XVIII. Things We Said Today

You say you will love me if I have to go,
You'll be thinking of me, somehow I will know,
Someday when I'm lonely, wishing you weren't so far away,
Then I will remember things we said today.
You say you will be mine, girl, till the end of time,
These days such a girl seems so hard to find,
Someday when we're dreaming, deep in love,
Not a lot to say,
Then I will remember things we said today.
Me I'm just a lucky kind,
Love to hear you say that love is love,
And though we may be blind,
Love is hear to stay.
And that's enough to make you mine girl,
Be the only one,
Love me all the time girl, we'll go on and on,
Someday when we're dreaming, deep in love,
Not a lot to say,
Then I will remember things we said today.
Me I'm just a lucky kind,
Love to hear you say that love is love,
And though we may be blind,
Love is hear to stay.
And that's enough to make you mine girl,
Be the only one,
Love me all the time girl, we'll go on and on,
Someday when we're dreaming, deep in love,
Not a lot to say,
Then I will remember things we said today.

After Craig's toast, Patrick's band begins playing. They're playing 80's standards, which doesn't seem to be their favorite thing in the world, but they put all their energy into it. They put a bit of punk edge to the songs though, which sounds really good.

Now I've had the time of my life, no, I never felt like this before, I swear, it's the truth...

"I love this song," cries Hazel. "Come on, Jimmy."

Jimmy wheels himself away from the table, and follows Hazel out onto the floor.

"So, are you going to ask Craig to dance?" nudges Ellie.

"He probably wouldn't want to," I say.

"Hello, subject of the lovey dovey toast!" says Ellie, waving her hand in front of my face. "I don't think he'd say no."

Ellie's cell phone starts to ring, and she flips it open.

"Yeah?" she says.

After a few seconds, her face starts to light up, and she excuses herself, walking to the other side of the room so she can hear the rest of the conversation. I'd been working up the nerve to go up to Craig after that amazing toast, but it didn't help that he was surrounded by relatives and other guests, also telling him that it was amazing. Finally, Craig sits down in his chair, leaning back and loosening his tie.

I scoot out of my chair and make my way towards him. The music stops and I see that Caitlin is on stage with Patrick and Joey.

"Time to throw the bouquet," says Caitlin, waving around the bouquet invitingly.

Before I know it, I hear a rush of heels around me, and I'm caught in a swarm of all the available women in the room. Caitlin eyes the crowd mischievously, turns her back to us, and throws it after a steady drum roll from the drummer. A dozen arms reach up hopefully, and it lands right in front of Liz.

"Gross," says Liz, who was just standing by in the back. She steps away.

This gives everyone time to fumble for it. Emma and Manny make a solid attempt, but it finds its way into Darcy's petite, eager hands.

"Do I get to keep it?" she yells at Caitlin.

"Sure," says Caitlin.

Spinner taps her on the shoulder, and Darcy waves it in his face.

"Lucky day," says Darcy.

"Well, you can make this a lucky day for me if...ummmm...," starts Spinner.

He takes a deep breath, and gets down on one knee. Darcy's whole face turns scarlet, and I see her knees wobbling under her white dress.

"Spin," whispers Darcy.

"I know you have, like, another year of school left. But when we were doing all of this, I realized that you shouldn't wait to show how much you care about someone, especially if that someone has doubts about your love. And I, like, love you, Darce."

"I love you, too, Spin," replies Darcy, a tear falling on top of a carnation in her new bouquet.

"So," says Spinner, pulling out a small box. "This is for you."

"A little velvet box," breathes Darcy.

Darcy opens it, and it's a modest, but pretty silver ring with a small emerald in the center.

"It's a promise ring," says Spinner. "Like pre-engagement. It's more serious than a claddagh ring."

Darcy nods, wiping tears away. "Cory gave one to Topanga on Boy Meets World. We watched it last night after Caitlin's party."

"Yeah, I got it this morning,"says Spinner. "I was going to save it for Kid Elrick tickets, but this is more important."

"Dude, you blew money on a ring, and not Kid Elrick?" says Danny, dumbfounded.

"Be quiet, Danny!" reprimand Manny and Emma at the same time.

"After a year, I'm hoping this will be an engagement ring," says Spinner, giving her a hopeful smile. "But will you take this one as a start?"

"Yes...yes, Spinner!" says Darcy, clutching Spinner's face with her hands and kissing him deeply on the lips.

We all clap, even the adults who have no idea what happened in the past few days with Spinner and Darcy. But Spinner was on point, which seemed to be happening more and more as graduation approached. I remember what he said to me three years ago. Sometimes it's okay to act like an idiot. Sometimes it's okay to throw yourself out there. I peer up at the head table to try and see Craig, but he's gone.

I weave through the others, who are congratulating Spinner and Darcy on their pre-engagement, and bump past Danny, who still looks incredulous that Spinner would waste his money on jewelry instead of a concert. I check into a side room, hearing Patrick's band starting to play again. It sounds like a dedication to Spinner and Darcy.

