Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I do not own the places. I don't own anything related to FFVIII, all I own is the plot.
- Chapter eight: Falling to Pieces -
Rinoa sighed.
"Squall, I'm fine."
But he wouldn't listen to her. "As soon as we get to our room, you're going to go to sleep and when you wake up you're going to tell me about the photograph."
He opened the door and carried her inside.
"Squall, I'm not going to sleep. I only just woke up."
Squall ignored her and put her down on the bed. "Okay, if you don't want to sleep then will you tell me about the photograph?"
Rinoa looked away. "...I can't really remember...I- I found it...and...then I fainted...I remember feeling dizzy while I was looking for something in the livingroom and then-"
"Livingroom? You were found in the bedroom."
"O- oh..." she avoided his eyes. "Then I must've remembered it wrong..."
Squall sat down on the side of the bed. "But you seem so...so calm about all of this. Aren't you scared?"
"I know...and I am. Perhaps I've just gotten used to it."
Squall raised his eyebrow. "Gotten used to it? You've received more of these?"
"N- no...not...not like this...no photographs."
"But?"
"Some...look, it really doesn't matter. Some kid just wanting to scare me with little notes."
Squall stood up. "Rinoa, I really don't understand how you can be soo cool about this. Why would anyone threaten you? Because that's what those notes are, Rinoa. Threats! Now you might have gotten used to them but I'm not going to simply accept it."
Rinoa fell back on the bed and looked at the ceiling. "Squall, I'm not cool about it. I'm scared."
"Then why didn't you tell me about it before?" he asked softly. "You could have at least mentioned it once."
"I thought it would stop. I didn't think it would get out of hand...I mean, notes never hurt anybody, right?"
Squall gave her a soft smile. "I'm going to talk to Quistis about this and then we'll find the kid who sent you those things and hand him over to the Disciplinary Committee. They'd love to get their hands on a punk like that."
He pecked her forehead.
"I'll see you tonight. If you don't want to, you don't have to stay up."
He left their room and Rinoa pulled up her knees to her chin. She had been doing a lot of thinking. Those posters, copying Irvine's every word...The voices she had heard in the Training Centre...The notes...
All of that seemed to spin back to one thing.
She had asked Irvine to hold her, to go away with her. If he loved her, why hadn't he said yes? He said she still loved Squall too much, but what if that was an excuse to cover up the fact that...
She started when someone knocked on the door. She called out and the door opened.
"Rinoa, can I come in?"
"Sure..."
He entered and found her in the bedroom.
"I brought you some flowers." He said, gently putting them down on her desk. "Forget-me-nots. Your favourites, right?""
She turned her head so she didn't have to look at him.
"Rinoa, please...why are you shying away from me?"
She snapped her head back. "Perhaps because I don't want to see you right now."
Her eyes flared. Irvine was taken aback.
"...W- why? What did I do?"
"Oh, please. I have had enough time to think it all over. Do you really think I'm that stupid?"
Irvine stared at her. He didn't understand what she was going on about.
"Rinoa...what is this about?"
"I'm talking about you! I know why your words were on that poster, Irvine! Don't you dare try to deny it. Every time we meet we are completely alone and yet someone writes down complete conversations? I'm not the one who's doing it and who else was there to hear it?"
Irvine was struck dumb. Rinoa was accusing him of everything that had been happening.
"...You're nuts! Why would I-"
"You tell me you won't come away with me because I still love Squall too much, well that's just plain crap! And then these notes! Only you and me know about this. Only you ever called me Bluejay. I'm not stupid, Irvine!"
"Well, I guess you must be stupid! Otherwise you'd know I wouldn't and couldn't be the one who did all those things. I love you!"
"No, you don't!" she shouted. "I still love him, you say? Well the truth is that you love Selphie too much. That or your pride is so big that you can't leave her until you got into her pants!"
"Selphie is nothing! She's not the woman I love, she's still just a kid."
"And then those voices! You followed me when I left the Secret Area the other night and made all those whispering noises. You think I can't recognise your voice? Why! Why did you do that? You wanted to scare me into never wanting to see you again so you could resume your persuit of that ditzy girl you call a 'nothing'."
Irvine raised his hands in the air desperately. "Hallelujah! You've brillantly succeeded in uncovering some sort of master plan that doesn't exist! Why can't you see that I love you and that it isn't me who's doing this?"
Rinoa stared at him angrily. "And why can't you admit that that's the truth! You're wrecking what we have, Irvine. You're destroying everthing."
He stood up and looked down on her. "Why would I? You seem to be perfectly capable of doing that yourself."
Rinoa clenched her hands into fists.
"I'm not staying here. I'll just go and...'pursue that ditzy nothing'." He said with sarcastic sneer.
"Fine!" Rinoa bellowed after him. "I don't want to see you anyway! We're through, Irvine! We're through as long as you can't face the truth!"
