I am so glad that nothing happened to her during the accident.
Makoto put away her sun glasses as she entered the hospital. Michiru left it the next day. When the doctors had been sure that she had no concussion. That she was really alright. She and the little child she carried. Kei took her home but they had been very busy and so they forgot one of Michiru's bags.
Kei doesn't know Usagi yet. Otherwise he would have known that a help cry from her isn't that important. Not as important than a help cry from Sailor Moon.
Makoto grinned as she remembered how shocked Usagi had been after they arrived at her home. To rescue her from an enemy. A pink haired enemy who had stolen her cake.
Right now Kei and Michiru were shopping. Some new clothes for Michiru. Maternity clothes. They invited Makoto, but she didn't want to come with them. She had a meeting with the girls to learn for history and so she decided to go to the hospital to fetch up the missing bag.
We're all a little bit crazy, I guess.
"Hello, I am here for Kaioh Michiru. She left hospital yesterday and forgot her bag." She smiled at the nice nurse who looked into her computer and nodded.
"That's nice that you fetch it up for you. You must be Makoto, aren't you?" The thunder senshi nodded. "Dr. Mizuno told me about you. You're one of her daughter's friends, aren't you?"
Dr. Mizuno. That was Ami's mother. She worked in the hospital, too. As a child's doctor. They all knew her. Not only from Ami, but also from Hotaru. She was the little girl's doctor and whenever the future senshi of death felt ill she had to visited the older woman. A nice woman. An always smiling woman.
Hope she'll understand Ami's love.
But somehow Makoto was sure. Dr. Mizuno looked always so understanding and she did everything to be a good mother. Her husband left her when Ami was a little child and she was seldom at home. But nevertheless she was a good mother. And Ami wanted to become a doctor, too. One day.
A doctor and a show star.
Makoto grinned even more and filled out a form. To sign that she took the bag.
"Just wait a minute. I'll take it." The nurse smiled friendly at her and was gone within the next second. Makoto nodded and looked at a huge painting that hung here. At the emergency room. Most of the patient here didn't see it. But maybe it hang there to cheer up the doctors here. To bright up their sometimes so dark day.
"May I go home now?" Makoto froze as she heard the silent voice behind her. A shaky voice. A low voice. A voice she got to know too well during the past two years. During the battle against Mistress nine.
Slowly she turned around and her chin dropped as she saw the young woman standing there. About twenty steps away. In the middle of the emergency room. Supporting her trembling body hard on a drip. It was connected to her right arm. To a skinny arm.
Haruka?
"I don't think so." The nurse shortly looked up from her computer and shook her head. "This was your third breakdown this week. Dr. Taka won't let you go home again."
"But..." The tall blonde let her shoulders hang and stared at her feet. Her face was paler than Makoto could remember and the senshi of thunder felt suddenly very ill.
Third breakdown?
This week?
Makoto wanted to go over to Haruka, but she simply couldn't move.
What is she doing here?
She looks so fragile.
"But I need to go home."
Again the nurse looked up and sighed deeply.
"Is there anyone at home who would take care of you until next Monday?" she asked and Makoto could see how Haruka bit on her lower lip. How she clenched her fists harder around the cold metal of the drip.
Next Monday?
Fragile? Strong and independent Haruka fragile?
Makoto took a deep breath and felt how her hands turned ice cold. A stone formed in her belly and suddenly she felt a feeling she didn't feel for a long time. Not since they defeated Mistress nine. It was fear. Death fear.
"I only wanna go home." Whispered Haruka again and blonde strands covered her pale face with shadows. So Makoto couldn't see the expression in dark green eyes.
Haruka?
She took two steps until she was hold back.
"Here's your bag, Makoto. I shall say hello from Dr. Mizuno and that Ami shouldn't learn too much for the history test. She also loves her daughter with a B."
Makoto frowned and nodded. Too confused to answer. Too confused to think properly. Too confused to feel any other feeling than blank fear and panic.
The nurse smiled friendly and returned back to her work. There was a lot to do today and she didn't want to waist a minute.
Haruka?
Makoto took a deep breath and turned around. And froze again. And stared in disbelieve at the empty drip. Some hoses hang down to the ground and some clear fluid founded a small lake.
Nani?
The thunder senshi blinked, but she couldn't see Haruka anywhere. At that moment the other nurse raised her head and cursed loudly.
"Shit! She did it again!" she swore and went over to the drip and looked around. With the same confused look. But the tall blonde wasn't around.
Haruka was gone.
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Carefully she put the violin down and stared for a long time on the lines she just wrote down. On the notes she just played for the first time. Although the melody filled her mind the last days. It was in the middle of the night and the whole house was silent. Surely her brother and Makoto already slept. Even Hotaru fell asleep and didn't cry as she had done the last nights.
Maybe her teeth are finally out so far.
But Michiru knew that there were still some missing and that the little girl would have some more sleepless nights.
Silently she closed the violin case and looked over to the empty bed. A huge bed. Too big for a single person.
We bought it together.
Michiru didn't want to remember all the nights and the days she spent in this bed. Together with her Ruka. Teasing her around. Tickling her. Loving her...
The sea goddess turned determinedly around and stepped out on the balcony. Felt the fresh air from the ocean. Heard the appeasing rushes of the waves. Saw the stars sparkling above in an endless sky.
Again she saw her Ruka. How she ran along the sand. Waving up to her. In the early morning. Dancing through the flat water and inviting her to join her. To swim with her. Through the wild water. And to hold each other tight afterwards. In the warm sand. Just to be near to each other. To feel each other's love. To know that the other one would always be there.
Sure. Always...
Michiru's face was hard as she saw again the red haired girl leaning over to Haruka and kissing her. Kissing her with all her lust.
Hope she's happy with that whore.
But Michiru wasn't.
See it, jerk, she doesn't want you any longer. She doesn't need you any longer.
Again Michiru remembered how she woke up in hospital and only Kei sat there at here side. There was no Haruka around. A tall blonde who let her run into the truck. Without helping her.
Didn't she throw her Uranus planet?
She didn't know. But she still heard Kei's sad voice as she asked and he had to tell her that Haruka simply walked away. Not asking how the young violinist felt. Not asking if everything was alright. Not caring for her any longer.
Michiru spreat her arms and felt the warm wind playing with her sea green hairs. Hairs Haruka seemed to love so much. To stroke. To wash. To kiss.
Or was it just another lie?
