Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I do not own the places. I don't own anything related to FFVIII, all I own is the plot.
- Chapter fourteen: Wantings -
Irvine watched the girl next to him from the corner of his eye. He hid his face in his hands for a single moment. He had to make a decision. Would he wait for Rinoa to make up her mind or would he take matters into his own hands? All he could seem to do was sigh heavily, over and over again.
Selphie bit her lip and then, after hesitating slightly, she placed her hand on his.
"Irvine? Are you alright?"
He sighed again, not giving an answer, not reacting to her touch. She bit her lip again. Clingy as he had been before, he was now turning away from her somehow. She felt that, in a way, he was losing interest in her.
"Irvine...want to do something tonight?"
He looked up at her.
"You know, like see a movie or something."
He took her hand and gave her a smile. "That sounds nice...How about we rent one and watch it at home. Much nicer if it's just the two of us instead of a theater filled with strangers."
She smiled broadly. "Wonderful! Shall I go and rent one? I'll make sure it's not too mushy."
She leaned in and pecked his cheek. Then she stood up, slowly turning away from him. She was happy. Tonight everything would turn out to be great. She longed to have his full attention again. He seemed so distant lately and perhaps a quiet romantic evening would change that again. She missed the old flirty Irvine, she admitted to herself.
She turned back. "...Irvine? What about...watching it in my room...? I could cook and...well...What do you think?"
"Sounds perfect, Sefie. I'll be there."
Selphie smiled broadly once more and walked away slowly, happy about what laid ahead. Irvine watched her until she was out of sight and then stared up at the ceiling. Why was he so confused? Rinoa seemed to have a hold on him and he wasn't able to shake it off.
He stood up briskly and walked towards the infirmary with determination. There was only one thing for him to do. He would go and tell her that it was over.
He needed to get loose, to get away from her. He needed to be himself again and most of all, he wanted to make Selphie happy. Happy that he was her boyfriend and that they were together.
He would tell Rinoa that he belonged to Selphie. Tonight he would devote himself to her and the only way he could do that was by cutting himself off from Rinoa for good.
Kadowaki wasn't surpsrised to see him, but still followed him with a watchful eye. Irvine ignored her stare and walked straight towards Rinoa's door. She looked up when the door slid open and she greeted him happily.
"Irvine! I'm so glad you came back! I made up my mind and I needed to tell you."
Irvine didn't mirror her smile. "So have I and I need to tell you first. I made up my mind for good, Rinoa. I'm not going to be there for you after today. I belong with Selphie and she doesn't deserve me sneaking around behind her back with anyone. She loves me, Rinoa, and I care for her so much. I don't want to lose her."
Rinoa stared at him. "You tell me that now? It took you long enough to figure out, didn't it"
"Don't be like that. You wanted what we had just as much as I did but you had to pay the price. You lost Squall and I just can't do the same. I can't give up Selphie."
"But I want to be with you! I wanted to tell you that and now you do this? We can be happy together!"
Irvine let out an agrivated sigh. "You say that now but I never know what to expect from you. Sometimes I feel you've got two different personalities...you change your mind more suddenly than a lightning bolt hits the earth and I can't keep up. I'm sorry, Rinoa. But this time it's really over."
"You can't do this!"
She jumped up and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him down into a hug. Her shoulders were shaking and Irvine felt one of her tears stick to his cheek.
"Rinoa..."
He was cut off as she pressed her lips to his. For a moment he answered it, unable to pull himself away from her. But he finally managed to push her away.
"No." He said firmly. "It's over."
She crumpled to the floor, shaking and crying.
"Tears can't make me change my mind. I am serious." He said.
"I know...but so was I. Go then. Go to her and forget about me. In the end, everyone does. No one visits me anymore. But you should go. Goodbye Irvine."
Irvine turned away. He felt guilty, but it had to stop somewhere and this was it. He had said what he had needed to say, there was nothing he could about it now. She had managed to change his mind before, but not today, not anymore. Without saying another word he left.
"Wait just one more second, I'm almost done!"
Irvine put his hands in his pockets and waited for Selphie to open the door.
"Coming!"
Slowly the door opened. Selphie's head popped around the corner and then she made room for him to enter. The room was dark as he stepped inside. She had lit some small candles scattered across the room.
"Selphie...I, er...well, you've done this place up really nice."
She blushed. "Thanks. I thought it would add something, you know."
Irvine sat down on her bed and watched her scurry around with plates and cuttlery.
"I made something simple, so don't expect a fancy dinner. Would you like to eat first or watch the film? Like I promissed, it's not sappy."
Irvine patted the space next to him. "Sit down first. You don't have to be so tense."
She sat down and pulled the edge of her skirt towards her knees as it crept up a bit.
"I'm not tense..." she said. "I just...want us both to enjoy this evening."
He pulled her close to him and hugged her tightly. "We will...But only if you relax. It's not like you have to be nervous about anything. We're just going to watch a movie."
He climbed onto his knees behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. He began to massage her shoulders and neck slowly and she leaned her head back, letting out a content sigh. Suddenly she turned around and kissed him. When she pulled back he looked at her surprised.
"...Where did that come from?" he asked softly, ignoring that she was looking extremely embarressed.
She didn't answer but just looked at him. Her somewhat fearful eyes seemed to ask him something, but he wasn't sure what. She slowly raised her hand to his cheek.
