, Shuyin pulled a chair and placed it in front of the couch, sitting on it. I was still looking over my shoulder to where Tidus had disappeared; I didn't want him to leave, I wanted him to stay, I wanted to finish the talk we had started… But I was also relieved that I hadn't to finish it; it was hard to deal with so much feelings and emotions like the ones Tidus and I had shared.
"So, girl, what did you want to talk to me about?"
I gazed at Shuyin. "I told you it was nothing big, Shu. It's just that we haven't talked much lately and I thought of coming here to check on you, to update the news." I joked,
"Well…" Shuyin laughed. "Things are going just fine."
"That's good to hear, Shu, really good." I told him with a smile.
We stayed there talking for another fifteen minutes, until Shuyin finally asked me what I believe he had been wanting to ask me since Tidus had left the house. "Yuna, when I arrived… you and Tidus… you were… talking, right?"
I sighed. "Yeah, Shuyin, we were talking. We were just talking." I added "It's going to be really hard for me and Tidus to… you know, be anything more than we are right now."
"I know, Yuna. I'm not trying to pressure or anything, it's just that… You were right when you said Tidus missed us. He does. I mean, now he only misses you…"
I looked at my feet. "You think I don't know it, Shuyin? I do. But it's not that easy, nothing is that easy anymore… I want to mend some things and I want to―" I stopped and sighed. "But I just don't know how, Shuyin. It's complicated…"
Shuyin sighed too. "I wish it wasn't. I know I was the one who was completely against Tidus' return, but now that we've talked and that I've discovered certain things… I was being a little unfair towards him. And now that I realize it, I just wish things could be better for all of us."
"Yeah, who wouldn't wish that?" I said sadly. "But I'm glad you two solved your problems." I continued, looking at Shuyin. "Now at least I know you aren't alone. Neither of you…"
He smiled and ran a hand through his hair. "Thank you for caring so much… for loving both of us so much."
I blushed, averting his intense stare. After a minute of silence or so, I spoke again, saying it was getting late and that even though I always loved to talk to him, I should probably just go home for the night. He accompanied me to the door and then waited until the elevator arrived to that floor. Before I entered it, I kissed Shuyin on the cheek and told him quietly "Look, Shu, don't get too hopeful with me and Tidus. There are many things that… keep us apart."
-----XX-----
I stepped out into the empty street and the cold winter breeze made me shudder. I pulled the long black coat closer to my body and started heading for the car, which was parked down the street. I was walking fast, for there was no one nearby and the night was cloudy and dark and I don't like to be alone in the dark, when someone grabbed my arm from behind and yanked me back. It happened so fast that I was even unable to scream or fight back because the moment I was ready to do both I found myself face to face with none other than Tidus.
"Are you trying to scare me to death?" I asked in a hushed tone, still trying to catch my breath.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He apologized, his hands resting on my shoulders.
"Then what were you trying to do?" I retorted ironically. I was angry with him because he had frightened me, but I couldn't help but feel relieved it was him who was there and only him… Finally, I relaxed a bit in his arms and my tone softened. "Just don't ever do it again, okay? I don't like being grabbed in the middle of the street at night…"
He softly caressed my shoulders before saying gently "I'm so sorry, Yuna, I didn't remember you don't like the dark… I'm sorry. You're okay?"
I looked up at him and smiled a little, nodding. "Yeah, I'm alright, thank you. But why did you grab me?" I asked as an afterthought, eyeing him inquisitively.
He blushed, or I thought he did ― I couldn't tell for sure because there wasn't much light on the street. Then, taking a deep breath, he said "I… I was… waiting for you."
"Why?"
"Because I―" He stopped and ran a hand through his hair. Under the clothes, my skin felt cold without the touch of his hand. "You said you wanted to explain, right? Well, I want to hear you out. I want peace too, Yuna, and I can't find it this way. I've tried but… I need to understand."
I was trying to hold back the tears. In the past, every time Tidus had come to me and talked to me this way, I had given him all my support and even my shoulder to cry on if he needed. But this time I knew I was the reason why he was like this and that was almost unbearable. I couldn't take it; that was why I had gone to talk with him, because I wanted to stop that heartache that was killing us both. Because I needed to make things clear and stop our suffering. And because I too needed to understand and see if he loved me still as much as I loved him… Yes, I do love him. I admitted to myself. I can't deny it anymore.
Without thinking twice, I closed my eyes and raised my arms slowly, putting them around his waist and embracing him softly. I could hear him gasp ― maybe he was thinking I had gone crazy, after all that was the second time that day I was acting tenderly towards him, something I had fiercely refused to do before. But I couldn't help it; I had missed him so much. I don't know how long it was before I felt his arms encircling my shoulders and pulling me closer to him; I smiled into his chest and sighed contently.
