The three weeks it took to return to the Fire Nation simultaneously passed much too quickly, and seemed to drag on forever. Azula couldn't wait to return home and report, orally, of her successes to her father, but she was also terrified of what his reaction would be to her bringing Zuko back like this - not in chains, but as her equal. It was unpredictable, really, and she spent nearly every waking moment replaying scenario over scenario in her head to prepare for whatever his reaction might be.
Over the course of their sea journey, she sent letter after letter to various people of good standing - generals, lieutenants, captains, and sometimes even their wives - carefully pulling strings to prepare as best as she could for the imminent return home. Hopefully, circumstances wouldn't force her to use the aces up her sleeve, but she absolutely had to take it into consideration. Hopefully, Father would welcome Zuko home with open arms and they could once again be a proper family.
The journey itself was uneventful. She'd given Zuko the room she'd previously occupied, as a sign of good will, and opted to share one room with Mai and Ty Lee instead. It was a bit cramped - certainly more so than what she was used to back in the palace - but it wasn't bad. It was almost fun, sharing a bedroom together, like having sleepovers, and besides, it was only for a couple of weeks. Soon enough, she would be back in her own room in the palace, in her own comfortable bed, surrounded by all her possessions…
She'd teased Mai that maybe she'd rather share a bedroom with Zuko instead of her and Ty Lee, and her friend and brother had both flushed a terrible red and told her off for making such inappropriate jokes. But though they exhibited such shyness at times, Azula knew they spent the evenings together nearly every night beneath the stars, leaning out over the ship's railing, sometimes speaking softly, sometimes - not at all.
It was nice to be back with her handmaid, too. The time spent apart hadn't dulled her skills in the slightest, and Azula felt that she looked more like herself now than she had in Ba Sing Se. She felt right again. The feeling of Suyin's hands in her hair was a comfort she'd nearly forgotten. Her presence was once again a constant in her days, as both the first thing in the morning and last thing before sleep.
Early on in their journey back, she'd come to Azula with a request to teach her some self-defence. She'd said that she was embarrassed by how quickly she'd been bested by Suki and that, Agni forbid, should she ever find herself in a similar situation, she wanted to at least have a fighting chance. An admirable incentive, Azula agreed. If it was up to her, she'd enforce mandatory self-defence (and offence, for that matter) lessons in every public school, for boys and girls alike. It was an embarrassment that not all members of their nation were taught such an important skill; that not all women were encouraged to learn to fight just as well as their male counterparts. She and her friends were testament to just how capable a fighter a girl could be, but all three of them came from nobility. Peasant girls obviously weren't as privileged.
So she'd agreed readily enough, and pulled Mai and Ty Lee into it as well. They all had plenty of time to kill, anyway, and Suyin had much to learn. And although by the end of their sea journey, she was still far from a match for any of them, she'd certainly learned a fair bit and improved significantly. She wouldn't have stood a chance against the Kyoshi Warriors anyway, for they'd been a match even for Azula herself, but it was good that the girl at least wanted to train.
And, Azula had to admit, she'd taken some pleasure in the teaching. Watching Suyin's face turn red from exertion, making her hold the horse stance until her legs gave out… The rise and fall of her chest in effort and the beads of sweat clustering at her temple. She'd taken particular pleasure in forcing her back with her attacks, until Suyin had pressed back up against the ship's wall, with nowhere else to go.
"I win again." Azula taunted.
Su's face flushed red in what must have been embarrassment. Obviously, Azula took no pride in having bested a mere beginner, but she was bored, and this was fun. She'd drawn in close as she spoke, close enough to feel Su's panting breath hot against her skin. Her wide eyes made her look like an owl-deer frozen before a predator, and Azula savoured the moment, until she finally took pity on the girl and pulled away, laughing.
She'd been eager to go again, but Suyin had stuttered out an excuse that she was tired and that she still had some work to do - nevermind that Azula knew she was just as idle as she these days. But she'd relented, and promised that they'd go at it again the following day.
They lived a sort of idyllic life on the ship, but as the days drew closer, Azula could no longer ignore the anxiety beginning to gnaw at her stomach. Zuko must have felt it, too, for he grew more and more sombre with each day that brought them closer to their homeland - to their father. She didn't bother asking him what weighed on his mind, for she could guess easily enough. Her brother didn't give her that courtesy, either, although Azula was rather inclined to believe he simply didn't notice her anxiety at all. Fair enough - he was too deeply entranced in his own problems.
