XVII. Here, There, and Everywhere
To lead a better life, I need my love to be here.
Here, making each day of the year,
Changing my life with a wave of her hand.
Nobody can deny that there's something there.
There, running my hands through her hair,
Both of us thinking how good it can be.
Someone in speaking but she doesn't know he's there.
I want her ev'rywhere, and if she's beside me I know I need never care,
But to love her is to meet her ev'rywhere,
Knowing that my love is to share,
Each one believing that love never dies,
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there.
To be there and ev'rywhere,
Here, there and ev'rywhere.
"Bride or groom?" asks a curly-haired, heavy set man, handing me a program.
My head is in a haze, but I glance down at the front of it. Joey and Caitlin are pictured, his arms wrapped lovingly around her. Under them are the words, Things We Say Today Will Last Forever, the theme Demetria picked out. It was the sole thing she'd done right. Either that, or Emma went to the copier and corrected any mistakes.
I see Ellie sitting midway on the left side, so I guess that's the bride's side. Behind me, I can see Craig in the wings, talking to Emma and Manny. He wasn't laughing and he didn't look upset, just a stone face, which was odd because I've never seen him that expressionless. My heart seems to stop for a moment, but I regain my composure.
"Bride," I answer.
Before I can enter, a tall, very serious blonde woman in a pink, tailored suit runs up to the usher, blocking my path.
"Dwayne, one of my sons drew a moustache over Caitlin's face," says the woman. "I'm going to need another."
"Kathleen, I gave you two others," said Dwayne. "What happened to those?"
The wedding party started to assemble behind me. I twisted my hands anxiously, but Kathleen was still blocking my path.
"It's customary to take two, one to read, and the second to save as the first one is likely to crinkle after being held," explains Kathleen.. "The third was for my husband."
Dwayne smirks and hands her one. Kathleen glances around the party, gives Caitlin a cheery wave, and gives Craig a dismissive look.
"You know, the entertainment business is pretty fickle," says Kathleen quietly to Dwayne. "I don't anticipate he'll make it very big like Caitlin. I feel bad for him. He's Joey's kid and all."
My hands stand in place, and I can feel the heat rising up the back of my neck.
"He's won an award actually," I whisper, bumping into her slightly while walking in.
I hear Kathleen give me an annoyed huff, and Dwayne chuckles, then says "Classic."
Ellie finds me among the crowd and gestures me to come over. I notice that everyone else who had helped was sitting on Joey's side, but I didn't want Ellie to be alone.
"Hey," I say, sliding into a pew and behind Liz, who greets me with a nod.
"It's a bit definitive, isn't it?" says Ellie. "They're finally getting married."
"They deserve it," I say. "They've been through everything."
The minister stands in place, while Demetria's workers set up the candelabra. Snake and Wheels are chatting away in the groomsmen's places, while Lucy straightens Melanie's brooch as they sit in the front pew. Next to Lucy, Angie lays her head down on Joey's mother's shoulder, while Caitlin's mother keeps glancing back with a worried look on her face. What really catches my eye is Joey, his tie still in perfect order, waiting, waiting like he'd been doing for so long. He was waiting for her to come down the aisle and be his.
The talking softens, and the loud notes of the wedding march begin to sound. Toby and Manny step through the doors first, her pink taffeta scraping the top of Toby's pants as they walked. Manny seemed to be enjoying the attention, smiling at everyone she passed. Toby kept his eyes focused on the front. Peter and Emma followed, and they looked way more natural than Spinner and Emma did at the rehearsal. Spinner gives Darcy a reassuring grin as Peter leads Emma to the spot next to Manny's. Tomas' nephew carries the pillow behind them, muttering something along the way. He stops in the middle of the aisle, and runs the rest of the way, causing half the audience to gasp. Snake manages to halt him before he runs out into a side door. The flower girl, who also looks related to Tomas, is thankfully better, though she can't stop giggling at the running ringbearer.
I shyly peer up as Craig and Spike start their descent. Spike looks fantastic, in a silvery white, empire waist dress, but my eyes are on him. I think how easily my arms looped through his as we went through the aisle several days ago, how upset I was with him. Now I'm just upset at myself. Craig takes his place by Joey's side, giving him a firm handshake.
We all stand as Mr. Ryan and Caitlin enter the sanctuary, the last part of her train stretched out into the hall. As she walks, you can tell her smile grows brighter and brighter, even though it's hidden under the veil. Joey's face is no different. He blinks quickly, but he keeps his gaze steady, blows out a breath in anticipation. The music ends, and Mr. Ryan kisses Caitlin's cheek, then sits down next to her mother. Caitlin takes Joey's hand, and Joey finally bursts, a couple tears falling, dropping off his chin.
"What a joyous day!" says the minister, his voice filling the large room. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the presence of God and these witnesses, to join Joseph Jeremiah and Caitlin Ryan in holy matrimony."
