A/N: I'm so sorry, everyone! I wanted to upload this chapter yesterday, but I only finished it at 2 a.m. and I was so tired I decided to upload it today. I hope you'll forgive me….

Oh, and despite the title, there's no explicit sex in this chapter, okay? Just clearing it out ;-)

Disclaimer: You already know I don't own anything fo this :-P But I need to say that I also don't own anything concerning Jade's song 1000 words, even though I'm using its lyrics as one of Yuna's poems.

Chapter 22

Talking about sex

"I'm gonna throw a party." Rikku announced a few days later.

"What?" I asked, lifting my gaze from the notebook placed on my lap and eyeing my cousin on the other side of my room, combing her blonde hair in front of the mirror.

"I'm thinking of throwing a party." She repeated, continuing to run the brush through her long tresses.

Paine, who was doing a college essay on my computer — hers had broken down the week before —, asked calmly, without even turning her eyes away from the white screen, "Does your father know about that decision of yours?"

Rikku laughed nervously, grabbing the brush in her hands and turning to face us. "Well, he… huh… Not yet." She ended up answering.

"I'm not sure if Uncle Cid will agree with your idea of throwing a party, Riks." I said, tapping the pencil on the blank pages. I'd been thinking about Lenne's idea of writing a song, but it seemed as though I'd lost all my inspiration. I couldn't write a single verse. Not even a single word.

"Yeah, well… If you'd help me, maybe he would." She gave me a toothy grin, approaching me and sitting by my side on the bed. "C'mon, Yunie! I really, really, really, really want this! Just imagine — it could be my eighteenth birthday party!"

I laughed. "Girl, stop dreaming. Your father won't let you, not even if I ask him. You know what he thinks about that kind of parties… I can't actually blame him." I added, remembering the party we'd been in recently.

My cousin pouted. "Meanie."

I shook my head, smiling. Then, deciding that looking at a blank page without knowing what to write would be a waste of time, I closed the notebook and got up, stretching my arms above my head and walking to the window. It was another rainy day, dark clouds threatening to pour at any minute.

"I'm done." Paine said, after a few minutes of silence.

I looked over my shoulder at my friends. "What do you wanna do now?"

"Well, I was actually thinking that we could go to the movies." Paine replied.

Rikku perked up a bit. "What film do you suggest?"

Paine was about to answer, but my cell phone rang and I picked it up. "Yes?"

"Hey, baby. How are you?" Tidus' voice greeted me from the other side of the line, making me completely forget I wasn't alone.

"Hey…" I answered, smiling. "I'm okay. How about you?"

"Well, I'd be better if I was with you…" He paused for a moment and then continued, "After all, Shuyin went out and left me here, all alone… lonely…"

"Oh, poor baby…" I joked. "Do you want me to go there and keep you company, is that it?"

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble for you…" Even though he was acting like someone introverted and insecure, I knew better and I knew he was just playing his game. Yet, it was cute to see him acting like this just to get my attention.

"Okay, baby, I'll be there in fifteen minutes." I ended up saying.

"I'll be waiting."

We both hung up and I lifted my eyes, just to meet my cousin's curious gaze fixed on me. I smiled, blinking and put the phone down. "Apparently, I'm not going to the movies, guys. Sorry." Then, as Rikku was still staring at me, I asked her, "What?"

"Do you have a secret boyfriend, Yunie?"

"What? No! I mean… Rikku, I don't… I don't know what you're talking about… I just…" I stammered, feeling my cheeks burning.

"You do! You have a boyfriend!" Rikku exclaimed, jumping excitedly. "For how long? What's he like? Wait! Do I know him? Who is he? And why do you keep it a secret? And—"

"Rikku, if I was Yuna, I wouldn't tell you anything either." Paine stated, interrupting my Al Bhed cousin. "Have you noticed how inconvenient you're being?"

"Well, you never tell me anything, anyway." Rikku said, looking at Paine; then she looked at me again. "Am I being inconvenient, Yunie?" She asked, a little sad.