Finally, the day arrived that they were set to make port in Caldera City, and Azula couldn't help but fuss over every little thing. For the first time in months, she would be back home and she was determined to make a perfect entrance. She picked out her own clothes that morning, and made Su redo her makeup three times, just to make sure everything was exactly as it should be. Not a hair out of place.
But more pressing than her own wardrobe was Zuko: he'd been away for nearly four years at this point, and had, unfortunately, picked up a number of rather uncouth habits over that time. The language he'd picked up around sailors was enough to make anyone's ears wilt, and he'd grown sloppy with his mealtime etiquette, hunched over his food and slurping as he pleased.
"How many times must I remind you to sit up?" Azula rolled her eyes at her brother that morning, as they shared in their last breakfast on the ship.
They were eating, the five of them, including Suyin, in the ship's dining hall. Plain miso soup, rice and grilled salmon. Zuko ate in such a manner that he brought his face down to his bowl, rather than his food up to his mouth. It was absolutely unbecoming of a prince to eat like that, and nearly humiliating for Azula to have to witness it.
Zuko wiped his mouth with the back of his hand - another uncouth habit he'd evidently picked up - and sent her a scowl, "Oh, fuck off."
"I'm just saying," Azula drawled, letting the curse word slide off of her like rain, "that you're no longer some muddle-headed sailor. You're the prince, and it's expected that you behave like one. I'm vouching for you that you're ready to return to your rightful position - but do you think anyone else will believe that if you keep acting like a peasant? Father won't be pleased, I can promise you that. You still have half of a handsome face - you don't want to lose that, do you?"
"Seriously?" Zuko snarled, rising to his feet, "You're terrible, you know? You think you can tell everyone what to do, playing your perfect little fucking dollhouse. Just- leave me alone-!"
He turned on his heels and left the dining room, slamming the metal door shut behind him. Azula frowned, brows furrowed, and let her gaze drop to the food in her bowl. The four girls sat in a hanging silence for a long moment.
Finally, Ty Lee reached out to gently touch Mai's hand, "Maybe you should go talk to him."
"Yeah." Mai sighed, "Fine."
She got up and followed after him, though she closed the door softly behind her, leaving the three of them in the dining hall alone. Ty Lee opened her mouth, then closed it, as if she'd wanted to say something, but changed her mind. Suyin sat rigid and uncomfortable, looking down at the meal before her.
Neither Mai nor Zuko came back. They finished their meal in silence.
Maybe that last comment was uncalled for, Azula had to admit. She figured easily enough that Zuko's face was a sore point for him; that alluding to what Father had done to him was in bad taste. But it wasn't a jab at his insecurities. It was a real consequence he may have to deal with. He hadn't been home in a long time - maybe he'd forgotten what it was like.
She was only looking out for him.
A few hours later, though, Zuko was complaisant. She didn't know what Mai had told him, but whatever it was, it seemed to have knocked some sense into his head. He came, humble, into her room as Suyin was filing her nails, only a few hours before they were to dock at Caldera City port. He didn't apologise for his outburst, not exactly, but Azula didn't expect him to. Neither did she apologise for her harsh words. Sorry was not a word either of them used often. But the words they did exchange were gentler than before, and indicated this morning's grievances to be blown over.
"I can't believe I'm almost home." Zuko mused. "It's been so long."
Azula nodded slowly. Comforting had never been a skill of hers, but her brother was reaching out to her, and she felt the urge to at least try.
"You've grown since then," she said, "but you haven't changed. You're still yourself. You're still the prince."
"I hope you're right. I'm just– nervous." Zuko admitted.
"I know."
"I've been away for so long. But you're right. I need to start acting like a prince again."
"Just–" Azula waved her free hand, "follow my lead, and you'll be fine."
He nodded, and let out a shaky breath, "Yeah."
As long as he controlled his impulsiveness, Azula was certain it would be all right. He'd always had a problem with speaking exactly what was on his mind, with letting his anger get the best of him and not thinking his words through. With Father, it was better to simply say what he wanted to hear. If he could sit quiet for a moment, Azula would show him how.