The sea goddess bit on her lower lip and felt the anger deep in her heart. Felt the hate deep in her soul. Knew that she would never be the same again. Knew that moaning wouldn't bring back the past. Kew that her whole life changed when Haruka closed the door behind herself and never came back.
Michiru opened her eyes and clenched her fists while she watched the wild sea for a long time.
It's time for a change.
It was dawn when she left the balcony.
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Silently she stared at the small package in her arms. It was heavy but for her it seemed to be too light. A dog barked somewhere but she didn't notice it.
Only this small package.
She sighed deeply and put it into the letterbox.
It's all I leave behind.
Suddenly she started to freeze. She pulled her leather jacket tighter around her trembling body. Then she walked away. Not looking back again.
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It was nice dark in the concert hall. Some people whispered but most of the audience listened to the musicians on the stage. It was a beneficial concert and all well known musicians of Japan played or sung one of their works. The concert was sold out. Until the last seat. But nevertheless she had got a card.
"Who's the next?" asked a curious voice next to her and a maybe ten year old girl looked to her mother. A young woman who liked music a lot. She knew all the other artists and silently hummed the sweet melodies.
"Kaioh Michiru, dear." She answered and smiled loving at her daughter.
"She plays the violin, doesn't she?"
"Hai."
Michi-chan.
Haruka clenched her fists in her lap and stared again at her boots. Wondering why she sat there. In the last array where hopefully no one would recognize her.
I had to come.
The tall blonde swallowed hard. Today was a special day and she knew it.
I need to say good bye.
The boy group finished the song and the three boys winked at screaming fans. They were part of the music in Japan, too. Just like Country music. And some people only came to the concert to hear their songs. Only two songs. About someone who searched for his true love. For his princess. A young woman he searched every where on the world. Maybe in the whole universe.
I only want to see her again. Only this one time. This last time...
Haruka sighed slightly and listened to the conductor's words. That Kaioh Michiru would now play a song. The people cheered up and clapped. Then there was suddenly death silence and only some people dared to whisper.
Nani?
Haruka raised her head and stared in disbelieve at the young woman on the stage. She wore a long, very narrow pink dress. It showed all her female outlines and even a little bit more. The tall blonde swallowed hard as she looked at the belly. An always thin belly. Now it seemed to be a little bit bigger.
Blue eyes looked empty at the audience and Haruka gasped for breath as she saw the hairs of her Michi-chan. They were cut. Cut short. Almost as short as her own hairs. And they were coloured. In a screaming pink. Some strands hang into a pale face and Haruka shivered as she saw the hate there.
What has she done?
The senshi of wind shook her head and felt the shock of the audience. No one reacted. No one said a word. No one seemed to breathe.
She looks like a plucked chicken...
She looks full of hate.
And sad.
Haruka leaned back in her seat and clenched her fists even harder. Until it hurt. But pain was good. It told her that she was still alive. Still.
Michiru stepped forwards. She hold her violin in her left hand. With the right one she put the micro and looked directly into the audience. Haruka automatically crept deeper into her seat and hoped that it was dark enough and that she sat too far away to be recognized.
"Nice that you all could come." Michiru heard her own voice, but it sounded strange in her ears. She felt sick and for the first time she could remember she was excited. She had never been excited at a concert. But this concert was a not just a concert. It was special.
It's the right decision!
It's time for a change!
"Today is a special day for me." Still there was death silence but she didn't care about it. So she had not to speak so loudly when all people were whispering. So surely everyone would listen to what she had to say. "Because today is my daughter's first birthday." She smiled a smile she had often smiled in front of the audience. In front of the cameras. Some lights flashed through the hall, but she didn't see it neither.
"She's now at home and surely sleeping. Or crying and driving my baby sitter mad. She's now getting her first teeth." Michiru sighed a little bit and hold the micro tighter.
It's the right decision!
It's the only one...
"Someone told me that I was never at home. That I was always busy with my music and that there's nothing more in my life. Someone told me that I was never with my family. That I didn't take enough responsibilities. That I was selfish and ignorant." Michiru shrugged her shoulders and took a deep breath. It was harder than she had expected. But she wouldn't give up. Not now. "Guess she had been right."
No...
Haruka shook her head. Not knowing what to do. Not knowing what to say. Not knowing what to think.
No, you wasn't wrong, Michi-chan. Not you...
"My daughter's now one year old and I am here. Guess I should be at home and celebrating her first birthday with a big party and with my friends." Michiru swallowed hard. "Guess I should take more time for my family. I always thought that my music is the most important thing in my life. But someone showed me that my family is more important for me. And that I should use the time that's given to me to be with it." Her voice was shaky and more cameras aimed on her. "Because someone showed me that it all can be over the next day."
Michi-chan...
Haruka wanted to stand up. To go over to the stage. To embrace her. But she couldn't. She simply couldn't move.
Don't let other suffer.
The tall blonde shook her head again as she saw how tears sparkled in blue eyes.
"This is the last performance I am giving." Now there was a gasp that went through the audience.
No, Michi-chan. Don't give up your dream! Not because of me!
But Haruka knew that there was no way to stop this concert. Michiru's last one. Helplessly she saw how the boy group returned to the stage. The youngest one sat down behind the drums, the others took their electrical guitars in their hands. Ready to play.
"This is my last song. It's for the person who meant the most for me. Still means." Michiru sobbed quietly and closed her eyes for some seconds. "I am sorry, that I wasted all our years."
With those words she stepped back and brought the violin to her shoulder. She counted silently until three and the music began. It was a loud music. A raging one. A melody that explained all her desperate feelings.
" Don't recognize me, do ya
We're sitting face to face
Your mind is in another time and in another place
I saw that when your eyes met mine and still you've seen them move
You don't recall this face at all, the one you'd said you'd loved."
Michiru closed her eyes and saw again how Haruka closed the door behind herself. How she simply walked away and never came back. How she simply passed away in the city. When little Hotaru tried desperately to be taken in those strong arms again. How Sailor Uranus helped her, but didn't answer her questions. How she simply walked away from the hospital. Without caring about her health any longer.
"The bats are in the belfry and now you're on your own
The lights are shinning brightly, but there's nobody home.
But time has gone so quickly now and nothing can replaced.
All these wasted years.
Your friends don't come around here
The way they used to do.
Well, once there were so many and now there are so few.
But time has gone so quickly now and nothing can replaced.
All these wasted years."
She had wasted all those years. With her music. With her rehearsals. With her concerts. With their mission as Sailor senshi. With their search after the talismans.
Ruka had been right, I never had been at home.
