Chapter one: Shadows
It was hot outside. Summer reached its climax and while the days got longer and longer and the nights short and shorter the sun burned hotter and hotter down to the now dry country. A light breeze came from the endless sea and the trees of the huge park rushed secretly. Here it was cooler. Just like in the small, but very exclusive shop at the edge of the park. Cars could be heard, but they were far away and not very loud.
Diamonds sparkled in all lights of the rainbow. Just like other jewels. Gold and silver shimmered brightly. The window was opened and some butterflies flew through the air.
"Mummermy!" babbled an excited voice and two tiny hands tried to catch the butterflies. But they only clapped with their wings and disappeared again.
"What do you think, little darling?" asked a low voice and another very expensive looking jewellery was hold into the air.
"Daddy." Shouted the little child in it's child's seat and laughed happily. It stretched its arms wide and big dark eyes looked excited up into loving dark green ones. "Daddy!"
"May I help you?" asked a young woman with long blue hairs and came over to them. Shortly she greeted another couple who came her every day to look at a special ring. It was too expensive for them, but the manager of the small jewellery shop knew that they saved a lot of their money to buy it one day. So she decided silently that she wouldn't sell it - only to the pretty couple.
"Nani?" The young man raised surprised his head. Blonde strands fell into a redden face and the young manager had to smile. Automatically the young man smiled back. And the baby laughed happily.
"Do you search something special?"
"Well..." The young man blushed even more and laid the ring he hold in his hands back on the glass. "I am not sure..."
Of course you are sure!
"A ring? Or ear rings? Or a necklace?" The young manager opened another drawer and more sparkling gold and silver, diamonds and rubies laid now on the glass. The baby laughed again and tried to grab for them. But the young man hold her back.
"They aren't for you, little darling." He whispered and cleared his throat.
He looks cute. A little bit nervous.
The manager's smile grew wider. Often she had such unsure customers. Mostly they were worried about their money and that they'd waste too much. But the young woman was used to that. She learned to be patient - and politely, whatever happened.
"I am indeed searching for a ring." The young man played with sunglasses in his hands and the first two buttons of his white shirt he wore over dark pants were opened. Surely it was too hot for him, too. The little baby, obviously a little girl, wore a white dress and tried to eat her right food. The young man laughed tenderly and gave her instead a little toy bunny she didn't seem to like. She simply threw it on the ground and he picked it automatically up. As if he had done that for a lot of times.
"It... I know that sounds crazy now, but..."
"It has to be something special." Answered the manager for him and laid some rings she liked personally the most right before him.
"Hai..."
"For someone special." She supposed and smiled again as he only nodded his head.
"Hai..."
For the most important person in my whole life.
"Is it a birthday present?" asked the young woman.
"No..."
Her birthday was two months ago.
"Maybe something that fits to the eyes of that person? Or simply a diamond? That fits to everything. To every clothes and to every hairstyle."
"Hm..." The young man looked very unsure.
Why am I so stupid now? I bought her a lot of jewellery before!
The young man sighed deeply and picked again the toy bunny up. The little girl laughed happily. Fluffy dark hairs covered the tiny head and she simply looked cute.
But you never bought such a special ring before... and you'll never buy it again...
"How's her name?" asked the manager suddenly, because she knew that it was better to talk to the customers when they felt uncomfortable. That was the best way to make them feel better - and to keep them in her shop and hopefully to sell them something.
"Huh?"
"Your daughter's name?"
For a moment green eyes looked at a still babbling baby with so much love that the manager sighed automatically. She wasn't married nor did she have any children. But suddenly she was sure - if she'd ever have children one day, she wanted such a daddy like he obviously was.
"Hotaru."
"That means little glow-worm, doesn't it?"
"Hai..."
Well, he doesn't like to speak a lot.
The little girl smiled happily as if she knew that they talked about her. Then she reached for a ring and before her daddy could react she grabbed it. Determinedly she hold it tight in her tiny hands and suddenly the young man was very busy to take it away.
"She takes everything in her mouth..." he explained and the baby looked suddenly very depressed and angry. Soon it started to scream and to cry.
"Mime!" It was only babbling, but her daddy knew what the little girl meant. That she wanted to keep it. That she liked it. That is was more interesting than her toy bunny.
"Hey, little darling, that's nothing for you!"
Finally the young man was able to get the ring and for some moments he stared at it. It was made out of white gold and hold a blue jewel there.
Just as blue as the sea.
The young man ignored his daughter's screams for some moments as he stared at the ring.
Just like her eyes...
"My daughter decided, we'll take this one." He finally said and handled the ring to the manager. The baby screamed even louder and her tiny fists were clenched. Tears streamed over a deep red face.
"Is it for you girlfriend?" she asked as she walked over to another counter to get the right package for it.
"Hai." suddenly the young man smiled proudly. Then he took his still crying daughter out of the child's seat and rocked her gently. "Hey, little darling, everything is fine. But the ring isn't for you. You're too young to wear it." He whispered and the manager had to giggle as she saw the confused expression on a still red face. The tears dried, then she smiled again. It looked like the sun was shinning after a long, heavy thunderstorm.
"It's for your mommy, Himme-chan."
At that point the baby laughed happily and grabbed for the white shirt to pull at it.
"Daddy!"
Only one single word but for the young man it meant everything.
"Do you want a signature in the ring?" asked the manager and looked up. And saw as the little girl stretched on the white shirt that the young man was a young woman.
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The door bell rang. For the fourth time. The girl cursed as she stumbled over her jacket on the ground. The hook was broken but she had been too busy this afternoon to fix it. First she was shopping with her best friends, then they learned for the important grammar test tomorrow and when the priestess wanted to invite them all for supper she suddenly remembered her promise.
"Hi, Haruka!" Makoto stumbled again, this time over her own feet and fell right into strong arms.
"Hey, Mako. Don't stress yourself." Laughed the blonde and helped her up. Shortly she stroke some strands of brown hairs out of a redden face. Then she turned around and took the child's seat in her arms. Hotaru smiled happily at her auntie and stretched her little arms towards her.
"Hello, Hotaru-chan." Whispered Makoto and leaned over the little girl to kiss her cheeks. The baby screamed in joy and tiny hands grabbed for a dirty apron. Dirtied with red sauce and some other food.
"Auntie!"
"Come in, Haruka." Makoto stepped aside and took her jacket and tossed it into her sleeping room. Quickly she closed the door again. The young car racer shouldn't seen the chaos. Although Makoto was very proud to live on her own at her age and although she knew how messed Haruka's own room would be without her Michiru she didn't want to admit so openly that it was sometimes all a little bit too much for her.
"Gomen, but it's not ready yet. We learned for grammar and then... I simply lost the feeling for the time and..." Makoto sighed deeply and went over to the kitchen. It was very hot inside. Not even the open window could bring a little bit cold into it. The oven was on and there stood some pots on the top. Steaming.
"Don't worry, Mako." Haruka smiled and put the child's seat on the table. Hotaru grabbed for a spoon with chocolate cream on and put it in her small mouth. "You saved my life." Haruka went over to the oven and tried to look into the pots. Her look was very curious.
"I saved Michiru's life. Wasn't that what you wanted to say?" answered Makoto and heard Haruka's giggle. The little girl chewed on the spoon and showed with an open grin her first tooth.
"Does she cry a lot at night?"
This smells so delicious.
Haruka looked around for a towel to protect her hands from the hot. But she didn't find one. Her stomach growled even more and she sighed slightly.
Michi-chan won't come home before eight in the evening.
"Haruka?"
It's not fair to behave this way. Once a year I have my formula one racing and she has her concerts.
