Rushing waves filled the air. Appeasing rushing waves. Softly rushing. She laid there. Simply there. Her arms were wide spreat and she could feel the warm sand under them. And a little bit of pain. But it vanished as she opened her eyes and stared at the sun above. It was shinning from a cloudless sky. An endless sky. She took a deep breath and the next moment she jumped on her legs. Yet strong legs again. Wind played with the white shirt she was wearing over cut blue jeans and she felt suddenly free. Dark green eyes sparkled as she walked towards the water. Slowly she stepped into it. It was nice warm. It felt fantastic on her skin.
I am so happy.
Her lips formed a tender smile and she threw some drops high into the air. They sparkled like rainbows. Coming down to earth. Giving her her personal pot of gold. Her personal luck.
I am so happy.
She frowned slightly. Why shouldn't she be happy? She had always been happy. Here, at this beach. On this place she loved so much. Hadn't she?
Automatically her hands touched her belly under the soft clothes and she took another, a relieved breath. It wasn't big any longer. It didn't hurt any longer. She was normal again. Strong. Independent. Free.
Wild!
She laughed loudly and waved her hands as if she wanted to greet the sun above. Birds screamed high above. Their wings were white and she liked them. They were free, just the way she was. Unbound to the earth. Unreachable for all times. Only responsible for themselves.
Then she turned around and started to run. As she had always run in her life. She had always been the fasted, the quickest person of her family. Of her friends.
Family? Friends?
She couldn't remember them right now. But she was sure that she was simply too happy to remember them right now. It didn't confuse her. Nor did it disturb her. It was simply alike to her.
Surely there're somewhere around here.
She speeded up and the feeling of freedom even increased. She closed her eyes and felt her strong body. Carrying her away. Just like the wind that blew over the beach.
I am so happy. I want to stay forever here. At this wonderful place.
"Do you wanna play with me?"
She stopped as she heard the high voice next to her. Again she opened her eyes and looked at the little boy standing before her in the nice warm sand. He was about five years old and there was a grin on his face she thought to know.
Who is he?
He hide his blonde hairs under his cap and his dark green eyes sparkled as he threw the red ball at her. Automatically she caught it and kicked it around on her knee.
"You're good." He was astonished and came nearer. "Can you show me how to do that?"
She caught the ball again and hold it tightly in her hands. For a long time that seemed to last eternity she looked down at him. She knew his face. She knew those eyes. She knew the curious expression on his face.
I love him.
A tender smile appeared in her face and she nodded.
"Of course, little one." She said and threw the ball carefully at him.
I love him.
He laughed out loud and soon she haunted him to get the ball back. Over the whole beach. Through the warm sand. Feeling happy. Feeling like a small child again. Loved from her family. Suddenly she knew that she would never be alone again.
Had I ever been alone?
The small boy burst out into laughter as she caught him and started to tickle him.
I don't even know him.
But deep in her heart she knew she did, although she didn't know his name.
Is that important?
Again she tickled him and suddenly they laid in the warm sand. She hold him tight and he only smiled. Then he embraced her and hold her tight with all the powers of a small boy.
"I missed you."
She heard his silent whisper and embraced him in return.
Is anything important?
Suddenly she knew it wasn't. She didn't care any longer about his name. Nor did she care any longer about her own name.
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Rushing waves filled the air. They died away suddenly as the rough wind closed the window. With a bang. No one seemed to notice it. No one seemed to miss the endless sea. The warm beach. The bright sun shinning from a cloudless sky. The screaming of the birds above.
No one seemed to hear the loud noise that filled now the small room. A dark room. A silent room. Silent but the steady machines doing their job. The best they could. In vain...
There was only one bed in here. Next to diverse machines. Making high sounds. Showing strange pictures. Diverse lines. Jumping around. In a steady rhythm. Forming little hills.
One main line was green. A life line. Never standing still. Not yet.
Someone laid under the blanket. The body was haggard. Different hoses were connected to two arms. Once so wonderful arms. So powerful arms. So loving arms. Now they were skinny. Too skinny. And weak. They didn't move any longer.
The eyes were shut. Maybe they would never open again. Some sweaty strands of blonde hairs fell into the forehead. They were a little bit longer than normal. They almost touched the shoulders. No one seemed to have cut them for a long time. Once they had shimmered in the bright sun light. Now they were mat. There was no smile on the bloodless lips. No laughter escaped them. Not even the slightest sound. The face was pale. Incredibly pale. The cheeks were sunken and just as white as the wall behind. Once they had been redden from life. But now the person looked more like a porcelain doll than a living human. More like a shadow.
Mechanically the chest moved. In a steady rhythm.
Up and down.
Up and down.
Up and down.
Again and again and again. The body wasn't strong enough to support the weak heart any longer. The weak lungs. The weak life system. But the machines were. Fresh air was pushed into a slit in the neck. Fresh blood was pushed through injections right into the veins.
This was not a living human any longer. It looked like a doll. Being on strings. Only doing what the machines told the weak muscles. Almost dead muscles. Still the body obeyed. Still it did what it was told. But whenever the machines would silence one day, it would simply stop living. Simply leaving this world and going into another one. If there was another one. If there was really heaven after this hell. For a shadow. For a ghost. For an angel's child.
The right hand was connected to a drip. Lifeless it laid on the white blanket. Since it was placed there it didn't move. Its skin was as pale as the rest of the body. Only around the injection it was a little bit red. From few blood. The only warm it seemed to feel.
"Don't give up..."
The voice was very silent. Tender. Sad. A warm, a wonderful lively hand carefully took the cold, the dying one and hold it tight. Determinedly tight.
As if it would never let it go again.
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"What is it worth...?"
Tears ran over a redden face. Sparkling tears. From light blue eyes. Big eyes. Tiredly looking eyes.
"What is it worth...?"
Again she sobbed those desperate words and stared again down at the pale face of her friend.
As if she's sleeping...
But she knew the other one wasn't. The strongest of them. The wildest. The liveliest. And now? Now there was nothing left at all.
Her eyes grew wider as she watched the machines. As she saw the hoarse. The injections. The blood and all the other medicine.
Again she saw how the young woman once sacrificed herself. To let the world go on. How she once took the gun and shot at herself. To pull her pure heart crystal out. How she died. Just to save them. And how she was reborn again.
I could save her that time.
But the girl knew that she couldn't this time. That she was helpless right now. That not even her supernatural powers could bring back one of her best friends.
I can't leave her like that!
Again she saw how the tall woman took the little girl in her strong arms. How she comforted little Hotaru who got her first teeth. Again she saw how Haruka teased her Michiru around and kissed her. First she had to admit that she had been shocked. That those two women, those two senshi, loved each other. Just like she loved her boyfriend. Her future husband. Her future king. But as time passed she understood them. She saw their deep love. Saw that they weren't any different from them. Maybe a little bit more absent. Maybe a little bit more distant. But they were older. And they had to search for the talismans for themselves. But they cared for their friends. They helped them. And they could be as crazy as they were.