But now it was too late to change it. She couldn't turn back time and she knew it. Now she had to live with the splinters of a broken life. Somehow.
What shall I say to my unborn child if it'll ever ask after its daddy?
Some tears ran down her cheeks and more flashlights crossed the hall. But she didn't see them. Didn't notice them at all. All she heard was her own voice. The music in the background. Her thoughts she couldn't stop spinning around in her mind.
What shall I say to Himme-chan where her daddy is?
Michiru bit hard on her lower lip.
What shall I say to myself each night I wake up after a terrible nightmare?
"This fallaced smile upon your face, you seemed to be confused
By all these kindly stranger who come to visit you
The flowers on the table, the pictures on the wall
I thought it could be different, but now I am not so sure.
The bats are in the belfry and now you're on your own
The lights are shinning brightly, but there's nobody home.
But time has gone so quickly now and nothing can replaced.
All these wasted years.
Your friends don't come around here
The way they used to do.
Well, once there were so many and now there are so few.
But time has gone so quickly now and nothing can replaced.
All these wasted years."
Haruka lowered her head and looked at her shaking hands. Knowing that Michiru sang this song only for her. That she wrote it for her. Over her. That those lines were meant for her.
I behaved not to recognize her on the street.
She took a deep breath and wished that this concert would be over soon. That she could escape this hell. A hell she created on her own.
I only wanted to see her happy.
But the young woman with the cut hairs and the pink dress wasn't the happy senshi she had loved. The smiling sea goddess she wanted to protect.
Don't let other suffer.
She sobbed quietly while the raging music and the low, empty voice filled her mind.
Don't let HER suffer!
But the same time she knew she did. She hurt her Michi-chan by simply walking away. By lying to her. By screaming at her. By ignoring her.
I hurt her deeply.
The pain increased again inside her body and she knew that she couldn't change her destiny. Nor Michi-chan's. She knew that it was better to leave her now than in five years.
Better breaking her heart now than breaking slowly her soul over the years.
Haruka buried her face in her ice cold hands and shook again her head.
She has her Kei. And Himme-chan. And the baby. She'll come over this pain. Surely.
But deep in her heart Haruka knew she wouldn't.
"They tell me that you're much improved but they can't tell me why
I've talked and talked for hours and still there's no reply.
The bats are in the belfry and now you're on your own
The lights are shinning brightly, but there's nobody home.
But time has gone so quickly now and nothing can replaced.
All these wasted years.
Your friends don't come around here
The way they used to do.
Well, once there were so many and now there are so few.
But time has gone so quickly now and nothing can replaced.
All these wasted years."
Slowly the music died away and Michiru opened her eyes again. She blinked into the bright light on the stage and looked into the still very silent audience in the semi darkness around.
"Maybe it were wasted years for you..." again she took the micro in her hands and some tears ran over her cheeks. "... but for me it had been the best in my life. Arigato, honey."
Without another word she laid her violin on the ground, turned around and simply went away. Forever.
Haruka watched her in silence.
My guardian angel walks away.
It was like dying. Even worse.
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"Do you really want to give up your music?"
"Kaioh-san, was it really your last concert?"
"And who was this secret person you played for?"
"Why do you give up your music?"
"And where was Tenô Haruka? He's your boyfriend, isn't he?"
"Kaioh-san, please answer!"
"Where..."
"Why..."
"Who..."
"Kaioh-san..."
She fought herself through the reporters. Her body guards tried to hold them back but there were too many.
Leave me in peace! I only wanna go home!
She felt sick and exhausted. She didn't want to answer those silly questions. She only wanted to get away. From this silly place. From her life. From their silly questions.
Some flashlights danced through the corridor while she fought towards the door.
The next time I'll take the backdoor.
Michiru grinned wickedly and pushed away a microphone.
What next time? Remember, that was your LAST time!
She raised her head to search again for the door and stopped in motion. Some reporters crashed against her and their voices were suddenly even louder. More and more photos were taken and more and more questions hang in the air. But she didn't notice them. All she saw was the person leaning against the wall next to the door. Staring at her boots. Taking the sun glasses on and hiding messed blonde hairs under a dark cap.
Ruka?
She frowned and shook her head in disbelieve.
What she's doing here? Did she hear my song? Did she understand its meaning?
Her blue eyes grew wide as she saw how two tears ran down pale cheeks. How shaky hands put headphones over ears. How the tall blonde whispered words Michiru couldn't understand.
What does it all mean?
The whole world started to spin around. But nevertheless she fought herself through the reporters. Yelling at them that she wouldn't answer any stupid question. That they should leave her in peace. That all this was her business. Only her!
She was out of breath as she reached the door. But there was no trace of the tall blonde any more. Haruka was gone.
Where to?
Michiru opened the door and ran out on the huge place before. But between all the people she couldn't see her Ruka. She seemed to be disappeared. To nowhere. To a place Michiru couldn't find her.
I have to find her. I have to find her. I have to find her!
She didn't know where that thought came from, but she felt how panic grew inside her belly. Panic and deep fear. Tears burned in her blue eyes while she stumbled over the stones.
"Michiru?"
She spun around and looked into big brown eyes. Shocked eyes.
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"Do you really want to give up your music?"
"Kaioh-san, was it really your last concert?"
"And who was this secret person you played for?"
"Why do you give up your music?"
"And where was Tenô Haruka? He's your boyfriend, isn't he?"
"Kaioh-san, please answer!"
"Where..."
"Why..."
"Who..."
"Kaioh-san..."
Stupid reporters.
Haruka sighed slightly and stared at her feet. Still leaning against the wall. Waiting that her medicine did its job. That she soon would be able again to walk away. To walk home. To a home that didn't exist any longer.
Michi-chan had always hated those reporters.
She took her sunglasses on and swallowed hard. Two tears she couldn't hold back any longer ran over her cheeks but she didn't wipe them away. She was in the mass. Thousands of people were around. No one would see her. No one would recognize her. She pulled the cap over her messed blonde hairs and sighed deeply. She wanted to look up. To look again at her Michi-chan. Being surrounded by crazy reporters. But she didn't dare to. She only took her headphones and sighed deeply.
"Wish you well, Michi. Goodbye..."
It was nothing more than a shaky whisper.
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The sailor fuku was too narrow. Too narrow for her grown belly. And too wide for her skinny arms. But she didn't care about it. It was the last time that she would wear it. And she knew it.
The room was empty. The moon shone through the closed windows, transformed the soft carpet into a sea of silver. Tiny waves were moving while she walked through the dry water.