"Haruka?"
I shouldn't complain so much. It'll soon be over.
"Haruka?"
Hopefully she won't be very late this day. Because today is special...
"Haruka?"
The blonde winced as she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. She turned around and looked into concerned brown eyes.
"Everything okay?" asked Makoto and frowned. It looked as if Haruka just returned from a very deep dream. But the senshi of thunder couldn't define if it had been a good dream or a terrible nightmare.
"Of course." Answered Haruka and turned again towards the pots. "And what are you making?"
"The dinner you wanted me to make." Makoto burst out into laughter as Haruka made a very confused face.
"When I said kangaroo it had been just a joke..."
The brown haired girl laughed even more and soon hold her stomach.
"Nice that I am such a clown." Sighed Haruka but she smiled, too.
"Good that you have your Michiru. She'll take your head when you forget it on the pillow, doesn't she?" still Makoto gasped for breath and wiped away some tears as the young car racer blushed slightly.
"Makoto! That's not..."
At that moment Hotaru decided that she got too less attention and started terribly to scream. Soon her face was red and tears ran over her cheeks. Her little fists were clenched.
"Hey, honey. What's up?" whispered Haruka and forgot her anger. With a quick, elegant motion she was with her daughter and took her carefully into her strong arms.
"Her teeth?" suggested Makoto and looked now a little bit helpless. Of course she was a good aunt and of course she already did baby sit small Hotaru, but every time the little girl started to scream she winced and didn't know what to do. Mostly Usagi helped her. She could too well remember how it had been when her younger had been a baby.
I have no sisters nor brothers.
Makoto swallowed hard as she saw how Haruka kissed softly those tears away. She rocked the little baby and hummed a melody. Surely she wasn't even aware of it.
I don't even have parents...
"No, her teeth are okay." Gently the blonde stroke through fluffy dark hairs. "May I use your bathroom?"
"Of course. You know where it is."
Haruka nodded and left the kitchen.
But I have good friends!
Makoto turned around and looked again into the pots and the oven before she followed the young car racer. She could hear the baby laughing and screaming out loud for her daddy.
The brown haired girl leaned against the door frame and watched Haruka how she changed nappies on top of the washing machine. An open back bag laid on the ground Makoto didn't notice first. Carefully Haruka powdered the small backside while she talked to the little girl. Hotaru laughed happily and tried to eat her right feet. Love was written all over her small face. The same love that laid in dark green eyes.
"Is it hard to be a daddy?" asked Makoto and again she looked into surprised eyes. As if Haruka returned from a far away land only she knew. She, her daughter and her girlfriend.
Sometimes I envy them.
Makoto remembered what they went through just one year ago. As senshi. As Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune. When they found out that they owned the talismans. That they had to sacrifice themselves. That they had to kill an always ill Hotaru they already loved.
And no one knew what the future held up for them.
But only sometimes.
"Is it hard to be a daddy?" repeated Makoto her questions and cleaned her dirty hands on her apron. She saw how Haruka glanced into a happy shinning face of her daughter and smiled automatically back.
The senshi of thunder swallowed hard as she saw all the deep feelings in dark green eyes. Too well she remembered a time when they had been insensible. Cold. Untouchable. When Sailor Uranus used her spells to kill an always ill, always hard breathing girl with shoulder long dark hairs. When the senshi of wind shouted at a crying Sailor Moon who only wanted to help. When the blonde simply took the weapon into her hands and shot right into her own heart.
Without ever showing any regret.
Not when her partner, Sailor Neptune, fell into the waterfall. Not when Sailor Moon's heart crystal was stolen. Not even when Dr. Tomoe tried desperately to save his daughter from Mistress nine.
The senshi of the wild wind had always been ready to sacrifice the ones she loved, herself and even innocent people as long as she could full fill her mission. That knowledge to be the only one who could save the world from Sailor Saturn, the senshi of death and final destruction, made her hard and unreachable.
But today, playing with a happy laughing girl and stroking tenderly over redden cheeks, she didn't look untouchable any longer. There was a soft smile on her face. Certainly she was still the strongest of all senshi. The wildest one. The most independent one. But today she used her powers to protect the ones she loved: her friends and her family. She wasn't faced any longer with the destruction of the world and slowly, very slowly she changed. Not only that she stopped to shout at Sailor Moon and to argue with Rei every time she met her. No, slowly, very slowly she became a good friend. One night when Ami missed her bus from the library and she didn't dare to go home through half of Tokyo Haruka fetched her up. In the middle of the night. Surely Haruka looked very sleepy but she didn't complain. Or another time when Usagi needed help and the other weren't around Haruka or Michiru were simply there. They didn't need a thank you. They didn't even want a nice word from Rei's grandfather as they donated him enough money to repair the temple's roof after a bad thunderstorm. They were simply there.
Usagi saved their lives and gave Hotaru-chan a second chance.
Makoto smiled as Haruka took the tiny feed in her hands and held it softly tight. Hotaru tried to free herself and made a depressive face as she realized that it wasn't so easy to escape her daddy.
After that very day when the small baby was placed in Sailor Neptune's arms they realized that they truly belonged to the Moon family.
I am happy that we're friends now.
"Nope." Haruka giggled and finally changed the nappy. It looked very professional. As if she did that a lot of times during the last months.
Not as hard as I had feared.
Haruka made a face as she threw the used nappy away. Then she dressed Hotaru again in her dark blue baby suit and tickled her. The little girl squeaked with pleasure. Her dark eyes were sinning.
My little sunshine.
The first time Haruka had been indeed afraid of having Hotaru at home. And even more when Michiru told her after only three days that she wanted to adopt the future senshi of death. Another outer senshi. Who belonged to them. By destiny and by the planets.
It took Haruka about two months until she realized that the little girl also belonged to them by love. It had been the first evening when she had been all alone with the baby of just three months. Michiru had an important interview and so the young car racer offered to baby sit in the meantime.
Haruka smiled over herself as she took the little girl again in her arms and rocked her gently. Hotaru used the chance to grab for her blonde strands and made a depressive face as she recognized that they weren't as long as her mommy's one.
I had been so scared to be a bad daddy.
But little Hotaru seemed to be happy with her. That evening she ate her mash and slept like a little angel in her arms while Haruka listened to soft violin music. The most favourite CD of her girlfriend.
At that evening when she watched the little girl sleeping Haruka fell in love for her. So it had finally been her who went into the office and shouted at different people that they didn't want to wait for six months to adopt the child.
"Sometimes it can be stressful and now she's getting her first teeth and cries the whole night because of the pain. But she's worth it." Suddenly Haruka had to grin and Hotaru grinned back the same wicked way. "And we have so many nice aunts that we can handle every situation."
Makoto only swallowed hard. Silently she watched Haruka carrying Hotaru over to the kitchen and automatically followed.
Will I ever be such a good mother?
Without noticing she sighed deeply.
Will I ever have such a lovely child?
Automatically she went over to the oven and tried to get one of the pots from it. The towel escaped her hands and because she didn't want to waste the food she grabbed for the hot metal. She bit hard on her teeth and stumbled some steps back. Unable to let go. Unable to think. Even unable to scream.
"Ouch!" Only a quiet curse escaped her lips. Tears burned in her eyes but still she didn't go.
"Makoto!" The next moment Haruka was by her side. Quickly she took the hot pot in her hands and took it to the oven again. Then she took Makoto's burning hand and forced her over the washbasin. To wet the red skin.
"Everything okay?" Haruka cursed under her breath. It was all her fault. She asked for the food and now the senshi of thunder was injured. Because of her!
"Makoto?"
Still the tall girl with the brown plaid didn't respond. She only sobbed quietly.