"...Selphie..."
She averted her eyes for a moment but then looked at him with a fire he hadn't seen in her before.
"Do you still love me?" she asked suddenly.
He seemed taken aback by this question. He felt her hand on his cheek grow hot. This girl looked at him with such an enquiring look that it suddely hit him how vulnerable she was. And this was somehow so endearing that he couldn't do anything but smile.
"Yes. I do. Selphie, I count myself so lucky that you chose me to be with. That is a real big honour, even though you might not realise it and even though I'm not worth the faith you have in me."
She blushed again. When he talked like that he made her feel like a princess, a treasure.
"Well...uhm...I know that-" she began. "I know I've been very...keen on keeping a certain distance between us..."
Irvine looked at her curiously. He was wondering where she was going with this.
"I'm not sure-"
"Please hear me out. It's going to be difficult enough for me to say this."
Irvine nodded slowly.
"I feel like I've been...this is going to sound silly." She interrupted herself.
She let out a loud sigh and then looked him straight in the eye.
"I feel like I've been losing you somehow and I'm scared that I won't be able to fix it."
"Selphie, you're not losing me. I'm yours." He leaned in and kissed her.
Suddenly she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him so pationately that it took him a few seconds to realise what was happening. Slowly he felt himself being pushed down his back. He stopped Selphie, pushing her back slightly.
"Selphie, what are you doing?"
She blushed. "I- I want to show you that I love you...I want to let you love me the way you want to...I know you've been waiting for this a long time and I am thankful that you never pushed me."
He averted his eyes for a moment, remembering that one night he had nearly forced her to go to bed with him, and he felt disgusted with himself. He admired Selphie for not bringing it up.
Her fingers slowly went up to the zipper of her dress. She pulled it down and let her dress fall to the ground. Irvine didn't know what to say and just watched her. She was practically wearing nothing now, and she surpressed a shiver as goosbumps appeared on her skin.
Her finger now travelled to the zipper of his jeans and, dazed as he was, he helped to get it off by pulling at the legs. He saw that Selphie had her eyes closed as she slipped his shirt off his shoulders. He lifted her chin and her eyes fluttered open. The look in her eyes was one of insecurity.
"Selphie, is this what you want?"
She tried to look away but he strenghtened his hold in her chin so she had to look at him.
"Is this what you want?" he asked again.
"...Yes..." she whispered softly. "I do want this. I want you."
He smiled and leaned in to give her a soft kiss. "Thank you, Selphie. You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that."
He pulled her in an embrace. She felt safe in his arms and closed her eyes as she felt how he unclasped the back of her bra. He slipped the straps off her shoulders.
She let out a soft gasp and folded her arms across her chest as if to protect herself. Irvine took her hands and slowly pulled them away so she couldn't hide behind them anymore.
"You don't have to be scared, Selphie. I won't hurt you."
She nodded and let her arms hang beside her, trembling slightly. He traced his fingers down the side of her hip and stopped for a second when he reached the fabric of her underwear. He looked at her for a moment to get reassurance.
She nodded and took in a small breath as she felt the fabric slither down her legs.
"You are so beautiful." He whispered.
She allowed him to push her down on the bed tenderly the way she had done to him before. He kissed her again.
"You're really sure? You can still say no."
"Irvine..." her voice trembled slightly. "...I don't want to say no."
"Doctor, I think you should have a look at this...the patient in room three gave me this letter through the gap underneath the door."
Kadowaki took the letter absentmindedly, placing it on top of a small pile of paperwork. The nurse fumbled with her hands nervously and coughed.
"Excuse me, doctor. I think you should look at it now."
"Alright..." she said tiredly, picking up the piece of paper again.
"You might say you feel sorry for our little bird. Sorry that she will remain locked up forever." She read slowly.
She looked up.
"What bird?" she asked. "What bird...wait, room three you said? That's Rinoa's room..."
"Yes ma'am..."
Kadowaki read the rest of the letter with a worried frown. "...that she will remain locked up forever. But is this really so wrong? She flew into that cage out of her own free will. She flew in because she thought she would be safe there and she closed the door herself. I say she gets what's coming to her. She deserves to remain in that cage till the day she dies."
Kadowaki slammed the paper down on her desk.
"What are you still doing here! Go to her room! You left her unsupervised when you knew you shouldn't!"
The nurse backed out the door and hurried back to Rinoa's room. Kadowaki looked back at the note and rubbed her forehead. What did this mean? And what was the note all about? That bird...
A piercing scream came from the room she had just sent the nurse to. Kadowaki slammed through the door. The nurse was sitting on her knees, next to Rinoa's body. She was sprawled on the floor, her black hair scattered around her head.
When Kadowaki circled around the two of them, she saw that there was blood coming from her wrists. The young nurse was already busy trying to stop the bloodflow. Kadowaki leaned in and looked at Rinoa's face.
Pale as it was, there still was a hint of red in her cheeks and thankfully she still moved, moaning softly when the nurse tied a bandage around her left wrist.
"Make sure those bandages aren't too tight." Kadowaki said hastly before she left the room. "I need to find the Commander. Do you know where he is?"
The nurse shook her head, silently continuing her work.
"Right, I'll use the com-system. Stay with her. I'll be right back."