She wished there had been another way.
Silently she laid the roses into the corner. White roses. Three white roses.
But there had been no other way.
The house was quiet. All people were sleeping. Kei fell asleep on the couch in the living room and the TV set showed some talk shows the young man surely wouldn't have watched if he had been awake.
Nani?
Haruka opened the door and swallowed hard as she saw the deep ocean she stepped into. As she saw the wild and calm water running down the walls. Touching the ceiling. Reaching sky.
Just like Himme-chan's room.
But the tall blonde knew that it wasn't made for the future senshi of death. Still the room was empty. Only one furniture stood on the soft carpet. A cradle. A new cradle. It had sea birds on a light blue curtain and it stood right in the middle.
Himme-chan broke her own one.
Haruka ran a trembling hand through her strands and stepped hesitating over to the cradle. She knew what it meant. And she knew that it would have never belonged to her. Even if she wouldn't have been an angel's child.
"Wish you all the best, little one." She whispered with a sob in her voice and laid the tiny pyjama carefully down. "Make your mommy happy. Always." With a desperate gesture she turned around and stood the next moment in her daughter's room. Little Hotaru was sleeping deep and tight in her little bed. A smile laid on her face and the toy bunny laid on the carpet. As always.
Happy birthday, Himme-chan.
She wanted to say it aloud. But suddenly she couldn't speak a word. There was a big lump in her throat and her voice didn't obey her any longer.
I wish you all the best.
Haruka went on her knees before the bed and laid an old teddy bear next to the little girl. It was fifteen years old and the tall blonde knew that Hotaru needed it more than she did. The future senshi of death munched and took the old toy in her tiny arms and hold it tight. As tight as she had never hold her bunny. But her daddy...
Don't worry, Himme-chan, whatever will happen, I will always watch over you. I promise.
With those words she turned around and disappeared silently into the darkness of the night.
One minute later Hotaru opened her eyes and started desperately to cry.
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"I don't have any salt, Tara." Screamed Haruka angry and stared annoyed at the slim woman who stood before her door. Holding a salt box in her hands. "Why don't you buy yourself a little bit food, Tara? The supermarket in the railway station is still opened!"
Without letting the other woman speak she slammed the door and took a deep breath. She only wore a dark pullover and dark socks. But still she couldn't decide whether she was freezing or sweating. She took the remote control and the music increased inside her apartment. Inside her mind. Inside her soul. Her watch beeped again but she ignored it.
I don't need it any longer.
She sighed deeply and went over to the small bathroom. The water already flew into the tub. Warm water. Hot water. Steaming water. To fill it. To be her last rest.
Haruka swallowed hard and sat down before the tub on the warm carpet that covered the cold tiles. For a long while she stared at the whisky bottle next to her. And at the razor blade.
Don't let other suffer.
Again she heard her father's sad voice in her mind. Again she remembered how she promised him never to let other suffer. Without knowing what suffering meant. Until she grew up and realized what her father had broken. What had been wrong all this time with her mother. That she not only inherited her mother's blonde hairs and her dark green eyes. But also her illness. For a long time she hoped that it wouldn't make any difference. That she would stay healthy. That it would never break out. That there would never be any operation.
She swore herself never to have an accident at the race track. And if she'd have one, that she wouldn't survive it. When she became Sailor Uranus she swore to herself to let herself being killed by the youmas than being dangerously injured. She really hoped that there would be a life possible she always dreamed of as a small child. With a loving family.
With my Michi-chan.
But now she knew that it was impossible.
Don't let HER suffer.
She knew that she had to do it. It was better to die now than in five years. After five years in coma. She wouldn't notice it. She would already been dead. A spirit that was trapped in a dead body. A dead body kept alive by machines. Silly machines. Expensive machines. Helpless machines. But her Michi-chan would see her slowly dying. She would have to make the same damn decision her father had to make. Each morning. Each noon. Each evening. Each midnight. If he should stop the machines or not. Finally after five years of endless hoping and praying and wishing he decided to stop them. And her mother died. And took her father with her.
Himme-chan needs her mommy. Just like the little baby.
Tears burned in her dark green eyes as she took the razor blade in her shaking hands. Watching for another long time the silver surface. Blinking in the lamplight.
I can't let Michi-chan suffer the same way my father suffered. Better to die now than to load all this weights upon her shoulders. She deserves better in her life.
She has Kei to come over my death.
Haruka swallowed hard as she put away the sleeve and watched her naked, left arm. Too skinny. Shaking, too.
Just two cuts and it's over.
She blinked and touched the water in the tub. It was nice warm. The last warmth she would experience in her life.
I wish Michiru would embrace me when I am dying...
But she knew that Michiru wouldn't. She would die on her own. All alone.
Better than to pull her into death, too.
Don't let other suffer.
Don't let HER suffer!
She lowered her head again and put the razor blade to her wrist. A desperate expression appeared on her pale face as she closed her eyes. Her fingers tightened around the razor blade and blood run over them. She pushed it tighter to her skin. Tighter and tighter. She had expected pain. But there was nothing. No pain, no sorrow. Only fear. Fear she had never felt in her whole life before. Not even when she shot at herself to pull the talisman out of her pure heart.
Slowly she opened her eyes again and saw the cut in her skin. It wasn't very deep. Not yet. It bleed. Of course it bleed, but it wasn't deadly. Not yet. And it didn't hurt.
Strange. And I thought I was afraid of the pain.
But she wasn't afraid of the pain. She was afraid of leaving a life she wanted so badly to live. With her family. With her Michi-chan. With her Himme-chan. With the little one. No matter who the father was.
You are such a coward!
She sobbed and some tears ran down her pale face.
You dealt with so many youmas. Even with the end of the world. Why can't you just do those two stitches? And everything will be over. You baka!
Again she hold the razor blade to her skin. But she simply couldn't push it any longer. Tears blurred her view and everything was suddenly red. From the few blood that covered now the carpet.
How could father do that?
She asked herself quietly and shook her head.
How could he do such a cruel thing?
But it was the only way. To crash with her car, she could harm innocent people. To take pills, they could find her. To jump from a bridge, surely a police man would hold her back.
I can't do that.
More tears streamed over her cheeks and the razor blade escaped her trembling fingers.
But you have!
Don't let other suffer.
Don't let HER suffer!
Haruka blinked and took the whiskey bottle in her shaking hands.
Surely I am not drunk enough. It will be easier when I am dead drunk.
She drank some gulps and made a face as she tasted the bitter fluid on her lips. She choked and the whole world spun around her.
