"Su! Suyin!"
Suyin's eyes shot open at the call of her name. That was Princess Azula calling for her - wasn't it? With the door between their rooms closed, her voice was muffled, but still loud enough to have woken her. For a moment, Suyin was afraid that she'd overslept, that it was morning and she'd failed to wake herself and the princess up on time, but one look at the clock proved it was still the middle of the night. Azula had never called for her at this time.
Linhua's story came to mind. The one about the handmaid who rushed in while the princess was suffering through a nightmare and was rewarded for it with a blast of fire. Ai, was it? Or Eri? Suyin couldn't remember - she'd heard too many stories about the previous handmaids and they all began to muddle in her mind, and she no longer knew which belonged to which. But she remembered Linhua's lesson well: about how she should ignore the princess, if it ever came to that, for her own good. So Suyin squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to fall back asleep. She could write it off as not having heard her cries at all, and not having woken up. She'd surely face some repercussions for it in the morning, but right now, that seemed like the better option than getting up and risking fire.
"Suyin!" Azula called her name again.
Her will faltered. She'd never heard such panic in the princess' voice. Such… desperation, almost. This couldn't be a nightmare. If Azula was calling out for her like this, surely she was awake. Surely she would not attack in her a blind panic. ...Would she?
But if this wasn't a nightmare, what was it? What could possibly warrant such a scene? Suyin was still groggy with sleep, her mind slow, but the more she thought about it, the worse she felt, imagining all sorts of terrible things that could have come to be. An intruder? That terrifying thought made her blood run cold and caused her to shoot up, stumbling out of her bed like a newborn lamb-boar. In the dark of her bedroom, she grabbed the fire iron that she kept propped up in the corner of her fireplace and held it up, brandishing it like a sword. Just in case. It was the closest thing she had to a weapon, sturdy and heavy. It would have to do.
She braced herself and opened the door, eyes darting wildly around the room for any sign of danger, "I'm here, princess-"
"Took you long enough." Azula scowled, but though her voice was snappy, it was also… unfamiliar, somehow. Filled with a quality Suyin had never heard from her before. Almost quivering. Vulnerable.
"I'm sorry."
But at least she was awake. This was not a nightmare then, there was no danger that Azula might attack her. Nor did Suyin see anyone else in the room - no dark silhouettes to indicate an intruder, snuck into the princess' private chambers to slit her throat and rid the Fire Nation of its one surviving heir-
"Nevermind. I need you to go get the royal physician."
"Oh! What's wrong?"
Azula swallowed audibly. Turned her head to the side. She was sitting up just off-side to the center of her bed, which, for some reason, struck Suyin as strange. The princess always slept perfectly in the middle. But even though Suyin's eyes were already accustomed to the darkness, Azula looked like little more than a shadow on her bed. She could not see her features, she could not see her expression - only that she hugged her shoulders, closed off and vulnerable. It took a moment for her to speak, her voice still small.
"I'm- I'm sick. Bleeding. I don't know what it is, but something must have happened. Just go."
It was then that she extended a hand above her lap, and a small blue flame emerged from Azula's fingertips, hovering gently in her grasp. Nothing at all like the explosive fire with which she trained - more like a candle. Though small, the light illuminated the princess, bathing her in that ghostly blue glow, shadows swaying on her frightened face.
Illuminated, Suyin saw how the sheets were thrown off to the edge of the bed. How her night robe bunched up at her thighs. And how the bed sheets besides her - in the center of the bed - were stained with something dark.
The sight of it filled Suyin with relief, and the fire iron she'd grasped so tightly in her fist now clattered loudly to the floor, forgotten. It felt like she could breathe again. She knew it well, that characteristic stain on the bed sheets. It looked black in the dark of the night, but she knew it to be red.
"Princess," Suyin said softly, still high on relief. She took a step towards her, "This is nothing to worry about. I'll just go and bring you a cloth."
