Chapter updated as of 12/8/17. I added extra details and elaborated a bit more, but the plot has not changed at all. Please let me know what you think!
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Claire wondered the next morning if her improved mood was genuine or just part of a coping mechanism, but after remembering the misery she had allowed herself to wallow in the night before, she didn't care about the reason for her raised spirits. Surely part of it was because the rain had stopped and she slept very well the night before, having a deep and dreamless sleep, much to her relief. With a fresher and clearer mind she was able to realize that it was silly of her to avoid the whole town just because Gray lived there. Besides, maybe he wasn't a lost cause after all. Perhaps Mary was his cousin or a friend of the family. Claire nodded her head excitedly to this notion; maybe she did really still have a chance.
Exhilarated by her newfound confidence, she practically jumped out of bed. She stepped into her clothes and brushed out her hair as Koro played with her untied bootlaces. She scratched the dog's head absentmindedly. There was a lot she wanted to get done today, and farming was just the beginning of it all.
Claire grabbed her watering can and stepped outside into the fresh spring air, her puppy following her and sniffing along the ground happily for a few moments before he chased after a butterfly. She admired the sunlight gleaming off of the surface of her watering hole for a moment before filling up her watering can and heading out to her plots of turnips and potatoes. Claire was reminded once again of the simplistic beauty of the wildlife around her. The air was cleaner here than in the city, and she noticed for the first time that there was no din of traffic and crowds of people talking. As she poured the water on her plants, she got used to this new ambient sound – songbirds chirping at each other from the branches, the slowly moving river beside her house, and the clucking of the chickens on the farm to the north. If she listened closely enough, she could hear an occasional animal from the livestock farm to the east, and if she really strained her ears, she heard a rare clank of metal from the forge. Her heart leapt; she really didn't live that far from the where Gray worked, did she?
She saw some small white flowers on the top of one of her plants and she was filled with excitement, rushing to her empty barn to grab an old pitchfork she had found there a few days ago. The prongs were bent and the tool had seen better days, but it would certainly work better than attempting to dig with her gloved hands. She had read the description of the potato plants at the shop and knew that the flowers had heralded that some potatoes were finally ready. She clumsily raked the loose soil with the pitchfork, careful not to damage the small cluster of tubers and shoved them in her bag, eager to eat them later.
The potatoes were a welcome change; she was growing rather tired of flavorless bamboo shoots when she didn't own any seasonings. Preparing foraged food was much different than putting a cardboard tray in the microwave. It wasn't that she didn't know how to cook; in fact, she rather enjoyed it, and she looked at this new life as an opportunity to get back into practice. In an attempt to give the bamboo shoots more flavor, Claire had once tried adding mashed berries to them and immediately regretted it. Just remembering the incident caused her to gag. She smiled to herself. At least she would have a little more variety for dinner, as soon as she figured out how to cook them first. The young woman had partially solved her food problem –for the moment, anyway. What tomorrow brought was a completely different story, and she didn't want to think about that just yet.
She watered the remainder of her plants- a few plots of turnips that she had grown from seeds- and grabbed her basket, wandering up the mountain trail. She had never ventured too far up the inclined path, as she was often too winded to get very far and she didn't want to get lost. Claire looked around her and ripped at some bamboo shoots she saw with a sharp stone. The results weren't exactly pretty, as the bottoms of the shoots got shredded, but it was something to eat and something that sold for a little bit of pocket change. After harvesting a few, her hands began to feel a little sore, so she took a short break. She had quickly learned while living on her farm how important it was to prevent an injury. After all, if she hurt her hands, she wouldn't be able to search for food as easily.
She spied several other things growing in the green underbrush, but she decided to stick with what she knew. The last thing she wanted was to break out in a rash or cut her hands on an unseen thorn. Still, she looked at the greenery, briefly contemplating going against her instincts. If there was something in there that was edible… The young woman quickly shook her head and tugged at another bamboo shoot. She was a beginner and pretending not to be could cost her. An upset stomach or digestive issues were risks she wasn't willing to take. She already knew she probably shouldn't be eating so many raw bamboo shoots.
Claire's stomach twisted in anticipation as she stepped inside of the spring mines. This was where she usually picked up her scraps of ore for shipping, not to mention her gifts for Gray. She had never really considered mining as a profession before moving to Mineral Town, but after he mentioned that he regularly came here to pick up supplies for the smithy, she was willing to give it a try, especially after discovering an old hammer in her barn.
Claire swung the heavy tool, reminded once again that her previous desk job didn't prepare her much for this new lifestyle. The sound of the hammer crumbling away the rocks echoed through the cave, and Claire found herself coughing on the dust she raised. An old oil lantern had lit her way, but it was still quite dim, and she felt a chill run down her spine as she heard movement in the far corner of the cave. Surely she was hearing things, she thought with a wry smile. She gripped the wooden handle of her hammer.
Thump… thump… thump…
The young woman attempted to keep a rhythm to her swings to keep a momentum. She had tried singing songs in the past, but the thought that she might not be alone kept her from doing so. She took a quick break and wiped her forehead with a handkerchief from her pocket, catching her breath and moving her eyes up to the ceiling, half expecting to see glowing multitudes of bats' eyes watching her from above. With a sharp intake of air, she moved the lantern in front and above her, searching for the source of the sound.
Flap-flap… Flap…
Something was in the cave with her – that was for certain. She felt her pulse quicken as she picked up the pace, debating whether or not she should continue her work. It wasn't as if she had really found much other than cheap rocks, and she often didn't find much else. Claire ignored the sound and continued to work. If she found some sort of ore, she was certain that Gray would be pleased. The thought of his smiling face kept her going. After a long couple of hours, she had collected only a couple of small slivers of what looked like copper. Raw materials didn't sell for too much, anyway. Frustrated at letting herself waste so much time and overcome with exhaustion, she decided not to spend more energy and time on this particular project.