More alcohol and it will surely be possible.
But deep in her heart she knew that it wouldn't.
Don't let other suffer.
Don't let HER suffer!
Again she wanted to take the razor blade as she heard the ringing of the door bell. Again and again and again. Determinedly. Obstinately. Without hesitation. Somehow Haruka knew that it wouldn't stop this time.
"Shit!" she swore and grabbed a towel to wipe away the blood. She wrapped it around her arm and pulled the dark sleeve again over it. Then she grabbed the whiskey bottle again and left reeling the small bath room. Knowing that she would yell again at Tara. That she would make her point clear that she doesn't want a love affair. And that she didn't have any salt.
"Get your fucking ass out..." she shouted as she opened the door.
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"I don't have any salt, Tara." She heard the angry voice shouting at the slim woman who stood before her door. Holding a salt box in her hands. "Why don't you buy yourself a little bit food, Tara? The supermarket in the railway station is still opened!"
The door was closed with a loud noise and the red haired woman only shrugged her shoulders. She only wore a white shirt and Michiru could see the breasts under the thin cloth. The face was covered with make up and it looked like a request.
"Baka!" growled Tara and went back into her own apartment. Still holding the salt box tight in her hands. Knowing that it had been senseless to empty it.
Nani?
Michiru frowned. Of course she had recognized the red haired bitch. The whore who had kissed her Ruka in the disco. But the tall blonde didn't seem to be interested in her.
Any longer?
Michiru hold the bag in her arms tighter and stared for a long time at the closed door.
Is it the right decision?
Makoto showed her where Haruka lived now. The sea senshi didn't ask why the girl knew it. She only thanked her and decided to talk to her. Now. Because somehow she had the strange feeling that it could be too late the next day.
What if she yells again at me?
Michiru took a deep breath and balanced the bag. With her now free hand she touched the bell. Without pushing the button.
What if she tells me again that she doesn't want me?
The sea goddess leaned her head against the door and closed her eyes for some moments.
Then I'll hopefully have some answers I might be able to live with.
Her deep blue eyes sparkled as she opened them again. Determinedly she pushed the button. For one, two, three, four and even more times. For several seconds each time. She wouldn't walk away. Not this evening. She wouldn't simply turn around and flew. She wasn't a coward. And she wasn't weak.
I'll never be weak again.
Like all the people thought at her at school. In the orphan's house. Even at the beginning of her violin career.
She heard how someone cursed behind the door. There were steps. Steps she knew too well. Her heart started to beat wildly inside her chest and suddenly she felt really sick. But she wouldn't give up. She wouldn't throw up her dinner. She wouldn't run away.
I want some answers. Just some answers.
But she knew that she wanted much more. Not only answers. But also a solution. And maybe a little bit hope. And maybe, only maybe, a little bit love.
"Get your fucking ass out..." The voice was angry but it died away the moment sparkling blue and startled green eyes met.
Michiru hold her bag tighter as she saw her Ruka. Only dressed in a black pullover. In an old pullover that seemed to be too big for her. Only wearing black sockets. Her hairs were messed and her face was very pale. And she was holding a half emptied whiskey bottle in her hands.
What have you done to yourself?
But Michiru knew that she wouldn't ask. Not yet. Maybe later.
"Don't worry, I brought my own salt with me." Quickly she stepped into the apartment. Quickly she walked past Haruka and over in the living room. Not letting Haruka the chance to close the door before her nose or even pulling her out to the corridor.
"What the hell are you doing here?" The voice was low and a little bit shaky.
Shaky? Ruka? Never!
Michiru frowned as she heard the raging music. It was a long time that she had heard it. About six years.
I thought she threw the CD away.
"What do you want, Michiru?"
Again Michiru. Not Michi-chan.
Haruka took the remote control and the music died away. Silently she watched how Michiru went over to the small kitchen and put the paper bag she carried with her on the round table.
"Just something to eat and the truth." Answered Michiru and opened the fridge. As she had expected it was empty. There was only a bottle of milk. And another one of whiskey.
"Strange mixture. Guess your new girlfriend isn't very keen on cooking." She said and searched for a pan. Haruka didn't reply anything. She only leaned against the fridge and watched Michiru for a long time.
She's so slime. She looks so fragile. So alone.
Again she fought against the desire in her to take her into her arms. To rock her. To comfort her. To tell her the truth and to say goodbye. To die in that soft embracement she missed during the past weeks.
"You coloured your hair?" asked Haruka because she didn't know anything else to do.
"Hai. I simply didn't like the way it looked any longer."
But I liked it.
Haruka bit on her lower lip and her eyes grew wide as Michiru put a huge knife in her hands.
"You cut the sausage. Guess that's something even you can do without burning it." Ordered Michiru and opened the paper bag. It contained butter, eggs, sausage, ketchup, sugar, salt and some other food.
"What..."
"I am making an omelette. I am hungry after the concert." Michiru turned again towards the pan and soon the scent of melted butter filled the air. Haruka's stomach started to growl and for the first time after days, no, even weeks she had real hunger and appetite.
"You can get anything, too, if you'll help me."
Haruka only nodded and started slowly to cut the sausage into tiny pieces.
Again silence evolved between them and Haruka wondered why Michiru didn't yell at her. Why she didn't ask her thousands of questions she simply couldn't answer.
"Today's Himme-chan's first birthday, isn't it?"
Himme-chan?
Michiru frowned but kept taking care for the butter.
"Hai. It's amazing that you remember the birthday of that stinking brat."
Oh, Michi-chan. I never meant it. I...
Haruka cut another sausage and felt the old pain returning inside her belly. But she didn't dare to stand up taking her medicine.
"Shouldn't you be at home with her?"
She wants me to go.
Michiru searched for a spoon and cut the eggs in a bowl. To mix them up with a pork.
But I won't go that easily. Forget that, Tenô-san. This time you won't escape so simply!
"Don't worry, Kei's watching over her."
"Kei? Do you really trust a guy you hardly know?" Haruka cut the sausage now harder and it looked like a fight. Between her and the meat. A personal fight she feared to lose.
"Hardly know? I grew up with him." Michiru turned around to get the cheese and looked shortly into startled green eyes.
But...
"You never mentioned him." Growled Haruka and cut again the sausage. Not caring that all she produced was mash. Mash, not little quarters.
Is she jealous?
Michiru frowned.
She can't be jealous, can she?