Everything okay?
Makoto blinked and tried to calm herself down.
Surely. As long as I don't remember how lonely this damn apartment can be...
"Makoto?"
"Everything alright, Haruka." She smiled bravely, still feeling the cold wet running over her fingers. "What day is today by the way? Michiru's birthday?"
"Nope." Answered Haruka and returned again to the table to Hotaru in her child's seat who tried to eat again her feet and smiled happily. "Today's six years ago that we got to know each other."
The senshi of the wild wind blushed slightly as brown eyes grew wide in surprise.
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It was almost dusk as she finally sat down at the table. It was already set and the meal smelled delicious. Haruka put it again into the oven just as Makoto told her to keep it warm. She hoped that she did everything right and that the meal Makoto made with so much effort wouldn't burn.
"Hey, honey. Aren't you hungry?" Haruka smiled as she saw how her daughter opened automatically her mouth and grabbed for the spoon. It was high time for her to feet little Hotaru. The girl got hungry while Makoto still cooked and all Haruka had with her had been an half empty bottle of milk.
Lively Hotaru kicked with her feet around in the air and laughed happily as the spoon finally made its way into her tiny mouth. She munched loudly and smiled satisfied with her now brown mouth up to her daddy.
"That tastes, doesn't it?" whispered Haruka and watched how the little girl ate another spoon. Again remembering how scared she had been when she first fed her daughter. The first two months it had been Michiru's task to do that. To stand up in the middle of the night. To change nappies. Even to wash Hotaru.
It must have been a hard time for her.
Haruka stirred for a long time in the mash until her impatient daughter remembered her that she was still hungry and that this mash was hers.
I've been such a baka.
But she had simply been afraid of losing Hotaru again. After she became Mistress nine and finally Sailor Saturn during the last battle. Ready to destroy the world. Ready to sacrifice herself. Ready to die.
It took Haruka those two months to realize that the small girl wouldn't transform into a dangerous enemy again. And that it was possible to raise her to a good senshi. Even if she was the future senshi of death. That didn't mean that she would be dangerous again. For none of them. Not as long as she wouldn't be again as lonely as she had been when Dr. Tomoe, her real father, had no time for her. When she was a small, abandoned child no one needed. No one wanted. An ill burden for everyone. Until she got to know Chibiusa. And later Haruka and Michiru.
"Chocolate is indeed your most favourite mash, isn't it?" asked Haruka and giggled as Hotaru nodded and grabbed again for the spoon. The girl was now almost one year old. A little, lively, happy girl. Who loved her parents and felt that she was loved in return. The same strong, deep way.
"But you shouldn't eat that quickly. That's not good for you."
Almost one year now that we raise her.
It had been quite a shock when the telephone woke them up in the middle of the night. To tell them that Dr. Tomoe had a tragic accident. That he died even before they could get him into hospital. That he left a small daughter behind. And that they, Haruka, Michiru and Setsuna had been the only friends the doctor ever mentioned. The only people who stood in his last will.
Another spoon went into a wide opened child's mouth and half of the food landed on a soft towel Haruka had wrapped around Hotaru's neck. It showed a smiling bunny with flowers in its paws.
Haruka would never forget how they went over to Dr. Tomoe's house to look after Hotaru. A little girl who was an orphan then. And who was crying terribly. Again the blonde saw how her girlfriend took the baby in her arms and rocked her gently. How she looked over to the other outer senshi and declared with a very, very quiet voice that the little child belonged to them.
"This is the last spoon." Giggled Haruka as the little girl grabbed again for the metal and put it into her mouth. She didn't look hungry any longer. Suddenly she looked very tired. The tall blonde replaced the towel and let Hotaru did her burp. But somehow she couldn't bring her upstairs to her cradle. Somehow she wanted to hold her tight.
She looks like a little angel.
Haruka smiled loving into tired dark eyes.
Although she can be a real devil.
It took them a lot sleepless nights after they brought baby Hotaru home. She didn't sleep well and each morning when she finally fell asleep they had to go to the race track or to different rehearsals. Until Michiru declared that she would watch over Hotaru until Haruka finished her Grand Prix. The same way Haruka watched now over Hotaru while Michiru was away with her expensive violin to practice hard and to give great concerts.
Michi-chan...
Haruka looked up to the set table. The candles were already burning and it all looked very romantic. Just the way her girlfriend liked it. And how the tall blonde liked it, too. Although less people knew that she could be that romantic.
Michi-chan...
Again she saw the thin girl playing an old violin. In a separate room where she hoped that no one would hear her. Discover that she simply took the violin to play. In such a loving way Haruka couldn't turn away. Again she felt the emotions overwhelming her. Emotions she thought she lost with her parent's death. But that thin girl with the pale face and the sad expression in her deep blue eyes touched her icy heart and with every single note she played the ice melt around it.
It's now six years...
Haruka had been fourteen when she first met her Michi-chan. A thirteen year old girl who looked even younger than ten. Who was very shy. Who never raised her voice. Who was calm in the classes. Who was friendly but never talked much.
It's now six years that she simply conquered my heart.
Haruka rocked a now sleeping Hotaru and reached with her free hand in her pocket. Thoughtful she opened the small box and stared for a long time on the ring her daughter had chosen. It sparkled in the dimmed candlelight in all colours of the rainbow.
What will she say?
Haruka swallowed hard and felt how her stomach started to hurt. Not only of her hunger, but also of her nervousness. She feared not a lot in her life. She was a formula one car racer. She won the world's championship the last four times after another. She was Sailor Uranus, the strongest of all senshi. She fought hard against Mistress 9 and was even prepared to sacrifice herself. To shot at her heart to get the talisman out. To die for the rest of the world to live.
And if she'll say no?
The only thing she feared in the world was being left. Being rejected. Being all alone.
No one knew about that fear. Only her Michi-chan. A strong young woman who knew too well what Haruka was talking about.
Haruka blinked and put the box again in her pocket, not noticing how much her hands trembled.
She won't say no!
Again she remembered all the nice moments they shared the last years. Like she remembered the hell they went through. Together. Always being there for another.
We couldn't even hold our silly promise.
The tall blonde smiled a sad smile and stared for a long time in the shivering flame.
While they became aware who they are and what they had to do to save the world they promised each other not to care about the other one if anything happens to her during a fight. Only once Haruka hold that promise. Just once she regretted deeply. Nightmares were haunting her down and it was very hard for Michiru to calm her down. To convince her that she did the right thing. That it was more important to find the talismans than jumping after her into a waterfall.
Haruka shook her head and stroke carefully over fluffy dark hairs.
But it had been Michiru who broke the promise. When one youma tried to strangle Sailor Uranus she threw the heart crystal away and beat the youma to help her friend. They both would have died when Sailor Moon hadn't been around. But when they were finally at home Michiru simply embraced her Haruka and hold her tight. She cried as she told her that she wouldn't let her go. Not even for the world's sake.
Hotaru kissed her daughter's face and rose from the chair to take her daughter upstairs to her bed. To lay her down and to wait for her lover to come home.
It's the right decision to ask her.
Haruka smiled as she walked again into the kitchen and looked into the oven. It smelled even more delicious here and her stomach growled even louder. Haruka had never been sure in her decisions. She tried every sport when she was young. And of course she had been good in all sports she simply couldn't decide which one was the best sport for her. She tried to learn three languages at once because she couldn't decide until her aunt made the decision for her. And even as Sailor Uranus she hadn't been sure about the whole fights. If it was the right way to search the talismans with all consequences. To sacrifice innocent people. If it was truly necessary to kill Hotaru just to save the whole world. To kill Sailor Saturn so that she wouldn't be able to use her great powers to destroy the whole universe. But there had been no other way and so she followed this path as determined as she could.