Last summer when we celebrated that crazy festival in the park and asked them to sing karaoke and to...
More tears ran over her cheeks by the memory. It hurt deep in her heart. It seemed to tear her apart. Suddenly she felt as if the world was going to end. Really to end. Not like it was being destroyed by Sailor Saturn. Or by a big catastrophe. This was different. It was as if time would froze. Only for her. All other people hurried on. Passed by. Left her alone. Alone with her pain. Pain she knew she would never get over.
I can't give her up like that!
But she heard what the doctors said. Again and again in her ears. That the chance for the strongest senshi to ever wake up again got tinier and tinier with every day that passed.
Too many days passed now...
More tears streamed over her face and she lowered her head. She felt how her hairs fell over her shoulder, but she didn't care about them. Again she remembered all the fights they went through. Against all the youmas. Against Mistress nine. Against that pharaoh.
And now? It can't be over like that! She's a senshi. She can't die!
But she knew too well that she could. Like they all already did. Millions of years ago. Even if she would be reborn again, no one knew where and when. Maybe in ten years. Maybe in twenty years. Maybe never...
"What is it worth...?" she asked again and choked. She leaned forward and stroke tenderly through messed blonde hairs.
"What is it worth to be Sailor Moon and to be doomed to sit here and wait?" she yelled suddenly and rose from her chair. She ripped of the brooch from her chest and it landed somewhere in the corner of the small room. "What is it worth that I am able to save the whole world when I am not able to save her? To protect my friends? To rescue the ones I love!"
Hai, she loved her. Not the way she loved her boyfriend. Not the way she loved her future daughter. But in another, in a special way she would never quite understand she loved that wild senshi. A now pale senshi. Being kept alive by diverse machines. If anyone would switch them off Haruka would be gone. Usagi knew that. But she didn't believe it. She didn't want to. She simply couldn't.
"What is it worth to be the future princess of crystal Tokyo when I can't help her!" More tears blurred her view and she went on her knees as her trembling legs didn't support her any longer. "What is it worth...?" she cried out loud and wrapped her arms around her waist. To hope that it all was just a silly nightmare she would wake up within the next minutes.
But deep in her heart she knew she wouldn't.
"Hush, darling." She felt her boyfriend's strong arms being wrapped around her shaking body. She felt how he helped her to stand up. She felt how he wiped away her tears tenderly with a soft handkerchief. "Odango..." It was nothing but a whisper and she could see the sad expression on Mamoru's face, too. For a long time they looked at each other in silence. Then she started again to cry. She knew she should be strong. For Haruka. And especially for Michiru. But she couldn't.
"Let's go home, darling." Whispered Mamoru and gave her a quick kiss on her cheeks. Then he went over to the little table near the window. It was covered with flowers. A young woman sat near it on a chair. Wind that blew through the opened window played with her short, sea green hairs. The deep blue eyes were dry, but he could see the rings around them on the white skin.
"They're for... her." He managed to say and handled her some wrapped flowers. Michiru took them and put automatically away the paper. A thin smile appeared on her face as she watched the roses.
"Red roses. Her favourite flowers." Michiru stood up to put them into a vase. "Arigato, Mamoru." The future king only took her free hand and hold it tight. Directly he looked into her tired eyes and he opened his mouth for about four times, but no words were coming out. He simply didn't know how to express his feelings into words. Michiru watched him for some seconds, then she squeezed his icy hand. As if she wanted to comfort him. She who felt the greatest pain of them all. The biggest lost in her life.
"Arigato, Mamoru." She said again. Then she put the roses in a vase and observed them. They looked cute. Beautiful.
I am sure Ruka would love them.
She didn't dare to move. To turn around. To look again at the machines that seemed to cover her lover's body. That seemed to become her lover. Slowly, very slowly, but definitely.
Usagi still cried as she said goodbye to Michiru. The future queen looked at her and suddenly she embraced the sea goddess tightly and burst out into tears. Michiru only rocked her and tried to comforted her while she watched how Mamoru picked up the brooch. Both exchanged glances and Michiru knew what the tall young man wanted to tell her. That Sailor Moon wouldn't give up. That she would fight. Especially with the new enemies that appeared weekly. That she would rescue the world and care for the humans on earth. That she wouldn't simply throw all her powers away. Not yet.
Michiru gulped and stared for another long time at the moving body.
Up and down.
Up and down.
Up and down.
Hearing the noises of the machines in her ear. Seeing the lines in the monitors.
She won't throw away her powers. Not Sailor Moon. Not yet.
But no one knew how she would react when even those powerful machines would be too weak to support the pale body any longer. One day.
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"It can't be!"
A giggle accompanied her words. An insane sounding giggle.
"It' can't be."
Her blue eyes were wide opened. Her whole body started to tremble as she walked over to the bed. Staring in disbelieve in the pale face. At all the machines and the drips. The injections. The blue bruises on the pale skin whenever they had to give her another medicine she couldn't take any longer by herself. Whenever they had to give her blood or other things that were now necessary for her to survive.
"It can't be..."
The eyes were closed. She could remember too well how cheeky they always had sparkled. So mysteriously. So untouchable. But at the same time so loving. So friendly.
Hai, she's my friend. One of my best...
Again she saw a laughing face before her eyes. Again she heard the low laughter in her ears. Again she remembered how much fun they all had at the tall blonde's twentieth birthday.
We all went up to Disneyland. We had so much fun there.
Still she looked at the photos whenever she felt sad or alone. When her love had to learn or was still at a club she joined to be more intelligent than she already was. Minako knew all those pictures by heart. A laughing Michiru embracing an stunned Haruka right after Usagi stole her ice cream. A grinning Haruka sitting in the roundabout and yelling for more speed while Rei right next to her had suddenly a very green colour in her face. A tender smiling wind senshi going on her knees before the pram and talking to little Hotaru who was started terrified to scream when she saw a huge Mickey Mouse walking around.
Minako swallowed hard.
A picture of Haruka embracing her girlfriend. Michiru who hold the baby tight in her arms.
They looked like a happy family...
"It can't be..."
It was nothing but a silent sob. That twentieth birthday party had been great. With the great dinner at the restaurant that looked like a sea gave. Underground. Very romantic. Michiru loved it. And the rest, too. Just Usagi had been scared.
Is it really just six months ago? Just half a year? Just such a short time?
Minako swallowed hard and looked again into the pale face. Wishing that the tall blonde would open her eyes again. But she knew she wouldn't yet. Probably never again.
"Love..."