The farmer stepped outside of the dim cave, blinking her eyes as she adjusted to the change in light. The sun had risen to its rightful place in the sky, and its beams danced on top of the spring's water. A young woman stood at the edge of the small pond, staring at her reflection. Claire had normally snuck past her when exiting the caves, either too nervous to introduce herself or not wanting to bother her. The brunette whirled around and caught sight of Claire.
"Good morning!" Her voice was friendly, but it was a little louder than was necessary.
Claire hesitantly took a step near the girl, her heart sinking as she realized she was required to make an introduction. Her stomach churned with anxiety as she gave her a small wave, immediately flushing with embarrassment. The woman had already seen her; a wave wasn't exactly necessary, and it probably made her look awkward and childish. "G-good morning." She hoped she didn't look as sweaty and miserable as she felt. Her eyes quickly traveled to her feet; she was certain that she was sizing up Claire and trying to hold in her laughter at her lack of social skills.
"You must be the new farmer girl that everyone's been talking about." She played with a long strand of brown hair as her eyes curiously moved over her. "My name's Karen. My father runs the supermarket in town."
She nodded politely in response. "I-I'm Claire."
Her lips curled up into a smile, and she noticed they were covered in a pretty shade of pink lip gloss that she was certain she couldn't pull off herself. "It's nice to meet you, Claire. Have you had a proper tour of the town yet? I'd be happy to show you around." She said it in such a genuine, sincere way that Claire was taken by surprise.
Everything about the young woman, from the eccentric blonde streaks in the front of her hair to her strong voice to her stance, emanated confidence. She was immediately intimidated. Karen was beautiful, but in a much different way than Mary. Claire got the feeling she had men falling all over her everywhere she went. Claire really didn't want to walk through town next to such a confident, attractive woman; it would only make everyone realize how starkly plain and awkward Claire was by comparison.
"Oh, thank you very much, but I am quite busy right now." She forced a small smile on her face, shuffling her rucksack on her shoulders, as if to convince the both of them that she was indeed busy.
"Maybe tomorrow?" The woman's green eyes sparkled at her. Her tone of voice was friendly but it also had a commanding sound to it.
"Er-okay… Maybe." She was too afraid to say no; she had a feeling that no one turned down Karen's requests.
Without so much as a goodbye, Claire quickly walked back to her farm, her stomach in knots. She broke into a run as she entered her property, diving into her house and slamming the door. She had been toying with the idea of going into town today, but when she gave serious thought to it, it caused her to panic. She had the intention of introducing herself to a couple of people, but what if she ran into a crowd? Claire knew that she had been avoiding the town for long enough, but the thought of so many unfamiliar people made her nauseous. She hated introductions with a passion: the awkwardness, the fake smiles, the forced politeness; everyone would quickly learn that she was a city girl who had no idea how to run a farm. Questions would be asked and she wouldn't have any intelligent answers. She'd be laughed at the same way Mayor Thomas made fun of her for buying the property. After emptying her basket into the shipping bin, she stepped into her house and threw herself on her bed, holding her stomach.
It would only get worse the more she put it off.
Claire sat up. She was spending too much time pitying herself. If she wanted things to change, she was going to have to do it herself. Surely there had to be a place in town that would be safe to start – somewhere she could be herself and not be afraid of others making her feel like a fool for moving here. A sudden idea gave her a burst of hope. The gods were always there; they would always listen to her troubles. No one at the church could possibly judge her. And because it was likely to be empty, she could limit the number of introductions she had to make at once. The pastor was sure to make her feel welcome, she reasoned. After all, wasn't that part of the job? Almost giddy with excitement, she headed for the house of worship.
It was a simple building on the far side of town, practically identical to the church she attended as a child—two rows of pews with an aisle in the middle and an altar at the front. She noticed that this particular church was dedicated to the Harvest Goddess. A small door to the left of the altar was where the confessions were usually heard. She let out a sigh of relief; she was finally around something familiar. The young woman quickly turned the knob and entered. Feeling especially bold, Claire walked past the privacy screen and took a seat across from the pastor, who warmly greeted her with a handshake.
"Hello. My name is Carter. I am the pastor here at church. Are you the new farmer?" He had a serene smile on his face and she wondered if he always looked so calm and peaceful. Something about his gentle aura caused her heart to slow its pounding.
"Yes, my name is Claire." She nodded and a small grin appeared. She quickly straightened her posture, wondering if she gave off the illusion of someone who knew what they were doing. After all, if she was going to start introducing herself to people, she needed them to believe in her and what she was going to do with the farm.
He relaxed in his chair, leaning back and crossing his ankles. Claire studied his shoes. While carefully polished, she could see that they were quite worn. She supposed that in such a small town, the residents didn't give as much to the church, so it was likely Pastor Carter's vow of poverty wasn't a stretch of the imagination by any means. His polite speech pulled her away from focusing on his footwear. "It is very nice to meet you, Claire. If you ever need any help or guidance, I will always be here."
How good it felt for someone to say that, especially from someone who was struggling financially as well! Claire was so happy she could've hugged him. She noticed that he didn't have the folksy accent she associated with most of the villagers of Mineral Town and felt a little less alone. His voice had a very proper-sounding lilt to it, one she associated with the wealthier neighborhoods of the larger cities. It seemed she wasn't the only one who had given up what they had always known in pursuit of something different.
"Is there anything I can help you with?" His kind voice sounded friendly, but the slight furrowing of his eyebrows made him look a bit concerned.
Claire's confidence suddenly deflated and she wiped her clammy hands on her thighs. She knew that she should feel comfortable talking to him, but her voice caught in her throat.