After a long moment, I released him and looked up into his bright eyes ― there was so much emotion contained in them. "I want to understand certain things too…" I whispered gently. "Let's talk, okay?"
He nodded, still holding me in his arms. "Can I take you somewhere?" He asked me out of the blue.
I arched my eyebrows and smiled hesitantly. "I think so…"
He gave me that boyish grin I loved so much and we started heading for my car, one of his arms still over my shoulders. We reached the vehicle in a matter of seconds and he let go of me just to open the passenger door for me. "I'll drive, okay?" he asked, as I climbed in.
I couldn't stop wondering where he was going to take me, as we were driving through the city streets. We were both quiet ― words were not needed at that moment; they would come later and they would be many, but for now, the silence was welcome. I was looking out the window, trying to figure out our destination and suddenly I felt his warm hand reach out for mine and our fingers were once again intertwined. I didn't look at him; I didn't need to, I knew he was smiling just like me.
When Tidus took a secondary road that led to the hills, I turned to him, surprised. "Where are we going, Tidus?"
He smiled broadly. "You'll see. I think you'll like it." Then he looked at me and his smile faded a little. "And it's a quiet place. We can talk there and no one will disturb us."
I nodded and turned to the window once again. About thirty minutes later, Tidus stopped the car on the edge of the road and turned the engine off.
"We're here." He announced, getting out of the car. I followed him out and braced myself against the coldness of the night. He stood before me and eyed me intently. "Do you have a blanket or a mantle in the car?" He inquired.
"In the trunk." I answered with a nod.
He opened the trunk and searched for the blanket. When he found it, he closed the trunk and approached me, draping the blanket around my shoulders and tugging it close to my body. Then he locked the car and put the keys in his pocket, taking my hand and leading the way into the woods.
"Where are we going, Tidus?" I asked again, a little distressed. I didn't like the idea of being alone in the woods at night. What if someone stole my car? What if someone robbed us?
"I'm with you, Yuna." Tidus said simply, as if reading my mind. "I'll take care of you, okay? Nothing bad is going to happen, I promise."
His words were so sincere that I believed them and let him take me with him. He had said I was going to like the place we were going and I couldn't help but to agree with him when the trees gave way to a fantastic view of the whole city with its many lights and dark buildings. I looked around and realized immediately where we were ― we were on the same cliff where Tidus had taken me the day he had left to Zanarkand. I looked at him, surprised.
"You remember this place, don't you?" He asked with a half-smile.
"Yeah, I do. I haven't been here in a long time, but I can see it hasn't lost its beauty…"
"C'mon, let's sit down."
We sat on the grass near the trees, facing the city lights, our backs to the woods. We remained in silence for a moment, taking in the view and maybe wondering who was going to be the first to speak. Maybe we were waiting for the other to start, but none of us had the courage to do it. Finally, I cleared my throat and turned my gaze towards Tidus. He was already looking at me.
"You know you're beautiful under the moonlight?"
"Thank you." I said shyly, blushing.
He smiled. "You're welcome."
Another comfortable silence. How could one of us break such a peaceful moment like that? But we were just postponing the subject and we shouldn't. "Tidus," I began, not very certain of what I was going to say, "I know you may think I'm crazy because sometimes I push you away and other times I'm… hugging you and coming out here with you." I smiled a little, staring at the sky. The clouds had faded away and now the stars were visible in the velvet blue. "What I mean is… and please don't interrupt me or I won't be able to say it… is that I'm not crazy."
"I never thought you were."
"I asked you not to interrupt."
"I just thought of making that clear before you start."
I laughed heartedly. "Yeah, okay… But now, seriously, I didn't know why I was acting the way I was acting until very recently. I mean, I think I always knew, but I was too afraid of admitting it. I was deeply hurt when we broke up…"
"When you broke up with me." Tidus pointed out. But this time there was no accusation in his voice.
"Yes, when I broke up with you." I repeated gravely.
"And I never understood why." Tidus continued.
I didn't reply. Instead, I asked "Why did you stop calling me? Or writing? Or visiting? Or…" Or loving me?
"What do you mean? I only stopped calling when you told me not to do it and the letters too. And visiting… well, you knew it was hard but every time I could I came to Besaid. But then you put an end to our relationship and I knew that coming here would be a mistake because it would hurt me really bad and I would never be able to forget you…"
"And have you?" I bit my lip, but it was too late; the words had already flown out of my mouth. Do I really want to know this?, I asked myself, not sure if I wanted him to answer me.
"What?"
Now it was too late to go back or to pretend I hadn't said anything, so I reiterated "Have you forgotten me?"
"Do you think I have?"
"Well… there are many girls out there who would do anything to be with you. Maybe one of them could have stolen your heart and―"
"I don't want any of those girls you're talking about…" Tidus said in a whisper, his eyes fixed on the nothingness ahead of him.