She felt how Ami embraced her and hold her tight. The senshi of water shivered the same way she did. Her eyes were red. She cried a lot the past time. And she hardly slept. The whole night nightmares were keeping her awake. First she tried to learn, but suddenly it all seemed to be senseless. Until one night when it got worse, she simply took her jacket and ran all the way to Minako's house. In the middle of the night. To ask her for comfort and understanding. Just to see that Minako suffered the same way she did. Like all the others did.
No, not right the same way.
The others didn't know the real results of Haruka's operation. They didn't see the facts, the numbers written down on a single sheet of paper. They didn't watch the x-ray for a long time in silence while her mother discussed with Dr. Taka. While they talked about the operation and the bad illness Haruka suffered.
They don't know how tiny her chance really is of ever waking up again.
Ami raised her head and met deep blue eyes. Michiru only smiled friendly and closed the window. It was getting colder outside. Especially at dusk. Then the sea goddess took care again of the flowers. Some red roses faded and she threw them into the dusk bin. With a strange carefully motion.
They don't know it.
But I know.
And my mother.
And Dr. Tara.
Ami swallowed hard as Michiru simply sat down again and took the lifeless hand of her beloved senshi to hold it tight.
And she knows it...
The girl swallowed hard again and automatically squeezed Minako tighter. She leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss on the burning cheeks. Still hearing the shocked stammer. That this all couldn't be true. That it simply couldn't be.
I've never seen her that shocked. That serious.
Normally Minako was a show person. A star. Where she was there was action. Life. And colours. She always looked on the bright side of life. Always she laughed and told everyone silly jokes. She was a real party lion and whatever she did it was full of energy.
But today the senshi of love looked simply shocked. Not grinning any longer. Not making any joked any longer. Only staring at the unconscious blonde under the blanket in disbelieve.
It hurts me to see her like that.
Ami hugged her, then she let go and walked around the bed. Trying hard to ignore the steady noises of the machines. Trying hard to ignore the regular rhythm of Haruka's chest. Trying desperately hard to ignore the whole meaning of all this.
It hurts me to see all of us like that.
She stepped next to Michiru, saw tears sparkling, saw the sunken cheeks. Saw the hope that still glowed in that tender look. But that glow got tinier from day to day. From week to week. Until it would die away one day...
Just like Haruka will.
Ami swallowed hard.
"I can't believe it!" stammered Minako again and clenched her fists around the bed rack. Now her face was full of anger. Anger about the helplessness of modern medicine. About their own helplessness.
I can't believe it, too, Mina, love.
Ami took a deep breath and reached into her back bag.
We're all senshi but we can't change it with our powers. Even if we wanted to.
"That's for you." Whispered Ami and carefully placed the book in Michiru's trembling hands. "Hope it'll help you a little bit in this time."
Michiru blinked and looked at the thick book in her hands. It had a black cover. Nothing more. No words, no signs. Nothing. Slowly she opened it with her free hand and read over the first lines. A tender smile appeared on her face. As she raised her head again, new hope stood in her blue eyes.
"Arigato, Ami." She said and closed the book again. And bought it to her chest. "I will think of those words." She promised. At that moment Ami broke down sobbing. She simply couldn't hold it back any longer. Michiru was by her side the next moment and took her into her arms. Somewhere above Minako still stammered that she couldn't believe it and that she would punish them all in the name of Venus.
"I wanted to be nice, Michiru. To be brave. And not to cry." Sobbed Ami and wondered herself why the sea goddess was so strong herself. How she could be so powerful to comfort her when her lover was laying there like that. When Haruka was slowly, very slowly dying? Where did she take that hope from? The hope that Haruka would open her eyes one day. Surely. Certainly.
"It's good to cry, Ami. Better than to keep your pain inside." Michiru stroke over blue hairs and rocked her tenderly. "As long as you don't give up, Ami-chan."
The senshi of water raised her head and looked into shinning blue eyes. Slowly she nodded and smiled a thin, an unsure smile.
"I won't, Michiru. We all won't. Never."
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There was no demon around. No youma. She knew it. She could feel it. But there was another enemy. An enemy she couldn't sense. She couldn't seize. She even couldn't see.
Eternal powers of the earth...
Rei didn't dare to look at the fragile body any longer as she went on her knees right before the bed. She lowered her head and black hairs fell into her face. Her dark eyes sparkled but she would have never allowed herself to cry. To frighten Michiru even more than the way she seemed to be already.
Eternal powers of the water...
She clapped her hands before her chest and started silently to pray. For Haruka. For Michiru. And for Hotaru. For all of them.
Eternal powers of the sky...
Sky... wind... Again she saw how Sailor Uranus haunted a youma. How fast she had been. Unbreakable. Unreachable. No one was as fast as she. As strong as she. And as determined as she.
Eternal powers...
She remembered too well how her grandfather had been so desperate after a bad storm destroyed the temple's roof. And how surprised he had been as Haruka suddenly stood at the door frame and gave him a cheque. A cheque that contained enough money to repair the temple and to plant the trees he always wanted to plant. Special trees. That would always remind him of his late wife. Cherry trees.
Haruka didn't want any money back. She said that it was a donation.
Rei bowed for three times before the bed and prayed with all her heart. To the mighty gods above. To all powers of this earth. And beneath and above. Simply everywhere. If there was any power to help Haruka, Rei would pray to it. Would plead to it. No matter how this god would be called. No matter which religion he would belong to. No matter if he was a god or a goddess.
Why didn't I see the signs?
Normally she felt new enemies and dangers before the others could see them. As she had felt Mistress nine in Hotaru even before the outer senshi found out that the little girl was the reincarnation of Sailor Saturn. As she felt these days new enemies. Not only the new youmas which attacked them almost weekly now. But there was a bigger power behind. A more evil power.
Why didn't I see her suffering?
Normally she simply saw it. When people were in pain. It was not hard to see if Usagi became ill, but Rei remembered too well a day about three years ago now when she woke up in the middle of the night and simply knew that something happened to Makoto. She tried to call her up the half of the night. In vain. Until she convinced her granddad to go with her to the other area of Tokyo. Just to find the friend right in time. To take her to the hospital. Before her appendicitis could have done real damage to her body.
Why didn't I feel her pain?
Rei bowed even deeper and sighed slightly.
Eternal powers...
She knew that Haruka had been too strong, maybe even too stubborn to show any feelings she didn't want others to see. Only Michiru was able to see behind those invisible walls. Mostly.
She didn't see it, too.
Eternal powers...
Rei raised her head and watched how the sea goddess changed the water. The flowers needed fresh water. They bought a little bit colour in the small room. Maybe even the only colour. A huge painting hang on the wall. It showed an endless sea. Wild wind was playing with the stormy waves. The priestess could almost hear them rushing.
Michiru made it.
Rei swallowed hard and automatically said another prayer.
"Don't worry, Michiru. She's a fighter." Smiled Rei and saw how the sea goddess fought hard with her tears.
"I know, Rei." Was all she replied while she wrapped her cardigan tighter around her trembling body. "I know."