"I know. And I am sorry for that." Michiru shrugged her shoulders while she rubbed the cheese. "But... I was afraid of what you might think. He... he's not as perfect as you nor our friends." The sea goddess took the pan from the fire and put the cheese away. There was still something missing. She searched in the paper back and found the mushrooms. "He did a lot of mistakes. Maybe it was wrong not to tell you. He went the way I would have walked when I hadn't met you." She opened the tin and cut the mushrooms. "He had the wrong friends and stole something. I don't know what it was. Maybe a TV set, maybe a CD player. He went into jail for over three years."
Jail?
"Jail? A prisoner is watching over our Himme-chan?" Haruka's face was suddenly red and her eyes sparkled with anger. "And you're really so blind to trust him?"
Our Himme-chan?
What a game are you playing, Ruka?
"Of course I trust him. He would never do me any harm, nor our family. Kei may have done some mistakes, but he's an honest person."
Our family.
Haruka sighed slightly and condemned another sausage to a sudden, cruel fight.
He's already part of the family.
"In the orphan's house he promised me to be always there for me." Michiru shook her head and pink strands hang into her eyes.
I'll never get used to that hair style.
She stroke it out of her forehead and put the mushrooms to the cheese. Then she controlled the butter.
Now only the sausages are missing.
"Maybe he's not the perfect protector, but for me he's the most perfect brother I could ever imagined. He was the one who saved me when our mother became insane and tried to kill us..." Tears burned in her blue eyes as she turned around to ask for the sausage.
Brother?
Before Haruka could react the knife went into her left forefinger instead of the poor sausage.
Brother!
In horror she stared at the blood pouring over her left hand.
That Kei is Michiru's brother?
"Ruka! Watch out! Your finger!" Michiru sighed deeply and handled her an handkerchief and took the sausage away. "Can't you even cut a sausage properly?"
At that moment Haruka raised her head and the terrified expression in dark green eyes made her shiver.
"I knew you'd react like that. That your girlfriend has a brother who was once jailed. I knew it!" she sighed deeply and turned around to put the sausage into the pan. Soon the air smelled even more delicious. But Haruka felt suddenly very, very sick. Nausea increased inside her hurting belly and she took a deep breath.
Kei's her brother.
She couldn't help but to stare at the still slim belly. Being a little bit bigger under the extreme narrow pink evening dress.
And who's the child's father?
"The doctor in hospital said..." it was a very silent whisper and shortly Michiru turned around. She frowned as she saw how the tall blonde stared in disbelieve at her belly.
She knows it?
Michiru hold the pan tighter in her suddenly shaking hands.
She knows it and doesn't say a word about it? So it is alike to her what happens to me. So she really doesn't like small children. So she's really fed up with the family life I wanted her to lead with me.
"Hai, I am pregnant. In the twelfth week now." She couldn't hold back the pride in her voice. She put the pan again over the fire and stroke over her slim belly. "But you don't have to congratulate me." Michiru took the eggs and swirled them into the pan. Swirled them energetically. Telling herself not to cry. Not to sob. Not to give up.
"Don't worry, I don't want anything from you. I earned enough money with my music to raise Himme-chan and that child. You don't owe me anything. Just an answer."
I should owe her something for the child?
Haruka leaned back and felt suddenly very, very exhausted.
"Who's the father?" she asked although she feared to know the answer.
Shortly Michiru watched her and endless disappointment laid in her blue eyes. Then she concentrated again on the meal. She put the cheese and the mushrooms to it and swirled it all around. When it was ready she put it away from the fire and leaned against the oven. Silently she watched the tall blonde and sighed deeply.
"Sometimes we do crazy things when we're in love." She whispered and ran her icy hands over her burning eyes. "It's not important."
Of course it's important.
Haruka stared again at the slim body. Suddenly knowing that it was her child Michiru carried. Somehow.
Maybe Sailor Moon...?
The senshi of the wind clenched her fists around the handkerchief and asked herself how she should go into the small bathroom again. Taking the razor blade again in her hands. Trying again to save her family from endless suffering pain.
Don't let other suffer.
Don't let HER suffer.
But she knew that she had to do it. Somehow.
"I only want an answer, Ruka. Only an acceptable answer. Why? And don't tell me that you fell in love with someone else. Maybe it was a short affair, but no girlfriend would leave you in such an apartment. Without any food. In such a chaos. Letting you drink whiskey and milk in combination!"
Haruka only shook her head and stared still at the belly under the pink dress.
"Go." Was all she managed to whisper. "Just go..."
"No, this time I won't do you that favour. I won't just keep silent and let you leave me again. Not before I got an answer!"
The door bell started again to ring and Michiru rolled her eyes.
"You stay here. I'll take care for that bitch! And don't you dare to move!" Michiru's voice allowed no contradiction. The next moment she was gone.
To move?
Haruka wrapped her arms around her aching belly and lowered her head.
Where should I go?
The bell rang again and again. Driving Michiru crazy. Just like Haruka's behaviour drove her crazy.
Lies! She only told me lies!
There was no girlfriend around. There was no one around. Haruka seemed to be all alone. And somehow she didn't look happy with her new life.
She drinks!
Again she saw the shocked expression in dark green eyes.
Why had she been at the concert? Why did she cry afterwards? Why...
She opened the door and looked raging at the red haired bitch outside. Her deep blue eyes sparkled.
"Hai, we have salt, sugar or whatever you want. But we need it for our own meal. So turn your sweet little ass around and leave!" snapped the sea goddess and stroke some pink strands out of her forehead.
"Nani?" Tara frowned and her shoulders fell down. "You're Haruka's girlfriend?" she sighed deeply and looked sad at the sugar box in her hands. "No wonder I never had a chance." Suddenly she grinned. "But my sugar is really out and I want to bake..."
Michiru slammed the door and stepped backwards. Still staring at the closed door. Still hearing the defeated voice in her ears.
She didn't have an affair with that bitch?
Her mind swirled around and she stumbled over something. She turned around and saw the blanket laying in the middle of the living room. Automatically she bowed and picked it up. Walked over to the couch to lay it down there. The TV set was moving and without really wanting she looked at it. But there was no advertisement as she had expected. No anime. No adventure movie. The camera who had taken the pictures did shake.
Because we forget our tripod.
Michiru swallowed hard as she saw herself. How she hold a baby Hotaru in her arms and showed her the great wall of china. How the little girl laughed and was more interested in the yellow butterfly than in one of the most important works ever created by mankind.
We went to China shortly after we adopted Himme-chan.
