Contributors:
SchmergoWeasley, profmcgonagal, SeventhChild, thedaughterofHP, Professor2005, cowsgomoo, momOf3wizards, Saxophlute, magical4life,
Dear Diary,
I tried a self-transfiguration spell on myself today. It didn't go too well. I attempted to give myself red eyes with vertical pupils, but sadly, I accidentally made my eyelashes long and curly. I must admit, however, that I look quite adorable.
I was watching a bootlegged-via-time-turner film today-- "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe." It won't be released until 2005, but who cares? Anyway, I was shocked to discover that that Edmund kid, I think the actor's name is Skandar Keynes, he looks quite a bit like me!
I like that kid. He's emo.
I added a few lines to my poem, following the line "Why do nice girls think it's strange for me to write a diary?"
Will I ever use it to possess a girl whose hair is fiery?
Will I ever achieve my evil means?
And why do I look like Skandar Keynes?"
You have to admit, I'm getting better all the time! (Ha! Another Beatles reference!)
Love,
Dove Troll R. Doom! (Another anagram of my name!)
Dear Diary,
Minny tried to catch me after Transfiguration class, she actually wanted to kiss me. Somebody must have slipped her a love-potion...but not mine. She came at me with those big puffy lips like Anjolina Jolie...quite frightening!...I prefer Nagini anyday...What's up with Dippit anyway...he's been wearing my dress and he and Dumbledore have been seen doing the tango in the clock tower! Must be under some curse!...
Yours...
Wondermort
Dear Diary,
Back in hospital wing. Minnie found out that I've been stealing her underwear. So soft...
Rosy tried to kill her, but I stopped my darling precious in the nick of time.
Minnie seemed almost sorry to have hit me, however...perhaps she is beginning to like me...
I am indeed getting better all the time at poetry. I have added another line: Why do nice girls hate having their bras stolen?
It's definitely a line that makes someone think.
Love from,
Riddly-pie x
Dear diary,
I've been spending too much time in the hospital wing. I've been so bored though. Something dreadful has happened, Minnie now has a...waaaa! I can't say it! BOYFRIEND! My beautiful Minerva has a boyfriend! Rosy keeps telling me I should have left her kill Minerva. Her boyfriend is this Gryffindor who is a Head boy! Minnie is one year older than me and this guy is two years older than me. The good thing about this is that he is a muggle-born! I'll call Rosy right now and tell her my plan.
And when this is done I'll console Minnie and she WILL fall for me!
Love,
Minerva's future husband
PS. New line:
Why do nice girls date mudbloods? They should date purebloods, I'll show'em!
Dear Diary,
Rosy is not happy about the plan as she hates Minerva and doesn't want to see me with her. On the other hand, she loves the taste of mudblood in the morning, so she will comply happily enough.
I think the matron is beginning to have a soft spot for me. I have spent so much time in here, and I am handsome, of course (I must have gotten it from my Slytherin ancestors). Perhaps I shall write her a poem, and then kill her. I think it will be quite artistic.
But for now, I will concentrate on finishing my main poem, and thus have added a new line:
Why are nice girls scared of snakes?
Love from Riddle-kins x
p.s Rosy has just got back from eating the mudblood. Minnie is in the girl's bathroom, apparently. T'is my chance! I shall comfort her now!
Dear Diary,
There was a slight problem, when I finally got to the girls bathroom, Minnie was kissing her boyfriend! So I'm thinking that Rosy must of killed the wrong person...I'll ask her what the person looked like as soon as I have figured out how to get detatched from the flag pole.
Love
Voldy-snort
P.s. I added another line..."Why do boys not like me spying on their girlfriend?"
Dear diary,
Rosy killed a half-blood named John Shacklebolt who actually looks like Minnie's boyfriend. I never see her anymore but she is now not the only girl in my eyesight for some reason I've been crushing on Mushi Chang, she is this asian Ravenclaw who is smart, cute and interested in ME! She giggled at my last joke, kissed me on the cheek and said I was hot! And I hear she broke up with her boyfriend! I have to find her! (Did I mention that she was named hottest Ravenclaw girl this year?) I'll update this entry in a second I think I see her! Wish me luck!
Lord Hottiemort
Update: I asked Mushi out and she said yes! We have a date tomorrow in Hogsmeade! And get this…we snogged in an empty corridor!
