Epilogue

XX. She's Leaving Home (a request from a review...thanks)

Wednesday morning and five o'clock as the day begins
Silently closing her bedroom door
Leaving the note that she hoped would say more
She goes downstairs to the kitchen
Clutching her hankerchief
Quietly turning the backdoor key
Stepping outside she is free.
She (We gave her most of our lives)
Is leaving (Sacrificed most of our lives)
Home (We gave her everything money could buy)
She's leaving home after living alone
For so many years. Bye, bye.
Father smores as his wife gets into her dressing gown
Picks up the letter that's lying there
Standing alone at the top of stairs
She breaks down and cries to her husband
Daddy our baby's gone.
Why would she treat us so thoughtlessly
How could she do this to me.
She (We never thought of ourselves)
Is leaving (Never a thought for ourselves)
Home (We struggled hard all our lives to get by)
She's leaving home after living alone
For so many years. Bye, bye.
Friday morning at nine o'clock she is far away
Waiting to keep the appointment she made
Meeting a man from the motor trade.
She (What did we do that was wrong)
Is leaving (We didn't know it was wrong)
Home (Fun is the one thing that money can't buy)
Something inside that was always denied
For so many years. Bye, bye.
She's leaving home bye bye.

I sit next to Liberty in the front row, smoothing out my blue robe, then adjusting my gold honors sash. The speech I wrote sits in my lap, written in the journal Craig gave me, a journal I finally felt comfortable writing in again. I can't tell you when the comfort of writing in it came back, only that it happened in some moment and I'm glad it did. The hot auditorium lights shine on us. Emma is a few seats down, clutching her own senior president speech, and Liberty goes over hers, mouthing it. I'd pretty much memorized mine.

Instead of going over it, I glance towards the back. It was two weeks after the wedding. I see Dad, Chris, and Mom, then an empty chair. I take a deep breath, adjust my sash again, then look back at the same spot. Still empty. He said he'd be coming, that he'd make a special trip from the studio to here. I'd seen Ellie earlier that day, and she had chosen to sit with Caitlin, who was kind enough to offer her a job that summer at her station. It turned out that taking on extra work for the literary magazine was the real culprit of why Ellie lost the scholarship, but Seth had promised to take on most of the work so Ellie could focus better next year. Ellie would still have the opportunity to further her career with Caitlin's offer. I'm glad things were starting to work out for her.

And I'm also glad that two weeks later, I'd been on the phone with Craig every night and that it was working for us. So I didn't understand why he wasn't here yet.

Just then, I hear a voice carry over the murmurs in the audience. Craig is ambling up the aisle, sees me, then pretends not to see me.

"Has anyone seen the valedictorian?" he calls. "You know, my girlfriend."

I slouch in my seat, creasing my robe. But I still smile and look at him.

He taps a few people on the shoulder. "My girlfriend's valedictorian," he says, pointing to me.

"Hey!" I say, beaming. "You came."

"No more doubts," says Craig, pretending to look offended. "I just came to see how you're doing."

"Nerves," I say, holding out my hand, which had started to shake, more because of him than because of the speech.

"You'll do great," reassures Craig. kissing my cheek.

"Hopefully," I breathe.

I glance down at his hands. He has about ten graduation programs.

"How many programs do you have?" I ask, trying not to sound too pleased.

"Twelve," answers Craig, grinning. "I'm getting more for your mom."

"Please don't take anymore," I beg.

"It was your mom's idea!" defends Craig. "Okay, I'll get them after the ceremony."

"Promise?"

"Promise," says Craig, though it doesn't sound too convincing. "Your name's in here like a billion times."

I shrug. "Meh."

Other parents and families start to take their seats. I see Spike settle in between Caitlin and J.T.'s grandmother. Angie flips off her ipod, which is somehow now full of songs from Patrick's album. I don't think Joey knows, though.

"Well, before I leave, I just need to know something" says Craig. "It's a very serious question."

"Yeah?" I say, furrowing my brow.

"What's under the robe?" whispers Craig in my ear.

I give him a little shove and whisper: "Stop thinking with what's inside your pants, Manning. Your lamp-riding pants, that is."

"You're never going to let me forget that," says Craig, giving me a quick peck on the lips, which I wish could've last longer. "I got excited was all."

Ms. Hatzilakos approaches the podium and taps the microphone. The auditorium quiets. I think back to when Craig first tracked me down at the pep rally, and how we decided to meet. I didn't know if we'd be like we are now. I just knew I wanted him to stop hating me, to believe that I was doing the best thing for us when I left. It was the best thing for us, because now, look where we are.

The first twenty minutes go by fast, and Liberty's speech is actually very good, and her parents are pleased with it. I think even her dad had a misty eye. J.T. asks a girl for a tissue, and dots his eye. Emma's is also pretty nice, but standard. She thanks her parents. Snake sniffles, and beams at her, while Spike kisses Jack, sitting on her lip, on his cheek.