I don't know when to start or when to stop

My luck's like a button I can't stop pushing it

My head feels light, But I'm still in the dark

Seems like without tenderness there's something missing

Tenderness

Where is the

Tenderness

Where is it?

I held your hands, rings but none on that finger, we danced and danced
but I was scared to go much further with it
just half a chance
make sure that one night you're here but
next night you're not
it always leaves me searching for a little

Tenderness
where is the
Tenderness

"I know this song!" exclaims Angie from another room opposite me.

I put my ear next the door.

"It's in Clueless," says Angie. "When Josh and Cher are kissing at the wedding."

"Well, it's more decent than the other stuff they've been playing," replies Craig. "Angie, don't spill the rice."

"I don't like that you have to throw it at them," says Angie. "Seems mean to me."

"It's tradition," says Craig. "They won't be offended."

I do a couple, small raps on the door, my stomach doing a flip-flop. Angie answers, a medium-sized bag in her hand. I start to speak, but Angie gives me a guilty smile and slips out silently. Craig is on his knees, putting a few things into his guitar case. He finally sees me, darts his eyes to the floor, then starts fiddling with the case again, paying me no mind.

"You're going?" I ask, more a statement than a question.

"Have to be back at ten in the morning tomorrow," answers Craig, tucking in some guitar polish.

"That's when I have my last final," I say, hoping that will get him to talk more. It doesn't.

"Well, are you almost finished...with the album, I mean?" I try again.

"Depends on what they say. I might be gone awhile."

I can feel my heart sinking to my shoes. Now that we were back in each other's lives, it hurt even more to know that I wouldn't see him for weeks or even months.

"How long do you think?" I say.

Craig stays silent, but closes the lid of the case.

"So did you hear about Spin and Darcy?" I say. "We might have another wedding soon."

Craig snaps his case shut, then gives me a cold smile.

"Spin and Darcy, Spin and Darcy," he mumbles.

He walks past me, and into the hotel's lobby, leading to the exit. I follow, rushing to keep up.

"Craig!" I yell.

Craig whips around, his eyes rising to the ceiling and then resting on me.

"I just asked a question," I say. "Why are you so mad?"

"You didn't come back there to talk about Spin and Darcy!"exclaims Craig.

"I just thought...," I begin.

"You came for...you came for something else! And I know it, Ashley."

I nod, shaking. "Yeah," I say, softly.

Craig looks at me, expectantly. I can't get the words out. The woman at the front desk eyes out suspiciously, as does a bell hop, even when holding the door open for an arriving couple. A group of tourists are sitting to our left, also engaged in our conversation.

"Can we go somewhere private?" I whisper.

"No," says Craig, flatly. "I need to go see Joey and Caitlin's limo driver and then I'm gone."

I tremble, looking around at anything– the hotel furniture, the suitcases next to me, the ring which I had slipped on right after Craig's toast.

"This is too hard," I say softly, feeling the tears burn at the back of my eyes.

"It's really not," says Craig. "You came up with a reason to let me go pretty quickly this morning. So if you want me to stay...and I mean, really want me to stay, you can come up with something pretty quickly too."

"I thought Ellie..."

"That's not a reason, Ashley."

I open my mouth, but am paralyzed. Droplets of sweat drip down my back. Craig gives me a hurt look, so hurt that it tears me apart I just cry in response, sniffling and gasping for breath..

"Take care, Ash," he whispers, clutching the case's handle tighter.

He drops his eyes, shakes his head, and makes for the exit. The clomping of his dress shoes start to fade, the scent of his cologne, that invisible magnet that always seems to make us crash into one another, and even when we meet, it's fresh, it's enthralling, it's something I want to live through with him, and it's something I want to last.

"Craig, stay for every reason," I say to his back, getting out the words, even though I'm surprised they're falling out. "Stay because it'll hurt me if you go, the same way it did you when I stayed in England. Stay because I'm back and I know I messed this up. Stay because I've only been in love once, too, or else I wouldn't wear your ring. And...I want that to be enough. Is that enough?"

The blood through my veins is pumping. All the guests look stupefied, and some turn to see what Craig will say next. I know I can't, so I back away, then face the other way. But I pause when I hear a thud, like a guitar case hitting a carpeted floor. It was a guitar case.

Craig walks to me slowly, and I stare into his eyes, looking for any traces of the coldness there before. I don't see any. I can only see warmth, relief.

"Yes," says Craig, collecting me in his arms, whispering in my ear. "That's enough."

I release every tear that couldn't fall, every sigh I was afraid to let out into his chest. All the guests are smiling at me. The bellhop even winks.

"Do I look terrible?" I murmur to Craig.

He kisses me, so hard, so fast, that I feel like my lips are being crushed. But I like the sensation so I kiss back, then wrap my hands around his neck. It seemed like we'd been waiting weeks, maybe years, for that kiss even though we've had several others since he came home. Maybe because it was the surest one yet, and we both know what's behind it. We know now that it will be the first of many.

I hear the front desk lady ring the bell, a happy little tinkle. He pulls away, a rapturous grin on his face.

"No, you look beautiful," whispers Craig. "Absolutely beautiful."

"Must be the lighting," I say. "Hotels are our thing after all."