Her only answer was that of a door slamming shut. She waited for Irvine to come back inside to shower her with appologies but the door remained closed and the silence enveloped her in her loneliness.
Somehow she didn't quite understand what had just happened. She fought the tears and turned to Angelo who was cowering in one of the corners of the room.
"...Did...Did I...He...He doesn't really love me, does he, Angelo. He said it himself...he's going back to Selphie. That's the one he loves."
Angelo looked at her sympathetically.
"...I'm all alone..."
"Who does she think she is...Accusing me..."
He kicked a bin angrily.
"As if I'd do anything like that! Bluejay...a pissed-off hawk more like."
He threw a passer-by a foul look, who quickly scurried away. He stormed into his dormitory, kicked a chair back and fell down on it. He stared at the wall and folded his arms against his chest. He waited for his breathing to calm down
'She'll come back soon enough.' He thought angrily. 'She'll appologise.'
"I mean, come on!" he said to his empty room. "She can't expect me to crawl back after what she just did! First telling me she loves me but then accusing me of everything!"
He didn't want to admit it, but hearing those words come from Rinoa's mouth had really hurt him. He truly had deep feelings for her. But now...
He couldn't just forgive and forget. Even though the thought hurt him, he knew that he would have to stay away from her even if she sought to get close again. He would not let her near him before he had heard an apology from her mouth, from her heart.
He took his hat in his hand and threw it towards the wall forcefully. He cursed and threw his head back so he could stare at the ceiling. Suddenly the door opened and closed. He turned his head, half expecting to see Rinoa standing at the door with a teary face.
Instead, he was greeted by a wide smile. "Hey Irvine! I thought I'd stop by. Someone told me you had a sour look on your face, so...I thought I'd try and cheer you up. And...I wanted to apologise for my behavior. I didn't mean to snap at you. I can't honestly explain why I felt so jealous when you were worried about Rinoa..."
Selphie sat down on his bed and looked at him intently.
"So...got an idea how I can cheer you up?"
He smiled his well-known smile and slowly walked over to her.
"Hmm...how about...you give me a nice massage." He suggested with a smirk
She looked at him. "Sure...well, sit down, then."
Irvine sat down with his back to her and felt her hands on his shoulders, kneeding his tense muscles. She started to hum a little tune, which he vaguely recognised. Suddenly he turned around, grabbing her shoulders softly but firmly.
She looked at him questioningly. "Irvine?"
He looked at her and then quickly pressed his mouth on hers. She placed her hands on his shoulders and carefully kissed him back. But when his hold became more tight, she tried to push him away. He didn't listen.
"Irvine...please..."
He pushed her down on her back and kissed her neck, slowly making his way along the neckline of her dress.
"...Don't...please don't..." she whispered weakly.
Irvine raised his head and looked at her face. She looked back pleadingly. In his head he could hear Rinoa's words.
'The truth is that you love Selphie too much. That or your pride is so big that you can't leave her until you got into her pants!'
He blocked those words from his mind and pressed his moth down on Selphie's again. She tried to push him off but he pinned her arms by her side.
"Why don't you let me!" he asked her roughly. "Why don't you let me love you! I want to, so badly. But you never let me love you the way I want to!"
She watched as his eyes became moist and his tears slowly started to roll down his face.
"Irvine...please..."
"Don't you understand, Selphie? Don't you?"
"Irvine, sweetheart...I don't feel-"
"You don't feel ready? Is that it? But I do! I need to love you the way I want to. I am ready, why can't you be..."
He started to cry.
Selphie reached out and caressed his tears away.
"Irvine, love doesn't have to be that way...it doesn't. My love for you is something I don't need to show by doing what you have in mind right now."
He looked at her. "The thing I have in mind right now? You can't even call it by its name! You're so young that you can't even call it by its name. You're just a kid..."
She pulled her hand back suddenly, staring up at him with unbelief. "...A...a kid? Is that what you think of me?"
"You're still a kid...not a woman, Selphie. But I am a man. I...I feel and I think differently about love than you do. I am a man and I want to show you my love like a man!"
"And I'm not grown up enough? Is that it?" she shouted. "If you can only show your love like that then I'm not sure that I should love you back."
She tried to get up but he pushed her back.
"No! No...don't...don't leave me...Please don't leave me now...please...I need you..."
He rolled off the bed and cried on the floor. Selphie watched him, not understanding what was going on in his head or what his words meant. She let herself slide off the side of the bed and kneeled next to him.
She placed her hand on his back and brought her face close to his. "Don't worry. I won't leave if you don't want me to, Shh...I love you, I do. But I'm just not ready for that final step. Please wait a bit longer and let me get there by myself. It's okay."
His crying quieted down a little and he raised his head. He saw Selphie looking at him, but he imagined it was Rinoa's face instead.
"I still love you, it's okay." She said.
He smiled through his tears and caressed her face.
"I'm sorry..." he whispered hoarsley. "I shouldn't have..."
"It's alright. Really." She said soothingly. "Everything is fine."