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Why didn't I see it?
She clenched her fists hard in her lap and bit on her lower lip.
Why the hell didn't I see it?
There were no signs. Not in the stars, not in her dreams. Not even when she transformed and wore the sceptre. Never she felt the slightest trace that one of their lights was going to be extinguished. That one senshi would disappear. That Uranus would loose its guardian angel.
Why the hell am I the senshi of time when I don't see it!
Tears sparkled in her dark eyes and she put the dark green plaid on her back as she leaned closer to the fragile body before her. It almost made her heart brake. Again she remembered how she got to know Haruka. Shortly after she got to know from the talismans, too. Haruka had been on her motorbike and almost crashed into Setsuna who walked over the street without looking to the right nor to the left.
I had been very upset that day.
Her parents told her that they would get divorced. That she was old enough to rent a flat and to live on her own. That she just finished school and that it would be easily for her to get a job with that good marks. But they didn't see that all Setsuna wanted was a family. Loving parents. Not a good job. Not an own flat. Not even the peace that seemed to follow after those never ending arguments.
She didn't hear the screaming of the brakes. And when she looked up she saw a tall woman with sparkling green eyes. Throwing her helmet away and yelling at her why she didn't pay attention. That she should have killed her. That she should say a word and not only stand around and staring at her.
Now those eyes are closed...
Setsuna took a deep breath and clenched her fists even harder.
Again she saw how Michiru rose from the motorbike, too. She only placed one hand on Haruka's shoulder and one look was enough to calm the wild senshi down. Then Michiru went over to the time senshi and shook her head. Asked her after her name and smiled so friendly.
They invited me for dinner afterwards.
Setsuna lowered her head again and now tears ran over her pale cheeks. She promised herself not to cry. Just another promise she couldn't hold in her life.
She opened her right fist and rose it. To touch Haruka's hand. To hold it tight. Just like Michiru silently did opposite. They didn't say a word during the past hours. But somehow it didn't seem to be necessary. It never was. Not between them. The outer senshi. Setsuna's one and only family.
I want to touch her. To feel that she's indeed still alive. That those bloody machines only support her. That she's still strong. That she'll fight for her life. That she'll never give up.
But Setsuna couldn't touch the pale skin. Too many injections were connected to the arms. Even to the neck. The chest moved automatically and the time senshi felt sick whenever she watched the blood slowly running into Haruka's white body. The blood and all the other medicine. Mostly clear medicine.
I want to show you that you're not alone. I want...
Setsuna's hand started to shake and so she simply laid it down on the blanket. Right next to the lifeless hand. Not touching it. But nevertheless feeling it.
Why didn't I see it? What is it worth to be the senshi of time when I can't use my powers to see the future? Why couldn't I help her!
She knew that she couldn't go back into the past. She would destroyed the world. But a look into the future, that was possible. Time by time. It took her a lot of powers, but it was possible. To feel what could happen. To see some dizzy pictures. To watch some shadows passing by. To hear some words spoken.
Why didn't I see it?
Why!
The door was slowly opened and a young man stepped silently into the small room. Long silver hairs fell over his jacket and his light green eyes looked for some seconds shocked at the lifeless body. He gulped once, twice and finally took a deep breath. A sad expression laid on his face as she walked over to his girlfriend. She told him a lot about the car racer laying in coma in the bed, but he didn't expect that it was that bad.
You should have known that reality is always worse!
He gulped again and simply embraced his shaking girlfriend and hold her tight. Not caring what others might think. That she was older than him. And taller. And not that popular.
"Sets..." he whispered and heard again her quiet sobbing. As he had heard it the last days. The last nights. Simply too often. "Hush, honey. Everything will be fine." But he knew that it wouldn't be. That even the greatest hope could fail sometime.
That must be Yaten.
Michiru shivered and stroke carefully over cold skin. Then she pulled the sleeves of the black pullover over her freezing fingers and swallowed hard. Watched the couple for a long time. Watched how Yaten tried to calm down a shocked Setsuna. A crying Setsuna who blamed herself for what had happened. Because she didn't see it coming. Didn't feel it. Couldn't do anything against it. As the guardian of time...
I am sorry for you. It's not your fault.
Michiru wrapped her arms around her shivering body, feeling her growing belly under the warm cloth that didn't seem to keep her warm at all.
And I am happy for you. That you finally found someone who loves you.
The sea goddess saw how Yaten comforted the older woman. How he simply rocked her and said calming words to her. How he simply kissed away salty tears.
The same I am jealous about you. Because you have someone.
Michiru lowered her gaze and stared for a long time at her lover. Until her view blurred.
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Again she saw the machines. Machines she knew so well. She got to know too well during long, endless years. Five years. Just like a little eternity. And even longer. Of course she talked to the doctor. A woman, some years older than herself. With dark eyes. Tired eyes. Sad eyes. Eyes who simply couldn't believe what happened. But she could. Oh yes, she should. She had seen all this before in her life. The hope. The suffering. And then, one day, the final end. The suicide. The escape from reality and life. And from family. From a little girl crying the whole day. The whole week. Maybe her whole life. Secretly inside herself.
And now this little girl lays here...
Yuri took a deep breath and turned away from the green line she hypnotised the last hour. Seeing the steady hills, hearing the regular beeps. Knowing that her niece's chest moved.
Up and down.
Up and down.
Up and down.
Without really moving at all. Not moving by itself.
I wish that would have never happened to you, my Haru-chan.
Her expression got soft as she stroke over sunken cheeks. She didn't care about all the injections being connected to the skinny body. She knew how to handle a person in coma. She handled her sister in law for over five years and she got used to all the medicine around.
Got used? I never got used.
But somehow she could hide the pain deep inside her heart. Just at night, when everything was silent, when nothing disturbed her thoughts. When she had to remember how much she and her brother suffered, she had to cry. And to pray. Something she stopped doing when she found her Gendo that morning fifteen years ago.
Once all these machines had been in the light house by the sea.
Yuri swallowed hard and stroke through blonde hairs she loved so much. Angela had the same hairs and sometimes Yuri spend the whole day brushing them. Talking silently to her sister in law. How much her brother loved her. How much her daughter needed her. How much she would make them happy to awake again. But Angela didn't open her eyes. Never again. Not after that moment when they carried her into the operation room to rescue at least the little girl she was carrying.
Will those machines stand in that house again? In that room? Is it destiny that the past returns again? Is it fate? Can't we change it?
Yuri smiled tenderly at her unconscious Haru-chan and bowed down to kiss the closed eyelids.
She only knew one chance to let all this senseless suffering end. The only way that had been left for Gendo after five years of endless waiting. Of waiting for his wife to be awake again. Waiting in vain and breaking meanwhile. Deep inside.
Not even Haru-chan could save him. Could repair his broken heart. Could hold him in this world.