Hai, she had never been sure about anything. Only one thing or better one person: Michiru. From the first moment she had seen her she had known that the thin girl with the sea green hair and the old violin in her small hands belonged to her. Forever. For all time. By destiny and by the desire of her heart.
It's right to ask her.
Haruka smiled and went over to the corridor. A tall clock was ringing and she sighed deeply.
Hope it won't be as late as it had been the last evenings.
She raised her head and as she looked at the dial she knew that her lover was already one hour too late.
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The moon shone on the waves below. With a steady sound they crashed on the beach. A light house stood near on a hill. There were some trees around and there was a swing on a big branch that looked old. It was moved by the nice wind. It was colder now at the night. Not as hot as it had been the whole day. Right in the middle of summer. Nature enjoyed the freshness and so some birds flew through the air to catch something to eat. They screamed. But their screams didn't disturb the calm atmosphere. They belonged here. To the sea.
A taxi stopped near the light house and a young woman stepped into the dimmed moonlight. There were no clouds on the wide sky. A slight breeze moved her long hairs and she shivered. But not of the cold wind. She had to yawn while she paid the driver.
"Arigato." She smiled as he bowed for her big tip. It was a long way from Tokyo city to here and she was grateful that she found someone who drove her home. She used to call her girlfriend up. But that had been before they became parents. Before a little girl would wake up by the ringing of the phone and scream terrifiedly around.
How late is it?
Michiru yawned again and put opened the front door. She simply dropped her keys on carpet, slipped out of her high heels and put her violin case carefully down. The violin was very, very old and very, very expensive. And the personal value was even higher.
How late is it?
Again she yawned and ran a hand through her sea green hairs. She only wore a white dress that didn't even reach her knees but the whole day she was hot in it. Just until they finished the rehearsal. Then she started to froze. Mostly because of her tiredness.
Past midnight...
She sighed slightly as she saw the dial of the big clock in the huge entrance hall. The moon was shinning through the giant windows and she smiled automatically as she saw her drawings hanging around at each free place on the walls.
Actually she wanted to go home earlier. But then they had trouble with the piano player who missed one note after another. And so they practised another hour. And another hour. Until it got dawn. And even later.
Wish Ruka could play with me. Just like the past years.
But she knew that this wasn't possible. The girls had to learn for school, Setsuna finally found a job at the library she didn't want to lose and Hotaru was still too young to come to the concerts, too. So they decided for another piano player who wasn't nearly as good as Haruka had been.
Michiru rubbed her tired eyes and froze as she smelled the food. Warm food. Delicious food. Food her girlfriend was surely not able to cook. Not alone.
Nani?
Michiru frowned as she entered the kitchen. She blinked twice while she bowed down and opened the oven.
"Lasagne?" she whispered. That was her most favourite meal. But Haruka had known that she had another rehearsal and that she mostly just looked into the fridge when she came home.
Why did she cook for me?
Michiru frowned even more as she took a pork and ate a mushroom. It tasted delicious.
Why did she let another one cook for me?
Because suddenly the senshi of the wide ocean was sure that someone helped her tomboy. Because the last time Haruka tired to cook something the poor chicken burned. At the end of the experiment it had been black and suddenly very tiny. And dry. And bitter. With an angry expression on her face Haruka had thrown it away and invited her girlfriend in one of the most expensive restaurants in whole Tokyo.
Michiru put the fork aside and walked over to the living room. Soft violin music and candlelight welcomed her. The senshi of the wide ocean forgot to yawn as she saw the set table. Their best dishes. Haruka even cared about the different spoons and the different glasses. There was a candle burning in the middle. It was almost burned down. And there was a big bunch of white roses.
"Nani...?" whispered Michiru and slowly stepped over to the table and touched the petals carefully.
Is today special?
Michiru bowed to smell at the white veils. At that moment realisations dropped through her tired mind and her blue eyes grew wide.
No! It can't be!
She rose with a quick motion and looked over to another clock. Shortly she looked at the date and knew that she really forgot their special day.
Six years now...
Michiru swallowed hard and looked again at the set table, smelled again the delicious meal. Heard again the romantic violin music she loved so much.
She tried to make it special. And I wasn't around...
Tears sparkled in her blue eyes as she turned away from the set table. She froze in motion as she saw the two shadows laying on the soft couch near the huge window. Haruka wore her white tuxedo she only wore when there was a really, really important event. Normally she hated such clothes and tried to bypass them as often as she could. Just the way she would never wear skirts or dresses. Hotaru laid in her strong arms. She wore her night pyjama and had her tiny hands grabbed around Haruka's right thumb. A peaceful expression laid on the child's face. Just like the smile that laid on Haruka's lips.
Oh no... she waited the whole evening...
Now the tears ran freely over her suddenly pale cheeks. She sobbed and lowered her head. To cover her face with her icy hands.
And I wasn't there...
"Michi?" The voice was full of sleep. She sobbed even harder and didn't dare to look up. She heard how her lover rose from the couch but still she tried to hide her face behind her hands.
"Michi?" Now the voice was full of concern. She felt how warm hands put hers away and then she looked into deep green eyes. They were full of understanding and love.
"Hey, what's up, darling?" asked Haruka and bowed to look directly into the wet face. "Were they mean to you? Do I have to punish your conductor in the name of Uranus?" The teasing voice was softly. There was no indictment in it. No anger. Not even the slightest tone of disappointment.
"Today was... was our day and..." sobbed Michiru and choked. She shook her head and sea green strands fell over her shoulders. "... and I simply forgot it!" Now she cried openly and let herself being taken into strong arms. Into a warm, loving embracement.
"Don't worry, Michi-chan." Whispered Haruka and rocked her gently. It hurt her to see her lover crying. "We can eat the Lasagne tomorrow. Makoto told me that it's not the problem as long as you heat it up and not I." She giggled and sighed slightly as the crying even increased.
"But... but I ruined the whole... whole evening..."
Haruka hold her tighter and stroke calming over her back.
"No, you didn't darling. You had an important rehearsal and I didn't tell you that I planned something."
"But it had been OUR day, Ruka! And I... I forgot it!" Shortly Michiru looked up and her cheeks were wet from all the tears. Then she buried her burning face again at the warm shoulder.
"It's okay, Michi-chan." Haruka kissed her hairs and smiled sadly. "This year I forgot you nineteenth birthday as well. Can you remember?"
Of course they both could remember. Just two months ago had been the last important race for Haruka to win this year's Grand Prix of Japan and she had been so busy and a little bit nervous that she forgot everything. In the morning her house keys. At noon half of her lunch. And in the evening her girlfriend's birthday.
"I didn't even have a birthday present for you." She whispered and was relieved as Michiru giggled slightly.
"But I had a good birthday present." Now she raised her head again and embraced her lover in return. To hold her tight. Determinedly tight. "You."
Haruka blushed slightly and grinned.
"Yeah, great present. I fell asleep right after we..." her sentence was cut off by a tender kiss. Haruka hold her Michiru tighter and repeated the kiss with all her passion. With all her love.
"Don't blame yourself, Ruka. It had been a hard day and as long as you don't fall asleep before..." Michiru giggled and kissed her again. "And it's always nice to see you exhausted." She giggled again and Haruka was very relieved to hear the high, tender sound.
"Hey, that's unfair. I should feel sorry and not you!" whispered Michiru after another long kiss. Her tears dried as she realized that her lover wasn't angry with her.