"You'll be fine," Azula repeated. "I told you already: you've restored your own honour. You've always been a prince. You just need to get used to how things are again, but you'll learn. I know you will. What's important is that you'll be back home, where you're supposed to be."
"Yeah."
Not much of a conversationalist today, apparently. That was fine, Azula didn't exactly have the stomach for it today, either. She looked him over with a piercing eye. He'd dressed as well as he could, given the circumstances - those being that they didn't exactly have any male royal attire on the ship. But his hair was loose, and scruffy, and badly cut.
"Su." Azula said, and her handmaid paused in filing her nails and looked up at her. "Think you can manage to give my brother a topknot?"
Suyin turned to look up at him (and, Azula noted with approval, didn't hold any pity in her eyes anymore) and nodded, "I'll try."
"Good. Get to it, then." Azula pulled her hand away and ushered her handmaid up.
Her nails weren't finished yet, and she definitely didn't like having them asymmetrical. But with only a few hours until their arrival, Zuko's hair currently took priority, and she was happy to lend him her handmaid. She'd get back to her nails later, but, oh, it would be a lot easier for Zuko to come before the court and their father with his hair in an honourable topknot than- whatever his scraggy hairstyle was now.
"Please, sit." Suyin urged Zuko to take a seat in front of the mirror where she always did Azula's hair.
He complied. Suyin picked up the hairbrush and hesitated, for a moment, before she began to brush through his short hair. Azula was used to her touch, of course, but generally, to touch another's hair was an act of great intimacy. This was an exceptional circumstance, for Zuko did not have his own attendant at the moment. She wondered whether the act flustered Suyin. If it did, she did not show it openly, but took to her task with almost clinical care, pulling his hair back into a tight bun, gathering what stray hairs she could, tying it into a topknot with a leather band…
They were about the same age, now that she thought about it. Azula wondered what Suyin thought of him. He would be undoubtedly popular among Fire Nation girls, even with that ugly scar of his, for his status alone. Certainly Suyin would not be dense enough to act on any feelings towards him, if she even harboured them, for he was far beyond her status. Not to mention, clearly involved with Mai, even if their engagement was yet to be re-established. But a secret crush was not an impossibility, but one that, for some strange reason, filled Azula with bitterness.
"There. Is this to your liking?" Suyin said once she was done.
Azula looked her brother over. The topknot gave him a much needed air of elegance, and he certainly looked more like himself now. Like the brother she remembered from all those years ago. Suyin had done an admirable job; his hair wasn't quite long enough to pull into a comfortable topknot yet, it seemed, but she'd managed well. His hairline was a little messy, for those baby hairs certainly weren't long enough to make it into the bun, but it would do for now. He was presentable, at least.
"Good." Azula nodded.
Zuko didn't say anything for a long moment, but stared, instead, at his reflection in the mirror, his eyes glazed. Was he seeing himself as a prince for the first time in months? Azula was hesitant to break him out of his trance. But he found himself not long after, and shook himself out of his thoughts, and even sent her handmaid a small smile.
"It's good. Thanks."
Azula could not see her father's face. He received her, as was customary of a returning military leader, in the throne room, fire blazing hot between them and behind him, the flickering light making him out to be not much more than a silhouette. It was moments like these that he really was the Fire Lord, and not her father - though of course she knew, logically, they were always the same person.
She was to speak to him alone, without the conglomerate of the Royal Procession with her. Without her friends. Without Zuko. It was her mission, after all, and to be received like this was a great honour. Not as his daughter, but as a military personnel serving their country. Serving the Fire Lord. Besides, leaving her brother on the ship until she was certain that he would be welcomed back was a precaution they'd both agreed upon, just in case.
"Father," she began, kneeling before him the entire time, her head bowed, "You sent me out months ago with the instruction to bring back Prince Zuko and General Iroh. I return before you with my mission accomplished. In addition, I bring before you victories completed in your name and for the sake of our nation: the fall of Ba Sing Se, the death of the Avatar, and the city of New Ozai."