"Is something bothering you?" Carter asked gently. Claire was surprised; he had a much more personable demeanor than her previous priest.
What was the point of coming here if she wasn't going to talk to him? Claire took a deep breath, her cheeks flushing with color. "I-I also came to confess." She played with her fingers, refusing to look up at him.
He gently closed his eyes and bowed his head that particular reverence that only pastors could achieve. A calming aura filled the room as Claire relaxed. "Alright."
Claire suddenly felt her face get hot. Admittedly, it had been a while since her last confession, and she was grateful he hadn't asked her how long it had been. It was hard to tell how priests were going to react to confessions. While most had been very businesslike with her, she hadn't lived within walking distance of their church. Mineral Town seemed like a very close-knit community and she wasn't quite sure how to become part of it. "N-no one in t-town… seems to l-like me," she managed to squeak out.
The pastor was silent for a moment, and then he looked up at her. In truth, it was a bit of an odd thing to make as a confession, but it wasn't as if he hadn't heard some strange things in this confessional booth. He didn't know much about her, but he had been told that she was very quiet and a bit reclusive. "Have you been mean or unkind toward them?"
Claire shook her head, her lower lip quivering, looking up at him and into his face for the first time. Her blue eyes were wide as she silently pleaded for help.
The priest's eyes widened in what looked like shock and he bounced up from his seat, brimming with excitement. Claire watched him curiously; he almost seemed as if he had been inspired. "Well, I have an idea, Claire." Carter hardly sounded like he could contain himself, and she couldn't help but smile at the grin on his face. His entire expression was lit up and Claire could swear that a heavenly light shone through the stained glass window on his head, casting a glow on his pale brown hair. She stifled a gasp at the sight. "There is someone who I would like you to meet." He nodded and offered her his hand to help her up.
Claire accepted the hand and he pulled her to her feet so quickly she let out tiny squeal. Something had the priest terribly elated and she couldn't help but feel her heart pounding as well.
He let out a small chuckle and patted her on the shoulder. "So sorry, my child. It seems I got carried away."
A smile crept across her lips as she shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. Carter didn't look much older than his mid-thirties and it felt strange for him to call her such a thing. Perhaps that was why she felt so comfortable around him, she mused. The closer age made him much more relatable than the elderly priests at her previous churches. She followed him to the confessional door and he opened the door just a crack, pointing out to the pews before them.
Carter gestured toward a young man in the front pew; he looked around Claire's age. His shoulders were sloped and he was sunk down in the seat. Judging from his stare and the way he looked so nestled in, Claire wouldn't have been surprised if he had been sitting there all day. He appeared as though he was thinking about something uncomfortable and wanted to sink into the floor; she saw him let out a tiny sigh as he further slouched in the pew.
Claire was surprised she hadn't noticed him on her way to the confessional. He was definitely a unique-looking individual, and her first thought was that he was new to town as well. Claire thought of Mineral Town as a rural area, but he looked even more rustic than the other residents; he looked like an outsider. His clothing suggested a nomadic life – his hide tunic lined with fur reminded her of photos she had seen in the library of outdoorsmen who lived off of the land. He had the aura of someone who had experienced a lot in a little amount of time, and his hunched position made him look very small and vulnerable. She couldn't get a good look at his face, as his unruly bangs hung in his eyes as he stared down at his feet. The rest of his hair was tied into a ponytail that was resting on his shoulder.
"Cliff is new to town, just like you," Carter explained a little too eagerly. "Unfortunately, he is very shy, and he doesn't attempt to make friends with anyone. I was wondering if you would try to become his friend; he really needs one, and it sounds like you do, too."
So this was why Carter had been so excited, she realized as her stomach turned. Claire felt the heat rush to her face at this notion. Did he really think that after hearing her confess how she struggled getting along with others it would be a good idea to try her hand at befriending someone who was reclusive as well? Why did Carter make this sound so easy? Did he really expect her simply befriend someone by talking to them? She wrung her sweaty hands and gulped. Conversations were not her strong suit. What did he expect her to do, waltz right up to Cliff and announce to him that they were now friends? She had to admit that it would be nice if it were that simple; as Carter had mentioned, she really could use a friend right now…
The young woman peeked out of the slightly opened door. Judging from his appearance alone, she doubted they had anything in common. What if he didn't even want to speak to her? Based on the slight frown on his face, this was definitely within the realm of possibility and Claire didn't know if she could handle that kind of rejection. What if he saw that she was just a city girl who didn't belong here? If someone who was new to town could already see that she wouldn't mesh well with the other villagers, how could she ever expect to find her place? She looked up at the smiling priest and felt that she had no choice at this point; he was practically trembling with excitement. Swallowing her fears, Claire fully opened the door and stepped toward the young man, her feet as heavy as bricks.
He didn't look up at her. He seemed off in his own little world, focusing deeply on something. She looked at his folded hands in his lap and wondered if she was interrupting him from a prayer. His fingers immediately unlaced and he played with a small polished stone trapped between his palms, running his thumb along the indent on its smooth surface. Upon closer inspection, Claire noticed that he had a grieving aura about him and was surprised it didn't immediately repel her; rather, she became overwhelmed with the urge to comfort him.
"H-hello." Claire's voice was weak and cracked. Her cheeks felt warm as she nervously wrung her hands, hoping she hadn't bothered a possible meditation session. She certainly had a knack for awkward introductions.
The young man lifted his head to meet her, revealing a pair of deep blue eyes etched in pain. They widened for a moment in what Claire saw as recognition before they immediately went back to the ground and he shuffled his feet. "Hello…" His voice was soft but not unfriendly as he rubbed the stone.