"And now, I am pleased to introduce the valedictorian for the Degrassi Class of 2007. She is an exemplary student, a young woman of exceptional promise and character, and she's bound for the elite Banting University, where she will concentrate on media studies. Ladies and gentleman, your valedictorian, Ashley Marie Kerwin,"says Ms. Hatzilakos, nodding at me.

There is a healthy round of applause, definitely healthier than I expected. I walk up the steps, praying not to trip, and stand behind the podium. I can see in the back, where Craig and Mom smile at one another and that lifts my spirits. Chris has a huge smile on his face, while Dad rings his hands in anticipation.

"Good morning students, faculty, staff, honored guests, friends and families," I begin. "It seems like this day would never come, yet here we are, the future right in front of us. Our teachers have prepared us, our families have nurtured us, our friends have supported us. We are more than ready for the challenges to come."

As I continue, I see how much everyone has changed. I remember when Toby was shorter, when Manny was less inhibited, when Emma was more vocal about her causes, when Jimmy couldn't live without playing basketball everyday. How have I changed? Honestly, I can't see it. I just feel it. I feel like I won't run when I'm afraid, and I will stand straighter and walk taller than before.

I see that I'm nearly done, and pause before the next part, then proceed.

"I have to thank my parents and Chris for their love and support, through every one of my so-called transformations. They understood that I had to find myself. Because of my friends, I learned to love myself. Because of someone special, I learned to love."

I look at Craig, and mouth his name. I swear I saw a tear fall down his face, but he'd never tell me if it did.

"Because of these things, I feel I'm ready and I now you all will be too. Let's face the future then. It's ours for the taking. As I leave home, I'm undeniably confident. Good luck to all of you."

The audience applauds, and I take my seat. The rest is done in a flash. Our caps fly into the air, we hug one another, cameras flash. It's all a memory, but it's a good one.

"We should go to the Haunted House first," argues Manny, taking the brochure from Toby.

Mom peers over Manny's shoulder. "Why not decide when you get there?"

Manny shrugs. She was auditioning for a teen comedy in California, and Toby had decided to fly out with her now before moving there permanently to pursue a degree at USC. All that talk about anime, and he was going to be an animator. Figures. If Manny got the job, she would relocate as well. Liberty was heading to Boston to study at Brown, and J.T. assured her that they could work long-distance while he produced the kiddie show he worked for. Call me crazy, but I think they'll be alright. Peter was also heading to film school, but in New York, and Emma signed up for the Peace Corps. She told me university could wait a year.

I lug a box to my room, then turn on the fan. Even in a tank top, I'm still sweating. Packing for Banting is annoying, but Craig is making it easier.

"Ugh," I moan, sitting on his lap.

"Maybe this is a sign that you should stay right here," says Craig, kissing my bare shoulder.

"Not go to Banting?" I say.

"Nah, you gotta go to Banting. But for now, just don't move."

I smooth out his curls. "I'm going to miss you."

Craig strokes my back. "No talk of missing. We still have two days before I have to leave for Vancouver. And there's such a thing as a phone. Banting's closer to Vancouver. I checked."

"Aww, you checked," I say, playfully pouting.

"So what if I did?" says Craig.

I stand up, but Craig protests. "Hey, where are you going?" he asks.

Sifting through my papers, I find my journal and hand it to him.

"I can read it?" says Craig.

"Just page twenty-seven," I answer, pointing to the bookmark that saved the page.

Craig cracks it open, starts reading, and I can see his eyes light up. He looks at me and I shrug, not sure what to say.

"May 22, Joey and Caitlin's wedding day," he reads aloud. "Today, I danced with a total stranger. But the stranger's touch felt like his body was made for mine, the stranger's eyes can read me right through, the stranger's voice knew all the things to say. Then I looked up again and I saw him standing there. I hope he'd say the same, that he saw me standing there, and that was all that mattered. In seconds, we weren't strangers anymore. We were what the other needed and wanted. We should've known it at first glance, but sometimes you're afraid to see it. Not the case now. We're an us and no one can take it away."

I take the journal back from him, and hug it to my chest.

"Did you like it?" I ask.

"I didn't like it," says Craig with a straight face.

I bite my lip, then looked down. Craig raises my head to his.

"I love it," he says.

We start kissing, and I hope my mom doesn't come in. The sun does though, streaming through the window. It's welcome to come. It shines on us, like I've been waiting for it too.

Thanks for all your reviews. They kept me writing. And this is my first completed fan fic...ever! Keep the CrAsh faith alive. I'll be starting another one soon, and look forward to reading other CrAsh stories on the site.