"What? Did you hear me? I told you to get the physician-"
Perhaps it was because it was the middle of the night, and because Suyin had been so suddenly roused from sleep that she was short on patience. It must have made her sloppy with her words, and she blurted out her next questions with little forethought.
"Why do you need the physician? Don't you know what's going on?"
"No." Azula shot back, defiant, and let the flame dwindle down, leaving them, again, in complete darkness.
Suyin immediately regretted the callousness of her questions. She sighed. Then… was this her first time? It would certainly explain her panic. And Azula was certainly young enough. Now that she thought about it, she realised that in the nearly two months she'd worked for the princess, she hadn't yet noticed her bleed. Considering how closely they worked together - how Suyin bathed and dressed her every single day - that was surely an aspect of her life that she would have known about.
"Princess," she repeated, this time more gently, "Please, listen to me. You're alright. I promise."
Azula quieted. Looked at Suyin with untrusting eyes. Though frightened, though defiant, she gave in and allowed her to speak. Suyin took a few steps closer, and in a bout of courage, likely stemming from the fogginess of having been roused so suddenly from sleep, boldly sat down on the edge of her bed.
Like this, frightened and calling out to her with a desperate plea, it was impossible to forget that the proud princess of the Fire Nation was just a child. And a growing child without a mother, at that. It was a mother's duty, after all, to prepare her daughter for the changes that would come over her body. But everyone knew that Lady Ursa had passed away five years ago, when Azula was - what? nine years old, was it? Had no one stepped into her role since then, to have taught the princess all the things a mother should? She had no grandmothers, no aunts, no older sisters - hell, she barely had any friends who might have told her about this. It was no surprise she was so frightened. Anyone would be, Suyin thought, to wake up, unknowingly, in a puddle of blood.
She supposed it was the role of the handmaid, in that case, if the mother could not perform this duty. And so that fell onto Suyin. She wished it had fallen to a different handmaid, someone before her, but there was nothing she could do about the timing. It's not even as though she particularly minded, but rather that she did not know where to begin. It was not something they talked about often in their culture - not even amongst friends. And so the words felt foreign on her tongue. She'd imagined explaining this, perhaps, to her daughter one day, when she was older and wiser, but not now, when she herself was a teenager. And certainly not to the princess of their nation.
"This is a… a regular part of growing up. Of becoming a woman. It means you can become pregnant." She started awkwardly, and was thankful at least that they were sitting in complete darkness, that Azula could not see her face. "It's a monthly bleeding. It lasts for a few days, and then ceases. And then it happens again in about a month. And the cycle repeats."
"Every month?"
"Yes. Every month, until you're about fifty. And it ceases for the duration of pregnancy."
"That's- half a lifetime. Why wasn't I informed of this? It feels like something I should have known about."
Suyin gave her an apologetic look, "My mother taught me about it, when I was young."
Azula quieted. She didn't say anything for a long moment. "I see."
It took Suyin a moment to place that look she wore, but realised, finally, what it was: embarrassment. Perhaps it was embarrassment at not knowing such a universal thing, even though there was no way she could have known on her own. Maybe even embarrassment at having caused such a fuss over something so benign. But if she could not be vulnerable around her own handmaid, then to whom else could she turn?
Perhaps, Suyin had thought, the nobles did not care to teach their children about such things. That instead of taking that responsibility themselves, they left it to be taught in the Royal Academy for Girls, but clearly, that wasn't true, either. It still came down to the mother, didn't it?
"I'll bring you a menstrual cloth. We'll get you cleaned up, and then I'll answer whatever questions you have." Suyin broke the silence and got up from the princess' bed. She was hesitant to leave her alone when she was so… out of it, but she'd only be gone a moment, and surely Azula would feel better with the bleeding taken care of and once she was again in a clean night robe.