Perhaps he didn't want to talk, she realized with a wave of sadness. However, she found herself glued to the spot, fascinated by the rose colored stone he held, studying the pretty black marbling on it. "My name is Claire." The words slipped out as she felt a small wave of relief for introducing herself. She slowly gained confidence as she took a tiny step forward.
While it was not as long as hers, she had never known a male with such long hair. She studied it curiously and wondered if he just didn't like to cut it. Upon further inspection, she found that it suited him and went well with his heavy eyebrows and face shape. Her gaze traveled to his eyes. They were such a deep blue they almost looked indigo. He was definitely an interesting-looking person, she decided, her curious eyes drinking him in.
"I-I'm Cliff," he stammered, his face swiftly reddening. He noticed the young woman was staring at him and looked back at her defensively, shrinking back a bit. "I-is there something on my face?"
Claire shook her head, stumbling over apologies as she realized how impolite she had been.
"I-I'm sorry!" he said a little too loudly as he hung his head, "I-I didn't mean to come off as rude," he laughed nervously and looked back down at the floor; it was apparent he had a hard time interacting with people.
Claire frowned; she was certain that her curious eyes hadn't exactly helped things. She briefly looked back at the confessional booth door and noticed it was still open a crack. Her throat immediately tightened; it was likely they were being watched. As uncomfortable as she was at being under Carter's supervision, she didn't want to let him down. She looked back at the young man in front of her and realized it wasn't just about appeasing the priest anymore. She wanted to get better at talking to other people, and something about Cliff made her want to help him as well. "I was just coming to introduce myself," Claire said gently.
"Ah." Cliff ducked his head, his cheeks blazing. His awkwardness gave Claire a small boost of courage. Someone in town was shyer than she was around others. Suddenly feeling bold, she took a seat next to the young man in the pew. She dared to steal a glance at him and noticed his ears were a bright shade of scarlet. Cliff seemed to be focusing on the stone in his hands and his breathing, and he looked so nervous that she felt bad for introducing herself in the first place.
"Ah… I-I'm sorry… I… I can't breathe…" he admitted, closing his eyes and struggling to control his breath.
Claire uncomfortably shifted in her seat. She saw a light sheen of perspiration covering his face and she felt guilty for taking a seat beside him. Introductions could be painful, and they always made her nervous, but his reaction was strong even for her standards. She could tell from his flushed cheeks and furrowed eyebrows that he was embarrassed at his own behavior. But this was a church, a place free of judgment. Claire sat quietly and sent him kind wishes with her mind. "It's okay," she murmured, her voice just above a whisper. "… Relax."
They sat in silence for a few minutes while he slowly breathed in and out. She wanted to give him some kind of reassurance by patting his arm, but she feared touching him would only make things worse. She watched his calloused fingers work at the smooth stone in his hands; simply observing the slow, fluid motions brought her a sense of peace.
"I'm very sorry about that," he finally said quietly, startling her a bit. "It's n-not you… I-I just get so tense when I talk to new people…"
Claire shook her head. "It's okay." She noticed she had been speaking with the soothing tone she reserved for her younger brothers when they were hurt or upset.
His eyes flicked to her and quickly fell back down to the floor. "I've been to so m-many towns now that I'm a nervous wreck when I try to introduce myself to anyone," he confessed with a sad sigh.
"Oh." The young man's statement made her heart ache. It sounded like he had been afraid to get close to anyone because he moved around so much. "So… how long have you lived here in town?" Claire ventured. "I don't think we've met."
Cliff's heart sunk. Of course she didn't recognize him; he had been trying his best to blend in and not be noticed by the other villagers. He couldn't understand why such anyone would come up to him, sit down beside him, and try to start a conversation with him in a church, of all places. "I c-came here a couple of months ago."
She had noticed right away that Cliff didn't have a Mineral Town accent, and his inflections were unique to her. Claire wasn't familiar with the dialect; he must have traveled here from somewhere far away. She was curious why someone with such a severe case of social anxiety would decide to travel around a lot, but she knew it wasn't an appropriate question to ask. Perhaps it wasn't by choice.
"I just came here this spring on New Year's to run the farm." Hopefully knowing that someone else was just starting out as well would make him feel less alone.
"Oh… I-I've heard… So, you're running that farm all by yourself?" Cliff glanced up at her and their eyes met for a brief moment. He quickly stared at the ground again, reddening.
Claire nodded. Every day she was reminded how large the property was and his words further cemented the fact that things weren't going to be accomplished overnight. "Yeah, it's going to be a big job…." She hoped she sounded more confident than she felt.
"Well… I wish you luck with everything." While he gave her a nervous smile, his words were warm and sounded heartfelt.
"Thank you." She normally would have ended the conversation now, but she found that she really didn't want to. Strangely enough, Cliff's shyness drew her in and she saw a lot of herself in him. "You're not the first new person I met today… I also met Carter and a girl named Karen," Claire searched for another topic. Maybe it would inspire him to talk to other people.
"Oh, yeah, Karen…" Cliff seemed relieved that Claire found something they could relate on. "Her father comes here sometimes."
"He owns the supermarket, right?" She knew the answer, but she wanted to make conversation.
Cliff thought for a moment. "I-I believe so." He was silent for a while. "Carter's a good man," he murmured quietly, moving his concentration back to the stone in his hands.
Claire smiled. "He seems very friendly."
"It's nice to have someone that you can speak to without fear of being judged… I spend a lot of time here, and we talk a lot." His voice evened itself out; it seemed Carter was a subject he was comfortable speaking about.
Claire nodded politely, but she couldn't imagine the young man being talkative with anyone. "That's a pretty stone you have there," she ventured.
