Page 1 – Contributors: SeventhChild; Seshet; Professor05; modernman; SchmergoWeasley; thedaughterofHP; kittymagus; rowansjet; cowsgomoo; Fury; & markymark.
Dear Diary,
My voice is doing odd things, and I feel lonely and confused all the time. I've begun a poem about it.
"Why do nice girls hate me?"
That's as far as I've gotten, but I'm sure I've the soul of a true poet! Why does no one understand me?
Dear Diary,
Oh joyous day! I have finally lost my lisp. Unfortunately my parseltongue is suffering because of it, but at least I am not being made fun of anymore.
I have added a new line to my poem:
"Why do nice girls ignore my pain?"
There is genius in my words, but I am doomed, as a first class poet, never to be understood.
Dear Diary,
I'm in love! There's a beautiful but smart girl in a couple years above me. I think she's called Minerva, I don't know her second name though. O how brilliant she is. Her hair is always up in a tight bun, but I'm hoping she'll wear it down at the ball soon. Maybe I should ask her out? Do you think she'll accept? I mean, I'm only a few years younger...I know! I'll start bumping into her accidentally, see what she says.
O well, wish me luck!
Dear Diary,
Minerva asked me why I keep bumping into her, and suggested a specialist in London. : (
How sad I am! I have added to my poem:
"Why do nice girls think I have balance impairments?"
So sad. So true. sigh
Dear Diary,
My heart has moved on past that fickle Minerva lass. tear drops on page I don't need her anyway! I'm special, and someday everyone that was mean to me will know I am special, and THEN THEY'LL BE SORRY!
Have added a couplet to my poem.
"Why do nice girls think I'm weird,
And shall I ever grow a beard?"
Dear diary.
Today I saw a squirrel running up a tree and it filled me so full of joy that I have decided to spread the word of the lord around the streets of London. Never again will I utter a bad word about anyone. I pledge to help the needy, to be kind to everyone and live my life doing good wherever I am needed.
Actually, scrap that, they've taken top of the pops off, everyone must die.
Dear diary
My angry letter to the BBC has been replied by note:
'Your vulgar and threatening letter regarding top of the pops has been passed on to the police, and you can expect them to call on your residence immediately."
Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to give them Hogwart's address.
Alas, it does not matter. I have found love with - Dorea Black, a flowering beauty who does not seem to mind my speech impairments and lack of chest hair.
Poem updated:
"Why do nice girls ne'er smile at me?"
See, I used an example of OLD English, there. That MUST mean that I'm talented.
Dear Diary,
Whoopsies... turns out Dorea Black liked a country singer named Tom Fiddle. I needn't have embarrassed myself with that song-and-dance number done atop the Slytherin table at lunch yesterday.
I added more to the poem, coming after the line "Why do nice girls ne'er smile at me." Here it goes: "When I walk by, they run up a tree." Yes.
I have suddenly gotten a ring fixation... I should NOT have gone to that LOTR roleplaying camp last summer. (I was Gollum.) PRECIOUSSSS!
Dear Diary,
I think I am doomed to be lonely. First Minerva, then Dorea...
Plus, Professor Dippet had a few quiet words with me about the Top of the Pops thing. I say a few quiet words. What he actually said was along the lines of: "You ever do that again and I'll smash your face in!"
He is a nice man.
Poem update: "Why do nice girls never comb my silky locks?"
Le sigh...Thinking of changing name to Vol - actually, no, that's stupid. Tom Allan Poe! That's better...
Dear Diary,
I contacted the courts about changing my name today but I'm not sure I want to be known as Tom allan Poe for the rest of my life, maybe I should think about it some more.
I ran into Minerva today completely by accident but I don't think she was too impressed. Remind me to get my underpants from the top of the north tower.
P.S I added another line to the poem, "Why is it so drafty under my cloak? O why can't I be someones bloke."
Dear Diary,
New line to poem: "Why do nice girls date the wrong'uns?"
I have decided, in order to make this diary famous, to kill myself. All the famous diarists died before they were published...big bird...Jim Davidson...and so, I shall throw myself clear off the North tower!
EDIT: Scrap that, I've found a Basilisk.
Dear Diary,
Minerva's father has send me a Howler telling me off for bothering his daughter. I enclose a transcription.