He'd heard about all of these, of course, through the reports she'd sent him. But those letters had been basic, clinical, and Azula wanted to place them all again before his feet to remind him of her accomplishments. Of all the good she had done. Maybe, a small part of her hoped, he'd praise her.
"You performed admirably, Azula."
His words made her head swell with pride, a rush that she loved like no other. She couldn't quite bite back her smile. But she was afraid of what she had to say next, that it might shatter the pleasant atmosphere between them now. That instead of being proud, her father would be angry. Would it be terrible, if she kept it to herself? If she told him only what he wanted to hear, so that he would praise her again? These second thoughts were tempting, very much so, but Azula knew what she had to do, and she absolutely couldn't turn back now.
"Thank you, Father. But my mission," she continued, "I decided to change, somewhat, along the way."
The fire felt hotter than it ever had before. She could feel herself sweat beneath her heavy armour. Not wanting to give him enough time to become upset, she continued, speaking quickly.
"General Iroh has been captured and remains imprisoned on my ship. Prince Zuko, however, has proved himself worthy to return to us, and so I brought him back without chains. He has been an incredible asset in Ba Sing Se, and the city would not have fallen without him. It was General Iroh who was leading him astray, but your son is not a traitor. He was only misguided. And with General Iroh locked away, Prince Zuko has returned to the right path."
Her words lingered in the fiery air between them as the Fire Lord mulled them over. She swallowed. Azula could hear her heart race in her ears. She glanced up at the shadowy silhouette of her father, and then, overwhelmed, allowed her gaze to drop to the floor once more.
Though it felt like an eternity, it must have only been a few seconds before he spoke again. And when he did, her heart dropped.
"Tell me, Azula, what was your mission?"
She swallowed. She'd told him before, for propriety's sake, and the repetition now felt like a threat. Not a question, but a warning. "To capture the traitors Iroh and Zuko."
"And you thought to change my orders on a whim?" Father's voice, in stark comparison to the fire around him, was as cold as ice. "You're softer than I thought. You allowed your sisterly affection to interfere with your mission. You disobeyed my orders."
"No–"
The word ripped itself from her throat before she could stop herself. She knew she shouldn't raise her voice at him, she knew she shouldn't indicate, at all, that she was faltering, but what he was accusing her of… the disappointment he felt… she couldn't allow him to continue thinking of her like this. She hadn't failed him. She hadn't disobeyed him. Never.
"No?" The repeated question was dangerous, and Azula knew she had to tread carefully.
She drew in a shaky breath and collected herself as best as possible. This had always been a possibility, she'd taken it into consideration from the very moment she allowed Zuko to return to her side. She'd gone over it in her mind time and time again, so much that she even dreamt of it during their journey back. Father refusing to welcome Zuko back… She'd hoped it wouldn't come to that, but in all honesty, she wasn't surprised. Not in the slightest.
"I'm not the only one who completed my mission," Azula said, her voice far more composed than she felt, but then again, she'd always been a good liar. "Zuko has as well."
He let out a low hum - surprise, perhaps, or disbelief. An invitation for her to continue and explain herself.
"It was Zuko who slayed the Avatar," Azula lied. "I was there to witness it."
The fire crackled.
"Is that so?"
"Yes. I was tracking him and Iroh both, when the Avatar interfered. I would not have been able to fight the three of them off alone. But Zuko came to my aid, renounced his uncle, and dealt the killing blow that took down the Avatar. I was amazed and impressed by the power and ferocity he showed at the moment of truth. No hesitation and no mercy. He is as dutiful as the prince of the Fire Nation should be."
She looked up at him now, though she still could not see his face, in an attempt to convey her sincerity. "I witnessed Zuko complete the nearly impossible mission you assigned for him. By your own conditions, he has redeemed himself, and so I decided to bring him before you as your valiant son, redeemed."
There was no way the Fire Lord could refute this logic. He could not turn him away now, Azula was certain. As long as he believed that it was Zuko who killed the Avatar, everything would be all right. As long as he believed her lie.
But she'd never given her father a reason to doubt her intentions. There was no reason for him to believe she was lying. She told herself this over and over again, and believed it even with confidence. It was just one lie - she could allow herself this much, for her brother's sake. But even so, there was an unshakable fear buried within her, for if her father ever found out she'd lied about this…
Better not to think about it.