"Well, Riks…"

"Yes, you are." Paine reiterated firmly, shutting down the computer and standing up. "And now leave your cousin alone and let's go to the movies. She's got plans. If she'll want she'll tell you about them later."

"Okay…" Rikku agreed, pouting a little. "Bye, Yunie."

"Have fun." I smiled guiltily, as my friends left the room.

As soon as they were completely gone, I picked up my purse, gathered the cell phone and the car keys, which were on the desk, and put on my black boots to match the black skirt. Taking a look at the mirror, I finally left the room, ran down the stairs and out of the house.

About fifteen minutes later, just like I had promised, I was in front of Shuyin's apartment, ringing the bell. Tidus opened the door with a huge smile. "Hello, beautiful!"

I smiled too, throwing my arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. We hadn't been able to be alone for the past week, because there was always someone else with us, or because we were always too busy, and I had missed being with him like this — I had missed his kisses, his hands on the small of my back, his voice whispering in my ear…

"I've missed you, you know?" I giggled when I heard his words. He took a step back and looked me in the eye with a small smile, "What?"

"Nothing… I was just thinking the same… how much I've missed being with you." Tidus' smile broadened and he released me from his embrace, holding my hand and leading me inside. "Are you sure Shuyin won't come back anytime soon?" I asked, looking around.

"Yeah, he went to work. He won't be here until nine o'clock or so… Don't worry, Yuna, he won't catch us."

"Yeah, well… I certainly hope not." I paused. "Today, Rikku found out I have a boyfriend. She doesn't suspect it's you… yet." I added.

Tidus was silent for a moment. "Why do we…. I mean, we could… Do you wanna tell them?"

I looked at him, surprised. "Do you?"

He shrugged. "I don't know… Sometimes I think… I don't know." He repeated, running a hand through his blonde locks.

I walked towards him and put my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest — I always loved to do that. "Let's not think about that right now, okay? We can talk later if you want, but for now, let's just be like this…" I said in a whisper.

He didn't reply but I felt his arms encircling me and I sighed. Time was against us, I knew it. Sooner or later, people would begin getting suspicious of us; sooner or later, Auron would decide it was time for Tidus to return to Zanarkand… But for now, we could just be there, in the arms of each other, without thinking any further…

After a long moment, I looked up to meet Tidus' gaze. He bent down his head and gave me a sweet, soft kiss. I pulled him closer to me and deepened the kiss, turning it into a passionate one. Our tongues battled for awhile, before we had to break out for air.

"Now I know you missed me…" Tidus joked, taking a step forward and making me move back until I tumbled onto the couch. He fell on top of me, putting his hands above my head so he wouldn't crush me with his weight and stopping mere inches away from my awaiting lips.

"Meanie…" I whined when he didn't kiss me, pouting.

He chuckled. "Now you sounded just like Rikku."

"And from whom do you think I'm learning?" I asked ironically.

He laughed again and then kissed me, tangling one of his hands in my hair and placing the other one on my leg. I was almost lying on the couch and his body pressed against mine was making me forget about everything but him. His warm fingers began running up my thigh, climbing higher and higher underneath the skirt I was wearing. My own fingers took a life of their own and I began to unbutton his shirt, taking in the pleasurable vision of his tanned chest. He kissed me again — his kisses were long, hot and wet and I was beginning to lose my breath again. His shirt fell to the ground. He smiled at me and touched my cheek with the back of his hand, before lowering it and placing it on my chest, over the sweater.

I closed my eyes. This was so good; I had missed it so much… Feeling wanted, desired, loved… Feeling the warmth of another body pressed to mine, yearning for mine… Yet, somewhere in the back of my head, something was telling me this wasn't right. Something was telling me we were moving too fast. That maybe we would regret it later.

I didn't want to listen to that voice in my head. I wanted to remain there, being loved by Tidus. I wanted to forget about everything except for that moment. I knew the only one who could ever complete me was right there in front of me and I didn't want him to go away ever again. But I knew I had to obey my conscience, I knew I had to stop this before it was too late and we would both make a huge mistake. I knew it.