I try to pay attention, but the minister's words starts to fade. All these thoughts rush into my mind. Craig may not be thinking this, but his words actually did stick. It's about what we want. Why was it always so hard with this, with us? There was my mom, my fears about his disorder, Jimmy, Ellie.
The wedding party is already lighting the candles. Craig said the words as he was supposed to, which made Ms. Ryan give him a warm smile. Craig went back to his place, but his eyes scan the crowd. I hope he's looking for me. He is. I meet his stare, shaking all over.
"Rather than recite traditional vows, Joseph and Caitlin have elected to write their own and share them with us," announces the minister. "Joseph."
Joey wraps his hands around Caitlin's, the tears starting to well up in his eyes again.
"Caitlin," says Joey. "You're not only special to me, but everyone around you. Your warmth, energy, passion to help, and beauty make you stand out. It's not just here in this church, or there in the studio...it's everywhere. And it's no wonder I'm drawn to you, but you drawn to me? Well, I'm pretty lucky."
Caitlin shyly grins, her face scrunching up under the silk veil.
"I will always do my best to cherish you, protect you, love you, because though I haven't always done what's best, I know I'm a better man when I'm with you and because I love you," continues Joey, stroking her cheek.
"Joey," breathes Caitlin, wiping her face, and taking time to catch her breath.. "I love you so much. I love Angie...I love Craig. But I kept running, and I don't exactly know why. Maybe because I was scared, or it was too strong, but my heart stays now. It's right here. No more running. You waited for me, or else we wouldn't have this moment. Thank you for your heart always staying with me."
Emma and Manny are both sniffling, and even Snake and Wheels look teary-eyed. I glance back at Craig, and give him a weak smile. He looks down at his feet, but I see his lips curling in a smile.
"No more running," I say softly to myself.
Ellie pokes me with the edge of the program. "Ash? You okay?"
"I kind of let him go," I whisper to her, my eyes locked on Craig.
Ellie looks between us, and shakes her head at me. "Why?"
"Because I thought you...well, you needed him."
Ellie sighs. "Did it ever occur to you that if you're not happy, Craig wouldn't be happy, and I wouldn't be happy? I know you have this huge heart, Ash, but try using it for yourself once in a while."
I turn to Ellie, and she gives me a knowing nod.
"Fix it," says Ellie. "Or I will."
By this time, the ringbearer offers the pillow to Joey, who slips the ring on Caitlin's finger.
"Do you, Joseph, take Caitlin to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, as long as you both shall live?" asks the minister, having just finished reading a couple Biblical passages.
"I do," says Joey.
"Do you, Caitlin, take Joey to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, as long as you both shall live?"
"I do," says Caitlin.
"If there be anyone with just cause as to why these two should not be joined in marriage, let him speak now or forever hold his peace?"
"Or her," adds Caitlin, eliciting a chorus of laughter from everyone.
"Oh, excuse me," says the minister. "Or her."
There is absolute silence, just rows and rows of smiles on face, hands wiping eyes.
"Very well," says the minister. "It gives me great pleasure to say that by the power given to me under the province of Toronto, I now pronounce you man and wife. Joseph, you may kiss your bride."
Joey lifts the veil. "Well, I'm glad it was you under there after all," he says.
"Had to keep you guessing" says Caitlin, giggling.
They kiss, Joey clutching Caitlin powerfully to his chest. Everyone claps and stands, including me. Emma and Manny jump happily, and Snake puts an arm around Wheels. Spinner, Jimmy, and J.T. whoop, throwing their hands into the air. The organ starts up again, and the processional march fills the ears of everyone. It's really loud, and Angie covers her ears as she follows her dad and new stepmom down the aisle. Thankfully, it gets softer as Craig escorts Spike again. They have to pause when Caitlin's train gets stuck in the door jamb.
"My wife, ladies and gentlemen," says Joey.
"I can't even have a graceful exit," says Caitlin, an apologetic smile on her wet, but happy face.
After a few seconds of getting it off, then fiddling with it, Joey picks her up in his arms and Caitlin screams happily.
"Now this is a graceful exit!" screams Joey to the crowd, and we applaud in approval as they head out.
"Do you know the Hippogriff song from Harry Potter?" asks Angie, about to tap one of the keys on the keyboard.
"No, lass," answers a gruff voice with a thick accent I can't place yet. "We only play the classics. Don't touch anything."
"But you're British," says Angie.
The man with the accent glances at his bandmates, who look as annoyed as he does, but pretend to be tuning their instruments. I stand awkwardly near the stage, not sure where to sit at the reception, though I know Emma would know. I spent about fifteen minutes in the bathroom, thinking about what Ellie said. Did I even know how to fix this? Maybe Craig wouldn't care to hear it. Then again, he was usually willing to listen to me.
"No, I'm Irish," says the man.
"Do you know Colin Farrell then?" says Angie. "Do you wear a lot of green? Is Saint Patrick's Day your favorite holiday?"