"Let's bring our Himme-chan to bed." Declared Haruka and let her very, very slowly go. Then she blew out the still burning candle and took her daughter tenderly in her arms. The baby slept deep and tight.
"Was she calm?" asked Michiru and followed her upstairs. "Did she sleep the whole time?"
"Our little devil?" Haruka laughed a low laugh Michiru loved so much to hear. "She had again her tooth pain shortly after I brought her to bed. But I guess she's simply tired now." Carefully she laid the little girl down and gave her a kiss on the round cheeks. Michiru kneeled down next to her and covered the tiny body with a soft blanket and kissed her daughter, too.
The next moment she found herself again in Haruka's embracement.
I'll never let her go.
Haruka simply kissed her girlfriend and her hand stroke tenderly the skin under the summer dress. The kiss lasted for a long time.
"Himme-chan's in bed now." Giggled Michiru and opened Haruka's shirt. The tall girl gasped for breath as she felt those soft hand son her skin. "And now?"
A wicked grin appeared on the tall blonde's face as she lifted her Michiru and carried her over to their bedroom.
"Now you'll get your present." Whispered Haruka and her dark green eyes sparkled.
Michiru only kissed her as they fell down on the soft bed.
When the concerts are over.
Haruka sighed deeply as she opened the lowest drawer of her wardrobe. Carefully she placed the tiny box between the sockets and covered it with a handkerchief. So that Michiru wouldn't hopefully find it before Haruka was ready to show it to her.
Last night would have been perfect.
But she knew that Michiru wouldn't find any clear thought as long as there were the rehearsals and the important concerts as they were every summer. Just like every Christmas. The last time Michiru used to compose own songs and to be a good lover, mother and senshi. And a good fan whenever Haruka sat in her red Ferrari on the race track and beat them all.
There's no need to hurry up. I can ask her later. She won't run away.
Haruka smiled and closed the drawer. As she rose from her kneeling position she had to gasp hard for breath. Suddenly pain flashed through her belly and she hold it with both hands. She went again in her knees and groaned slightly. Sweat stood suddenly on her forehead and she bit on her lower lip not to cry out loud.
Then the pain was gone as fast as it came.
Nani?
Haruka took a deep breath to calm her excited body down and ran a trembling hand through her blonde strands.
Nani?
She frowned and groaned as she remembered that the next week was one of the weeks she hated each months. That remembered her why she wasn't so keen on being a woman.
Better I get up to clean the kitchen.
Haruka sighed deeply. She knew that it had no sense to complain about things she couldn't change. She just wished somehow that she wouldn't spend the next week by laying around, drinking hot tea and having hot towels around her aching belly. The tall blonde had always had problems with her period. The first time when she had it she almost fainted because of the pain. After she went to the doctor it got better. Especially with all the tips the doctor gave her. But somehow she had the feeling that it got worse with every year.
Michiru only giggled and told her that she was a coward.
Haruka smiled while she went downstairs, always taking two steps at once.
But the same time Michiru giggle over her she cared for her. Tenderly and understanding.
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"Kaioh-san? Just five more minutes!" shouted a young woman and hold her own instrument, a flute, high in the air. She smiled friendly and disappeared. Michiru could hear her shouting all over the corridor. Today it was her task to call all of the orchestra to come to the rehearsal. And they all knew that their conductor didn't like it to wait. Especially not for her. The first violin. The only one who would give a solo during the whole concert. A beneficial one for ill children.
"Just one moment..." answered Michiru and opened with suddenly trembling hands the letter. She found it in the mailbox when she left the light house by the sea early in the morning. She didn't know the handwriting. Not any longer. But she knew the sender too well.
Shortly she read the letter. Over and over again and again. Only a few lines. And a date.
"Kei..." whispered Michiru and swallowed hard. She put the letter down and stared at the ceiling. Suddenly tears shimmered in her deep blue eyes as she remembered old times. Far away times. Long forgotten times.
Forgotten? No, she never forgot him. The only light that was shinning in her dark childhood.
Until I got to know my Ruka...
But at that time he had already left her. Not voluntarily.
It had not been his mistake.
She sighed deeply and folded the letter very, very carefully. She shook her head and frowned while she put the small sheet of paper back into the envelope.
It had not been his fault. He had been young and not very careful.
Again she sighed deeply.
It could have happened to me, too. If I hadn't met Ruka. If she hadn't took so good care of me. If she hadn't noticed how much I suffered there.
Michiru took her violin in her trembling hands. She remembered the promise she once gave Kei and knew that she would hold it. She only hoped that Haruka would understand her. That she would share her opinion. That she would be as forgivable as Michiru was.
"Guess it's high time to tell her everything about your fantastic past, sweetheart." She whispered to herself. Her voice was sarcastic. Then she followed the others to take part at the rehearsal. Often she missed a note and more than once the conductor was angry with her.
But she simply couldn't concentrate. Suddenly she felt nervous and endless tired.
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"Daddy!" the little girl laughed happily and stretched her arms towards her daddy and then at the birds flying over the cloudless sky. Again it was a lovely summer day and again it was very hot. Haruka sweat a lot while she pushed the pram. Like her daughter she wore white colours. White cut pants that were slightly dirty and a white top that showed her female outlines. Sunglasses hold back her blonde strands from her sweaty forehead and she blinked into the sun's light.
Guess I have to go to the hairdresser the next time.
"Birds!" screamed Hotaru and laughed even louder. Her white dress was already covered with brown spots. Of her first chocolate ice cream she shared with her daddy. A cap covered her head to protect her from the sun and an umbrella was next to the pram to spend her nice cool shadow.
My little darling.
Haruka smiled proudly as some people walked by and pointed at the little girl in the pram. The tall blonde could hear words like "cute" and "proud mommy" and "small one". They made her even happier than she already was. Michiru only had a small, private rehearsal today and she should fetch her up from the opera in about an hour. So she decided to go for a walk in the near park and the nice weather and the bright sun cheered even up her already good mood.
"'usa!" now Hotaru tried to get out of her pram and Haruka was suddenly busy to hold her back. She looked up to see what got her daughter's attention as she saw the small girl running over to them.
"Taru-chan!" shouted Chibiusa and waved her hands. Her pink odangos danced over her shoulders and she hold her sun hat tight so that it wouldn't fly away. She laughed happily as the baby stretched her tiny arms. Love was all written over her tiny face.
"'usa!" screamed Hotaru again and made the happiest face Haruka could imagine.
"Hello, Haruka. May I hold her? Please! I'll be careful!" pleaded Chibiusa and her pink eyes looked so pleading and the dark ones of her daughter suddenly, too that Haruka couldn't resist. Carefully she pushed the pram towards a bank in the shadows of a huge tree and let Chibiusa sit down. Then she put her daughter out of the pram and laid her tenderly into soft arms.
"Hello, Chibiusa:" she greeted the small girl and had to grin as she saw that Chibiusa didn't even see her anymore. All she saw was the baby in her arms. Her best friend. Of course she didn't forget what she experienced in the last year. And somehow Haruka believed that Hotaru – alike how small she was – didn't forget her best friend, too.
"Taru-chan, you wouldn't believe what I've seen yesterday..." started Chibiusa to tell and Haruka knew that she was as openly as her mother. And that she could talk as much as Usagi.
"Are you thirsty?" asked Haruka as she saw the young man at the other side of the park who sold nice cokes. Suddenly she was very thirsty.
"A little bit." Answered Chibiusa who needed a little time to realize that Haruka was still around and that she wasn't all alone with the baby.
"Okay, watch carefully for Himme-chan. I'll get us something to drink."
"Of course I'll watch over her!" Chibiusa smiled and rocked the baby in her arms gently. Hotaru used the opportunity to pull on pink odangos. "Arigato, Haruka."