If I could at least forget how to think and care about nothing else. Just follow my basic instincts and do the crazy thinks that I never do…

"Tidus, stop." I shut my eyes and placed my hands on his chest, pushing away softly. "Please, I don't want to…"

He looked at me questioningly, but at least he didn't insist. Instead he stood up straight, and sat next to me on the couch. I was looking down, avoiding his gaze.

"Did I… did I do something wrong?" He ended up asking, looking at his hands on his lap.

I shook my head. "It's not your fault! You didn't do anything wrong, Tidus!"

"Then why…?" He trailed off, not finishing the question. He didn't have though, I knew what he meant.

"It's just that… I think… we're moving too fast. I think I need some more time to… you know."

"I'm sorry." He said quietly, meeting my gaze.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing, Tidus… I… I wanted it too but then… I think it's still too soon. I mean, I… I don't know. I'm sorry, I'm very confused right now."

I put my head on his shoulder and he pulled me closer to him, softly kissing my hair. "It's okay, Yunie. I'm confused too."

"Can you just hold me close for a while?" I asked him, cuddling up close and closing my eyes. Suddenly I was feeling really tired.

"Sure, my love." He said soothingly, running his fingers through my hair until I finally fell asleep.

-----XX-----

I woke up alone in a dark room. Blinking to adjust my eyes to the obscurity around me, I sat up and realized I was in Shuyin's room, lying on his bed. Someone had taken off my boots and had covered my cold body with a warm blanket. Pushing it aside I got out of bed and tiptoed my way until I reached the doorknob. Opening the door silently, I looked out, only to be greeted by the sight of Tidus and Shuyin sitting on the couch and talking calmly. As if sensing my presence, Tidus looked over his shoulder and our eyes met.

Following his gaze, Shuyin smiled at me. "Hey, Yuna. Did you sleep well? Come and sit here with us."

I walked in their direction, and they made room on the couch for me to sit between the two of them.

"Do you want to eat something, baby?" Tidus asked, resting his hand on my shoulder. I looked at him inquisitively. What had happened while I had been asleep? Had he told his brother about us? I really needed some answers. Apparently, he understood my gaze, for he smiled again and said, "Don't worry, Yuna, Shuyin already knows. He'll tell you everything while I go and make you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry, Tidus." I spoke for the first time since I had entered the room. "But I would appreciate a warm drink. I'm cold…"

"Okay, then. Is coffee alright? Shuyin hasn't bought tea yet…"

I nodded, smiling. "Coffee's perfect. So, Shu," I began, after Tidus left for the kitchen. "How did you know?"

Shuyin smile broadly. "Well, if you and Tidus really wanted to keep it a secret then you shouldn't have fallen asleep on my couch." He joked, a hint of amusement in his dark blue eyes as he saw me blushing. "I'm kidding, lil' sis. But seriously, someone would have found out sooner or later, Yuna."

"We were reckless." I admitted.

"It's not that, silly." Shuyin said. "It's just that you can't hide very well when you're together. You're always disappearing at the same time; you're always exchanging glances and smiling at each other; you find every single excuse to be together… It was not hard to realize that you two had made up. At least for me ― I've known since the beginning; since the night you and Tidus left on the same car only to return the morning after, together again. I just needed a confirmation."

"We are that readable, huh?" I asked with a smile, wondering why Shuyin hadn't said anything sooner, why he had let us believe we had a deep well kept secret.

"For those who know you well, you are."

I laughed. "Well, to tell you honestly, I'm not even sure if we were truly hiding our feelings. I think that part of me wanted to keep it hidden so our friends wouldn't get too hopeful, but I think the other part of me wanted to shout to the heavens how happy your brother makes me."

"I heard that." Tidus said, coming back into the room and handing me a cup of coffee.