Yuri raised her head and looked over to her niece's girlfriend. Michiru stood near the window and took care of the flowers that crowded the table. She wore a long, dark pullover Yuri knew too well. She once gave it to her Haru-chan at one Christmas.
Gendo often wore her pullovers, too. Just to feel her nearer. To smell her scent in the old clothes. To closes his eyes and to imagine that she was embracing him.
There was only one way to let this suffering end. But Yuri knew that Michiru wouldn't chose this way. Just like Gendo didn't chose it for his Angela.
It would be better for all of us to switch those machines off. To let her die in peace.
Yuri fought hard with her tears and took another deep breath. She knew that she was Haruka's last relative. She knew that she had the power to tell the doctors to switch them off. To let this painful life simply go. She was the only one to give the order. But she knew she wouldn't. That was not her decision. That was Michiru's choice. She was Haruka's partner and the other mother of Hotaru. She had to decide. Sooner or later. For or against. For suffering or against. For endless pain and hopeless waiting or against.
She loves her too much.
Yuri sighed deeply. She didn't talk with Michiru about that topic. She knew, she didn't need to. Michiru was too much like Gendo. She would chose the hard way. To suffer five long years. To be broken at the end when Haruka's body simply refused living any longer. Living a life that was over a long time ago. Michiru was too much like Gendo. She would wait until Haruka would really die. Finally. After what seemed to be eternity.
She's too much like my brother. She'll take care for Haru-chan until the end. Until she decided to follow her...
Yuri blinked away some tears. Determined that this wouldn't happen this time. This time she would take more care. This time no one would have the chance to commit suicide.
Suicide...
Yuri stroke again through blonde strands, still seeing the scar in Haruka's left wrist. Michiru didn't tell her that either. But the red haired woman knew what happened. Almost happened.
Michiru was the best Haruka could ever happen.
Yuri sighed again. Too well she remembered how the shy girl came to them for the first time. Late in the afternoon. Right after school. To do homework and to make music with Haruka. For the first time after so many years Yuri had heard the soft piano playing again. Just like her brother did so well before Angela became so ill. A high violin accompanied her and there laid such a happy smile on the pale face that Yuri knew that Michiru was a nice girl. That she would never hurt her Haru-chan who had seen enough pain in her young life. Again she remembered how surprised the thin girl had been when she invited her to stay for supper. It had been a Friday and Haruka wanted to watch a movie with her new friend. Yuri offered Michiru to call her parents and to say that she'll come home later. Again Yuri saw the shocked expression in deep blue eyes and again she saw how the thin girl thanked for the meal and hurried up to get home. To a home that had never existed for her.
No wonder she had been so shocked.
Yuri swallowed hard and remembered again how excited her niece had been when she found out where her best friend actually lived. In an orphan's house. All alone there. Without any friends. Without any hope. Again Yuri heard her Haru-chan's determined voice in her ear.
She'll live here, auntie Yuri. I'll take care for her. All of my life.
It wasn't only a sentence from a teenager. Simply spoken like that. It had been a promise. A promise Haruka had kept until the end.
Now Michiru's the one taking care for her.
Yuri stroke again through blonde strands and simply couldn't turn away from her niece.
Somehow she had always felt that her niece was different. She didn't like dresses, but liked motorbikes and fast cars. She didn't use make up and always her clothes had been dirtied. With motor oil. She couldn't cook but could ran fast. She was the fasted girl at school. She even beat the boys. Even the older boys. But Yuri didn't care about it a lot. She loved her niece the way she was. The wild way she remembered Yuri a little bit of her late brother. She was the way Gendo once had been. The sweet, dangerous little brother Yuri had loved all her life. With all her heart. And even longer. Up to know.
But she didn't see that Haruka and Michiru were getting closer. Not until that evening when there were holidays. Easter holidays. Michiru returned for one week from her school for talented people where she learned to play the violin even better, if that was possible. And Haruka returned for that week from the race track. From the school where she didn't have to learn how to cook but how to repair a motor. How to check the wheels. How to make an old car running again.
So Yuri didn't think much as she opened the door to her niece's room to call them for an early supper. So that they could go to cinema as they had planned. To watch a funny movie about someone waking up every morning into the same day. Yuri liked the actor and Haruka laughed when she had seen the advertisement on TV. Michiru only declared that she'd come with them while she had to smile, too.
Again she stroke through blonde stands.
They had been messed that afternoon. And hang into a redden face. Her niece only wore a white shirt that was half opened and showed that she didn't wear anything under it. She laid there on the bed. It was a mess, too. The blankets laid overall. Even on the carpet. Michiru laid in that bed, too. Right under Haruka. Her clothes were crumbled in one corner and Yuri could remember that they kissed each other with passion as she entered the room. For a moment there had been dead silence. They only looked at each other in surprise and fear. And anger.
Yuri smiled sadly.
Too well she could remember how her niece only buried her face in her lover's shoulder and asked with her typical low voice if she really didn't lock the door. If she really had been that busy to forget that. If she really had been that baka.
Michiru only embraced her and Yuri would never forget the expression that laid in deep blue eyes. There was a little bit fear of that she would be thrown out now. And there was a silent request. Not to be angry with the tall blonde. But there was another feeling that made change Yuri's mind. It was eternal love. Never ending trust. As Michiru forced a dark blushed Haruka to look up again and smiled tenderly at her. Just to promise her that everything would be fine. Yuri would never forget how her niece smiled back.
She really loves you, Haru-chan.
Again she stroke through blonde strands.
It was all she asked them that evening when they ate supper. If they'd really love each other. Michiru only nodded while Haruka took the smaller girl in her arms and said it with a determined voice that didn't shake. That didn't hesitate. That simply told her aunt what her heart already knew.
Afterwards they went into the cinema and had fun.
Michiru was the best my Haru-chan could ever happen. And she won't be able to let her go...
"You have to eat something!"
Yuri looked over and saw how Makoto tried to push a small bowel into Michiru's hands. The sea goddess only shook her head and said that she wasn't hungry. But Makoto didn't look as if she would give up that easily.
"But you're too thin! Michiru!" pleaded Makoto and opened the bowel. "I made your favourite food: Lasagne. Please, Michiru!"
The young woman looked at the steaming food and felt suddenly very sick.
Lasagne...
She swallowed hard and felt tears burning in her tired eyes.
Lasagne. The same meal Haruka wanted to eat with me on our sixth anniversary.
Michiru lowered her head and pushed the bowel with one gesture away.
Why didn't I cancel the rehearsal and simply went home? To celebrate it with her? And with Himme-chan? At that great candle light dinner? Why...