"Well, it's the best day to get me a pint or something," says the man, a little of the annoyance fading from his face. "And the day of me patron saint. It's better than Valentine's Day, I tell ya that."
"Angie," says Joey, motioning for Angie to step off the stage. "Leave Patrick alone."
Angie moans, then hops off the stage, and heads over to Caitlin, who rubs her feet as she talks to Lucy and Liz at the head table.
"That's a talker, that one," says Patrick.
Joey smiles, shakes his head. "Thanks for playing for free."
"No problem," says Patrick, taking out a guitar pick. "We're cheap so this is your present. It's better than a toaster. Well, better for us, because we need the practice."
"Just start playing after the toast, alright?" says Joey, giving Patrick a firm handshake. "Oh, this is Ashley, though I'm not sure why she's standing over here..."
I shrug. "Don't know where to sit," I reply.
"You can sit with us," offers Joey.
"Umm, no, that's fine. I think I see Jimmy over there. I'll go sit with him."
Joey frowns, obviously disappointed. "Well, come over and chat with us before we go. It'd be nice to talk to a ex-Londoner. Caitlin's been. I haven't."
"Sure," I say.
I walk over to a table that houses Jimmy, Hazel, J.T., and Liberty. Liberty blinks up at me, waving a glass of champagne at me.
"Ashley!" she exclaims, then letting out a small hiccup. "Do you know how good champagne is? Wow!"
Wow is right.
"Liberty," says J.T., taking the glass from her. "I think that's enough for you today, okay?"
"It's just been two...maybe three glasses," says Liberty, hiccuping a little more loudly. "Besides, we're celebrating. I'm salutatorian. Second-best, but I get to give a speech and sit in the row of honor. That's the more fun speech anyway. You have to be serious and boring when you're valedictorian. No offense, Ashley. Not that that'll matter to my dad..."
J.T. gets up and pulls out Liberty's chair. "Okay, we're going," he says, putting Liberty's arm around his shoulders.
"Night," says Jimmy, exchanging an awkward look with Hazel.
I take Liberty's chair as J.T. guides her away. Seconds later, Ellie runs up to us, an exasperated look on her face.
"Don't make me sit with Toby and Manny," says Ellie. "It's like water torture, only with more pink fabric around."
Ellie sits next to me, and starts a conversation with Jimmy and Hazel. I look around the room. No sign of Craig, but Angie has managed to start bugging Patrick again. However, this time, it's necessary as Patrick hands her a microphone, which she gives to Snake.
Snake taps the microphone. "Friends, friends, if we could settle down," he says.
A few stragglers take their seat, and give him their attention. One of them is Craig, who I can tell is sweating a little, wringing his tie.
"Finally!" says Snake, to a chorus of "amens." "Finally Caitlin has managed to tie Joey down, or maybe it's the other way around."
Caitlin picks up a roll and acts like she's going to throw it at Snake. Snake waves her away.
"But in all seriousness, I love you, guys," says Snake earnestly.
He's met with several "awwws."
"However, this moment belongs to your best man, Mr. Craig Manning. Come on up!" yells Snake, even though Craig is seated a few inches from him.
Craig stands, running a hand through his curls, and accepts the microphone. He's so handsome under the bright lights of the reception hall, and I can't take my eyes off him just like in church.
"Wow," he says. "Um, I'm no writer so hopefully this makes sense. I'm not an expert on love."
"Just the ladies," interjects Joey, winking at Craig.
"Woot!" yells Spinner, as the rest of the crowd laughs.
"I'm trying to give a speech here!" says Craig, blushing.
Joey holds up his hands, and zips his lips, Caitlin resting his elbow on Joey's shoulder.
"So I'm no expert, but I have been in love...once."
Heads start shifting, and I can feel the majority of their eyes find me. That includes Craig's, who then rests his eyes on Joey and Caitlin.
"And what I learned from that is while it's not perfect, it's basically worth it. You don't know what you're feeling, but you can't wait to feel that way everyday. You start doing things you never thought you'd do. You forgive them for the big stuff and the little stuff. And while stuff is hard, sometimes really hard, it's just easy to care about them through all of that."
I wipe my eyes with my napkin, ruining the make-up I put on after the wedding, and Ellie rubs my shoulder.
"It took you guys awhile to find each other again, but I'm glad you did. I love you, Caitlin, you're just amazing. I love you, Joey...you're my dad...even though that's a bit hard to say. Umm..."
Joey bites his lip, then beams at Craig. "That's fine, Craig."
Craig swallows a lump in his throat. "To the bride and groom."
"To the bride and groom," repeats everyone, lifting up their glasses.
Joey walks briskly to Craig, and wraps him in his arms while Caitlin strokes Craig's back.
"Wow," I say, thankful that now everyone's eyes have drifted from me to Joey and Caitlin.
"I told him you'd like it," says Ellie softly to me. "He was so nervous."
"He did good," said Hazel.
"He did perfect," I say.