"You should have said so from the start." Father said as he rose from his throne.
Yes, Azula thought bitterly, she should have. It would have sounded a lot more natural. More believable.
"But you did the right thing, and I commend you for acting as I would."
He approached her, the flames parting easily to allow him to pass. As he came closer, he stepped out from the shroud of the fire's shadows, and Azula could finally take a proper look at him. Ever so slightly - he was smiling.
All the weight left her shoulders and she could breathe again.
"Thank you, Father."
He put a hand on her shoulder, even as she knelt before him still. "You did well, Azula."
She felt her head spin again in that most wonderful way, like a sort of intoxication. Everything was all right. No - more than that. Everything was wonderful.
"Go send for your brother." Father said, "I will receive him now."
"Azula!" The door burst open and in strode Zuko, snarling. "Why'd you do it?"
Blearily, she opened her eyes. Ugh. She'd been on the verge of falling asleep, having already gotten comfortable in her bed when her brother so rudely invited himself into her bedroom. It was only the first night back in the palace, and Azula had really been so looking forward to a good night's sleep in her own comfortable bed. Was this what it was going to be like from now on? She'd nearly forgotten how annoying her brother could be.
"You're going to have to be a little more specific than that." She spoke softly, making a conscious effort to keep the bite from her voice.
Her eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness, and so the light coming in from the corridor was blinding in comparison. Slowly, she sat up in bed and opened her eyes, wincing, a little, at the light.
"Why did you tell Father that I was the one who killed the Avatar?"
"Can't this wait until morning?"
"It," Zuko spat each word, "can't."
Slowly, the door to her handmaid's room opened. Azula held up a finger as if to silence her brother.
"Princess? Is everything all right?"
Suyin's voice was wary. In the dark of the room, Azula could just catch her shape standing in the doorway, grasping something in both her hands. The fire iron, she realised with some amusement. But Suyin's quick response, even though unneeded, was welcome. It was comforting, in a way.
"Yes, Su, don't fret. It's just Zuko. You can go back to sleep."
She waited until the door closed before she spoke again. "You'd do well to acquire some tact, Zu-zu. We aren't on the ship anymore; the walls here have ears. You never know who's listening."
Really, what was he thinking, bursting into her room at night and speaking about such a thing at the top of his voice, with the door wide open? Didn't he realise there were guards stationed throughout the palace? That his voice could carry through the hallways and into other rooms? That even if Father himself didn't hear them, there were many people who would gladly whisper what they'd overheard in his ear? To speak so carelessly about something of such importance… Well, Zuko had never been the brightest.
Suyin was the least of their worries, and even if she overheard Zuko's thoughtless accusations, Azula was fairly certain she could keep things under wraps with her. The girl was loyal to her, first and foremost, rather than the Fire Lord, and, well, a few well-placed threats certainly wouldn't hurt. But if she could help it, she'd rather not have anyone, her handmaid included, know about the little lie she'd told Father. Lies were tricky, and the less people knew about them, the easier they were to control. So far the truth of what happened in those crystal catacombs remained only between the siblings, and a few Dai Li agents. Iroh as well, she supposed, and the Avatar's friends, but those didn't count. She'd made sure that not even Mai and Ty Lee knew the truth about who delivered the fatal blow. Just in case.
But if Zuko went around blabbering like this, soon the entire palace would know, and all her hard work would have been for naught.
Suyin's unexpected appearance must have humbled him a little, thankfully, for he turned to close the door behind him. Now, the room was again shrouded in darkness, and Zuko held up a weak flame in his palm, the orange glow sending shadows dancing on his face. When he next spoke his voice was quieter, albeit not any softer than before.
"I never asked you to do this. And now I have to live juggling your lie?"
"Please," she said as she rose from the bed, "It's not like you have to do much. Just keep quiet and reap the benefits."
"Why'd you do it? Huh?"
"Come on, brother, think. Why would I write off my own great achievement to you?"
"Enough with your fucking games!"
"Language, Zuko." Azula reminded him.
His voice had risen with his outburst, and she briefly wondered whether it would alert Suyin again. Whether she was listening in. She glanced at their connecting door, but there was no sign of it moving to open. Good.
"I didn't come here for you to parrot my questions. Give me a straight answer."