I smiled at him and leaned back on the couch, taking in the scent of the hot coffee. "I hope you know it's true."

"Okay, this is getting way too mushy for me, lover birds." Shuyin said as a joke, pretending he was going to be sick.

"Please, Shu, we haven't even started the kissing and hugging yet." I replied in a fake serious tone, making both Shuyin and Tidus laugh.

We stayed there for another half an hour, just talking and having a great time, like we used to do so long ago. The boys told me that when Shuyin had arrived home earlier and had found us asleep on the couch he had woken up his brother and then they had decided to let me rest a little longer, laying me on Shuyin's bed and covering me with a blanket. After that, they had had dinner and Tidus had told Shuyin all about us, even though there were many things Shuyin already knew. The rest I knew, for I had woken up then.

Being there with them reminded me how it used to be before Tidus had left for Zanarkand. The place was different, we were all different people than what we used to be back then, but somehow it felt exactly the same. Comfortable, pleasant, safe… The difference was that this time I knew better than to wish things to remain the same forever. Because I knew there was no such thing as forever.

"Whatcha thinking?" Tidus asked, touching my arm gently.

I looked at him and smiled sadly. "Just remembering the old days… and thinking how much everything's changed…"

Tidus placed his arm around me and pulled me to him, giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Some things haven't changed."

"Yeah." Shuyin continued. "Like the fact that he still drools over you every single day."

"I don't drool!" Tidus pouted; then he ended up saying, looking tenderly at me, "Well, maybe a little…"

-----XX-----

"I can't believe Shuyin knew it from the beginning and he didn't say anything." I told Tidus the next day. We had planned to go out for a walk on the beach but the pouring rain had confined us to a café, where we were drinking hot chocolate and eating vanilla biscuits.

"Yeah, well, Shuyin is just… full of surprises." Tidus said. "He told me he hadn't said anything because he didn't want to put any pressure on us. I guess he just wanted to watch us and laugh to himself."

I laughed and then said, "I think your brother was very wise. If he had told us something, we'd probably get all freaked up. At least I think I would. I wasn't ready to tell anything to anyone back then."

"Yeah…" Tidus paused, looking at the chocolate swirling in his cup. Then he spoke again, changing the subject. "What about Rikku? Did she bug you because of that boyfriend story?"

"Well, when I got home she was already asleep. Apparently, she and Paine didn't come to an agreement about what film to watch and so they went to the mall, where they found Gippal flirting with some girls. As you can imagine, Rikku was not exactly happy. She had an outburst and started yelling at him in front of everyone. According to Paine, it wasn't pretty."

"I can imagine." Tidus said, scratching the back of his head. "Gippal and Rikku aren't a very easy couple, are they?"

I shook my head. "No they're not. But they like each other… very much. If only they could see beyond that stubbornness of them…"

"Like we did?" Tidus asked with a smirk.

"Like we did." I agreed, holding his hand in mine. Then, after a moment, I began, "Listen, about yesterday, I―"

"We don't have to talk about that, Yuna." Tidus interrupted me.

"I know… But I want to explain. I mean, I want you to know how I feel." I stopped for a moment, gathering my thoughts. "First of all, I want you to know that I love you. And I wanted to be with you yesterday, I really wanted to. But I got scared; I was afraid that I might regret it later. Last time we were in a relationship, I gave everything of me and I ended up with nothing." Tidus was going to speak, but I stopped him with a wave. "Let me finish this, please. We both got hurt, last time. That was why I wanted to take it easy this time. Apparently that's hard ― we know each other too well, we love each other too much. But still, there are things we can slow down… and this is one of those things. I'm sorry, and I hope you understand my point of view."

"I understand… kind of." Tidus responded. "I love you too, and I can wait if you want. I've waited two years to be with you again. I think I can wait a little longer."

"Thanks for understanding. And thanks for respecting me."

He nodded seriously, his blonde locks falling over his azure eyes and I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. We were okay.