"Why?" I questioned, looking at him.
He took some time before answering me. "Because those girls see nothing but my fame and my money and my good-looks." He turned his head and our eyes met "I want someone who sees the real me behind all that… I want someone who knows me from the beginning."
I averted his deep gaze. "Maybe you want someone who doesn't exist... Maybe the one you think that knows you doesn't know you after all… Because if she'd known you as good as you think she does, she would have never, ever doubted you."
"What do you mean?" He furrowed his brow.
"You wanna know why I broke up with you?"
"Was it because of doubts?" He asked wittily, reaching out to touch my hand with his warm fingers.
I nodded, my eyes filling with tears. How could I tell him? And yet I knew I had to. I took a deep breath. "I was just a child back then, Tidus. Just a silly teenage girl with lots of doubts. You were my first real boyfriend and then… you left me. I tried to hold on, but it was really hard and then one day… one day I..." I trailed off.
"You what, Yuna?" Tidus questioned, his fingers squeezing mine to reassure me. He really needed to know.
"I saw you on a magazine with another girl." I said, allowing the tears to fall down at last. A wave of relief swept through me; now I had finally said the truth to Tidus.
He didn't explode, didn't deny, didn't even move… He just stayed there, motionless, looking at me like he was seeing me for the first time. Then, slowly, he uttered "What?"
"I saw you kissing another girl on a magazine." I was calmer now and maybe I could explain everything to him. "I don't know if it's true or not and that's not really the point here, but―"
"Of course it's not true!" He exclaimed, finally reacting. "I never cheated on you, I would never―"
"I didn't say you did, Tidus!" I interrupted. "The photo could be forged and the girl could be a fraud. I'm not saying otherwise."
"Yes, you are. If you broke up with me because of that, you are saying you believed it to be true and you thought I cheated on you. You doubted me." He finished, disappointed.
"I won't say that the thought didn't cross my mind back then." I admitted. "I was really insecure, the distance didn't help, and then when I tried to talk to you about what I had seen… well, you never had the time for me; you were always too busy. I was just a girl, Tidus, I needed you and you weren't there. I couldn't handle the pressure. I didn't lie to you when I said the distance was unbearable… That's the main reason why I broke up with you." I sighed deeply. "But to tell you honestly, I had the secret hope that you would come back to me… that you would fight for our love. But you didn't and that's what really hurt me above all other things. The fact that I wasn't important enough… we weren't important enough…"
I couldn't focus Tidus because the tears had blurred my vision but I could see he had approached me and he was now hugging me with all his strength, pulling me to him like he never wanted to let me go. "I'm so sorry, baby. I never thought you'd feel that way… I guess I was just… so hurt and disappointed that I… never really thought about what you were feeling. I just thought you didn't love me anymore and that you were… I thought you were just toying with my feelings… it was so painful losing you that I… I just wanted to forget you. But I couldn't. I could never forget you, Yuna. Never."
I cried on his shoulder for what seemed an eternity, just hearing him out, apologizing over and over again. On one hand, I felt I deserved to hear him apologizing. On the other hand, I realized there was no need to. We both had made mistakes, and if he was apologizing for his I should also apologize for mine.
"I'm sorry, Tidus. I never meant to hurt you. I was just trying to protect myself and I guess I ended up making both of us suffering even more. And these last weeks have been the same. I keep trying to push you away to protect myself."
"From me?"
I shook my head. "From the pain. Every time I ran, I was not running away from you, I was running away from the pain, without knowing it lived inside of me and it wouldn't go away unless I cleared things up with you. I need you to forgive me and I need to forgive you… Only that way will we be able to put a stop to this useless situation we're in."
"You don't need me to forgive you, Yuna, because I… I mean, I thought I was angry with you and I was over you and…" He ran a hand through his blonde locks. "But the moment I saw you again I realized I still loved you madly, deeply, endlessly… You were so peacefully sleeping and you looked like an angel and―"
"Sleeping?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. "We only met at Lulu's."
He turned red. "So you don't remember?"
"Remember what?" I swallowed hard. Maybe I did remember, but I needed to know what he was talking about.
"The night I went to see you. You were the first person I went to visit when I arrived. I know it was the middle of the night but I had to see you, I had to know if… if you still felt anything for me at all. But you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you. And then you opened your eyes and called my name and kissed me and I knew you loved me. But when we met at Lulu's…"
"I was cold as a stone and you got confused. That's why you treated me so nicely, like we'd seen each other the day before. Because we had. Only I thought it was just a dream of you."
"A dream?"
I nodded, biting my lower lip. "Yes, just one of my many dreams of you… And it was true!" I shook my head. "I still can't believe it…"
Tidus smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, caressing my cheek with his thumb and wiping the tears away. "So much has happened since then… Who would say it was just a few weeks ago?"