He let out a shy chuckle and the sound lifted a heavy weight from her heart as it echoed through the sanctuary. "Carter was nice enough to give it to me. Rhodonite. It's supposed to be good for h-healing… My roommate actually polished it for me and shaped it into a worry stone."
"Wow. That's pretty impressive. It's not like anyone can just take a rock and make it shine like that."
A small frown crossed Cliff's lips. "That's part of his job. You know Gray."
She was surprised that he didn't word this as a question and her face immediately flooded with color – half at the mere mention of Gray, and half with pure mortification that she had never really paid enough attention to Cliff in the room when she came to visit the inn to even recognize him. She noticed that a young man was often sitting on the wide windowsill in the far end of the room, but he never said anything, and Gray never made an effort to introduce him; Cliff was merely a blur of movement out of the corner of her eye. Despite this, the young man's silent presence in the room was the determining factor in Claire deciding that it was not improper for her to visit Gray's room in the evenings as there was always someone else present.
"He seems like a really nice guy. That was sweet of him to do that for you." She began to wonder what other kinds of skills Gray had. What if she found a pretty stone and he polished it for her? The thought of keeping something he had worked on with his own two hands made her swoon a bit. She could keep it in her pocket and carry it with her wherever she went. She studied the colors in the stained glass window in front of them and happily swung her feet.
Cliff bit his lip and furrowed his brow, passing the stone back and forth between his hands. "Yeah, he can be nice…" A small smile came back on his face as he studied the rock. "He said… you're a hard worker."
Claire gasped involuntarily and covered her mouth with her hand. "That's awfully kind of him," she giggled.
Gray talked about her? To his roommate? Claire's heart pounded. How many other people did he sing her praises to? The quiet blacksmith seemed the type to keep to himself, but if he was gushing to his roommate about her… Did he talk about her before they went to sleep for the night? Maybe he dreamed about her… Claire's face flushed as she twisted a lock of blonde hair between her fingers.
She glanced at Cliff and noticed he was staring at his feet again, but he didn't look completely miserable. It seemed he had run out of things to say, but Claire had heard all she needed. "Well, it was nice meeting you, Cliff."
"Yes, and you as well…"
She stood up excitedly and turned around to look at him. He was already carrying himself a little differently than when they first met; he was no longer slouched in his seat and the flushing of his face had subsided. While he wasn't particularly grinning, he seemed much happier, as if a weight had been lifted from him for the time being. It looked like she wasn't the only one who had issues to deal with and progress to make. "I'll see you around, okay?"
"A-alright. I look forward to talking to you again." A shy smile crept across his face as he tucked his stone in his pocket and waved goodbye to her.
Claire happily bounced out of the church, practically skipping to the library, her mind working so quickly her body was having a hard time keeping up.
It was time to pay Gray a visit.
0o0o0o0
It was a fairly quick walk from the church to the library. Claire's heart fluttered with excitement and anticipation as she double-checked her rucksack for the lump of copper she had set aside for Gray. She let out a nervous laugh – she was behaving as if the ore would have magically gotten up and walked off by itself. Biting her lip, she shook her head; she needed to focus on the task at hand. Her positive feelings dissipated as she reached the door to the library. This was no time for being clumsy and messing things up. Moreover, she was determined to impress. Claire's shaking hand hovered over the doorknob as she realized the full extent of what she was planning to do.
What in the world am I doing? Am I really going to start a conversation with both Gray and Mary? Perhaps even flirt with Gray in front of Mary? Am I crazy? I can hardly speak in complete sentences in front of him, let alone in front of them both! This is a foolish idea, and I'm stupid for thinking it up in the first place! She waited for herself to let go of the doorknob and turn around, heading back for Mystic Acres with her tail between her legs. Her eyes widened in surprise as she gripped the handle.
She recalled Cliff's words in the church, his folksy accent echoing in her mind. Gray said positive things about her to other people. She allowed a smile to reappear on her face. Why wouldn't he want to see her, then?
Satisfied with her new resolve, Claire turned the doorknob and swung open the door almost violently and let herself in, refusing to give herself more time to think about it.
She wasn't sure if she should be relieved with the fact that there was no one in the room. Carefully stepping toward the receptionist desk, she could hear voices from the floor above where additional books were kept. She immediately recognized one of the muffled voices as Gray's, and her heart pounded uncomfortably in her chest. She was aching to climb up the stairs after him, but her legs refused to move despite her entire body humming with excitement. There was almost something pleasant about being able to hear his voice and not having to feel the pressure of thinking of something witty or engaging to say in response. Just knowing he was up there brought a warm light to her heart. Whatever it was he was talking about, he sounded very interested and passionate.
Claire didn't know how many minutes had passed, or if they were even hours. Her feet remained frozen to the ground as she heard a second voice enter in the conversation, which Claire identified as Mary, the librarian. Mary had a mild and smooth voice that wasn't too high, and as much as Claire hated to admit it, it was very soothing to listen to. Claire's dreamy state faded as she heard a giggle from Mary followed a soft chuckle from Gray. Claire never heard him laugh before, and the fact that she hadn't caused it made her stomach churn with jealousy. She no longer felt comforted by the sound of Mary's voice.
All too suddenly the laughter stopped, and the building was silent save the loud hammering of Claire's heart in her own ears. There were a few murmurs as the floorboards above her creaked and she could hear two pairs of feet coming down the stairs.
She could turn away right then. If she left now and let herself out quietly, they would never know that she had been there. Although this was a public building, Claire suddenly got the feeling that she was intruding, and she was terrified to meet the pair face-to-face. The fact that she had remained there for so long made the idea of conversation all the more intimidating. Despite these feelings, she remained in front of the library desk, unable to move.