It had been the greatest vacations of their life. They travelled around in China and visited all the famous places. The forbidden city, the great wall and so many more places Michiru had ever dreamed of.
Why is she watching our vacation film?
Michiru didn't notice that it was missing. She didn't look at the old photos again. It hurt too much.
Why...
The sea goddess swallowed hard as she saw some pictures laying on the glass table. It showed a very proud grinning Haruka who fed Hotaru for the first time.
I had to bath them afterwards. Both of them.
There was another picture. A very old one. Of a wonderful young woman. With long blonde hairs. She was well advanced in pregnancy. A young man with fire red hairs hold her tight, stroke loving over the huge belly.
He looks a little bit like auntie Yuri...
What the hell is she doing? What does it all mean?
Michiru turned around as she heard how something crashed in the kitchen.
"Ruka?" she asked and walked slowly over to the kitchen. Not caring that she used the nickname again.
"Ruka?"
The pan was laying on the ground. The omelette covered the tiles. A chair fell over and laid in the chaos, too.
"Ruka?"
The young woman kneeled in the corner. She had wrapped her arms around her waist and gasped hard for breath.
Why is she exhausted?
Michiru swallowed hard.
What for a bloody hide and seek is she playing with me?
"Ruka?"
Don't let other suffer.
Don't let HER suffer!
"Go away..." sobbed Haruka and tried to creep deeper into the corner. Her whole body trembled and the pain was driving her crazy. A pain she would never escape again if the sea goddess wouldn't go right now.
Don't let other suffer.
Don't let HER suffer!
"Just go away and leave me in peace. Is that so hard?" It was a scream. A scream of a trapped animal. Without the slightest chance of escape.
"Hai, it is." Whispered Michiru and stepped over the mess of her supper. Slowly she went on her knees besides the girl who meant the most in her life. Very, very carefully she stroke blonde strands out of a sweaty forehead. Saw the tears running down pale cheeks. "Don't you see that I simply can't leave you like that? Seeing you hurt and in pain?" Michiru didn't know what was going on, but as Haruka raised her head, she knew that something was really, really wrong. There was an expression in dark green eyes that made her shiver. Haruka looked at her as if the world was going to end. Then she groaned again and hold her belly tighter.
Michiru gasped as she saw that it became bigger under the dark pullover. She tried to touch it. To reach for it. But Haruka raised protectively her left arm and all Michiru got to grab was the dark sleeve. Pulling it away. Seeing the blood under it. The cut. Not deep but obviously.
"What the hell..." Michiru's blue eyes grew wide and suddenly tears shimmered in all colours of the rainbow. "Ruka, why..."
Don't let other suffer.
Don't let HER suffer!
"Go!" was all Haruka cried before she lowered her head again. "Go. It's better this way."
For some seconds that seemed to be eternity Michiru watched her girlfriend in silence. Seeing the pure tears running down pale cheeks. Haruka did not make any sound. No sobbing, no choking. Only kneeling there. Embracing her belly and crying. Simply letting it happen.
As if the world would end...
Michiru swallowed hard. Then she leaned forward and simply embraced her girlfriend. Hold her determinedly tight as Haruka tried to escape.
"No, it isn't Ruka." She whispered and pulled the trembling body nearer to herself.
Don't let other suffer.
Don't let HER suffer!
Haruka felt the warm body next to her. Felt the embracement she missed so much during the past weeks. Felt the love. After all she'd done Michiru still loved her. Hold her tight. Comforted her.
Don't...
She let go of her belly and embraced Michiru in return. Clinched on her as if she was her only life line. Buried her burning face in a warm shoulder and let her hurt heart taken control over her mind. Over her thoughts. Over her body.
Don't...
Don't let yourself suffer.
"I don't want you to go, Michi-chan." She cried and hold her tight with all her desperate powers. Knowing that she became weak during the past weeks. Very weak. Maybe too weak to hold her lover tight. The way she wanted to hold her.
"Why?" Was all Michiru asked. Haruka could feel a soft hand stroking through her blonde strands. Rubbing her back. Calming. Telling her that someone was there. That she wasn't alone. That she wouldn't die in total loneliness.
I don't want to die!
Haruka raised her head again and Michiru swallowed hard. Her girlfriend looked more like a ghost now. A zombie than a living human. Her cheeks were hollow. Her whole face whiter than the wall behind her. Dark rings laid around empty looking eyes.
"I am dead ill, Michi-chan." Whispered the senshi of the wind. "On Monday will be the operation. But there's only a twenty percent chance that I'll survive it."
Nani?
Michiru hold her lover tighter. Not wanting to hear those words. Not wanting to understand them. Not wanting to realize that they were true.
No, it can't be! Please, god, tell me that this is not real!
But one look in dark green eyes told her that it was true. That it was reality.
"My mother had the same illness. She laid over five years in coma." Haruka sobbed quietly and groaned as the pain grew inside her body. "I don't want you to suffer the same way my father suffered..." She groaned even louder and let go of Michiru. Again holding her belly. Cursing silently. Closing her eyes as the pain flashed through her belly.
"Ruka?" Michiru's voice was full of fear.
"The medicine is in the bathroom..." groaned Haruka and tried hard to get on her feet. But it was impossible. So she kept kneeling. Kept breathing. Kept being alive.
"One second..." Michiru was on her feet and stumbled over the chair and the supper. Just for a moment she looked shocked at the bloody razor blade laying on the carpet. Automatically she turned off the hot water. Tears shimmered in her eyes as she recognized what her girlfriend had been about to do.
You baka! Why didn't tell you me the truth? Don't you think that we would handle it together? Somehow? Twenty percent are a chance.
But even Michiru knew that it was a very, very tiny chance.
She took the medicine and stumbled again over to the small kitchen. Somehow Haruka managed to get on her feet again. Her face showed all the pain she felt. In her body. And in her heart.
My poor little darling.
"I am so sorry, honey." Whispered the tall blonde and sighed deeply. She knew that it was too late to take her medicine. She had many breakdowns the last weeks. But none of them had been as bad as this one. "If I'll ever be connected to silly machines, please, switch them off. Let me go and forget me, okay? It's better this way." She groaned again and reeled. Michiru was by her side and hold her as she fell.
"Don't say such a nonsense, Ruka. Everything will be fine."
But Haruka didn't seem to hear her. Again she hold her body and choked for some times. But there was no food she could have thrown up. There was only emptiness inside her. A bloody emptiness that would be replaced by an even bigger one.
