Lights and Shadows

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Disclaimer: FFVII and all its characters belong to Square Enix Co. Ltd, not me. Wow, if you haven't gotten this by now, you're a sad, sad individual.

Italics - mental conversations

' ' - thoughts

" " - normal conversation

Author's Note: This fic is obviously going to be slightly AU as the introduction of Crisis Core and Before Crisis. If anyone has information on Before Crisis please send it to me via e-mail. I would like to know more about the Turks so I can expand on them slightly. Admit without supporting characters stories wouldn't amount to much. .

Warning: Angsty Zack ahead.

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Chapter Six: I Won't Let You Go

Zack looked around the office space, feeling quite alone. Sephiroth had been sent back to Wutai earlier that morning. He stayed behind to handle things in Midgar, not that it required much handling in the first place. He sighed, why had Sephiroth acquired the less boring of the two jobs? It wasn't fair most of the time and the difference in their paychecks and benefits left a gap even if it was just a single rank difference.

Randsom peered inside, smiling, bringing in Zack's daily coffee. He had her trained well in knowing when he needed his coffee. Her occasional interludes were a welcome relief from the silence he had to grow accustomed to since Sephiroth had been transferred. He hated it, the drone of the computer and the shuffling of feet just outside the office, and the four walls staring down. He adorned human company and now it was nowhere to be found, be damned to Shinra and his workings of the company. No one really liked how he ran things anyway. They were paid to keep that a secret, though.

"How are you today, Mr. Donovan?" Randsom asked with that sickeningly sweet smile of hers.

"As fine as I can be, I suppose."

"You appear antsy, sir, if you don't mind me saying."

Zack nodded and decided he needed to walk off his hyperactive streak that had appeared in the last few minutes. "Randsom, hold all of my calls, I'm going for a walk and a little exercise."

"Certainly, Mr. Donovan." She smiled and walked outside after bowing very slightly.

Zack gave her his casual smile and walked out of the office. His steps were slightly downtrodden as he walked through the hallways. His hands were shoved into his pockets, looking at the ground. People tended to pay little mind to him as he passed by. Why had everything suddenly turned to isolation? He couldn't have been that unappealing. His hair alone should have brought him some attention, but it seemed everyone decided Zachary had lived on another existence plane and didn't deserve one ounce of attention or even so much a glance. He stopped and hid behind a corner overhearing Tseng talking to Scarlet. He learned from early on that Tseng was his ally. The man hadn't proven himself otherwise and he was curious as to why Scarlet decided to grace her presence on the floor for military management. As of late all of the high executives had been acting oddly towards him.

"I don't see what's so important about this secret project of Hojo's, but we have more important matters to worry about," Scarlet said with one hand on her hip.

"Like what?" Tseng had always been straight to the point so that he didn't waste time talking. He was a busy man.

"The fact AVALANCHE dares to rebel against us and attack. We'll send some SOLDIERs with you next time, quite possibly the new Lieutenant General. Hojo doesn't like him hanging around the general so Shinra is trying to separate them." Scarlet tucked her bangs behind her ear.

"Does Hojo have a motive behind this?"

"I'm not paid to know that!" Funny, she normally was the gossip queen in the building. She learned numerous things by working her way 'privately' to her man's convections.

Zack pressed himself against the wall feeling an ache wield up inside his heart. He absently grabbed his shirt above his heart. It was a crushing feeling, and he couldn't stand it. Sephiroth was the only one in the higher ups who would talk to him and not debate about his family's social status. He closed his eyes. Oh, how he hated Shinra. Everything was for the benefit of one no matter who was crushed in the process, including the Lieutenant General. To say the least it hurt. He didn't want to be taken away from his friend. He had been taken away from friends before when he left Gongaga, when he entered SOLDIER, and when he was promoted. So why did the thought of Sephiroth being taken away from him hurt so much. Of course he hurt him slightly when he had been separated from friends before, but this time it was crushing and his heart ached a hundred times more.

