Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I do not own the places. I don't own anything related to FFVIII, all I own is the plot.

- Chapter nine: Forgive or Forget -

He opened his eyes and looked around. His head was still spinning with what had happened the day before. He had not expected the row he had had with Rinoa when he had walked to her dorm with a bunch of flowers and he had certainly not expected to fall to pieces like that after walking away so angrily.

He looked at the sleeping girl in his arms. She wrinkled her nose for a moment and turned on her side. He watched her chest rise and fall as she breathed slowly.

Yes, that was another thing he hadn't expected. He had nearly forced her into something she hadn't wanted to do but when he'd colappsed after realising he had lost Rinoa, she had supported him and forgiven him as if he hadn't done anything to her.

Now she was asleep in his arms. He smiled softly but tasted the bitterness of it too. Selphie truly cared for him, that was certain. She cared for him so much that she had staid with him the night before to make sure that he was alright.

But his thoughts were with Rinoa. His real feelings for Selphie had disappeared long ago. He had been torn between the two of them for a while, but slowly he knew that the actual feeling of love for Selphie had disappeared. But he couldn't find a way out of this relationship without hurting Selphie, and that was the one thing he was trying to prevent.

He caressed a strand of hair away from Selphie's face and whispered a soft prayer of thanks that he hadn't hurt her and that nothing had happened. His soft whispers had woken her and she opened her eyes.

"Hey..." she said sleepily. "How are you feeling?"

Irvine bit his lip. He should have asked her that after last night, not the other way around.

"I'm fine. I honestly don't know what came over me...I really am sorry."

She shook her head. "No, it's okay. I'm glad you feel better. A little patience never hurt anybody, did it." She added with a grin.

Irvine sat up and rubbed his eyes. His thoughts just kept coming back. He didn't really love her, but he desperately wanted to. He wanted to feel love for her so badly that he knew he would try everything in order to recall that feeling. He smiled warmly at her.

"So...are you going to wear that dress all day too?"

She giggled. "No, of course not. I slept in it...I want to wear something clean!"

"Hmmm, I don't think I've got anything in your size...how about you go take a shower here and I'll go get you a dress from your closet. And after that we can go grab some breakfast in the cafeteria."

Selphie smiled. "Sounds good to me!"

"Yeah, and after that we are going to go out and do whatever you want to do. This is going to be your day."

Selphie lurched forward and gave him a tight squeeze.

"To what do I owe this special treatement?" she asked with merry curiosity.

He smiled and leaned in to kiss her. "Because you are a very special girl and I know that I am a very lucky guy to be able to say you're mine. And because I was a real jerk last night and I want to apologise."

He watched her smile grow content, and perhaps even a little smug, when he leaned in to kiss her again. He hesitated for a moment as he brought his face close to hers but she answered the kiss, making him feel those feelings he wanted to feel so badly again for a moment.

He closed his eyes to try and savour it.

"Go on...take that shower. I'll be back with some clean clothes soon enough."

Selphie nodded and skipped into the bathroom. Irvine rubbed his face again. He waited until he could hear the water running before he got up from the bed. He remembered all the things he had said to her yesterday. He had called her a kid.

"But you're not a kid, Selphie...You're not...You can't be after the way you staid with me last night...You really are a woman already and I didn't see..." he whispered before he left."

He knew she couldn't have heard him but he couldn't say it again face to face. He closed the door and walked through the corridors quickly towards Selphie's dormitory. He kept his eyes in the ground as he tried to avoid thinking about anything.

He stopped at Selphie's dorm and entered the code to her door. Everything inside was clovered in bright layers of yellow. This practically blinding sight distracted him for a moment.

'Heh...or perhaps a kid still too.' He thought with a faint smile.

He opened her closet and took one of the many yellow dresses from its peg. He left again quickly before he got a headache from looking at all that yellow paint and fabric. He wanted to make his way back as fast as possible, but halfway through the corridor he noticed Rinoa leaning against a wall with Angelo by her side.