"Don't let other suffer, Michi-chan..." Haruka choked again and searched for a warm hand. "Love ya..." The moment she felt the warm hand, she sighed and let go.
"Love ya, too." Whispered Michiru and sobbed quietly. Holding her unconscious lover tight. Still not believing what she had heard. Not wanting to believe it.
With shaking hands she reached over to the paper back and pulled her telephone out.
Ten minutes later the ambulance arrived.
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The bell door rang. Again and again. Wildly.
"Hey, it's okay. I am here." Yawned Kei as he stumbled downstairs. A very pale Makoto followed him. She awaited a crying Michiru. A Michiru who couldn't come together with her Haruka again. But instead of the sea goddess another woman stood outside.
"Auntie Yuri?" whispered Makoto surprised and squinted as Kei switched on the lights.
"Where is Haru-chan?" asked the woman and looked very, very desperate. "Where is my niece?"
"I don't know." answered Makoto and exchanged warning glances with Kei who was about to tell the red haired woman how much he hated the car racer. "Why do you...?"
"She's in live danger!" Yuri ran a trembling hand through her red hairs and sighed deeply. Then she handled a surprised looking Makoto a small post card she got only five hours ago. Right after she read it she took the next plane to get to Tokyo. "Read this, Mako-chan!" she requested and crossed the entrance hall for the tenth time.
"Hello auntie Yuri..." read Makoto and felt how Kei stepped behind her and looked over her shoulder. "... hope you're feeling fine. Soon you'll have one more guardian angel watching over you..."
Makoto raised her head as Yuri couldn't hold back a sob and turned around to cross the entrance hall again.
"What does it mean?" asked Kei and turned the postcard around. It showed the endless sea. The beach near Tokyo. Where they lived.
"It was the story I told Haru-chan when her parents died. She was too small to understand that her parents were gone forever and so..." Yuri sobbed again. "And so I told her that her parents became angels. Guardian angels. To watch over her."
Makoto opened her mouth for several times but there was no tone coming out. Then she shook her head and brown hairs fell over her shoulders.
"Do you want to say..." Kei was the first who spoke. The woman only nodded.
At that moment the telephone rang. They all winced hard and it was finally Makoto who was able to move. To pick up the phone. To listen to the exited voice inside.
"We're coming." She whispered and put the telephone down. Two concerned pairs of eyes watched her and Makoto sighed deeply as Hotaru started again to cry. As she did the whole night. Nothing could calm her down. She only laid there. Crying desperately. Holding an old teddy bear Makoto couldn't remember giving her tight in her tiny arms. The tiny fists clenched.
"It was Michiru. She's now in hospital." Makoto felt how her legs couldn't hold her any more. Again she saw the dead drunk Haruka in the disco. Again she saw the sleeping senshi of wind next to her in the subway. Again she saw the pale woman being connected to a drip. Standing in the emergency room and asking if she could go home.
The senshi of thunder went on her knees and couldn't control the tremble of her body any longer.
"Haruka had a breakdown. They had to operate her."
Yuri only shook her head and covered her burning face with her icy hands.
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"It must be over there." Kei leaded the woman. She was maybe forty, maybe forty five years old. But suddenly she looked like an old woman. Like a granny. Like eighty or ninety years old.
"Hai..." Yuri didn't ask who the young man was beside her. It wasn't important. Nothing was important to her anymore than her niece. Her niece she never wanted to bury like her brother and her sister in law. Her niece she raised and she loved with all her heart. A niece she had ever prayed of would never become an angel's child as Gendo has once told her. Shortly before he switched off the machines and let Angela die.
Please, god, let her be alive. Really alive.
She swallowed hard as they entered the room. It was huge and there was only one person sitting in it. No one else waited here in the middle of the night. The operation had been an emergency and so the sea beauty was all alone. Sitting on a plastic chair. Staring at the aquarium in the middle. Without really seeing it.
"Michiru?" Yuri didn't notice the strange hairstyle nor the strange evening dress. All she saw was the empty expression in deep blue eyes.
"Princess?" Kei swallowed hard and suddenly knew that Michiru would never let go. That she loved that crazy car racer with all her heart. And that she would fight for her. For her and for their children.
"Auntie Yuri, Kei..." Slowly Michiru raised her head and wondered why there were no tears in her eyes. Why she felt so empty. So insensible. Why she didn't break down sobbing. Why she didn't shout around at people. Why she only sat there on the plastic chair and staring at them.
This can't be real.
But she knew it was.
"Michiru." Yuri embraced her shortly and looked directly into her face. Michiru could see the deep concern and the terrible fear in blue eyes and had to look away. Again to the fishes. They always calmed her down. But somehow this time it didn't work. All she wanted to do was to go over to the aquarium and smash it. With her talisman. With a bloody mirror that didn't mean anything to her any longer.
How could this stupid mission ever be more important to me than my family? How could the music? How could any bloody race?
"It was almost too late. Dr. Taka and the surgeon started to operate shortly after we arrived in hospital." Again Michiru saw all the excited people running around. Again she saw how they brought Haruka away from her. Again she heard herself screaming that she wanted to be with her Ruka. That she was family. That she belonged to her. That Ruka needed her. Again she felt the soft hand on her arm and saw Dr. Taka looking so understanding at her. Telling her that they would try everything to save her girlfriend.
Yeah, try...
Michiru watched a goldfish swimming through the aquarium. Staring at her with his little unknown eyes.
"Everything went fine. They could remove the ill tissue and I guess they did a pretty good job. Maybe she won't ever be able to give birth to her own children, but everything looked fine after the operation."
Thoughtfully Michiru touched her belly and sighed deeply.
"Everything went fine. Until they tried to wake her up."
She saw how auntie Yuri went pale and shook her head.
"There were complications and Ruka stopped to breathe of her own. They had to reanimate her. To get some expensive machines to help her breathing."
To help her living.
If I'll ever be connected to silly machines, please, switch them off. Let me go and forget me, okay? It's better this way.
Again she heard the low voice in her head. Knowing that it was another promise she couldn't hold. Another favour she simply couldn't do.
Michiru sighed deeply and bowed her head.
"She's in coma, now, auntie Yuri." Her voice was nothing more but a whisper and still she wondered where the tears were. Why she didn't sob. Why she didn't went insane.
Or am I already insane? Is that what insanity means? To be so insensible? So empty? So calm?
"Dr. Tara nor the surgeon know when she'll awake again."
The sea goddess stroke again over her belly, watching again the goldfish. Hearing the far away siren of another ambulance.
"If she'll ever awake again."
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