She came back quickly and returned to Azula's bed. Asked her to light one of the lanterns with her firebending, to give them some light. Then Suyin showed her how to wrap the cloth around her undergarments, how to put it on so that it would stay put even as she moved. She hoped it would be tight enough for her training regimen - Suyin had no experience with exercise of such intensity, but they would have to figure it out. There were plenty of women involved in the military; they made do one way or another, after all.
Every morning, Suyin prepared herself a tub of water before she slept, to wash herself with come morning. She was glad of it now, for it would be too troublesome to go downstairs and wake a maid just to ask her for water. She brought the tub from her room and set it on Azula's bedside table.
"Would you heat this up, princess?"
Agreeable, Azula placed her hand in the cold water. For a moment, it was as though nothing was happening, until the water began to steam. A few bubbles floated to the top, not exactly boiling, but it was certainly well on its way. Finally, Azula withdrew her hand, indicating clearly that it was hot enough for her.
Suyin dipped a washcloth in the water. Though she was expecting the water to be hot, it still caused her to flinch. Even after all this time, she was not yet used to how hot the princess liked her baths. It was not unbearable, but still always caught her by surprise.
She urged Azula to stand and helped her undress, leaving the sullied night robe on the bed. Gently, she began to wash her of the blood, mostly on her legs, but plenty had gotten on her hands as well. As she washed her, they spoke, with Azula sometimes asking questions and Suyin answering them to the best of her ability. By the time they were done, the water in the tub was tinged pink. Suyin helped her put on her undergarments, securing the menstrual cloth in place, and then chose out a clean night robe from her closet.
"I never realised your hair was so long." Azula murmured.
Her gentle comment made Suyin pause as she began to dress her, just for a moment. Each morning, Suyin plaited her hair into a tight braid to keep her hair out of her face as she worked. But she left it loose and undone for the night, to give her scalp some reprieve for at least a few hours. Her braid hung just past her shoulder blades, but when loose, her hair reached more than halfway down her back. Though she hadn't realised it until this moment, this must have been the first time Azula saw her with her hair down. In the rush of this night-time calling, she hadn't bothered to braid her hair, nor even to brush it. Obviously, she hadn't had the time. She hadn't even looked at herself in the mirror - was her hair tangled, messy, wild? Probably.
She didn't know what to say in response. Was that a compliment? Should she say thank you? Or was it a comment on how unruly she looked right now, and that she should take care to present herself with more elegance in the future? But surely the princess would give her some slack, all things considered?
"It's shorter in a braid. Because of all the twists." Suyin finally said, opting to explain it. That was a safe answer, with no assumptions about the meaning of that comment at all.
"Yes, I know. But it's different, actually seeing your hair down." Azula's voice was soft in the stillness of the night. "You've seen my hair down so many times. But I've never seen yours."
Suyin still didn't know what to say. Maybe it was because of the gentle tone of Azula's voice, so rare and unfamiliar on her, that Suyin felt some sort of… vulnerability. She'd seen the princess in literally all states of undress, working for her on a daily basis, and so it was no surprise that they felt comfortable in this routine. After all, a handmaid even touched her mistress' hair - an act so intimate it was usually reserved only for lovers and family members and the closest of friends. But to reverse it… For Suyin to be perceived in her nightgown, with her hair down - she almost felt as though she'd been caught naked, though it was far from it.
"I wouldn't come to work with my hair in this state." She said, finally.
Really, what did Azula expect? It wasn't anything strange for her not to have ever seen her like this. Suyin always took care to dress neatly - that's what was expected of her, always. Linhua had told her on that first day, and Suyin held herself to that every day since. She woke before Azula, and went to sleep after her. There'd never been time for her to see her in her nightgown.
"Yes, quite."
The silence overcame them once again as Suyin tied the sash of the night robe. There. Now dressed, Azula stood awkwardly by the side of the bed. She looked at the strewn bed covers. At the dark stain.
Her tone finally regained some of its usual regality, a stark comparison to how softly she'd spoken about her hair, "I can't sleep in this filth."