Gray and Mary had come back from upstairs, and remnants of their conversation were still evident. The young man had a small smile on his face, and he seemed to be trying to keep himself from laughing. His friend was holding a thick book that resembled an encyclopedia, and her eyes were glued to him in a way that Claire didn't like. Mary's gaze moved to her new guest and a kind smile spread across her lips.
"Claire! How nice it is to see you! How have you been?" She walked behind the receptionist desk, half-expecting her to have a chosen book. She looked at her curiously as Claire began to wring her empty hands, her cheeks beginning to flood with color.
The young woman refused to meet Mary's eyes. As determined as she had been to come in here, she quickly found that she was having second thoughts. The room suddenly felt very small; she swallowed the lump in her throat, her mouth dry. "Oh, I've been… alright. Busy."
Her eyebrows rose as she saw Claire's expression. Her tone softened and became gentle. "That's great! That means your farm must be coming along well, I take it?"
Claire managed a nod, and her stomach did a somersault when she glanced over at Gray. The young man was playfully trying to take the book from Mary by peeling her fingers off of the cover. She giggled and held the book out of his reach, but her body language showed she didn't really mind.
"Gray, you should know better than to pick on a girl," Mary's voice slightly rose in pitch as she lightly slapped his hands, stifling a giggle.
Claire felt a wave of nausea at this gesture, and her heart stopped for a moment.
They're definitely not cousins.
This isn't going well. Not well at all.
"So, what have you two been up to?" Claire tried to remain casual, but her voice sounded strained. She realized with disappointment that she wasn't going to win this round, but she was determined to remain civil and still make a good impression. The young woman shifted her stance, unsure of what to do with her hands.
"Oh, yes. I was just reading Gray part of the new chapter I have written for my novel," Mary held up the thick book. "I've got a couple I'm working on right now, and I'm putting together something for a new story. We were just kicking around ideas for that one, too." Her face lit up as she spoke and Claire couldn't help but feel a rush of envy – Mary looked so genuinely happy when she thought about her writing, and Claire got the feeling that these meetings the two had were nothing new. She wished she could think of something she and Gray could do together.
"Mary's an amazing writer," Gray quickly interjected, and Claire wasn't blind to the way his pale blue eyes lit up as he gazed at his companion warmly. "I think that she could actually get published someday." Mary's face flushed in response as her eyes shyly traveled to her book.
The look he was giving her made Claire's heart ache. Her mind stumbled over ideas, none of them forming into proper sentences. It was over; she didn't stand a chance and Mary was sure to win Gray's affections. Claire's throat constricted and she feebly searched for the right words to change the conversation around, but none came to mind. Her vision began to pulse and blur as the room began to spin…
Not again…
"Claire? You look rather pale. Are you alright?" The librarian dropped her book on the desk and quickly rushed to her, placing a hand on her forehead.
Claire cringed at Mary's touch. The last thing she wanted was her pity. While Claire struggled expressing herself, she still had her own pride, and Mary's closeness was suffocating her. "I-I'm fine. I think I just need to get some fresh air."
No, not now! If you leave now, then she will have won!
A lump formed in Claire's throat; she had a feeling that losing this round was inevitable. A stubborn part of her wanted to stay, and another headstrong side of her was screaming to leave the room. She quickly realized what side she needed to listen to as her heart began to flutter – she needed to get away from people. Now.
"Shall I walk you over to the clinic?" Mary's eyebrows raised in concern as she took Claire's arm.
She wished the young woman would just stop touching her, but it felt rude to say so aloud. She began to tremble as she weakly pulled away. Surely Gray was going to see her as abnormal. "N-no. I'll be fine." Claire didn't mean for her voice to sound so cold.
At least I have my dignity. She was determined to walk out of the library with her head held high. She had the feeling Gray didn't like weak women. After all, how could he like someone that couldn't keep her emotions in check?
Mary's persistence began to try Claire's patience. "You really shouldn't go out alone, even if you just walk home. Gray, why don't you go with her? I'm worried."
Claire studied the librarian's expression. Her mouth was drawn into a tight frown and her eyebrows her furrowed in concern. Claire had to give her credit – Mary was very good at feigning emotions. There was no way that she could actually be worried about her. Claire was certain that Mary was holding in cheers and victory cries. She refused to be patronized by false sympathy. Her thoughts began to further cloud as she swayed on her feet a bit, determined to hide that she was upset. "R-really, I think I will be okay. Thank you for your concern, though." Claire could hardly believe her ears. Was that her own voice rejecting a walk home with Gray?
They both looked at her with a mixture of confusion and concern – it was absolutely unbearable. Before Claire had any idea what she was doing, her feet suddenly unglued themselves from the floor, and she flew out the door, slamming it behind her.
0o0o0oo0
The moment Claire was outside, she immediately regretted refusing help from Gray or Mary, but she knew that it was too late to go back inside. She would look ridiculous if she went back in and asked for help. Claire panted as her head swam, continuing forward as her muddled vision spotted a lamp post. She had dealt with these attacks for long enough to know that she needed to ground herself by bracing against something solid. She had realized that she had traded the spinning room for a sidewalk that tilted back and forth. Why did she do that, anyway? Moreover, why did she let herself get into this state? Claire had been aching to get a chance to talk to Gray. Refusing his accompaniment home was a foolish mistake. She scolded herself as she stumbled along. She would have gotten the chance to be alone with him. Claire blushed at the very thought. She might even be able to get away with holding his arm or leaning against him as he walked her home. However, something about that approach felt so immature, so foolish.
Claire felt hot tears slide down her cheeks as reached her destination, leaning her shoulder and head against the lamp post. Perhaps the whole thing with Gray was foolish. How could she ever get him to notice her? It was nearly impossible with that librarian around.