'I don't like this at all. So what if I spend time with the man? Hojo should be happy that he has a friend. Gaia knows he doesn't have many.' Zack thought to himself before walking off. If his mood could've been squashed that was one moment in his life when it was.

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For a while he found it hard to concentrate. He constantly thought about how he could remain close to Sephiroth without Shinra making a big fuss over it. Then, there was the problem with the recent attacks from the rebel group. Tseng had led the investigation and isolated the rebels to a collective group of slum dwellers. This had been going on for the four days Sephiroth resided in Wutai. There was no news, well, to him, anyway, of when he was to return. Knowing the way Shinra was acting he wouldn't be told until two months later, if that. He shifted through the papers Randsom placed on his desk; apparently they were new orders from higher chairmen.

Zack looked down at the papers in slight disgust. It appeared Hojo was going to get his way. He wondered how that greasy old man had privileges over everything; unless he was sexing up Shinra on the side. Zack vomited in his mouth at the thought and quickly changed to a different subject in his brain. He looked back at the paper currently in his hands.

'So they want me to send a troop, led by myself, to deal with the rebels? What are we? This is the Turks job. Shinra's definitely putting a lot on the line. If he sends a troop out it would get others to join the cause because they'll think the government doesn't trust them. All of this just for Hojo!' He sighed. 'They are definitely trying to keep me away from him. Sephiroth would never be sent out on such an asinine mission.'

He stood up and planted his hands firmly on the desktop. "I Zachary Donovan will not be thwarted so easily!" 'Plus, Seph's good friend, even if the man has a few quirks… He just has a tough time showing his love for me. Damn you, pretty boy!' He sat down in his chair. "But first I need some coffee before I take on anyone."

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Zack had never felt worse in his entire life. His soul was torn asunder and his heart constricted too uncomfortably in his chest. The mission had gone well and the rebels had been subdued for the moment, but at a cost. His friends from first class had been assigned to his troop. Sebastian and Essai had gone far back with him. They entered the SOLDIER program with him around the same time. They trained with one another and for a while shared the same bunker.

All was going according to the plan, when something went terribly wrong. The two of them were kidnapped and no one had a clue as to where they were taken. They searched for three days straight when they finally showed up, but what Zack saw were no longer his friends he grew to know and love, but monsters altered by the rebel scientist, Fuhito.

Their bodies had been transformed and they no longer remembered Zack or the company. They attacked mercilessly, killing several troopers in the process. Zack left obligated to save them from that existence that couldn't be called living. Only he could have rescued them so he ended their lives. They were already dead inside, but that didn't change the pain he was feeling at the moment. He wanted to cry, but he was male and he had taught himself that crying did little to help. He ran his hands up his forehead and weaved his fingers into his hair with his elbows propped on his desk. He couldn't get any work done like this. His emotional state was too distracting for anything productive to get done.

"I can't believe I had to kill them. There were like brothers to me and I, I-"

Tseng looked up from his position sitting on top of Sephiroth's desk. He had watched over him since the incident. As a Turk he was far used to these kinds of things. "If it is any consolation, it was bound to happen. Someone would have had to kill them. At least this way they died at the hands of someone who wanted them to be saved and not just dead." Zack nodded. At least he had that to rely on. "Maybe Sephiroth could help with this better. He has had more experience at hiding deaths and emotional trauma. He is coming back today later in the afternoon."

Zack looked up with a slight smile on his face. Anything to get his mind off of his gruesome accomplishment was welcomed. "Well, that helps, but it doesn't change the fact, that they are still dead. And I don't know what to do. You're right maybe he'll know what to do."

"You're close to him, aren't you?" Tseng asked with an eyebrow raised.

"I would like to think so since my promotion there haven't been a lot of people to talk to but him. I would like to call him a close friend, but I don't know if he'd say the same thing about me. I hope he would."