"Dear Twerp Stalking My Daughter,
Clear off, you git, or I'll come after ye myself and I'll give you what for, so I will!
Sincerely,
Minerva's Father and His Handy Dandy Rifle
Have added to my poem in reference to this event. I think I'm getting better at rhyming!
"WHY the dads of nice girls with shotguns?"
Dear Diary,
I have added another line to my incredible poem: 'Why do nice girls sometimes put their hair in buns and why do I feel like I ain't got no chums?'
Today was a good day, first I was named the best prefect in Slythirin, then I had a nice talk to my new Basilisk which I called Rosy Fluffy Slyther! Then Minnie (my new pet-name for Minerva) apologized to me but I said something and she slapped me. Oh, well. Oh, woe is me! My talents shall never be shown and Rosy said I shouldn't be called Tom Allan Poe, maybe Tom cutie Einstein?
Tom Riddle
Ps. My mother was ugly! Woe is me!
Dear Diary,
Minnie doesn't like me; I think someday I'll find someone who looks like her and possess her...
Anyway, that big oaf Hagrid found an acromantula. Maybe I can blame him for something...
New poem line added: why do nice girls slap me?
Writing of which, I present a transcript of my masterfully brilliant poem so far: "Why Do Nice Girls Hate Me?" a partially completed poem by Tom THE DARK LORD Riddle (Maybe that should be my poetry nom de plume? Maybe if I give her this poem, Minnie will like me again...or for the first time.)
Why do nice girls hate me?
Why do nice girls ignore my pain
Why do nice girls think I have balance impairments?
Why do nice girls think I'm weird,
And shall I ever grow a beard?
Why do nice girls ne'er smile at me?
When I walk by, they run up a tree
Why do nice girls never comb my silky locks?
Why is it so drafty under my cloak?
O why can't I be someone's bloke?
Why do nice girls date the wrong 'uns?
WHY the dads of nice girls with shotguns?
Why do nice girls sometimes put their hair in buns and
Why do I feel like I ain't got no chums?
Why do nice girls slap me?
Dear Diary,
Still stuck at this bloody orphanage. Today I swallowed a bug.
Love, Tom
Dear Diary,
People are stupid. I hate them. No one understands me! They think they know me, but they don't know me! Have considered going Goth to show others how deep I am. I have also composed a sonnet to my belove'd basilisk, the only one who knows how I feel. Which is, basically, a killing lust.
O basilisk of forke'd tongue,
Thy praises thus far gone unsung.
How wondr'ous fair thou art in truth,
Nibbling folk with poison tooth-
Thy eyes like limpid cess-pools be,
They hold entranced the bourgeoisie.
Thou and I in mouldering lair,
Shall evermore be laissez fair.
Now that I have sung thy praises,
Honor thee on jerks thy gazes?
Dear Diary,
Rosy Fluffy Slyther got a little red bird stuck in her throat today. I had to stick my hand in and pull the nasty thing out. I almost got poked with her fangs! Now shes scared of firey red birds.
I'm thinking of publishing "Why do nice girls hate me". Hey, Walt Whitman wrote reviews of his own poems!
Rosy Fluffy Slyther really isn't getting enough food. I think tommorow I will sneak a roast pig down to her. I found a nice chamber in the basement of the school where she'll be safe. The bad thing is that the entrance is through the girls' bathroom! and it smells down there.
Tom
Dear Diary,
Sigh! Good news and Bad news... I found the most interesting place I have ever seen... it was as if it was made by the hands of God himself. Of course, like I said, the entrance is through a girl's bathroom, and I only went in once... lucky there were no girls there... EEK! Can you imagine? I would get cursed... or worse, Detention! Then I wouldn't be able to go to my beloved Basilisk... hmm, I think I will name him Sly... I always liked that... hmm, maybe not... are Basilisk supposed to have names?
Your only love,
Tom
Dear Diary,
I have decided to change my name so that I may strike fear into the hearts of those that I hate. How about Immortal Lord Dove? No, I didnt really like that either, maybe I should run it by Rosy.
Tom Marvolo Riddle
if you do look at it, immortal lord dove does rearrange to Tom Marvolo Riddle
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