We were leaving the café when someone called my name. For a moment I thought it would be one of our friends who had seen us and would discover the truth about our relationship, but looking over my shoulder I realized the person who was calling me was Leon, a boy I had met in my first year of college.

"Hey, Leon, how've you been?" I greeted, taking a few steps in this direction.

"Fine. How 'bout you?" He asked, looking at me. "Prettier each passing day, I see."

"Don't be silly." I giggled. Then I looked at Tidus who had remained on the same spot. "Tidus, this is Leon, a friend of mine."

"Nice to meet ya." Tidus said seriously, outstretching his hand.

"Of course you dismiss any introductions: Tidus, star player of the Zanarkand Abes." Leon said with a smirk, taking Tidus' hand and shaking it.

"That's me." For the first time I didn't see Tidus beaming with pride when saying those words. He was actually quite silent.

Leon kept smirking as he turned to me again. "Yuna, it's always a pleasure to meet you in any circumstances, but I must leave you now. But we must meet some other time, maybe for a date, who knows?"

I blushed. "I don't think that would be such a god idea, Leon. But thanks anyway." I said lowly.

He shrugged. "That's too bad, I'd like to see more of you. But it's okay, after all it's kinda hard to compete with a star. Later, guys."

He waved one last time before entering the café.

Being alone again, Tidus and I started walking down the street, to where the car was parked. Tidus suddenly asked. "So, this Leon guy… How well do you know him?"

I glanced at him, but he wasn't looking at me. We had reached the car and we both climbed in — Tidus was driving this time. I put my seatbelt on before answering. "I don't know him that well, actually… I just met him last year, when I went to college. He was a senior and he kinda help me out with the papers."

"Did you two date?"

"Why are you asking this, Tidus? It's not important…"

"Maybe it is for me." He answered gravely, clenching his fists around the steering-wheel.

"C'mon, baby, are you jealous of Leon? He's just someone I know, I can't even call him a friend, actually." I touched his arm, smiling and trying to dismiss the subject.

"Well, you two seemed kinda… intimate. And he seemed pretty into you…" He responded dryly. "You dated him, didn't you?"

I sighed. "I went out with him a couple of times, yes. He seemed a nice guy, and I was trying to rebuild my life after you… But then I realized he wasn't exactly the kind of person I thought he was and… and I couldn't stop thinking of you."

Tidus glanced at me, a small smile forming on his lips. "Really?"

"What do you think, silly?" I threw my hands in the air. "Even after two years you're still all I think about! You're the only one I care about, don't you know it already?"

He shrugged. "I guess I just like to hear you say it."

I playfully slapped his arm and then shook my head in defeat. "What am I gonna do with you?"

"Take me home and take good care of me?" He asked jokingly.

"I was actually thinking of throwing you off the nearest bridge…"

He laughed and I grinned, just listening to him — I had always loved his laughter. And I was also glad that he had already forgotten about Leon… or so I thought. "But I admit I'm a little jealous." Tidus said after he had fallen serious again. "The idea of… of you dating other guys… I don't know, it makes me kinda mad…"

"Well, I certainly don't like the idea of you being with other girls in Zanarkand either." I responded bitterly, before I could contain myself.

Tidus glanced at me and for a long moment none of us spoke. Then his hand reached mine and he took it to his lips, kissing it softly. "You're the only one I've ever loved."

"So were you." I whispered back. Then I added, "But that doesn't change what we've done in the past, Tidus. Or who we've been with… Bringing these things up isn't the right option — it only hurts us even more…"

"Yeah, I know." He paused. "But I can't stop feeling jealous of that guy! And any others who might've—" He stopped abruptly. "Sorry. Let's just not talk about this again, okay?"

I nodded and rested my hand on his knee, a small smile playing on my lips. I couldn't help feeling a little happy for his reaction — knowing that he was jealous of me was comforting in some way; it made me feel that he was afraid of losing me, that he wanted me to himself and to no one else. And even though I didn't like being controlled or bossed around by any guy, I actually didn't mind knowing Tidus wanted me to be his. I wanted to be his, as I wanted him to be mine, too.