Suyin figured as much. Besides, the sheets were silk - she ought to launder them quickly, before the stains dried. It was terribly inconvenient to have to do so in the middle of the night, but if they let it be for too long, it would be impossible to remove, and it would be a terrible shame to have to throw out such nice sheets. And the silk night robe too, of course.
"I'll change the bedsheets now." Suyin assured her. But that would take a while, and it was the middle of the night, and the princess had training in a few hours, and a meeting after that. It would be pointless for Azula to stay up, waiting for her to change the bedsheets. "Why don't you sleep in my bed?"
"Your bed?"
Suyin sighed. "I don't know what else to suggest, princess."
Azula mulled over it for a moment. "Alright."
She didn't wait for Suyin to lead her into her room, and went ahead on her own. Suyin followed after her, and watched as the princess climbed into her bed. It would have been funny to see her sleeping on a single bed, at least five times smaller than her own, if it hadn't been so strange. There was something… intimate about it, somehow. As though by offering her her bed, she was also offering up her privacy.
"Good night, princess." Suyin said softly. And as she closed the door, she thought she heard her reply in a small voice.
"Thank you, Su."
That was nice to hear. Suyin wasn't particularly happy to have to work at this hour, especially when Azula got to go back to sleep, but the expression of gratitude placated her. And so she began to strip the bed of its sheets, grumbling internally, and gathered them and the sullied night robe and undergarments into her arms, and made her way down to the servant's quarters.
Ugh, but she really didn't want to wake up anyone else for this. She'd go to Linhua, but she lived near the palace and hence spent her nights there, with her family, rather than sleeping in the maids' rooms with the rest of the live-in servants.
Suyin dropped off what she was carrying in the laundry room, and then crept, feeling rather like a nervous thief, into one of the rooms which she knew belonged to her friend. There were six women in one room, and all of them slept soundly on their own futons. Thankfully, Suyin had managed to slip in without waking anyone, and she knelt down by one of the sleeping figures, hesitating for only a moment. She'd made it this far; it would be a shame to turn around now. There was no point in having second thoughts.
"Chiyo." She whispered and put her hand on her shoulder. Nothing. She gently shook her and tried her name again, "Chiyo, wake up. Chiyo."
Blearily, her eyes opened, and then widened, and Suyin was afraid she would yell and so she clamped her mouth shut- "Shh, it's just me, Suyin-"
Chiyo seemed to relax, at least somewhat, and so Suyin withdrew her hand, freeing her. "Fucking hell, Suyin, you scared me." She snapped - albeit quietly, clearly mindful as not to wake her roommates.
"I'm sorry." She said quickly. "But I need your help."
"What's wrong?"
"Can we talk in the hallway?"
"Fine."
Suyin left, stepping carefully over the other sleeping maids, and Chiyo followed after her. It was only when they were out in the dimly lit hallway that they could speak freely.
"I need help getting blood stains off of silk. Would you help? Please?"
Chiyo stared at her incredulously. "Suyin," she said in a harsh whisper, "Did you kill someone?"
"What? No! No. No!" Suyin exclaimed. Agni, she really should have phrased her request in a different way. "It's... just that the princess bled onto the bed sheets, and I know silk is a pain to clean and it'll be impossible to get the stains out if we wait until morning."
Chiyo sighed. Suyin couldn't tell if it was in relief that her request was so simple and not, ultimately, asking her to be a murder accomplice, or in annoyance that she'd woken her up for such a trivial thing. "Can't you do this yourself?"
Suyin felt guilt swell up within her. She could do this on her own, she supposed. Perhaps she shouldn't have woken her friend in the first place. But she didn't want to do this on her own, either. She'd already been up for so long, not to mention she hadn't laundered anything at all since becoming Azula's handmaid. She was afraid to accidentally destroy them, especially since they were all so nice - and expensive!
"Silk is really delicate, and you're better with it than I am. Please? I'll take you out for lunch sometime, or- or buy you a bottle, or anything! I'll really owe you one, Chiyo. Please."