"Michiru, please!" Makoto still hold the meal up. It took her half of the night to cook it. After she tried to calm down crying Hotaru. The little girl simply started terrified to scream and simply didn't want to stop. Until she was too tired and simply feel asleep. The rest of the night Makoto spent in the kitchen. To cook something. Anything. It was better than laying in her bed. Awake. Staring at the blank ceiling. Asking herself why she didn't do something, anything, when she had seen the signs. When she had seen Haruka drunk in the disco. When she had seen her so concerned about Michiru shortly after the accident. When she had accompanied her in the subway. When she had seen her in the hospital. After the umpteenth breakdown.
"Michiru..."
She saw how the younger woman trembled and swallowed hard.
"Michiru, you need to eat something. Do not only think of yourself, but of..." ... of your child, she wanted to say. But one look into the terrified face let her voice die away.
"Please!" Now tears stood in Makoto's eyes and suddenly the warm bowl escaped her trembling hands. It crashed on the floor and it was suddenly covered with steaming Lasagne.
"No..." whimpered the thunder senshi and tried to bow. To pick it up. But Michiru hold her back. Simply took her hands and hold her back. Silently she shook her head and tried to smile encouraged as she saw the deep sorrow and the pain in brown eyes. Without saying a word she took Makoto in her arms and simply hold her tight as the tall girl couldn't hold back her tears any longer.
Yuri sat down on the soft mattress and stroke again over blonde hairs.
Michiru's indeed strong. She comforts the others.
But Yuri knew that it was only a matter of time until the young woman would break down, too. When she finally had to face reality. When she finally had to see that every hope was in vain. When she finally got to know the truth.
Yuri stroke over and over through blonde strands.
She looks like Angela. Just like Angela...
Tears burned in her eyes and she knew that she was the as crazy as Michiru was. That, although she had seen her brother and her sister in law dying, she wanted to believe, too. In a miracle. Alike how tiny their chance was.
"Her hair needs to be cut." She whispered and swallowed hard. She knew that she wasn't prepared to say all the words she wanted to so badly to tell Michiru. Not yet.
Michiru embraced a sobbing Makoto tighter and nodded silently.
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Bright lights flashed through the air. Different voices asked different questions. Stupid questions.
"How is Tenô Haruka feeling today?"
"Will he ever take part at the formula one again?"
"And Kaioh Michiru? What is she saying to all this?"
"She's his girlfriend, isn't she?"
"And she..."
"Is there any hope..."
"Are you..."
"What..."
"How..."
He took a deep breath and with a quick motion he grabbed the collar of a reporter. The micro escaped helpless hands and the man gulped as he saw the hateful look in dark eyes.
"Why the hell can't you leave her in peace?" demanded Kei and pushed the reporter away. Then he walked over to the entrance and closed the door energetically behind himself. Shortly he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Those bloody reporters!
They seemed to be overall. Near the light house by the sea. Near the opera. At school All around the hospital. They didn't have any shame. They didn't even hesitate to enter the hospital after they got the news. That the famous formula one racer, Tenô Haruka, laid in coma. And that the girlfriend, Kaioh Michiru, the famous violinist watched over the car racer. The whole time.
First they didn't notice it. They didn't read the newspapers the days after Haruka's operations. They simply had been to busy. Until Minako saw them on the newspaper's cover. A picture. A picture that showed how Haruka laid there in bed. Connected to all those machines. A lifeless figure. Michiru sat next to her on a chair. Looked down at her. Just like a shadow. Never disappearing from her side. But the same helpless.
Michiru didn't notice how someone simply opened the door and took the picture. How someone ignored her feelings. Her need to be alone. The knowledge that it all was very personal. Very private. That this was family business. Not that of the newspapers. Not that of the world.
Michiru didn't care about the news much. She didn't listen to them. The last weeks she didn't see anything else than her pale girlfriend under the blanket. But the others read the papers. And Yuri.
The red haired woman went to court and achieved that it was finally permitted for all reporters to enter the hospital and especially that very room. She achieved that all existing photos would be destroyed. And that the reporter who took the special photo had to pay a high sum. A sum that didn't seem to make them realize how bad the things were they were doing. How wrong. Still they hang around in front of the hospital and waited for Michiru or anyone else to come out. To take some more photos. To ask silly questions. To hurt them even more with their stupidity.
Kei greeted some nurses and they smiled back. As they did every day. When he came to visit his sister. And to convince her again, that it was time to go. To leave the hospital for another night. To get out. To see something else than the weak body. To hear something else than the beeping of the machines. To feel something else than a cold hand laying lifelessly in her own hands.
The door was wide opened. As it always was. For the nurses to hear any changes in the machines. For the doctors to look after their famous patient whenever they passed by. There was little light in there. As always. Only the light the lamp made right over the bed. A shadow sat in the corner and looked into an opened book. Without seeing the words any longer. Words that were suddenly meaningless. Why should she learn for Japanese culture when her best friend was dying? What was it all worth?
Makoto sighed and turned the page. Shortly she looked up and she shook silently her head as she saw Kei leaning against the door frame.
There were many flowers on the table. Just like still warm bowels. Untouched bowels. They contained food Makoto cooked the whole night. It didn't seem as if anyone ate anything.
Kei clenched his fists inside his jacket pocket as he watched his sister in silence for a long time. She sat there. Right beside her girlfriend. On the soft mattress. Slightly leaning over the tall blonde. Kei frowned and it took him some moments to realize that Michiru didn't stroke Haruka's hairs, but cut them. Carefully. With a lot of patience. One strand after another. But nevertheless it looked more like a tender touch than something that simply needed to be done.
She looks so tired.
Kei took a deep breath and walked over to his sister. Silently he put his hands on her shaking shoulders and squeezed them softly.
"You should go home, princess." He whispered and swallowed hard as she only raised her head. Her deep blue eyes stared for some seconds at him. There laid again that expression in them he never wanted to see again on that beautiful face. A now so pale face. With shrunken cheeks.
It looks as if she lost her family. Again...
"Home?"
Her voice was high and strange insensible. She turned her head away and continued to cut the blonde strands. So that they looked like always. Short. Cheeky. Wild.
I have no home any longer. Haruka was my home. And now...
Michiru blinked away her tears and felt how her brother squeezed again her shoulders.
"You're tired, princess. You're exhausted. You should go home to get some rest. The nurses and doctors will watch over Haruka while you're away."
But I don't wanna go away. I don't wanna leave her. I don't wanna lose her!
Shortly Makoto and Kei exchanged glances and the thunder senshi rose to pick up Michiru's jacket. It was like every evening. Kei would need a long time to convince Michiru and Makoto would need the whole evening to tell her that she did the right decision.
"I don't wanna..."
"But you need to, princess." Kei couldn't resist his feelings any longer and simply embraced his sister. Hold her tight. As he had done for so many times in their childhood. Hoping that their future would be better. One day. But somehow Kei feared that this day would never come.
"Think of your little Hotaru-chan, she needs you." Kei smiled encouraged and simply rocked her. "And think of your small child. It needs its sleep, too. And something warm to eat. You're responsible not only for yourself."