The tall blonde nodded and after one more minute she was sure that Chibiusa wouldn't hurt Hotaru. Indeed she had been the only one trying to protect the senshi of death. She even defended her the moment she almost died. It was deep friendship that evolved between the girls. And sometimes Haruka suggested that it had even been a little bit more.
Haruka searched in her pocket for some coins and counted them while walking quickly over the soft grass under her shoes. She only wore sandals and could feel the green plants tickling on her naked feet.
That should be enough...
The next moment she kneeled in the warm grass. Not knowing what happened. Darkness waited at the rim of her eyes and she felt suddenly very dizzy. At that moment her belly started again terribly to hurt. She lost her coins and they dropped between the grass. But she didn't care about them. She only hold her belly and counted till ten. Then she took a deep breath and groaned slightly.
I still have half a week!
She groaned again. Knowing that this month's period would be a little bit earlier than normal.
I don't deserve this!
Again she groaned and took another deep breath. The pain vanished slowly and she felt how her whole body trembled. Sweat covered her back under her white top that pasted even more to her female body now. Shortly she closed her eyes and counted again till ten. Then she searched her money and stood slowly up until she found it. To go even slower over to the guy and to buy two cokes.
It's simply too hot at the moment.
Deeply she sighed as she walked back to Chibiusa and her daughter. She didn't even want to think about the next week. When she had her women's problem and Michiru would be too busy to be around. To care for her.
She's right. Sometimes I am a coward.
Haruka grinned as she handled Chibiusa one of the cokes.
Guess that's why auntie Yuri always called me her little tomboy.
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A smile grew wide on her sleepy face as she felt how her girlfriend slipped under the thin blanket. It was in the middle of the night but still very hot.
"Gomen, darling. But it got again later than I thought." Whispered Michiru and giggled as she saw that her girlfriend didn't wear her pyjama. That she didn't wear anything at all.
"You don't have to apologise, Michi-chan." Answered Haruka and her voice was full with sleep. She turned around and gave her lover a tender kiss. "I am used to your summer concerts just like I am used to your Christmas concerts and you're used to my formula one races." She shrugged her shoulders and embraced her girlfriend. "They won't take forever."
"No..." answered Michiru and kissed her back. Embraced her in return. Hold her tight. She felt how Haruka leaned her head on her shoulder and yawned slightly. Slowly her body relaxed and Michiru knew that her lover already fell back into deep sleep.
Surely Himme-chan kept her awake the whole night.
Michiru stroke through blonde strands and hummed a sweet melody. It sounded like a lullaby.
"I love you, honey." She whispered and kissed carefully a warm cheek.
I'll tell her tomorrow.
"Whatever the future may bring, I love you. With all my heart." Michiru crept deeper in the pillows and followed her lover in a nice dream.
Hoping that Haruka would understand her. And accept Kei the way he was.
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Birds screamed loudly in the endless sky above. There were only a few white clouds. They looked like little sheep dancing with the wind. The sun shone down, heated up the sand. It was early in the morning but it was already very warm. And it promised to be another hot summer's day.
She jogged among the beach. A smile laid on her redden face, sweaty strands of her blonde hairs hang into her face. She hummed to the music in her ears. Headphones covered her ears.
This morning is wonderful.
Haruka changed the direction and now she ran through the flat water. She spreat her arms wide and laughed loudly. She loved such mornings. Sunday mornings. Peaceful mornings. Mornings Michiru could sleep at least once a week more than a couple of hours. In about two hours she would wake up and then there would Haruka already waiting for her. With breakfast: warm rolls, fresh coffee and delicious jam.
The music was happy in her ears and so was she. She loved summer. Then she could run the whole morning. It was earlier light outside and it wasn't cold and slippery. Then she could do her training outside and feel the wind playing with her body.
A bird dove from sky to the surface and caught a fish.
Haruka turned her head to watch it and suddenly gasped hard for breath. She opened her mouth but couldn't cry. Helplessly she searched for hold but all she did was to lose her headphones. The music sounded now strange as the headphones hit the wet sand.
Nani?
Haruka groaned slightly as the pain increased inside her belly. She hold it and went on her knees. Suddenly tears burned in her dark green eyes and she gasped again hard for breath.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
That mostly helped. To breathe regularly and not to let the pain take over her mind. Over her dizziness. Over her fear.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Haruka winced widely as another wave of pain flashed through her body. She didn't even care that she dirtied her white shirt as she hold her belly tighter with her dirty hands.
Nine.
Ten.
But this time it didn't help. The pain didn't disappear. Not as easily as it had the past times.
Nani?
She felt her whole body trembling again and cursed herself in silence. That wasn't her period and she knew it. She waited the whole week but nothing happened to her body. There was no blood in her pyjama pants in the mornings. This time her period was late instead of being too early.
What's now wrong?
Darkness came over her and she simply let go. She knew when there was no way to struggle against destiny. So she simply fell down to the ground, still holding her belly tight.
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The sun stood higher as she woke up again. The pain was gone, not the dizziness in her head. Not the weakness in her body.
How late is it?
She grabbed her walkman and sighed deeply. Surely it was already noon and Michiru was surely very concerned why she didn't come home.
What happened?
She didn't find an answer as she came again hard on her shaking feet. But she knew that she would visit the doctor as soon as possible.
Guess it had been too much stress the past weeks. With the Grand Prix and Michi-chan's concerts. And a crying Himme-chan getting her first teeth.
Haruka sighed deeply and hoped that her explanation was right.
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"Can you see it?"
The woman was thirty, maybe thirty five. She wore glasses and hold her brown hairs in a knot in her neck. She smiled friendly at her patient. But there was concern in those blue eyes, too.
"Hai." Haruka swallowed hard as she leaned over the table to follow her doctor's pencil over the x-ray. She hated hospitals and she felt uncomfortable. Today was Setsuna's day off and she begged her so long until the senshi of time agreed to baby sit small Hotaru. Michiru was at the opera and it would take the whole day until she'd come home. Enough time for Haruka to go to her doctor and to face destiny.
"This is a shadow." Explained the doctor in a pleasant, warm voice but suddenly Haruka had to shiver. The pencil danced again over the x-ray that showed her belly. "Can you see, it's only in this oviduct. The other one is still normal."
Haruka swallowed hard as she nodded.
"And that's the reason for the pain?" she asked quietly and folded her hands in her lap. They were suddenly ice cold.
"And that you left out your period this time. It hinders your period and because of the changes of your body it hurts now."
Haruka frowned, not knowing what those words meant. Really meant.
"And...?"
"We have to wait until we get the final results. If it's good-natured you'll only have your period once in two months and I guess it's going to be harder for you getting pregnant. But that's something we can handle, don't worry. I know a lot of women were only one oviduct works. And they're feeling fine and a lot of them have one or even more children." The woman smiled friendly but Haruka was still pale. She simply couldn't smile back.
"And if it's vicious?" she asked, her voice nothing more than a whisper.
The doctor raised her eyebrows and sighed deeply.
"Then we have to operate." She said in a very, very calming voice and patted friendly her patient's shoulder. "But don't worry. It's not such a bad operation. As long as it's only in your oviduct there's no danger for you."
Again she raised her eyebrows as she heard the sad, ironical laughter from the tall blonde.
"Did you read my file? All of it?" Haruka sighed deeply as the doctor nodded slowly. "Then you know that it's not that harmless at all."
For a while there was silence between them. Finally the doctor stood up to get some medicine from the cupboard.