She gave him one glance but he couldn't see if it was hopeful or hateful.

"Hey there Bluejay..." he tried.

She looked away and pulled Angelo closer to her by his chain.

"My name is Rinoa." She said, looking back.

She measured him up, her eyes slowly working their way down from his face to his hands. They lingered on the dress he was holding. Irvine realised what she was thinking and tried to look as if he wasn't uncomfortable at all.

"So..." she said slowly. "I see you finally did get what you wanted."

"Now wait just a moment. Just because you've got a problem with me doesn't give you the right to assume things about Selphie." Irvine said, his temper rising. "She is the most forgiving person I know and she's sweet. She staid with me last night, if you must know. But nothing happened."

Rinoa laughed hollowly. "Right! And I'm supposed to believe that? I know how charming and persuading you can be, Irvine. You want me to believe she said no?"

"That's what she said. And if you don't want to believe me, then fine. Just remember that I could say no to you, so perhaps I said no to her too. Not that it's any of your business anymore."

"Fine." She snapped. "It isn't my business anymore. And I don't give a damn about whether you got her into bed or not. But you better remember that I'm none of your business anymore either."

He smirked. "Oh yeah? Then why were you waiting here for me?"

Again she laughed hollowly. "For you? In your dreams, if I remember correctly. That's what you called me, isn't it? I am waiting for my boyfriend who just happens to be coming right at us. So if you'll excuse me..."

She pushed past him, leaving him feeling bitter. Behind him he could hear her squeel.

"Squall! What took you so long? I was already starting to miss you..."

Irvine heard the enthousiasm in her voice. It was such an obvious attempt in trying to hurt him. He bit his lip and fought the urge to stomp with his feet. He didn't turn around to see Rinoa cling herself to Squall's arm.

"Is Angelo coming too?" Squall asked her.

Rinoa pulled at the leash a little. "Yes. We're going together. The three of us, just as we should always be."

Squall laughed. "Why, aren't we always together then?"

Rinoa cast a look at Irvine over her shoulder. She wanted him to turn around. She wanted him to see that this was all an act. She still loved him and regretted everything she had said the day before. But she was not going to apologise, she couldn't.

She needed him to know that this was fake. But he didn't turn around. She bit her lip and looked at Squall again.

"Of course we are."

Squall smiled and kissed her. "Come on...the city awaits."

Irvine listened to their footsteps moving away. He listened to the patter of Angelo's paws on the floor. He stormed on angrily, the yellow dress clenched in his hand.

If Rinoa wanted to act this way then fine. If she wanted to play happy family again with Squall, then fine! Everything was bloody well fine!

He reached his dormitory and angrily started to punch in the numbers on the code lock on his door when he noticed a piece of paper was pasted on the wall next to it. He read it slowly, already knowing what it would be about.

'Our little Bluejay has gotten herself into some trouble. She was so unhappy in her cage that she complained to the boy standing outside over and over again. She bored him with her pleas and want for him to free her. She did this so much that the boy grew tired. One morning he just walked away.

"Wait!" she called to him. "Don't go."

"Why not? You ask me for something I can't give. All you want from me is freedom. I am nothing to you, just my ability to release you is important. But I can't give you that if you don't realise what your freedom would truly mean."

"No, no!" she chirrupped. "No, don't lie to me! You say you can't give it to me while I know you can. I love my cage too much, you say? Well, the truth is you love the power you hold over me too much! That or your pride is too big to give it up that easily."

The boy looked at her angrily. "How dare you..."

"Why can't you admit that that's the truth!" the little bluejay shouted at him as he turned away.

"I'm not staying here..." he said simply.

"Fine!" she bellowed. "I don't want to see you anyway! Not as long as you can't face the truth!"

Only when the boy had walked out of sight did she realise that she had scared him away. Only then did she realise she was all alone now and all hope of ever gaining freedom gone.'

Irvine took the paper down. This one had been long. He didn't like the resemblance to the arguement he'd had with Rinoa the day before. It had been in her room, right. There hadn't been anyone else in there for sure. Were they being bugged?