Responsible...
Michiru looked down at Haruka. Wondering if she wasn't only sleeping. If she only had to shake her. To wake her up. To kiss her tenderly. Just like the sleeping beauty in the fairy tale.
But 100 years aren't over yet...
"And if she wakes up and I am not here?" whispered the sea goddess and felt how Kei kissed her hairs. She closed her eyes and wished that it was Haruka holding her so tenderly. Comforting her so loving. But she knew she wasn't.
"Then the nurses will call us up and we'll be here in less than ten minutes."
"Ten minutes? Are you a car racer, Kei-chan?" giggled Michiru, but it was a sad giggle. A giggle that made him break his heart.
Silently he hold her tight for a long while.
"Hai, then we'll be here in less than ten minutes."
But both of them knew that this wouldn't happen. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Maybe never.
"Okay, Kei." Said Michiru after a long while and placed her hands on her slightly grown belly under the black pullover. "I'll come with you." She rose and bowed over her lover as Kei let her go. Tenderly she kissed pale cheeks.
"Don't worry, Ruka. I'll be back tomorrow." She whispered and tears sparkled in her eyes. Then she turned around and let Makoto taken her hand. To lead her outside the room. To fetch their jackets and to look for a safe way to leave the hospital. Without the reporters noticing their escape.
She looks more like a doll. Not like a human any longer.
Kei took away the chair and stood for another long time motionless next to the bed. Seeing the chest moving.
Up and down.
Up and down.
Up and down.
Is she still living? Or does we only try to believe that this body is still alive? Aren't those machines doing the job? Is it right to let her suffer like that?
Kei wiped away some tears and shook her head.
Is it right to let US suffer like that?
"When is it enough?" he asked quietly and looked into a pale face. Into an expressionless face. "When is it enough? When will people stop hurting my princess?" No answer. Not even the slightest hint of a respond from the blonde. Only the steady noises of the machines.
Again Kei saw all the photos in the thick albums laying all around in Michiru's sleeping room. There his sister had laughed happily. Funny as Kei had never seen her before. Simply content with the world and her life. With her family.
She loves you, baka.
And I love her.
Kei swallowed hard and heard far away the screaming of the reporters when heavy entrance doors were opened again.
"Wake up, you baka. Wake up soon. And make her happy again!" It was a threat but somehow it sounded like a request. "Just make her laugh again, you baka!"
The screaming increased and Kei simply turned around and left the room. A unconscious young woman. Laying silently there. Not moving.
But dreaming.
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"That's delicious!" she bit in her sandwich and laughed as ketchup dirtied her hands. The little boy only grinned and took himself another one.
"Hai, my mother made it." He declared and his dark green eyes sparkled with pride. They sat again on the warm sand. The ball laid next to them while they enjoyed their supper. The sun was slowly setting and she felt tired. And a little bit exhausted. But as happy as she had never felt before.
No, I've been that happy before in my life...
But it was a long time ago and she couldn't remember it. Somehow it didn't seem to be important and so she ate the next sandwich. A cheese sandwich. Being happy that her stomach supported it. That she didn't throw it all up again afterwards.
Why should I throw it up?
"My parents are great. Believe me, you'll love them." Suddenly the boy was on his feet and grabbed her arm. To pull her on her knees. To pull her into the mountain's direction. To show her what was so important for him.
"They live over there. Don't you wanna get to know them?" he asked and wind played with his blonde hairs. A cheeky expression laid on his face and automatically she had to smile.
Slowly she stood up and looked again to the wide ocean. Hearing again the appeasing rushes.
"I missed the sea, do ya know, little one." She whispered and closed her eyes as she felt that soft breeze, too. Just like hands stroking loving over her face. "Let me stay here for another while. To enjoy it. Then I'll come with you and get to know your parents."
The little boy grinned agreeing and simply took her free hand to hold it tight.
"Promise?"
She smiled and squeezed that warm hand.
"Promise."
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Wind played with coloured leaves. Letting them dance. Around and around and around. Above their heads. Like little butterflies. Coloured butterflies. Red and yellow ones. Brown ones. Still green ones. Dark green. Light green.
Autumn came. They didn't even realize that the summer's heat disappeared and was replaced by nice rains. While everything stayed how it had been, nature slowly changed. The days got shorter, the nights longer. The temperature fell and the first birds made their ways to the south. To the warm south.
"Leeeves!" The little girl laughed happily and her unsure steps guided her through the colours. One months ago she did her first steps and her uncles and aunts had been very proud of her. As her mother who only took her into her arms and squeezed her hard. While she tried desperately to hold back her sobbing.
"Hai, leaves, little darling:" smiled Michiru who pushed the pram next to her daughter. She didn't let the little girl out of her eyes and she would be there whenever Hotaru would get tired or would stumble over a little stone. She would simply hold her or took her into the sort pram again.
"Mommy!" Hotaru grabbed a hand full of leaves and let them fall down again. She did that for several times and laughed even more.
Michiru kept smiling and started to freeze. Wind played with her sea green hairs that already covered her ears. It took her a whole day and about thirty showers but finally she got out the ugly pink colour. Now she simply let them crow again. She didn't know if they'd ever be as long as they had been before her last concert, but she knew that she didn't want to see her strange look in the mirror any longer.
Why did I react so ill-considered?
She should have known that Haruka didn't leave her. That she didn't have a new girlfriend. That there was more behind her lover's words. So much more...
Michiru sighed deeply and simply followed her daughter. The little girl already knew the direction. She came here for a lot of times. First with Makoto and Kei. Then with Yuri. And now all alone.
Why did I react so ill-considered?
But this time she didn't find an answer. As she didn't find all those times before.
I was so damn jealous and didn't see how much she suffered. How ill she had been. How abandoned she had been...
Tears sparkled in her deep blue eyes. She stopped as her daughter took some other leaves and threw them again into the air. Her dark eyes sparkled and her cheeks were redden. She didn't know what happened to her daddy. Nor did she know how much her family suffered from that great lost.
Just like Ruka didn't know the truth about her mother.
Michiru left the pram and stepped over to the small place hidden between huge trees. Now coloured trees. Preparing to die in winter. And to be reborn in spring.
Will I have to tell Himme-chan all those lies, too? Just like Yuri had to do when Ruka's parents died?
Michiru looked into her daughter's laughing face and swallowed hard.
Will I have to let her grown up with a fairy tale? With a promise I'll never be able to hold? That she'll see her daddy some day again? With white wings?
Michiru shivered as she went on her knees before the dark stone. Her hands trembled as she laid the flowers down. Blue roses. There laid already other flowers. Fresh flowers. From Yuri. And maybe even from the Sailor Team. From Usagi to pray for a miracle. From Rei simply to show sympathy. From Ami to get out of the small flat and to see something else than her shocked Minako.