Ps. Rosy asked me about Minerva and I asked who she was.
Dear Diary,
I think Mushi should be spelled "M-U-S-H-I!" It was all right at first, I guess, but then she just got scary, gushing about what a terrific guy I am. I DO NOT WANT TO BE TERRIFIC! I WANT TO BE HORRIFIC! AND MARKET MY OWN DEEP-FACIAL-CLEANSING SCRUB WHILE TAKING OVER THE WORLD, NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER!
I should just date Rosy. I stayed in the Chamber all day eating an entire tub of "Moose Tracks" ice cream, watching Rosy's Tivo'ed "Desperate Housewives" reruns (Yes, I know 'Desperate Housewives' has not been invented yet) and sobbing into Rosy's shoulder. (Yes, I know that basilisks don't have shoulders.)
I added another line: Why do nice girls scare me, even though I am destined to be the future Dark Lord?
It doesn't really rhyme too well with the previous line, and the rhythm is a little off, but, then, I'm upset. sniffle
Love,
Lord Cold-shouldered-mort.
Dear Diary,
I am back in the hospital wing. I have been perscribed anti-hallucination potions.
See, I really wanted to sort things out with Mushi. I went up to her in the corridor, hugged her...
and it turned out to be that idiot Goyle in the year above.
I asked around and there doesn't seem to BE a girl called Mushi. Did I dream the whole thing? I must get to the bottom of this! I cannot have dreamt her sweet nature...and I sure as hell am NOT going back to being a kissing-virgin again.
Wish me luck on my quest!
Voldy-kins x
P.s New line: Why are the nicest girls always hallucinations?
Dear Diary,
Tomorrow I will put together my beautiful poem and publish it in the Hogwarts school newspaper! Yay!
On another note, the anti-hallucination potions are working great and I've decided that if I'm going to be The Most Feared Wizard of all Time I've got to practice my Avada Kedavra. So yesterday I bought 76 little Chihuahua dogs (creepy little rats!) and began to practice. Rosy Fluffy Slyther enjoyed eating up the ones I had finished with. I only had one Chihuahua left and was just about to Avada Kedavra it when Minnie walked into the empty classroom I was in. She thought that I was charming the little yapping dog to be blue (Azura Kelavna). So I decided to give her the crazy dog, I had gotten enough practice in. Minnie was so happy! Rosy Fluffy Slyther wasn't. But then I surprised my serpantine friend with a roast pig I had stolen from the kitchen.
As for the whole Mushi business, It was kinda embarrissing but I found out that Mushi was actually a really weird Hufflepuff named Celeste Lovegood in disguise! Blech! I have used an entire bottle of mouthwash after I learned that.
Tom
Dear Diary...
Having spent so much time in hospital, Pomfrey was asking for me during lunch…what's up with that...I think she's got the hots for me! EW! Wanted to know if I could come up and help her with the blinds and bedding...I thought that was House Elf's jobs! I think I'll spend less time in the hospital and more in the Chamber…Got my Snaky friend sleepy by rubbing it's tummy! Reminds me of my crocodile friend, Dundee. Shame it's got bad breathe. It gets the hiccups every time it eats mice...must find it a breath mint!
Yours,
Moldymort
Dear Diary
I am waiting for Minnie to read my poem in the school paper. Once she reads it I am sure she will find it impossible to resist me. Rosy has developed quite a taste for roast pig now. She has had me running back and forth to the kitchen all day. I got caught by this horribly annoying house elf that was wearing mismatched socks and a dozen tea cozys on his head, but the worst was the griffendor scarf he was wearing, talk about bad taste. He was trying to talk to me about some people called the Death Eaters in between his slamming his head in the oven door (that was actually amusing). But it gave me an idea for the name of my band.
Your's Truely,
Moldyspores and the deadly mushroom eaters
(catchy ain't it?)
Dear Diary,
Minnie read my poem.
She relized that most of it was about her.
She got mad.
I'm now in the Chamber with Rosy Fluffy Slyther trying to pull a yapping blue chihuahua out of my throat. (I'm definatly not going back to the hospital wing after I saw the way Madam Pomfrey was looking at me.)