Claire's thoughts were distracted when she heard the noise of feet shuffling across the sidewalk towards her. She hastily wiped the tears away and looked up, terrified at having someone see her in this state. It was Cliff, the nervous young man from the church. In his arms, he carried a decorative basket full of large red apples. The basket was pretty, but shaped awkwardly, and caused him to waddle a bit as he carried it. She quickly noticed that his depressed aura had dropped for the moment as he looked at her and waved shyly, his lips turning upward. He didn't look so gloomy at the moment, and his smile had a pleasant warmth to it. The young man looked behind him for a moment, and Claire noticed Carter "hiding" behind a tree, giving him a thumbs-up. Claire rolled her eyes, struggling to regain her composure. She failed, as her vision was still pulsing and her throat was tight. She hoped Carter would just go away and Cliff would continue on his way without any questions.
"H-hello, Claire." His voice was soft, but it was still louder than the volume he used while in the church. She was too distracted to notice his hands trembling on the basket handle. He let out a soft nervous chuckle as he made his way closer to her.
"Hi, Cliff." Her tone wasn't unfriendly, but she was praying he wouldn't look at her too closely. She was still very dizzy and she craved relief from the aching in her heart; she was on the brink of sobbing out loud, and she hardly felt in control.
He tightened his grip on the handle of the basket, swallowing the lump in his throat. "Ah, I was j-just on my way to your place to deliver this basket of apples to you. They're from Carter, as a w-welcoming gift." The young man nervously rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and the basket creaked loudly. His eyes widened as he quickly tightened his hold.
Claire didn't look up at him; her eyes were focused on the ground as she struggled to keep her vision from shaking. She found it strange that it had already been over three weeks since she moved to Mineral Town, and she was just now getting a welcoming gift. However, it was also true that she had just introduced herself today. Three weeks in town, and she didn't really know anyone or have any friends. Three weeks in town and she still hadn't gotten Gray's attention. The ground blurred as she blinked, a couple of teardrops falling to the cobblestones.
Cliff noticed that Claire's cheeks were damp with tears, and he quickly dropped his nervous demeanor, setting down his basket and moving swiftly toward her. "You're hanging on to that lamp post pretty tight." He didn't ask if she was alright, and Claire couldn't tell if she was grateful or insulted.
She could feel a sob threatening to escape from her throat. She wanted to cry in privacy. She wanted to scream and tell him, "That's because everything is going wrong! No, I'm not okay, thank you for asking! I'm miserable! I'm lonely!" She wanted to run behind that tree and shake Carter by the shoulders and scold him for forcing her friendship with Cliff at a time like this. She wanted kick over that silly basket of apples and stomp on each one. Claire took a deep breath, realizing she was probably expected to put back on a mask of happiness and control.
"I'm okay… j-just feeling a little dizzy." She meant to add that she was going to go home for some food in an effort to keep anyone from being suspicious, but she found herself unable to speak. Claire could feel her eyes flickering rapidly as she tried to regain herself.
She felt a warm touch at her shoulder. "What day of the week is it?"
She blinked in surprise. "Tuesday."
"What is the name of your farm?"
She was about to ask why he was asking questions about her, especially when he seemed so shy, but she was distracted by the tug back to reality. "Mystic Acres."
"Do you have any animals?"
"I have a dog and a horse." The world slowly came back into focus and she blinked tiredly, realizing how suddenly weak she felt. An arm was offered to her and she gratefully took it, a bit dumbfounded by the whole situation. He picked up the basket of apples on the way back as he walked her to the bench outside of the grocery store and they sat down together. Claire let out a thankful sigh as she leaned back on the wooden seat. The ground had stopped moving and exhaustion overcame her; she felt like she could sleep right there.
Her companion seemed to have other ideas. He quietly handed her an apple and she accepted it with a weak "thank you". She realized how hungry she was as she bit into the fruit and she couldn't stop the grin from breaking out on her face as she chewed. Honeycrisp, her absolute favorite. For that moment, all Claire could focus on was the perfection of that sweet apple. The lump that had formed in her throat melted away. All she had eaten for the past three weeks were raw turnips, bamboo shoots, and colored grass. The crunchy apple tasted so wonderful that she could have cried. She glanced up at Cliff, who was watching her with interest. His eyes quickly averted from her to the ground as she caught him looking at her.
She didn't mind that he had been keeping his eyes on her; she could tell that his gaze was out of concern and genuine care. With this, her worries began to fade a bit. "Please, take an apple," Claire laughed. She bit into her food and swallowed with satisfaction. "They're wonderful."
Cliff took a piece of fruit from the basket and crunched into it eagerly. She noticed his fingers shook a bit as he selected an apple, his eyes widening with delight as he cupped his chosen one in his hands; they were all so large. "Thank you."
The two ate in silence for a few minutes. Claire knew nothing about the young man, and wasn't sure what to talk to him about. He seemed friendly enough now that he wasn't brooding inside of the church, but his shyness made her feel like she had to be very careful with her words.
"So… Have you been up to anything interesting since I last saw you?" She studied the apple in her hands. She knew it was a weak beginning to a dialogue, but she never thought of herself as much of a conversationalist.
He was eating at a fairly quick speed, but he still finished chewing before speaking. "It's only been half an hour since you left the church; y-you didn't miss much." He gave her a slight smile.
"Oh." Claire was shocked at how little time had passed, and she felt a little embarrassed at how out of touch with reality she had been.
"Carter wanted to give the basket to you himself, but you left before he could give it to you. H-he had to go back to the confessional," he explained as he took another bite of his apple.
Claire noticed that the priest had gone from his hiding place, and she felt a slight pang of guilt in the pit of her stomach. She really had left in a hurry, hadn't she? "Oh! I had to go and see someone," she quickly explained a little too loudly. Her gaze quickly went back down to her apple as she bit her lip.