Azula sighed. "You're really going to make me say it?"
"Just- tell me!"
"Fine!" Her voice rose in pitch, in annoyance. In impatience.
Zuko wouldn't like the answer, that was for sure. A part of her was certain that he knew the reason already, but just didn't want to accept it. Even Zuko, thick-headed as he was, couldn't be that dense; she didn't think it was any great mystery. It was more likely that he was averting his eyes on purpose and refusing to see what was before him. But if he was going to force her to put it into words, then so be it. Her words would hurt him, but he'd get the answer he wanted so desperately to hear.
"The condition for your return was for you to capture the Avatar." Azula said slowly and in a low tone. "I tried to get Father to accept you back based on what you did accomplish in Ba Sing Se, but he was insistent that the only way you'd be welcomed back was if you completed the task he'd sent you out on. The way things were, he didn't want you back. You'd be in prison right now with Uncle if I hadn't said what I had."
In the dim light of the fire, she could see his lip quiver.
"No." Zuko refuted. "You're lying. Father wouldn't do that."
Azula rolled her eyes. "Fine then, don't believe me."
What did he want from her, then? He came in demanding answers, and then refused to believe them. She didn't think she could win this regardless of what she said - he'd find fault in it either way, and be angry with her.
How Zuko didn't believe Father was capable of imprisoning him after he'd burned half his face off three years ago, Azula wasn't sure. He was surely just holding on to what he so desperately wanted to believe…
"Besides, it's barely even a lie." Azula drawled, "He may not have died by your hand, but you were imperative to this mission, Zuko. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you. It doesn't matter who dealt the final blow. It's thanks to you that the Avatar is dead. I meant it when I said it: you redeemed yourself."
For a moment, they were encompassed in complete silence. For a moment, Azula thought that was that, and that he, placated, would leave her be and she could finally return to her bed.
"Even so… why would you let me take the credit?"
"Why?" She repeated, exasperated. She could barely believe he'd ask her something like that, and the words, though honest, felt foreign on her tongue. Speaking so candidly was not something she was used to, "Because you're my brother, dum-dum."
"Yeah, right. You have another motive for doing this. I just need to figure out what it is."
It hurt how quick he was to refute that. As though he didn't even consider it a possibility that she was telling the truth.
Azula rolled her eyes, "Please, what ulterior motive could I have?"
Zuko fell silent. That was - almost suspicious. It looked as though he had something else he wanted to say, but held himself back. Which only piqued Azula's curiosity, for her brother was not well known for keeping his mouth shut. Whatever this was… it had to be something important.
"Well? What's gotten you so terribly worried?"
"Just- what if- what if he's not dead?"
Azula narrowed her eyes, "He couldn't have survived that blow. I should know."
"Yeah, but…" Zuko trailed off.
"But what? Do you think there's a chance he did? What do you know, Zuko?"
"Nothing, nothing. You're right. He couldn't have survived. I was just nervous. But never mind."
Azula held his gaze for a long, lingering moment. He wasn't telling her everything, she knew. But what was it? Pressing him for details now wouldn't be of any use, though, Azula knew, and her brother had clearly finished with whatever topic he'd come here to say.
The Avatar couldn't be alive, though. She was certain he couldn't have survived the attack. But whatever Zuko knew was crucial enough to give him cause to worry, and so Azula would have to remain diligent. If he didn't want to tell her - fine. She'd find out what she could on her own.
"If you say so." Azula mused and climbed back into her bed. "If that's all, then– sleep well, Zu-zu."
He turned on his heels and left the room without another word, without as much as saying good-night. Without as much as a thank-you for everything she'd done for him. For securing a place for him by their father. He left the door open as he left her room, allowing the light to come in from the hallway as a blinding annoyance.
Ungrateful jerk.
"Su," Azula called out for her handmaid– she knew she could still hear her, if she raised her voice enough.
She felt only a little bad for making her get up and close the door for her. It was, after all, late, and she was sure that Suyin wanted to sleep as much as she did. But Azula certainly wasn't about to get up and close the door herself. Whether her brother left it open on purpose, to spite her, or because he was entirely thoughtless and simply didn't think of her comfort, she couldn't be sure.
It really could be either way with him.