Tom
Dear Diary,
I can't help but wonder if Minnie's constant attacking of me is a warped display of affection. True, I am still picking chihuahua hair out of my teeth, but perhaps it is an expression of repressed lust. Rosy certainly doesn't think so, but then again...she is just a snake.
Rosy read what I wrote and has only just spat me out. I hope Madam Pomfrey has Basalisk anti-venom...
Anyway, I shall soon begin setting up my band, Moldyspores and the Deadly Mushroom Eaters. But first, every lead guitarist (which is what I shall be) must have a 'b' to call his own. I shall speak to Minnie about it, to see if she does indeed like me and only causes me pain because it makes her feel good.
Wish me luck!
Love from Riddle-kins
Dear Diary,
I hate I hate I hate Valentines day! I have resolved to believe love doesn't exist. Probably some Huffelpuff came up with the idea. I recited Minnie a poem I wrote for her infront of every one.
Roses are the color of blood
Looking at violetts makes me feel Blue
Would you like me more
If I split my soul in two?
Every one Boo'd at me, but on the bright side I swear I saw her blush even though she was hidding under the table. Thats what I thought anyways untill I saw her Snogging that Griffendor head boy again. Hopefully Rosy will get the right guy this time.
Dear Diary,
The joy! Rosy had an excellent Valentine's night eating a few students. She swore she ate the boy Minnie was sniff kissing, but I won't know until I hear of it from passers by.
She ate five Hufflepuffs, three Ravenclaws and, to my delight, seven Gryffindors!
Hmm...seven...what a catchy number!
Anyhow, on the other hand, Valentines is never good for me. All the other students share this thing they call 'love' and sneak outside to have a good snog in the bushes. Filthy strumpets.
And I am left alone to my poetry.
New line: Why do nice girls suggest I work for Hallmark cards?
My poetry is worth more than hallmark!
Love from,
Sad lonely, yet self proclaimed gorgeous genius, Riddle-kins
I gave Minnie a Valentine (again) And this time, she ran away screaming, oh, come on, it's not like I'm some baby killing snake face man that will become an evil overlord and get defeated by a little baby, come to life again and get Albus killed along with some one named (I'll make up someone that could never be true) ummm, Sirius Black! Yeah! that's a funky name!
Dear Diary,
I don't know WHY Minnie didn't like her valentine. What was wrong with telling her 101 things I'd like to do to/with her? It might have been number 56 that irritated my dearest...
Anyway, I caught her alone today on the stairs in the entrance hall, holding my Valentine and crying. Of course, as I enjoy crying, I sat down beside her to shed some tears as well. Looking slightly embarassed and confused by my sudden weeping, Minnie left without a word.
Oh woe. I do wish she'd talk to me. My mascara's run and everything.
With love from Riddle-kins
Dear Diary,
I now have found that fairies are real. I am just so exstatic. After getting told off at the orphanage for murmuring "I do believe in fairies, i do, i do..." I began to believe they were not real. Now, all i can say is "HA! You stupid non-fairy believing orphangae people" Boy does that make me fell great. I also picked on 25.9 kids today ( a new record). I am beginning to think i need to move on to bigger and better things. Does World Domination sound good to you? Wait a minute... i am talking to myself. How can i ask myself an opinionated question? Wait...i just did it again. I am started to get creeped out. Do you think i shoud stop writing? Yeah...that might just work. Well in any case, i must be off. Farewell to all (wait...i am still talking to myself...) sigh I hope minnie can help me...
------TOM------- (WHY AM I SIGNING MY NAME IN MY DIARY?)
Dear diary,
I'm starting to think Rosy doesn't wanna kill Minnie's boyfriend cause I heard a rumour that when Minnie would turn 17, he would ask her to marry him and I saw them together this morning! Rosy you got some splaining to do! On a lighter note, I asked Minerva if she liked me but before she answered, head boy came and kissed her right in front of ME:frown: later that day, I got a note from Minnie I'll write her exact words down:
Tommy-kins
Soo sorry about Mike this afternoon! Can we talk later?
XOXOXO
Your sweetie,
Minerva
PS. Meet me in the Astronomy tower at 8pm.
So now i'm doing my happy dance. Oh, I got to stop writing and dancing cause someone just came.
Tommy-kins
Ps. It's my future self,yay
Reveiw? Pretty please?