"Gray?" Cliff raised his eyebrows.
Claire's stomach lurched. "How did you know that?" She hadn't talked about him that much at the church, had she?
The young man shrugged and he moved his gaze at the sky, his heavy eyebrows slightly furrowed. "Just a lucky guess, I suppose."
"Oh." The particular expression he was wearing left her a bit confused and she couldn't help but feel a bit of worry bubble back up in her stomach.
The silence between them was deafening. Claire tried to think of something to say, but she was determined not to recall and relive the incident in the library; her panic and emotions had left her very tired. Cliff didn't strike her as the type to take much initiative in conversation, and they sat quietly for a couple of minutes. He turned his focus back on the sky and Claire watched him for a moment. He suddenly seemed eager to pay attention to anything but her.
"You two seem pretty cl-close, huh?" Cliff gulped, letting out a shy chuckle.
Claire could sense her face reddening by the second. She chose to ignore the worry lines on his forehead; she got the feeling that this was a regular feature for him. Maybe he was one of those types of people who didn't let themselves relax and they looked unhappy even when they weren't. She had seen and met enough of those kinds in the city, and she sometimes feared that she was one of them. "Close? I… I dunno if we'd be c-considered that…"
"Huh… you see him an awful lot, though..."
Claire laughed a little louder than she meant to at this piece of evidence that she was actually attempting to pursue a love interest. Her blush crept down her neck. She was in love and she was trying to express that to someone. When she thought of it that way, her heart pounded in her ears and a goofy smile spread across her lips. "I guess that's true, huh?" The farmer crunched into her apple and began to swing her feet.
When he didn't immediately say something in reply, her happiness faded a bit. She looked at Cliff, demanding a response. His were cast downward as he studied the apple core in his hands. He suddenly looked back up and his wide eyes grew in surprise at her gaze. He often had the look of a spooked deer, she realized. "Oh, I-I'm sorry! I was just thinking… This basket is kind of heavy. D-do you need help carrying it back to your place? I know you're probably not feeling one hundred-percent yet." He looked genuinely concerned as he gazed at the basket. He nervously twisted the stem of the apple core in his hands.
It was a kind offer, but an unnecessary one. "That's alright; I think that I am feeling much better now," Claire admitted, finishing off her apple.
"Panic attacks can be debilitating sometimes." His voice was quiet as his sad blue eyes met hers knowingly. "And… it can be hard to keep yourself grounded when you're a-alone…"
She now realized why he had been asking her random questions when she was panicking and her face flushed with embarrassment. "Yes… J-just a mild one, though." Claire wasn't surprised that he had recognized the symptoms; it was very likely from his body language and mannerisms that Cliff had them more often than she did, but she was shocked that he had the nerve to call her out on it. Unfortunately, she was not a stranger to them, but they often just left her feeling a little weak. A good nap would sort things out.
"It looks like we managed to help each other out today." His voice was soft as he averted his eyes once more. Claire caught a hint of blush on his cheeks.
Her shame faded. While she wasn't keen on someone else knowing about her lack of stability, Cliff didn't strike her as the type to tell others about it. "I guess you're right. Thank you." Claire gave him a small smile; beneath the awkward shyness, he seemed like a kindhearted person. "Here, put your apple core in the basket. I'll throw them away when I get home." She pulled on the handle of the basket and heard a faint creak from the weight of the apples.
"You sure you got it?" Cliff protectively held the bottom of the container. "I-I… I r-really don't mind walking you home… It's n-no trouble, really…" His eyes darted toward the direction of Mystic Acres.
She was determined to make it home without any further assistance. In her eyes, Cliff had already done more than enough for her and to expect any more out of him would be rather rude. "I'll be fine." Claire smiled as she accepted the basket from him. Her heart had stopped pounding, and she just felt tired. Yes, a little rest at home was definitely in order. "Thank you for bringing me the apples…" She hesitated saying more, remembering his patience and calmness when she was in a state of panic. He didn't seem to think any less of her for it – not openly, anyway. Her heart relaxed a bit. "And thank you… for your help."
"Of course. Any time," he replied as he nodded, and his voice leveled out.
Claire gripped her basket, and she felt relieved that he seemed a little more comfortable around her. He was someone she wouldn't mind talking to again. "Will you please thank Carter for me? I will come by another day to thank him properly."
"Sure thing." He gave her a kind smile, and Claire couldn't help but mirror his expression.
"Oh, and also… Would you tell Gray that I am alright and that he doesn't need to worry about me?" When he gave her a slight nod, she couldn't help but add one extra request. "Oh! And… tell Gray that I said hello."
"Alright." He averted his gaze back down to the cobblestones and wrung his hands. "Uh, I-I'd love to hear about your animals s-sometime," he muttered so quickly it was almost inaudible.
It took her a moment to understand him. "Sure. I'll talk to you later then. Bye, Cliff!" She was eager to go home and eat another apple.
He looked back up from the ground and shyly waved to her as she headed in the opposite direction. "Bye, Claire!"
As Claire happily waddled home with that awkward basket, she only had two things on her mind: others were aware that she saw Gray quite a bit, and that she was having potatoes and apples for dinner tonight.
0o0o0o0
Author's Note: Whoo, doggie, do I feel accomplished! This chapter was a challenge because so much happened during it. I know it sounds silly that it took me nearly half a year to post, but I really wanted to make sure I got Claire's first meetings with Karen and especially Cliff right. I hope that you enjoy the added detail – I wanted to further illustrate Claire's anxiety and draw a more elaborate picture of the people in the town. So many people have said how much different my writing is now than it was when I first began posting this story. I would love to hear your opinions on this new updated chapter! 12/8/17