Gendo.
Michiru stroke carefully over the cold stone. Over the letters in there.
Yuri told her a lot about the young man. A happy young man who was very good in playing the piano. The best musician in Japan. Maybe even in the whole world. Who played everywhere in the whole world and took his sister often with him when she had school or university holidays. A nice young man who feel in love when he first saw the beautiful blonde. A choir girl who had a fabulous voice and simply accompanied him when he asked her. Soon they fell in love and just six months later they married.
Angela.
She had been a loving young woman. Who would have done everything to see her husband happy. Yuri talked about her with tears in her eyes. She didn't deny that she had loved the young woman, too. The blonde goddess with a big heart and a friendly soul. She had loved her. Just like an older sister. And she had been glad to see her brother that happy. Their luck had been perfect when Angela declared them that she was pregnant. That they would become parents. And that Yuri would become an auntie. Three months later the doctors told them that they carried twins. A little boy and a little girl. Seven months later the pains started. Two months too early. They tried to stop them. They tried it in vain. Not knowing that everything they did was in vain. Because they didn't know that Angela had been that ill. That there had been no chance for her and her unborn children. Nevertheless she agreed into the operation and that very evening a little girl was born.
Her brother didn't survive.
Shinji.
Michiru swallowed hard and automatically stroke over her own belly. Not knowing what she should do if she'd lost that child. If she'd had to chose between two children - knowing that she would never see the surviving one growing up.
The little boy died. And Angela felt into coma. And never woke up again. When she finally died she took Gendo with her and left a shocked Yuri and a crying little girl behind.
The sea goddess lowered her head and sobbed quietly.
Ruka...
The tall blonde never told her that story. Michiru had known that Ruka's parents died when she was little, but Michiru didn't know the whole truth. Didn't know about the dangerous illness that killed Angela. Didn't know that the wind senshi inherited it from her mother.
Ruka...
"Luv ya!" laughed Hotaru and reeled over to her mother. And embraced her with her dirty hands. Michiru only took her little darling into her arms and hold her tight. Desperately tight.
Praying that Himme-chan would ever be able to forgive her.
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"Daddy!"
The little girl stretched her arms and laughed happily as she touched the pale skin. Of a skinny arm. A arm connected to different drips. That gave the mechanically moving body red and clear fluids.
But little Hotaru didn't see the hoses. Nor did she hear the high noises. All she noticed was that it was her daddy laying there. That she was finally able to see her beloved daddy. Even if she was sleeping.
"Daddy!"
Michiru took a deep breath and tried to free her daughter from her blanket. So that the little girl would be able to get out of the pram and to walk with unsure steps over to the bed.
She's too little to understand it.
The sea goddess was thankful for that innocence. For her daughter's ignorance. For her little age.
I don't know what to do if she'd understand the whole meaning.
Michiru took away Hotaru's cap and shortly kissed her cheeks. Before she let her go. Again she saw the sad expression on the nurses faces. Again she heard the tired voice of Dr. Taka. That nothing changed. Through the whole two months that passed since they had to operate Haruka. To save her life. And to destroy it at the same moment...
I love you.
Michiru clenched her icy fists as she saw how Hotaru leaned against the bed and hold the lifeless hand tight. Her dark eyes shone with luck and she smiled happily. Holding an old teddy bear in her other arm determinedly tight. She wouldn't let it go. Not as she had thrown away all those other toys they bought her. Just like the bunny. Or the elephant. This toy seemed to be special. More important for the little girl than all the other things she already owned in her young life.
It's Ruka's teddy.
Michiru swallowed hard. Again she remembered how shocked she had been when she came home two days after the operation. After she broke down in the small room and the doctor declared her that she should go home and get some rest. Before she'd return. Mamoru brought her home and Michiru only wanted to see her Himme-chan, while Makoto took care for a nice warm bath. Of course Michiru had seen the old teddy bear in Hotaru's small arms. A teddy bear Michiru knew too well. From a young girl with blonde strands and always serious looking eyes. She remembered too well how she had laughed when she discovered the old toy in Haruka's bed one evening when they argued about what to watch for a movie. Now it was Hotaru's and the little girl screamed whenever someone tried to take it away from her.
Tears sparkled in blue eyes. Again Michiru saw the tiny baby pyjama in the cradle she just bought some days ago. Knowing that Haruka put it there. That she had known about the small child. That she had thought that it was someone else's child. But nevertheless it had been her personal way to congratulate her sea goddess to her own child. Of becoming a mother. Of getting a small child the wild tomboy would never be able to see.
I love you so much, Ruka.
Michiru went over to the bed and sat her daughter on the mattress as little Hotaru stretched out her little arms. It was the first time that she brought her daughter with her in the hospital and she hoped that it had been the right decision.
At last we were able to escape the reporters.
She didn't care what the newspapers wrote about her. But she didn't want that anyone touched her daughter. Then she could become a beast. And she knew that she needed her powers for other things than attacking silly reporters.
I love you so much, Ruka. Why won't you open your eyes?
She wanted to scream it out loud. To shout at the lifeless lover. But she knew that it was senseless. That Haruka wouldn't hear her. That she would only terrify her daughter.
I love you so much...
She wanted to sat down to say a silent prayer Rei taught her as she heard the strange noise. The long, high noise. Never ending noise. She looked up and her heart stopped to beat as she saw how the hills disappeared from the monitor. How they were replaced by a long line.
No...
Michiru turned her head and saw how the chest stopped to move. No more up and downs. The machine simply stopped to do its job. As she was told whenever there was a flat line.
No...
Suddenly blood ran over the skinny arms and the drip didn't seem to work properly.
Beep...
A steady noise.
Beep...
A never ending noise.
Beep...
A noise that drove her crazy.
Hotaru only laughed and showed her daddy her toy bunny. Not knowing what was happening.
Beep...
If I'll ever be connected to silly machines, please, switch them off. Let me go and forget me, okay? It's better this way.
Again Michiru heard the low voice in her mind. A voice she loved so much to listen to. To hear in the middle of the night when she woke up. In the morning when she had to get up. In the evening to greet her. To welcome her. A voice that could yell around in anger, in hate. In pain. In happiness. In endless luck. In relieve. Simply in pleasure.
If I'll ever be connected to silly machines, please, switch them off. Let me go and forget me, okay? It's better this way.
Beep.
I can't, Ruka.
Michiru sobbed and tears streamed over her face.
I can't let you go. Gomen nasai. I simply can't.
"Doctor!" she turned around and crashed against another drip. She pushed it aside and ran outside the corridor. "Nurses! Dr. Taka-san!" More tears streamed over her face and panic grew inside her body. Inside her belly. Inside her heart. Tightened her chest and let her harder breathe.
"HELP!"
Hotaru hold the teddy bear higher and laughed
as she saw how the pale body simply refused to move any longer.
Beep.
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