"I love you." I whispered, looking at him. We had stopped at a red light and he turned to face me.

"I love you." He answered back, leaning in and kissing me.

-----XX-----

When I got home, later that day, Rikku was sitting at the kitchen table, looking blankly ahead. The cup of coffee she was holding in her hands was probably freezing cold by now. I called her from the kitchen's entrance, but she didn't respond; she didn't even blink.

"Rikku." I called again, sitting by her side and resting my hand on her shoulder. She snapped around, looking extremely startled. "Sorry, sweetie, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Oh, it's you, Yunie." She sighed. "Sorry, I was just… thinking…"

"Of Gippal?" I said tentatively.

"No!" She answered quickly; too quickly. "Yeah, okay, I was thinking of him." She ended up admitting after a few seconds of silence, twirling the spoon inside the cup.

"It's not a weakness to think of the one you love, you know?" I asked her with a small smile.

"But I don't love Gippal!" Rikku said firmly.

Or maybe you're trying to convince yourself that you don't love him, I said to myself. But I was smart enough not to say it to my cousin. "You may not love him, but you have strong feelings for him, don't you, Riks? He still messes up with you."

"I don't know why, Yunie." She whined, looking at me.

"Well, maybe you're not supposed to know why, maybe you're just supposed to feel it." I said. "What makes Gippal so different from all the other guys you've dated before?"

She took her time before answering. "Well, he's always been there for me, since we were five or six years old. And he's always pushed me around and picked on me, yet he knows when to be quiet and supportive. And he knows me — I don't have to pretend around him. Never."

I smiled. My little cousin was in love… and she had no idea! She and Gippal had been made for each other and they were the only ones too blind to see it. They shouldn't be fighting or arguing, they should be making up and making out somewhere… anywhere.

"Why did you two argue anyway?" I asked, realizing Rikku hadn't told me the reason of the argument this time.

She turned red and looked down at her cup, pushing it aside and murmuring something I was unable to understand.

"What?" I asked again.

"Because of sex." She said louder, keeping her eyes downcast and her cheeks burning.

"Because of sex?" I repeated, trying not to smile. "Why?"

She risked a glance at me. When she saw I wasn't laughing or making fun of her, she looked up, facing me. "Because… because I'm a virgin. And Gippal's a ladies man. And we two don't match."

I blink, trying to understand her theory. "What happened?" I finally asked, realizing I couldn't follow my cousin's logic.

"Well, we were making out in his room — you know he lives with Baralai and Nooj, but it's actually quite simple to find some time alone in that house; it's like they're always gone off to do something and we're always left alone, except of course when Nooj takes LeBlanc there and then we all know that there's no rest for us until we leave the house. Maybe she's just shy and she likes to have the house just for them or—"

"Rikku!" I called her. "Can you get to the point?"

"Yeah, right. Sorry." She smiled sheepishly. "I'm just a little nervous and you know I talk a lot when I'm nervous. But, okay, getting to the point… We were all alone in his room, making out, and things became… more intense, ya know? When I noticed, he was on top of me and he was starting to unzip my pants!" My cousin said that last sentence with a shocked expression.

"And?" I asked, knowing almost for sure what had happened next — Rikku had panicked, she had started yelling at him, he hadn't realized what she was talking about and they had both started arguing. "Did you tell him you weren't ready to take that step in the relationship?"

"No… I was too embarrassed to tell him I hadn't been with anyone yet." She said lowly, drooping her head again.

"What?" I was utterly surprised that my cousin had rather argued with her boyfriend than tell him she was still a virgin, just because she was embarrassed. Yet, I knew that was exactly the kind of things Rikku used to do — doing crazy things without thinking, protecting herself from a serious and heartfelt relationship… That was why she had never had a serious boyfriend; that was why she had never been with anyone for long. Because as soon as she realized things were getting too serious she jumped off the boat — that way she would never get hurt. The problem was, I think, she was already hurting because of Gippal.