She sighed again. "What time is it?"
"It's a little past three."
"It'll be fine if we leave it for three more hours, won't it? Then it can all get laundered properly."
"The blood will dry by that time."
Chiyo sighed. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Fine. I'll help."
"Oh, thank you! Thank you!"
"But you owe me a big favour!"
"I do. I promise. Anything you want."
"Okay. Let's go get the sheets, then."
"I already brought them down. They're in the laundry room."
Chiyo nodded. They made their way there together, not talking. It felt inappropriate, somehow, to disturb the silence of the night any more than they already had. Chiyo pulled open the bunched up sheets to inspect them, to see just how much damage was done.
"It's just these three that need to be cleaned now. The rest can wait." Suyin pointed out the stains. Only the actual bed sheet had gotten blood on it; the pillow and duvet covers were stainless. And, of course, the night robe and undergarments had to be cleaned as well, as soon as possible.
"Did you dress the bed in new sheets yet?"
"Not yet."
Chiyo walked over to the shelves with clean, folded bed sheets. She picked out a set from the nicest kind, reserved only for the most important palace inhabitants, all made of silk. A bed sheet, duvet cover, pillow covers… She handed the stack to Suyin.
"Go dress the bed, then. I'll get the stains out of these."
"Huh? I'll help you. I don't want to leave you alone with this work."
Chiyo shook her head, "I can manage this on my own. It's not as much as I expected, I can handle it. But you're still waiting on the princess, and I doubt she wants to be kept waiting."
Suyin was about to tell her that the princess wasn't waiting for her, that she was asleep in her bed, but figured that that might raise some questions, and she really didn't want to deal with this entire situation any more than she had to. So rather than telling Chiyo the entire truth (which, admittedly, she did feel a little guilty about), she took advantage of her kind offer.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, it's fine. Go."
"Thank you, Chiyo." Suyin felt love for her friend overwhelm her, and she kissed her on the cheek - a quick, friendly peck. "I owe you one!"
"Yeah, yeah." Chiyo waved her off with a tired smile.
It was eerie, somehow, how empty the palace halls were as Suyin made her way back to the princess' room. Of course it was expected at this time of night, for most everyone was asleep in their rooms. The nighttime guards were stationed outside the palace, mostly, but not in front of any doors, not even the princess' or Fire Lord's. She didn't come across anyone as she traversed the empty halls, and was glad for it, but it filled her with a vague sense of unease. She'd grown used to the bustle of palace life, with servants passing her at nearly every turn.
She was glad to come back to Azula's room. The lantern was still lit, and any thoughts of ghosts or demons or enemies left her as she stepped back into the familiar room, locking the door behind her. Suyin placed the stack of sheets down on the bedside table and began to dress the bed. It wasn't exactly an easy task for one person, especially since this wasn't a usual part of Suyin's duties and she'd grown rusty in her bed-dressing skills, but she managed all the same, walking around the bed a few times to tuck the sheets in tightly. She dressed the duvet and pillows as well, and laid them all out neatly, just the way Azula liked them.
All that was left was to toss the dirty water away. At this point, Suyin was wide awake, so she supposed one more trip down to the servant's quarters, to the bathroom, wouldn't hurt. She took the tub down with her, rinsed and scrubbed it clean, and then brought it back up to her room with fresh, clean water. There. Finally, that should be everything.
Well… except for the princess herself. She was still sleeping soundly in her bed, undisturbed by Suyin's coming and going. It wasn't yet four in the morning. Admittedly, Suyin hadn't thought it through this far - now that everything was finished, where should she sleep?
Which was the greater sin? To sleep in the princess' bed, or to wake her and kick her out of her bed, to reclaim her own? No, surely Suyin was not allowed to sleep in her bed; she didn't want to imagine the scolding she'd get if she did that. But she was hesitant, too, to wake Azula up. Agni knew the girl needed her sleep.