I returned the smile, leaning into his hand. "Yeah, it seems like a lifetime… I was an idiot for not telling you earlier about the magazine…" I continued after a short pause.
"And I was an idiot for not realizing something was wrong before it was too late. You know, I never really cared about the fame… all I cared about was playing and doing my thing. I still love doing it. When I'm in the sphere-pool there's nothing but me and the ball and… well, playing for the Abes has given me a huge pleasure, 'cause I've been able to do my best and to improve myself…"
"Blitzball really is your life, isn't it?" I asked with a smile.
Tidus looked at me intently and then stared into the heavens, not answering my question. He didn't need to, though; I could see the way his eyes shone every time he talked about Blitz. We stayed quiet for a long time, Tidus staring up and me staring at him. I loved his features ― the way his hair fell to his face in disarray, how his eyes narrowed in concentration, his chest rising with each breath, his full lips curving into a smile… It was then I noticed the silver earring. I had probably seen it before, but only now did I realize it had the symbol of the Zanarkand Abes. His team. And it wasn't just the team he played for; it had always been the team of his heart, even long before I had met him…
"Look, a falling star!" He said suddenly, pointing up. I followed his gaze and saw the white trail the star was leaving behind it.
"Make a wish." I said softly.
Tidus looked down at me. "I'd wish tonight wouldn't end, but that's impossible, so…"
"Yes, that's impossible." I agreed. "But you can wish that tomorrow will be as good as tonight."
"That's a good wish." He whispered, leaning closer to me until our heads were mere inches apart. This time I didn't move or asked him to stop and when his lips touched mine, I smiled and gave in to the kiss, kissing him back. When we parted, Tidus asked softly. "So, this means there's nothing more to forgive?"
"I guess it does." I told him in the same quiet tone. "I won't say things will be as before, because there's much we've lost, but… I think we can start from the beginning and try to build something new from the ashes of the past."
"I would like that." he whispered back.
"Let's be more mature this time, okay? Let's not rush things, let's take all the time we need…"
"If you're saying you don't want a serious relationship right now―" Tidus began, his voice cautious and hesitant.
"No!" I interrupted him "That's not what I'm saying! What I mean is… we were a couple two years ago, but we're not a couple now. We need to get back the relationship we had, but we need to do it with time. That's what I'm saying."
His expression relaxed and he smirked. "Then you want me to gain your heart again?" He asked jokingly.
"I gave you my heart long ago, silly. But yes, I want us to start from the scratch. Think you're up to it?"
For a moment I feared he would say 'no'. But he just grinned and took me in his arms, planting another gentle kiss on my lips. "I'm up to everything you're up to, just as long as we're together."
And the moment I heard those words, I felt a huge bliss and my heart took off flying into the huge starry sky above us.
We stayed there for the rest of the night. I had shared my blanket with Tidus and he kept me warm with his body, his arms around my waist holding me tightly. We had talked for hours about anything and everything ― I guess we were trying to catch up with everything we had lost for the past two years ― but sleep had finally gained the battle and I had leaned against Tidus' chest, slowly closing my eyes and dozing off. Tidus awoke me a couple of hours later, gently calling my name. I started opening my eyes reluctantly, but the view that greeted me made me widened them, so I could take in everything that was in front of me.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Tidus whispered in my ear, pulling me closer to him and kissing my hair.
Before us, the sky was changing, its dark blue giving way to a soft pink and orange, the stars disappearing with the sudden light, the few clouds that remained looking like little pieces of pink cotton-candy. And the city… well, the city was waking up to the new day that was coming, the buildings shining with the sun, the city lights fading… It was really beautiful!
"The city lights go out one by one. The stars fade… It's kinda rose-colored, right? First in the sea, then it spreads to the sky, then to the whole city. It gets brighter and brighter, till everything glows. It's really… pretty. Just like you." Tidus finished with a sigh. I was surprised how he still remembered those words. "I told you I would bring you here someday, didn't I? Well, here we are. I just hope you liked it…"
"I loved it." I said, smiling, and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you…"
"Anytime."
A/N: So what did you guys think? I hope you liked it. I mean, Yuna and Tidus finally made up. Finally! I know it took a long time, but well… they're together now… sort of…(I hope that answers your question, Take Me or Leave Me, because I've tried to sent you an e-mail but it failed for some reason :-( Sorry.)
Anyways, about the reviews, I'm going to reply with the new system they've invented, and any anonymous reviews that there might be I'll answer on my profile (I hope you don't mind me using your idea, Da KeR MysTeRr, but it's the best I've found so far :P ).
So, thank you for reviewing and thank you for not turning your backs on this story. I hope I'll be back soon with another chapter, but I can't make any promises :-( Sorry.
See ya soon and if you want to make me happy, click on the review button. Thank you ;-)