I held one of her hands above the table, catching her attention and making her look at me.

"Rikku, you don't have to be ashamed of who you are. Just because you've never slept with a guy, it doesn't mean you're… You're not different from anyone else. It makes you even special, because with all the boyfriends you've already had, you're still waiting for the right person to come. Do you know how important that is?"

"But… I don't know, Yunie. Gippal is…" She trailed off.

"Yes, Gippal is everything you're thinking." I said with a smile, putting a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yet, he's been with you for the last months and he's been quite faithful and loyal to you. I haven't seen Gippal flirting with anyone else since you two started dating, and now when you argued, he was all worried about you. It makes me think that maybe the 'ladies man' thinks you're different from all the others too."

"You think?" She asked me, a glimpse of hope in her green swirls.

I nodded. "I do. But you two must be honest with each other. You must talk about what you feel. He's not in your mind, he doesn't know what you're thinking, you have to tell him. You'll see things will get easier after that."

"You're right, I should go talk to him right now!" She exclaimed.

I looked at my wrist watch. It read 11p.m. "Well, Rikku, maybe you can wait until tomorrow. Gippal's not going anywhere and I seriously doubt your father would like you to go out so late."

"Yeah, you're right…" She said, bending her head. Then she lifted her head again and faced me. "Do you really think Gippal will understand?"

"I have no idea." I answered honestly. Her smile faded and she looked so disappointed I felt the need to say something more. "But you're the one who said he knows you. And if he really does, he will understand."

Rikku hugged me. "Thank you, Yunie."

-----XX-----

I should really try to sleep. I thought for the millionth time tat night. Ii was really late, the house had already fallen silent, I was lying on my bed, and yet I couldn't fall asleep. I had tossed and turned on the bed for the last couple of hours and now I was still, looking at the ceiling, my hands crossed over my stomach, my chest rising and falling with every breath. Being like this makes me wonder…

And so I wondered. I wondered how the conversation between Rikku and Gippal would go the next day — if they would talk about their problems and try to work them out, if they would finally admit they were in love, if they would develop a serious relationship… I wondered what had happened between Paine and Baralai to make them so bitter towards each other — I had been talking to her the day before and she had said things were 'not bad' between the two of them, meaning, they weren't good either; it was like they were on a thread and every little thing could make them explode on each other or could make them be peaceful again… I wondered why Lenne had stopped loving Shuyin — had she ever loved him in the first place? I believe she did, long ago when they were a real couple. But this last time, I don't think she was in love anymore; she's in love with her music, with her career, with her future, and Shuyin wasn't part of it… I wondered how Shuyin was dealing with everything — his father's death, his break-up with Lenne, my relationship with his brother… Of course, every time I start wondering, I always end up thinking of Tidus!, I said to myself with a smile.

Tidus. Star player of the Zanarkand Abes. My best friend. My love. My Tidus. He was everything I had ever dreamt of and he was mine again. But for how long? How long until he had to go back to his life? How long until he left me again? Why am I thinking about this again! I should be trying to enjoy every single minute with him, not wasting time trying to imagine his life after he leaves Besaid! But I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't stop trying to guess what he had done and what he would do in Zanarkand. He had told me "You're the only one I've ever loved", but still… I felt so insecure every time I thought of his life in Zanarkand. I didn't want him to go to Zanarkand again, I didn't want him to leave me again!

Suddenly, an idea hit me and I grabbed my black notebook, which was on the nightstand, opening it on the first blank page. Yesterday, I had been staring at that notebook and not even one word had come out. This night was different however. I felt inspired. So I picked a pen and started writing:

I know that you're hiding things, using gentle words to shelter me…

A/N: Okay, first of all, I just want to thank you all for your incredible support. I never expected this story to achieve 23 chapters and counting, over 200 pages, 150 reviews and a whole lot of wonderful readers. It's been a year since I uploaded the first chapter and I must say I'm overwhelmed with the outcome of this adventure. Thank you!