"Don't worry. Surely it will be good-natured. We'll know it for sure in about two weeks." Again she patted Haruka's shoulder as if she wanted to tell her that it wasn't as bad as the young woman thought right now. "Here is some medicine to reduce the pain."
Haruka only nodded and watched the small bottles with an empty expression on her face.
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"This is what I call delicious." Michiru waved the fork full with spaghettis through the air and giggled as some spots of red sauce dirtied the white tablecloth. Then she put it into her mouth and drank another gulp of the champagne in the crystal glass. Haruka sat opposite her and only smiled at her. Watching her in silence. With her dark green eyes Michiru couldn't always read the expression. So she couldn't this time.
"I am terrible, neh?" but besides her confession Michiru smiled happily and giggled even more. Today weren't any rehearsals nor concerts. So they decided to celebrate their anniversary in one of the noblest restaurants Tokyo had. Setsuna and Makoto were so nice and offered them to baby sit little Hotaru so that they had the whole evening on their own without worrying too much if their daughter was fine.
"No, you're wonderful." Haruka's smile grew wider. Then she stood up with an elegant motion and bowed before her lover. "Madam, may I invite you to the next dance?" she asked and had to giggle as Michiru took her hand and nodded. She tried to keep seriously but she failed when her sea goddess stood up and gave her a loving kiss. She blushed slightly, still holding the hand. Guiding her towards the dance floor.
"You can always kidnap me for a good dance." Smiled Michiru and felt how Haruka guided her over the dance floor. Soon they lost in the dance. The orchestra was really good. They played one romantic song after another and they didn't miss one. After two or three dances Haruka simply took her Michiru in her arms and they rocked gently over the dance floor – ignoring the rules of the waltz. Only holding each other. Looking deep into one's others eyes. They didn't see the surprised faces of the other guests nor the knowing smiles from the waiter. They only saw each other. Time by time they shared a loving kiss, never ending the dance.
I could ask her right now.
Haruka looked into shinning blue eyes she loved so much.
I could ask her...
She pulled her Michi-chan closer and kissed her again. Heard Michiru's giggle. Felt her own smile in her redden face.
I'll ask her. As soon as I have the result.
"Love you." Whispered Haruka as another song started.
"Love you, too." Giggled Michiru and stroke through blonde strands to mess them up. Haruka only laughed with a low laughter.
Hopefully it's good-natured. I don't know what I shall do if it isn't.
Another kiss from her girlfriend let her forget her concerns for a small time. For this evening they continued to dance. Until the restaurant closed late in the night.
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"Honey? Everything alright?" Haruka's voice was concerned as she kneeled behind her girlfriend and hold her tight the other morning. Michiru just finished to throw up her dinner and swore slightly.
"Hai..." the senshi of the wide ocean took a deep breath and smiled tiredly. "Guess too much alcohol." She giggled and felt how her lover cleaned her face softly with a wet towel.
"Better I'll take you into bed." Haruka whispered and took the smaller woman in her arms. "Get some rest before you'll have your last concerts."
Michiru smiled tiredly and cuddled nearer to her lover's warm body.
"Just three more weeks, then it's over and then I'll have more time. I promise." She yawned and felt how Haruka brought her back into bed and covered her body with a soft blanket.
"I know." Haruka kissed her and Michiru was too tired to hear the sadness in her girlfriend's otherwise teasing voice. "I know."
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"Nani? What do you mean you have no time?" Startled blue eyes grew wide while Michiru grabbed her violin case. She was too late for her rehearsal and already heard the conductor's angry voice in her head.
"I told you two days ago that I have something else to do than baby sitting." Haruka's face was pale for some moments. Then it turned into a dark shade of red. She clenched her fists and stood like an angel of revenge in the door frame. Not willingly to let Michiru out.
"But the reh..."
"Your silly conductor called you up this morning for that bloody rehearsal! Why didn't you just say that you don't have the time!" Haruka now shouted at her and Michiru was even more startled. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen her girlfriend that angry. Well, not that angry at her.
"But it's important and..."
"Your daughter is also important!" shouted Haruka back and hold her back as Michiru simply wanted to open the door. "Not in that way, Michiru! You won't go now!"
Michiru swallowed hard. Haruka hardly called her by her real name. Normally she used nicknames. Only if she was really excited or really angry she called her Michiru.
"But I am already late and... maybe Setsuna or..."
"Setsuna has to work until eight in the evening and the others write an important French test tomorrow." Haruka took a deep breath, still holding the arm of her girlfriend.
"And what do you have so important to do?" now Michiru was angry, too. Why didn't Haruka tell her what she wanted to do? She thought that she wanted to visit the race team and there she could take Hotaru with her. As she had always done in the quiet meetings. Not at the race track.
To go to the doctor and face my destiny.
Haruka swallowed hard.
"That's not your business!" she growled angrily.
"Now I understand. You want to ride your silly motorbike." Michiru clenched her fingers around her violin case and shook her head. "I thought these times are over. You're a daddy now, Haruka, don't forget that. You're responsible now."
Hai, I am responsible. That's why I did all those bloody tests...
"And you're a mommy, Michiru. Don't forget that!" she whispered and now it was Michiru who was very pale and searched for words.
"But my music... you promised that... first your races and then... my concerts and..."
But I can't take Himme-chan to the hospital!
Haruka sighed deeply and raised her hand to stroke through sea green strands.
I don't want her to see me raging if it's vicious...
She leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend. The violin case dropped and Haruka felt how Michiru embraced her. Hold her determinedly tight. Repeated the kiss with all her deep feelings.
"I'll hurry up this time, honey. I promise." She whispered and ran her finger over now wet lips. Seeing and feeling the sad smile on her lover's face. "The next time I'll cancel, I promise."
Haruka sighed deeply. Knowing that she couldn't convince her girlfriend. Just like her girlfriend couldn't convince her to cancel a training day at the race track.
"Okay." She mumbled and kissed Michiru again. This time quickly. "Then hurry up, before you're the last one and your conductor is mad with you." She turned around and walked upstairs. To fetch her daughter. To get her ready for the visit in the hospital.
"Arigato, Ruka." She could hear her girlfriend whisper. Then the door closed and left her alone in total silence. Alone with her fears. Alone with her thoughts.
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Safe and secure she sat on her daddy's lap and laughed happily at the nice woman smiling friendly at her. She got a new toy, a little kitten, and she liked it a lot. That's why she threw it on the ground and giggled whenever her daddy bowed to pick it up.
"Your daughter?" asked the doctor and corrected her glasses. She looked very seriously. Too seriously for Haruka's stressed nerves.
"Hai." She responded and took a deep breath. Her belly hurt again although she knew that this wasn't the common pain she had felt a couple of times during the past two weeks.
"How old is she?"
"Almost one year."
"And how's her name?"
"Hotaru."
"Little glow worm. That's cute."
"Hai."
For a while they talked about the weather and how the traffic had been in the inner city. Until they both realized that they couldn't keep away from the truth. From the results. That it was time to look at them and to face destiny.
"Here're the lab's results." Said the doctor and her voice sounded strange even in her ears.
"And?"
The doctor rose her head. Her patient was very pale with a sudden and in dark green eyes the older woman knew that the tall blonde already knew the answer.
"It's vicious."
Vicious.
Haruka swallowed hard and hold her daughter automatically tighter in her arms.
"We have to operate quickly so that it won't attack the other organs. That we'll get it out before it can make more damage."
More damage?
Haruka swallowed hard and lowered her face to look into shinning dark eyes. Hotaru was too small, she didn't know what was happening around her.
"But..."
"Your illness? You'll get the best surgeon. He is the best on this domain. I've already informed him and he'll fly to Tokyo as soon as possible." The doctor stood up and Haruka felt again the soft hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, Tenô-san. He knows what he's doing."