He went inside and saw Selphie sitting in front of the mirror, wrapped in a towel and combing her hair. She turned around and smiled at him when she saw his reflection in the mirror.

"I dropped my dress in the laundrybasket, I hope that's okay."

He nodded vaguely.

"What's that?" she inquired, pointing at the paper.

"Oh...nothing. One of those posters was pasted on the wall."

"A new one?"

"Yeah."

"You should give it to Quisty. She can probably use it."

Irvine nodded again. "I will. But not now. You get dressed first and then we'll go out and have fun."

But Selphie but her lip. She took the dress he had brought and looked at it.

"I, er...when you were out, I got a call from Naina. She said the dancers wanted another rehearsal. They're so unsure about the construction they're going to have to dance in. And as the head of the festival committee I need to be there."

She looked at him apologetically.

"What, today?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah...I'm sorry..."

"And you can't tell them to sod off? Can't you say you're busy?"

She shook her head. "No, I tried to get off but I couldn't."

Irvine sighed. "I guess you have to. And I'll be able to give this thing to Quistis."

Selphie had walked into the bathroom again to put on the dress.

"I'll get back as soon as I can." She said, her voice echoeing against the tiled walls. "Perhaps we can go out for dinner."

"Sure, that sounds good. I'll book us a table." He replied.

She giggled and pecked his cheek when she came back out. "Sounds great. Thank you."

He watched her leave and waited a few moments before reaching for his phone.

"Quistis? Yeah, it's Irvine. Listen, I've got another one of those posters for you. Yeah, I found it this morning. They're probably all over Garden again...No problem. Yeah. Okay. Good luck with it."

He hung up again and sat down in a chair. He reached for a book. He tried to read a few lines but gave up soon enouhg and tossed it back on the table. Deciding to take a shower, he got to his feet, turned on the taps and undressed.

But just as he stepped into the cubicle and felt the stream of hot water pour down on him, a little tune started in his room. He cursed and jumped away from underneath the shower, quickly wrapping a towl around his waist while diving for his phone.

"Yeah." He answered curtly.

Suddenly his eyes grew widerd.

"I- okay...why? Yes...yes, I'll come."

He put his phone down and ran his hand through his wet hair. He dried himself off with his towl and got dressed quickly. He left his room and headed towards the Secret Area as he had been asked to.

It didn't make sense to him why he had been called. He walked through the Training Centr and made his way to the Secret Area. As he opened the door, he saw her waiting for him near the banister.

She looked at him hesitantly, her eyes puffy and red. Then she suddenly ran towards him and wrapped her arms around him. She was crying softly.

He wrapped his arms around her too.

"...I'm so sorry..." she whispered. "You were right. I read the poster and I only realised how alone I was after you had left. And it was my fault...I shouldn't have yelled."

"Rinoa, please...let me go..."

"No...no, please don't leave me."

"Rinoa, you accused me of doing all those things..."

She looked up at him. "I know and I'm sorry. But you shouldn't have written those things in the first place..."

"What? I-"

"Don't worry, I forgive you for it. You showed me how wrong I was, how mean I was."

He pushed her away. "Rinoa, I didn't write them and if you keep saying that I did then we can't be anything."

He turned around and wanted to leave again but she grabbed his hand.

"What are you saying...that...that you really didn't..."

"That's exactly what I've been saying all along."

She sank to her knees. "Then who..."

"I don't know." He snapped. "But I'm leaving."

"No!" she screamed.

She flew into his arms again.

"No, no...please, I'm so scared! Only you can help me. Only you know who I really am...I need you and I love you!"

"...Then how come you doubted me so easily." He said quietly.

This was tearing him apart. He didn't want to give in to this so easily but on the other hand he wanted to be able to love her again.

"...I don't know...I'm so scared, Irvine I'm sorry and I'm scared."

He looked at her. "...Rinoa..."

He knew he had already forgiven her. He had forgiven her the moment he had heard her voice over the phone.