Should she just stay up for another three hours and avoid this issue completely? But Suyin wasn't sure if she could stay up so long, doing nothing. Besides, she needed her energy for the following day of work as well. She absolutely needed to sleep.
She stood in the doorway for a long moment, mulling over what she should do, watching the princess as she slept. She looked a lot more peaceful now than she did that hour ago, when she'd woken her up in a blind panic. It really would be a shame to wake her, but oh, Suyin didn't know what else to do!
So for the second time this night she approached a sleeping woman and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. She hoped she would not panic. She hoped she would not attack her, like that poor handmaid…
"Princess," she whispered. Her voice felt clamorous in the quiet of the night. "Princess Azula."
She opened her eyes without the panic Chiyo had presented, almost as though she'd been expecting her. Even asleep, even waking, she looked in control. All of Suyin's fears melted away.
"Your bed is ready."
"Ah."
She didn't get up immediately, and for a moment Suyin was worried that she'd refuse to move, already comfortable, and that Suyin would have to find an alternative place to sleep tonight. But Azula sat up, and yawned, and lazily climbed out of bed, leaving the covers strewn as they were.
Suyin followed her to the adjacent bedroom. The lantern was still lit. Azula squinted at the unwelcome glow, already used to the darkness, but she didn't say anything, and instead climbed into her bed. Suyin picked up the lantern to take it to her room, to leave the princess to sleep.
"You forgot something."
"Hm?"
"The fire iron."
Oh- that was right. Suyin had completely forgotten about it in the chaos of everything that had happened. It must have rolled away when she'd dropped it, or when she'd changed the bedsheets and everything, for it was now flush against the wall, nearly invisible in the dark of the night. Azula pointed it out, and Suyin went over to the far side of the room to pick it up.
"Why did you rush in with that thing?"
Suyin blushed. Though she'd felt brave in the moment, now, holding the iron rod again in her hand, she just felt silly. But of course it was different. Now, she knew why Azula had called for her, and that there was no real cause for her to worry. But the panic that had overtaken her when her cries had roused her from sleep was more real than anything she ever remembered feeling before. There'd been no way of knowing what was going on on the other side of the door - wasn't it natural, that she'd prepared for the worst?
"I was worried when I heard you call for me." Suyin admitted. "I thought there might be an intruder."
Azula cocked an eyebrow. Smirked. She looked entirely amused, "Really? And what, were you going to knock him on the head with that? Poke him full of holes?"
"Well- yes. Something like that."
She snorted. "Remind me - you've had no formal military training, have you?"
"No, princess. None at all." Suyin felt her face burn. She didn't like that she'd laughed at her. Of course, Suyin knew that her physical abilities were practically nonexistent in comparison to the princess' prowess, but to simply laugh it off... It left her with a bitter feeling in her chest.
"I may not be able to fight, but- you are the princess." Suyin said emphatically. "And - however little - I'll do whatever I can to protect you."
Azula didn't laugh this time, but the smile remained and it was somehow - gentler. Or so she thought, at least. It was hard to tell with the princess sometimes.
"How courageous of you."
Even with these words, Suyin couldn't quite tell whether the princess was poking fun at her or whether it was a genuine compliment. So she bowed her head, but didn't say anything in response. She was tired and had neither the energy nor the patience to figure out her meaning.
Azula settled down into her bed, pulling the covers up over herself. "Well then," she murmured, "Good night."
"Good night." Suyin told her, for the third time in the past five hours.
She went back into her room, closing the door behind her. Placed the fire iron up in its usual spot against the fireplace, nearly within arm's reach of where she slept. Finally, she settled into her own bed, and blew out the flame of the lantern. She was exhausted, and loathed to think that she would have to wake up, again, in two hours, to face a brand new day. But her bed was comfortable, and her own, and she was so glad to be back in it.
It was still warm, too, and the princess' lingering body heat enveloped her, and eased her into a dreamless sleep.