Tseng stifled a laugh. "I think it's more than that... Just do me a favor and treat him well. He doesn't let many near him and he wouldn't forgive you if you violated his trust and nor would I. He needs a good other half, like you."

"I'm not his fucking lover, Tseng!" Zack screamed, standing up and slightly irate.

Tseng snickered to himself, mentally, but outwardly maintained his calm demeanor. "Like I said take good care of him." He pushed himself off the desk and walked out the door.

"Fine! Walk away! But I am ONLY his friend, not his lover, asswipe!" Zack sometimes hated that man. Maybe because he was from Wutai or his annoying comments that he said so casually as if it were the truth and not 'Tseng's logic.'

"Time will tell!" Tseng yelled back.

"I have a girlfriend, asshole!" Zack sat back down. "Damn man needs to mind his own business." He shook his head. What possessed him to think that a Turk would be able to help him? Sephiroth's lover...? That was a laugh. True, Zack was a flirtatious man, but men weren't really an option as far as he was concerned.

He huffed and went back to his thoughts. Besides, Sephiroth could get anyone he desired so why should he even look to someone as annoying as himself or as incompatible. Why was he even thinking on this subject? He was a heterosexual male with straight convections…. Right? He felt uneasy with himself and his face conveyed that as he looked at the window with the buildings in the distance. The urge to cry had been replaced with confusion and disarray. When had he gone so off track?

He looked down to his intercom system and paged Randsom for coffee. She arrived not too long afterwards with the hot liquid. She said nothing to him, but only gave him an apologetic smile. He watched her as she retreated from the room. Right then he would have killed for the coffee to be something like liquor or vodka, whichever, it didn't matter. He wanted this position and he had earned it, but certain things were only growing in size with his problems. He had a friend, but now things were tearing them apart and now his older friends lie in some nameless grave with no flowers. Other SOLDIERs hated him because of his age and how quickly he had ascended to his rank. He sighed, picking up his coffee and walking over to the window. He sipped at it as he stared into the vast gray oblivion of Midgar. All he seemed to do as of late was make more enemies.

He hated this constant battle of trying to keep his happiness and being shot down. His parents, though they loved him, never really cared for what Zack wanted. They only wanted for the village mores thought men should do. He left Gongaga to carve out his own path in life. He joined Shin-Ra in hopes of having a lifestyle he'd always dreamt of. Now he had what he wanted, but to what cost?

He hated feeling this way, alone and melancholy. He often felt this way as a child and now he was revisiting it. While some masked their pain with cold shoulders, he masked it with his unbridled joy. The top of life was so lonely and there seemed to be no escape in sight. He swirled the brown liquid in his mug slightly and smiled slightly. He still had Aerith and Sephiroth. They were there even if one of them wouldn't treat him in the same way he did, it was someone to hold onto. He was human and he needed some human contact that would ground him with stability. Aerith would be there for the affection he craved and Sephiroth would be there so he could sort out his problems and to draw strength from. But others who looked down upon him wanted that stolen from him. Something that was that precious to his heart that it ached at the thought of its absence. He half smiled with a solemn look on his face.

He turned to stare at the empty desk in the office. It was so plain, but to him it was much more than where his superior conducted his job. It was where his friend would sit and appear as the statue of strength and pillar of absolute control. Sephiroth may have been a cold bastard, but he was determined. He admired that and often pulled from that. It helped ease his uneasiness whenever things were looking down in the office or when the meeting didn't quite go as planned. That thought alone allowed Zack to sit down and find a way to inspect the applications and inspect the SOLDIERs. Even if Sephiroth or Aerith wasn't there, they gave him his strength and determination.

Zack worked late into the evening, not paying attention to the time. Randsom and most of the people on the floor had retired for the night, but he couldn't bring himself to resign just yet. He was going to make sure that Sephiroth had nothing to yell at him for. He even went so far as to do Sephiroth's work for him. Both inboxes were nearly empty and it would only take a few mere minutes more until it was all done. Then, he could come in tomorrow later than normal. He would have earned the right to sleep in. He sighed midnight was approaching and he wanted it done now. He was filled with excitement as he picked up the last paper that needed filling out. He was filled with a glee that was sorely needed from early events of the day.