Vicious...
Haruka swallowed hard, looking directly at her small daughter playing with her toy kitten.
Vicious...
Again she saw her sea goddess laughing at her. Teasing her around. Holding her tight. Kissing her. Loving her.
Vicious...
"That's what they promised my father, too. During my birth..." she took a deep breath and shook her head.
Vicious...
That's my death sentence...
Haruka hold Hotaru automatically tighter. Knowing that she wouldn't be able to hold the little girl forever. That she had to let her go. Sooner than she had feared.
"Twenty years passed since that day, Tenô-san. The medicine is better today. So are the doctors. Just trust us." She tried to calm her down but Haruka was too shocked to calm herself down. Anger glowed in her eyes as she finally raised her head again and looked directly into a smiling doctor's face. A doctor who didn't know what could happen with her bloody illness. A doctor who didn't see what she had seen her whole childhood. A doctor who didn't experienced how her father broke more with every day that passed with her mother being in coma. A doctor who didn't found him the other day after her final death – with cut pulse veins.
"How are the chances for normal people in that operation?" she asked and was surprised to hear her own voice. It wasn't shaking. Nor was it quiet. It was just extremely insensible.
"Ninety five percent."
Haruka nodded and played thoughtfully with her daughter's free hand. It was so wonderful warm. So wonderful lively.
"And with my illness?"
She could hear how the doctor took a deep breath.
"Twenty percent."
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Once there had been a time when she had been too afraid of washing a small child. Of changing nappies. Of taking care for it.
With the weeks and months she got used to it. No, she learned that it was part of being a daddy, too. And while Hotaru became more and more lively and played with her ducky and splashed her with water, tried to eat her feet and covered her head with a towel just to laugh in great pleasure when her daddy found her after long searching, Haruka started to love it.
"Here's your ducky."
But today was different. Because today was the last opportunity to be together with the small girl. A little child she had been afraid of ever hurting. Of ever disappointing. Of ever not taking the right care of.
Haruka swallowed hard as she closed the nappy and dressed a laughing Hotaru in her blue baby pyjama. The girl grabbed for her shirt and hold it determinedly tight. As if she would never wanted to let her go again.
Oh, Himme-chan...
Again the tall blonde swallowed hard and was near tears. Her eyes burned and her whole head ached. Just like her whole body trembled.
But there's no other decision to make.
Haruka took her daughter carefully in her arms. The girl was already full and would fall asleep the next minutes. The young woman hummed a sweet melody, because she knew she wouldn't be able to sing this evening.
I won't let you suffer. Never.
She sighed deeply and hold her daughter in her trembling arms. Little Hotaru yawned and settled into sleep. Still holding her daddy's shirt determinedly tight.
Haruka went over the corridor and opened a door she didn't open for a long time. For some moments she stood there in total silence and watched the empty room. With the big windows. The full moon was shinning through them and the soft carpet seemed to be an ocean of light.
Again she remembered her mother laying in the huge bed. Waiting for her wings. Again she heard her father telling her that she was an angel's child. Again she felt as excited as she had been then. That she couldn't wait any longer to get her own wings.
Papa looked sad at that day.
Haruka swallowed hard and rocked her sleeping daughter while watching the stars sparkling around the moon. Her father once told her that those were angels flying around. Watching the living. Guarding them. For all times.
Papa looked sad that day she flew away.
The tall blonde sobbed quietly and kissed her daughter's round cheeks.
But I don't want to fly away.
Hai, she had been excited to get angel's wings when she was a small child of five years. When they discovered that she had the same illness that killed her mother. Slowly, very slowly. But steady. In five endless, suffering years.
But now she didn't want them any longer.
"I don't want to be an angel." Whispered Haruka and her voice broke slightly. "I want to be a daddy and a wife. Can't you see that, mama and papa?" But she knew they couldn't. They couldn't help her, because they couldn't even help themselves.
Haruka sighed deeply and left the room. She went over to her daughter's room and laid the sleeping girl into the small bed. Hotaru didn't want to let go of her shirt and some tears ran down Haruka's cheeks as she loosened very, very carefully the tiny hand from the cloth. For a long time she watched the tiny face, saw the light smile. Felt again the love in her heart. The deep love for her family. Her daughter and her girlfriend. Felt it breaking under the knowledge that there was no other way out.
It's the only possible decision.
She sighed deeply, hearing again her father's words in her mind. The promise she gave him one day before he died. The promise she understood some years later – but not then.
A promise she knew she would keep for all circumstances, because neither Michiru nor Hotaru did deserve what her family went through.
They deserve better than that bloody hell.
"I love you, Himme-chan." Whispered Haruka and wiped away more tears running down her cheeks. "Whatever will happen, Himme-chan, I will always love you." The tall blonde leaned again over the baby and kissed her tenderly on the cheek. Kissed her good night. Kissed her good bye.
"I'll always watch over you, little honey."
It seemed to take all her powers to get up. To take her already packed bag. To go downstairs. To sit down on the staircase. To watch the still closed door.
And to wait.
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It was late after midnight as she heard how the key turned in the lock.
Hell, I am too late!
Michiru cursed herself silently while she tried to get all the things she carried in an order. Than she opened the door.
It's again after midnight. That conductor has no heart.
Haruka sighed deeply and rose in the darkness. Holding her back bag tight in her suddenly icy hands.
I can't do that!
Don't let other suffer, Haru-chan. Never let other suffer the much I let your mother suffer. Again she heard her father's low voice in her head and knew that she had to do that.
I can't let my Michi-chan suffer. That wouldn't be fair. Neither would it be fair for Himme-chan.
The lights were switched on and Haruka's shoulder fell down as she saw the big bunch of flowers her lover was carrying in her arms. Red roses. Haruka's favourite roses.
Michi-chan...
Haruka ran a trembling hand through her blonde strands.
Don't make it even harder than it is...
Michiru turned around after slipping her shoes and stumbled shocked back. She hadn't expected her lover standing on the staircase. In the dark.
Did she wait for me?
Suddenly the senshi of the wide ocean felt very guilty.
Did she wait the whole night? Again...?
"Gomen, darling. But the conductor wanted me to play an extra song and so it got later." Michiru smiled apologizing and hold the flowers up. "To make it up to you. And tomorrow we'll go to the cinema, okay? To the action movie you like so much to see. I already talked to Setsuna to baby sit Himme-chan, so that we can go out for supper afterwards." Michiru smiled innocently. A smile that normally made Haruka forget every anger. Every argument. Every indifference between them.
No! I am not allowed to let her suffer!
By the time Michiru wanted to embrace and to kiss her, Haruka slipped away in a quick motion and hold her bag tighter.
"I am going." She declared in a low voice and opened the door.
Michiru frowned as she saw the bag. And the normal clothes her girlfriend was wearing. Normally she took leather clothes to ride her motorbike.
I thought those times are over now.
"Where to?" Michiru frowned even more as her girlfriend didn't even turn around to smile at her with that wicked grin and to explain her that this was only a thing between her motorbike and herself.
"I don't know." Answered Haruka as always but the same time it was different. A lot different. Her voice was suddenly so insensible. Michiru felt how she felt suddenly very, very sick. The bunch of flowers shivered in her suddenly trembling hands and she felt cold.
Don't ask her!
But she knew she had to ask.
"When will you return?"
Then I can make breakfast and care for Himme-chan.
But somehow she couldn't say it aloud.
The bunch of roses fell on the soft carpet as Michiru heard her lover's next word. Determinedly spoken by a low, cold voice.
"Never."
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