The door to the office creaked in protest as someone opened it. Zack looked up with weary, but happy eyes, his pen temporarily forgotten. The sound of black leather and steel toed boots echoed in the drone of silence. Silver hair flowed about the new intruder. The man's countenance never changed, but this time it seemed his swirling depths of green showed contentment in seeing the raven haired man before him, but that may have been Zack's overactive imagination. Zack looked up at Sephiroth with a half smile on his face and with eyes half closed. Sephiroth nodded and looked between the two desks before turning to Zack with an eyebrow raised. The unspoken question was written over his pale features.

"I got all the work done." He held up the paper in front of himself. "This is the last one of today... well now yesterday. So you can go home and not worry about anything until morning."

"That was above your call of duty, Zachary."

"Yes, but Randsom tells me that you stay here well into the AM hours at night and I thought after such a long trip that you could just go to bed. You wouldn't have done so unless the paperwork was done, so I did for you."

Sephiroth looked at him with his eyebrows ever so slightly furrowed. Any one wouldn't be able to pick up on this subtle thing, but Zack knew how to catch what little emotion he showed. This made Zack's smile grow and he completely forgot about his troubles for that moment. He had made his stoic general at a loss for words. He only made that face when he wasn't sure of something. It was a small victory on Zack's part. He looked down at the document before him and signed it at the bottom holding it out to Sephiroth.

"And now it is all finished. Welcome back home, Seph." Now, a slight frown accompanied his furrowed eyebrows. Zack laughed every so slightly. "No need to thank me just helping you out." Zack stood and went to leave, but was stopped when a firm hand gripped onto his shoulder. He looked over and found Sephiroth staring straight in front of himself and turned his head to look him in the eyes.

Now it was apparent of his furrowed brows and frown. To Zack he looked like a child unsure to tell their parents something that they didn't understand. "Zachary... I..."

Zack smiled and patted the man's back, noting the slight flinch as he didn't like being touched. "No need I understand. You're appreciative and you think that it is nonsense that I went and did something like that. Just face it, Seph, I am a good friend and you know it."

The corner of the elder man's lips curved upwards very slightly. He sighed as his shoulders relaxed, his eyes screamed uncertainty. "Yes, you are." He removed his hand from the man's shoulder and stood holding his elbows.

Zack smiled. "Now, go to your home, you look exhausted." He walked down the hall with slight joy. He definitely felt better now. 'I guess I need friends more than I realize.' He ran his hand through his hair.

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Sephiroth stood there for a long drawn out moment, not moving or saying a word. He was at a loss for them. Zachary had this way of treating him almost human. It was eerie to him and to say the least awkward. He hated it and yet he didn't mind it at the same time. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. Tseng was his friend, but never had Tseng done things to this caliber. Zachary had done his work for him, greeted him, went to find him when he didn't show up for work, and now he actually missed him. This boy was becoming harder to ignore every day. He would have to admit to himself that he made him feel human and wanted.

'I guess I have to call him a friend now...' His brows furrowed as he hated being confused about any subject. 'What does he have to gain from this?'

'Maybe he doesn't have anything to gain,' a voice echoed throughout his head. 'But of course no one cares about you, right?'

Sephiroth scuffed and started walking towards the parking lot. He really needed to get home before the voices in his head and Zachary started suffocating his thoughts. He sighed; then again, it was unnerving and relieving to know he had another friend, even if that friend annoyed the hell out of him at times.

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Well, they are started to feel feelings for one another, but the love thing might happen a little later for I am someone who thinks love takes time to occur. Please forgive . I am one to believe that friendship occurs before love and Sephiroth does have a hard time trusting anyone. Reviews would be greatly appreciated. I blame Zack's angst on Evanescence as I was listening to them when I wrote this.